What's the Deal Breaker in a Committed Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Kitten_Kaboodle, Jul 11, 2011.

  1. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    I'm just curious as to what/how people think. I've been reading and seems there are some strong opinions about what would cause a guy (or girl) to end a relationship of several years. For this exercise let's just say married, common-law or some other form of committed relationship...not 'just dating', but real commitment.

    What would be the 'deal-breaker' in a relationship that would cause the reader to end the commimtted relationship.

    There is no right or wrong answers here... only opinions.
     
  2. NSX57

    NSX57 Member

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    For me cheating would be the deal breaker or constant lying. I value honesty very much and feel that if you are in a relationship, there are not supposed to be any secrets. With my girlfriend of 8 years we told eachother everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I just find that very hard in relationships these days with men and women sneaking around or not being upfront about just general day to day experiences.
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    My first LTR ended because of death. My current partner and I have been on the roller coaster ride of our lives with each other I'm assuming the end of this is going to be the same as the first. We did say "Until death do us part."
     
  4. helgaleena

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    Ooh, death as deal-breaker. :scratchchin:

    The LTRs I have been in, including my marriage, generally ended when one of us got tired of the other and it was usually the other person. I think I may have been a bit obtuse when I was younger about 'warning signs'. In general, a relationship can outlive lots of things if the partners remain tolerant. But if a deeper love comes along, or the giving and receiving are not equivalent, or one is unforgivably offended by something, it can be broken in a moment.

    Right now it's been a number of years in my unstable threesome, and we all are keeping options open. We've had 'zygote scare', 'ex returning' scare, 'new girl' scare, but the guys know where I live. We are mainly a convenience to one another.
     
  5. fratpack

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    definitely cheating would be a deal breaker. also, lay even one finger on me in any sort of violent way....get the hell out!
     
  6. SoSoPretty

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    Cheating and dishonesty....
     
  7. D_Sir_Auquhorthy_Asspuddle

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    This might come across as corny or silly, but I find it works in my own relations out there with guys. I am not a jealous person or spiteful, I don't suppose cheating would be cause for terminating a relationship unless it was so deliberate that it either caused shame or embarrassment. Anyhow, normally if there are issues with my guys, I usually just treat them like a court case, they can put a defense to me and may or may not be convicted and sentenced.

    So, I have had to give out messenger suspensions, phone suspensions, and other things as sentences. For example, one of my guys got caught being dishonest, so he got an 8 month sentence of no phone calls or contact. I found after 6 months served, he was crying and missing me, so I allowed an appeal of his 8 months haha.
     
  8. dlfellow

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    cheating,and lies mabey..it would depend on the situation.
    but a lack of communication i can't stand at all.
    i read books,i don't read minds..and i hate the "silent treatment" shit.
    if i'm in a commited relationship with a woman no subject or problem is off-topic to me,if it upsets her it upsets me,i'm down to work whatever it is out.no matter how long it takes.
    yeah, i know, i'm a man and i said communication...
     
  9. hsarge

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    Won't Know until it happens, and not making a list in the interim.
     
  10. MickeyLee

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    hmmm....

    when compromise crosses over to sacrifice.
     
  11. D_Rufus_D_Dufus

    D_Rufus_D_Dufus Account Disabled

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    When the Amex declines.. Then I know we are in deep shit.
     
  12. nudeyorker

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    It's interesting to read the responses (I'm not besmirching anyone I promise) but when I was single I was a serial dater at times and the point of dating to move toward a LTR and commitment is weeding out the liars, the cheaters and the crazies. You really should not make a commitment until you feel you and your potential partner are on an even playing field and want to forge a life together. All of that said there are still going to be wild cards like illness, family and money that are going to require compromise along the way.
    I was recently at a wedding and their commitment was read instead of "until death do us part"... it was "blah blah blah... "as long as we can." I guess it works for them but I said to my partner on the way home "I don't give them five years."
     
  13. spoon

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    mental and physical abuse
     
  14. ArtofDesire

    ArtofDesire New Member

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    I agree, mental and/or physical abuse that's obviously meant to harm or demean me as a person.
     
  15. D_Hey Sailor

    D_Hey Sailor New Member

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    I unfortunately ended up in a marriage at a very early age that didn't pan out. Youthful ignorance and blind hope got us so far, but our mutual interest waned. It came to a point where we were going in such different directions that we could no longer see eye to eye, and I no longer felt compassion for the person I once loved. It is terribly difficult to stand by your significant other when you feel so ambivalent, because the cost of staying together when faced with all the alternatives is so tough to justify. It was probably the most sobering moment of my life, and a huge learning experience.

    Edit: reading that again, I don't know if change was the culprit so much as ignorance... Maybe there is no single deal breaker, but a bunch of factors.
     
  16. Gecko4lif

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    Not meeting my hygiene standard.
     
  17. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    after years of a committed realationship ... couldn't you just tell her to 'take a bath'??? :smile:
     
  18. umami_tsunami

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    Funny!

    For me, I have been able to forgive and get past a lot. I have been forgiven for a lot. I have had relationships that survived and continued after: lying, cheating (although I've rarely found myself in a sexually exclusive relationship) stealing and other criminally malicious behavior.

    I think the only thing that a relationship has never survived for me -vague as this may sound- is if I just have not wanted to be around that person any more as an ongoing feeling. If I don't like you, I won't hang around with you anymore. People do stupid things all the time. I have been in love and unable to stop myself from being in love with people who have done careless, reckless, stupid, damaging things. But if I still want to be around them, I will forgive and try to make it better. Until I don't anymore.
     
  19. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

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    As mentioned above, in the middle, between the eas
    Not wanting to be in that relationship. If the totality of the situation makes me prefer being out of the relationship, then I am out. And then, I do not want to be in a committed relationship with somebody that doesn't want the same thing I do. So if my partner doesn't want to be in that relationship, time to check out. You can tell when somebody does not want to be in a relationship by the way the behave. It's easy. I think that a lot of stress is caused by being places you don't want to be, and not being honest about it.
     
  20. B_bxmuscle

    B_bxmuscle New Member

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    Dysfunction: alcoholism/drug abuse; emotional instability and/or abuse; inability or unwillingness to be a responsible adult if its not caused by real a physical or bio-chem disability. But then, being in such a relationship for years would mean that both parties have some dysfunction going on.
     
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