What's my problem?

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by Ickday, Jul 16, 2009.

  1. Ickday

    Ickday Member

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    Ok, right off the bat I'm going to say that I think it's the horrid 'death grip.' Hopefully that's the worst it is.

    It seems whenever I'm with a guy, most of the things he does has almost no affect on my erection. I always have to sorta rub myself to get any reaction out of myself. Blowjobs rarely give me a boner. Whenever I go to do my boyfriend in the ass, I have to go slow because of my size and by the time I start to make headway (pun intended), my penis is on its way back to being flaccid. I've only managed to get it in once before I lost it, and it was hard as ever once inside him. If I dry hump him, it's always rock solid too. It just seems like I get gunshy when it comes to the important things. I haven't jacked off since monday night, and I'm going to see him tomorrow (Friday) night. It's been one hell of a week, but I'm hoping I'm okay. We laugh about it, I mean he's the sweetest and most understanding guy (even though we don't really understand). He joked about buying a pill for me and I told him that he actually should just in case tomorrow. :p Maybe I'll buy some L-Arginine? haha.

    It seems like Death grip to me, not ED or something similar. I'm not really sure, though. I have a really hard time keeping my hands away from my crotch, and I can't see him everyday to service me :p

    Any Diagnoses/suggestions? Thanks :D
     
  2. D_Dingus Nosedigger

    D_Dingus Nosedigger New Member

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    Well, if it makes you feel any better, I used to have this problem too. For me, it was just a matter of being way too nervous and putting so much pressure on myself to perform. Because of that pressure to perform well and "i hope i don't mess up" attitude, I couldn't even get it up to perform. Or, if i did get it up, it would shrink even before the condom could even get on!

    I asked a few of my friends and they said they had the same issue as well, and the only way to get rid of it, is to simply start "the important parts" once you're ready for it. Ready emotionally and physically.

    Physically, you seem to be properly prepared and you don't seem to have an ED problem because you can get it hard and maintain its hardness during the dry humping. However, its because of your emotions, your nervousness, that you're having a problem.

    Simply try alot more foreplay and don't rush anything. With more foreplay, you'll become more comfortable with the situation and you'll get more relaxed...and you'll get hard and maintain it.

    Anyway, I hope this helps! Good luck :)
     
  3. D_Dingus Nosedigger

    D_Dingus Nosedigger New Member

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    oh btw...DO NOT use chemicals or pills! I'm one of those 'don't use pills unless you have to' sort of people and the side effects of the pill could offset the benefits.
     
  4. Ickday

    Ickday Member

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    I kinda figured it was just performance anxiety, lol. I forgot to mention that (I was half asleep whilst writing). Yeah, the 'goes down before condom is on' thing has happened. And then the opposite, he started to put it on and he's like 'its not going to fit' XD I bought magnum XLs yesterday, hopefully I'll get to use them tonight :D

    How do you get rid of the pressure on yourself? Does it come back with each new person, or once it's gone, its pretty much done for?
     
  5. rbkwp

    Gold Member

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    Happened to me a bit ...earlier on .. was usually if i was stressed out.work related etc
    only really improved for me by removing myself from the whole work scene..
    .ie they were mostly 'live in' type jobs
    fr eg ,,,if i went away with a partner for a weekend....first night was so so .. 2nd night there was NO stopping me
    Best of luck in working thru your own personal predicament matey
    enz
    fyi
    --i never got hard by receiving Bjs either-just was not my thing
    --also if you do adopt assistance with meds..i suggest you ensure its used very infrequently...and monitor the dosage yourself...(dont take em too often)
    (I dont mind adding .. notice yr American .. just that i am personally wary of Therapists and a supposed specialist for every ailment a person has--enuf said)
     
  6. Ickday

    Ickday Member

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    Well, I'm going down to his place now :D Wish me luck! [And him... ;) ] haha

    I'll post details later tonight
     
  7. joeweekend

    Verified Gold Member

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    I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You're looking at sex as a task. Stop making orgasm your goal. Put all your attention on the head of your cock. Make it the only thing in your mind. Just concentrate on enjoying it, not of getting off or getting hard or performing.

    It sounds easier than it is. I know. But keep that in mind, and stop thinking of sex as a task with a goal.

    One other suggestion: be the bottom. Get your BF to rape you, make it so you aren't aiming at getting off. Indeed, tell yourself and tell him you're not getting off tonight. Then you'll want to get off so bad you won't be able to see straight. That may be one good way to achieve a re-set.
     
  8. B_diddydoo

    B_diddydoo New Member

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    first of all you sure your pretty gay? if so then try some viagara good luck dude
     
  9. Ickday

    Ickday Member

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    It was a pretty good night. I took a pill just for kicks (says it took 45 min to kick in) and we took a bath :D it was great. After a long makeout session in his bed, we decided to try penetration. I was on my back and he was sorta sitting on my abdomen, facing me. Still couldn't really get it up. I jokingly pushed him onto his back and realized that it realy turned me on and I had a boner almost instantly. I told him that maybe I had to be the one that did the thrusting motion and such. I had an erection no problem; we put it in slow and it worked! I actually lost it for a bit because he pushed me back onto my back, but I flipped him over and it came back again. So I'm thinking its the dominating type of personality that I have needing to be satisfied.

    I couldn't do too much - he was having a little trouble with my size :p But I still got off great. Afterwards, I think the pill set in and I wanted to do him so bad again, but we were watching Harry Potter (naked in his bed). I was sorta kissing and being all touchy while he watched tv, lol. He said I could get the lube and try again (my penis was dying for attention by now) and so I did. We got almost halfway in and he said I needed more lube. We tried again and I was in for awhile (not all the way) and he said 'maybe we won't do it again tonight.' I guess he's having a little bit of pain issues :p Unfortunately, those types of things make me hornier lol.

    Overall, it was a very good night. I don't think I need those pills (not that I'd want to keep taking them anyways) and I got off all over him ;)
     
  10. Ickday

    Ickday Member

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    So after a few more encounters, we've come up with the 'bug' in my system:

    I have to be in a dominant position. lol it sounds funny, but if I'm on my back and he does the 'sitting' fuck, I don't stay hard (partly because he's tight and basically just squeezes the blood out of my cock as he sits down, :p). Once I lay him on his back or stomach and I'm on top, there's nothing stopping me. I think next time, I'm gonna try and start on top and eventually get onto my back, I've bottomed in that position and I think it's pretty good ;)
     
  11. Viking_UK

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    Sounds like you're getting things sorted. A lot of guys, myself included, prefer to be active when topping, rather than have the bottom doing the work. I'm not sure if it's psychological or physical. There's something called "positional erectile dysfunction", where a guy loses his erection depending on his position. It's not the same for every guy either. For some, they can only get erect while sitting, for others it's lying on their back, so that could be a factor in your case. Anyway, it sounds like it's going well now, so have fun!
     
  12. Brick7

    Brick7 Active Member

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    You could also try using a cock ring/strap to help keep you hard when you're in a non-dominant position. Put it on once you're hard and it should help you stay hard longer.
     
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