What's the Deal Breaker in a Committed Relationship

[molotovmuffin]

Why would you even assume that a girl kissing multiple guys on the lips is attractive? It's a huge turnoff to me.

Do you realize how closed minded you sound right now? There is a difference between changing someone's personality and transitioning from a single lifestyle to a monogamous relationship. It's not a fucking character trait to kiss a bunch of dudes on the mouth. You can be friendly without doing things like that that disrespect a relationship, me, and demystify the action of kissing on the lips.

I am not being closed minded...I am stating what you've said.

You know...I keep telling you, probably in a more roundabout way that I should have....just talk to the girl and ask her not to do it...don't tell her "don't or else". That is what I've been trying to say to you. You keep thinking I'm on her side and I'm not...I'm on the side that says you do not have the right to tell anyone to do anything but you do have the right to ask them to...whatever but leave the "Or Else" part out of it. Other wise it's an ultimatum and you are forcing her/him/them to change. Get it?

 

[pomaz59]

What were you giving? What was she giving and how was that deficient? I want to learn a lot.

i ment those "little things" (not like i bought her a car )
eg. i didn't noticed for a very long time, that almost every single sms- or email-conversation we've had, was only because i started it. 90% of the time i was the one to write her first. she was mainly only answering, sometimes not even that. and it wasn't like i wrote her 10 times a day getting on her nerves, maybe 2-3 times a week.
you know that warm, nice feeling you get when you are sitting home at night, learning, watching tv or simly lying in bed, then suddenly your phone beeps and you receive a love-sms from your girlfriend/boyfriend? well, with her, i never experienced it.

or another example: i started a month before christmas figuring out with what present i could make her happy. i finally came up with an idea: i bought her a little wooden box she mentioned once she liked, painted the whole thing myself on the outside, glued our favorite pic together on the inside, wrote a self-made-poem under the picture and placed some funny&nice earrings (she didn't wore fancy jewelry but loved those funny ones) i hunted for days and finally bought for her on the ebay in the box.
she gave me a book from an author she liked. i was happy of course and even more happy when i saw the joy on her face when she opened my present. but her joy was caused by the present itself (the earrings, ...) and not by my work behind it.
her bithday? i'm not even starting to describe what i gave her (its on the same level as the chritmas present). my birthday? she gave me nothing, just said happy birthday.

maybe it sounds now like i would describe her as a bad person. totally not. she was really sweet, never cheated on me or betrayed my trust in any way. she was/is a really-really nice girl.
but it think she took these things (the attention and care) i gave for granted, like its completely normal, everyday stuff.

 

[dolfette]

My ears are bleeding.

If she is psychologically normal? If SHE is???

remind you of anyone?

That_is_awesome.

But, I think Dmitri is playing a joke. This was the next Youtube in the cue

‪The Douchiest Recruiting Message in History‬‏ - YouTube

It's the same guy making another douchey call.

that's not the same guy.
it's a spoof.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Maybe I'm misinterpreting your post but...

I'm a great guy. I have a bright, successful future ahead of me. I have a solid head on my shoulders. I can say with no ego that I am a catch for a girl. No, I don't have the best body or the biggest cock, but I'm personable, funny, most likely going to be very successful, etc. For me to be all those things and be exclusive to her, I deserve the same in return. I don't know why so many people always have it in their heads that "the guy should thank his lucky stars that a girl is with him". It's a two way street. If she's disrespecting me by kissing other men on the mouth, I'll tell her. And she will shape up, because she knows all of the above.

i get what you're saying, idk why people are jumping on you for telling the girl you are with what frustrates/annoys you ... its called communicating ... and you do deserve respect back from your partner if you respect her ...

if she does something that really gets under her skin, tell her calmly and let her know why it bothers you and talk it out so you can work with each other

if she does it again tell her in the same manner that its really upsetting you and its frustrating, if she cares, she will stop

if its the third time she does whatever it is that frustrates you, tell her its either you, or whatever it is she is doing, but she can't have both

if she does it again, you might need to get out because she will never compromise and she doesn't respect you and you are wasting your time with her

 

[B_doogie888]

i get what you're saying, idk why people are jumping on you for telling the girl you are with what frustrates/annoys you ... its called communicating ... and you do deserve respect back from your partner if you respect her ...

if she does something that really gets under her skin, tell her calmly and let her know why it bothers you and talk it out so you can work with each other

if she does it again tell her in the same manner that its really upsetting you and its frustrating, if she cares, she will stop

if its the third time she does whatever it is that frustrates you, tell her its either you, or whatever it is she is doing, but she can't have both

if she does it again, you might need to get out because she will never compromise and she doesn't respect you and you are wasting your time with her

Thanks for the helpful support/advice man. A lot of the people on this board will say whatever it takes to make me look like the bad guy because I tell it how it is and I'm not afraid of going against the politically correct agenda of these sycophants. Always nice to be reminded that someone else on the board has a reasonable head on his shoulders, so thank you.

 

[molotovmuffin]

i get what you're saying, idk why people are jumping on you for telling the girl you are with what frustrates/annoys you ... its called communicating ... and you do deserve respect back from your partner if you respect her ...

You know if that's what he had done I wouldn't have a problem...but he clearly stated that ...

For example, I dated a girl who thought it was ok to kiss her male friends on the lips "casually" while drunk at bars with me. I set that straight and now she knows if she does it again, we are done.

I'm not saying what she's doing/did is right...but what doogie did is just as bad in my book. That is all.

 

[GayFrog]

I have been with my partner for thirty years. We married five years ago. Andre was not my first love (he was killed as a result of a gay bashing) but he is my one and only love. There have been bumps in the road, and we always find a way to smooth them out.
I can honestly say there is nothing he would ever do that would cause me to leave him. I love him and will cherish him until the day I die.

 

[dolfette]

I have been with my partner for thirty years. We married five years ago. Andre was not my first love (he was killed as a result of a gay bashing) but he is my one and only love. There have been bumps in the road, and we always find a way to smooth them out.
I can honestly say there is nothing he would ever do that would cause me to leave him. I love him and will cherish him until the day I die.

best username ever!

that's a beautiful sentiment. you must really love him.
just this once i'll keep my cynicism to myself.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

‪The Douchiest Phone Message In History( mighty dimitri )‬‏ - YouTube

I wonder why this guy is "still single" :laugh2:

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

I have been with my partner for thirty years. We married five years ago. Andre was not my first love (he was killed as a result of a gay bashing) but he is my one and only love. There have been bumps in the road, and we always find a way to smooth them out.
I can honestly say there is nothing he would ever do that would cause me to leave him. I love him and will cherish him until the day I die.

This is honestly the way I feel about my husband. We have been together over 30 years and have been through almost everything imaginable (except imprisonment). It's not always easy, but we always find our way back to each other. We are truly happy, honest, and secure in our relationship.

When I asked the question and started this thread, I was hopeful that others had this sentiment as well. It is rare, though. I wish you and your partner much happiness.

 

[redz_rule]

remind you of anyone?

I feel like it's tickling the back of my mind. I just can't quite put my finger on it... ;p

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

Oh. My. God.

I couldn't listen to the whole thing. I just couldn't. The title really does say it all...

Oh you HAVE to listen to the entire message.... I promise you will roll out of your chair...:chairfall:

 

[redz_rule]

Oh you HAVE to listen to the entire message.... I promise you will roll out of your chair...:chairfall:

Lol, I did in the end FP - but it was like nails down a chalk board:

My ears are bleeding.

If she is psychologically normal? If SHE is???

The awful thing is, I have no problem believing this guy is serious...

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

I think he was serious, too, Red!!!

 

[Incocknito]

Probably the only 'deal breaker' would be if she got pregnant by another man. Cheating is surmountable. When I was younger and more naive I would have said cheating would make me have to end it.

But I was cheated on and I realise that most women cheat because the partner isn't giving them enough attention or they aren't happy with him for whatever reason. I'm not saying that makes it okay but it makes it somewhat understandable. And it is also forgivable, if you care about the person enough.

And every time a woman has cheated on me it just makes them more appreciative of me. Of course most women don't cheat on me. I can only think of two and one sort of doesn't count since we were "on a break". And she only kissed another guy.

But yes, if a girlfriend/"life partner" (lol) got pregnant by another man and especially if she kept that baby I would have to end whatever relationship we had. Although I am guessing that if she is shagging other men the relationship isn't that good or she's just a ho. In which case I probably wouldn't be in a meaningful relationship with her anyway.

 

[GayFrog]

best username ever!

that's a beautiful sentiment. you must really love him.
just this once i'll keep my cynicism to myself.

Thanks for the comment on my user-name, I am French and gay...hence GayFrog. lol
Not only do I love him with all my heart. I know he loves me more.

This is honestly the way I feel about my husband. We have been together over 30 years and have been through almost everything imaginable (except imprisonment). It's not always easy, but we always find our way back to each other. We are truly happy, honest, and secure in our relationship.

When I asked the question and started this thread, I was hopeful that others had this sentiment as well. It is rare, though. I wish you and your partner much happiness.

I responded to your thread from my heart and I thank you for the warm wishes of happiness and wish nothing less for you and yours.
Marc.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

I responded to your thread from my heart and I thank you for the warm wishes of happiness and wish nothing less for you and yours.
Marc.

Just interested... but do you think that age (maturity) and possibly past experiences make a person more flexible, less tempermental, and more determined to work through some of the deal breakers? Or do you think we were just lucky?

 

[Attila the Hung]

Just interested... but do you think that age (maturity) and possibly past experiences make a person more flexible, less tempermental, and more determined to work through some of the deal breakers?

For what its worth, I agree with everything you just wrote.

Or do you think we were just lucky?

Nah, it takes a helluva lot more than just luck to make a relationship work.

 

[molotovmuffin]

For what its worth, I agree with everything you just wrote.



Nah, it takes a helluva lot more than just luck to make a relationship work.

Amen brotha.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

Well, as I am a 'bean counter', I like numbers
(yeah just shoot me) :AR15firing:
so I tallied up the responses, just to see what it might look like.:thinking:

so far, these are the responses.
I know they could probably be categorized better but this was a rush job.

Cheating 13
Dishonesty/Manipulation (Loss of Trust) 13
Cruelty (Physical or Emotional Abuse) 13
Criminal Conviction/Imprisonment 3
Incompatabililty (Imbalance in Relationship, Loss of Interest/Intolerance) 20
Selfishness 4
Death 3
Lack of Communication/Neglect 2
Financial Issues/ Stress 2
Alcholism/Drug Abuse 5
Bigotry 1
Pregnancy Outside the Relationship 1