What's the Deal Breaker in a Committed Relationship

B_subgirrl

Sexy Member
Joined
May 15, 2010
Posts
5,547
Media
0
Likes
33
Points
73
Location
NSW, Australia
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
i ment those "little things" (not like i bought her a car :p )
eg. i didn't noticed for a very long time, that almost every single sms- or email-conversation we've had, was only because i started it. 90% of the time i was the one to write her first. she was mainly only answering, sometimes not even that. and it wasn't like i wrote her 10 times a day getting on her nerves, maybe 2-3 times a week.
you know that warm, nice feeling you get when you are sitting home at night, learning, watching tv or simly lying in bed, then suddenly your phone beeps and you receive a love-sms from your girlfriend/boyfriend? well, with her, i never experienced it.

or another example: i started a month before christmas figuring out with what present i could make her happy. i finally came up with an idea: i bought her a little wooden box she mentioned once she liked, painted the whole thing myself on the outside, glued our favorite pic together on the inside, wrote a self-made-poem under the picture and placed some funny&nice earrings (she didn't wore fancy jewelry but loved those funny ones) i hunted for days and finally bought for her on the ebay in the box.
she gave me a book from an author she liked. i was happy of course and even more happy when i saw the joy on her face when she opened my present. but her joy was caused by the present itself (the earrings, ...) and not by my work behind it.
her bithday? i'm not even starting to describe what i gave her (its on the same level as the chritmas present). my birthday? she gave me nothing, just said happy birthday.

maybe it sounds now like i would describe her as a bad person. totally not. she was really sweet, never cheated on me or betrayed my trust in any way. she was/is a really-really nice girl.
but it think she took these things (the attention and care) i gave for granted, like its completely normal, everyday stuff.

What a sweetheart!! That's a lovely Christmas present to give.
 

ConstantComment

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Posts
541
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
103
Location
Europe
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Lot's of nice and insightful responses here. Would love for you to have a look on the "What is intimacy thread," still in this section, and give us all the benefit your wisdom on that topic.
 

GayFrog

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2011
Posts
218
Media
0
Likes
20
Points
103
Location
Canada
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Just interested... but do you think that age (maturity) and possibly past experiences make a person more flexible, less tempermental, and more determined to work through some of the deal breakers? Or do you think we were just lucky?

I don't think it's luck. Our generation was raised differently. The morels of today are completely different. It has become a me, me society. Everyone is focused on “me” and their feelings and needs; not the feelings and needs of others. Let alone a spouse or partner.

A relationship takes trust, loyalty, commitment, and real love to make it work. When it becomes broken, they take the easy way out. Instead of taking the time and effort to fix what is wrong. Relationships and marriages are thrown away in the same manner one would throw away an old toaster. It seems it is easier to toss the spouse and move on to the next relationship. They are too quick to seek comfort elsewhere if things are not working out in their favor.

Everyone makes mistakes and if you truly love someone no mistake is unforgivable.

In order for a sapling to grow and mature into a tree that stands tall. It must learn to bend with the wind.

P.S.
Abuse is no mistake. Abusive relationships get worse over time. Emotional and verbal abuse frequently shifts to more overt threats or physical violence. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship the prudent course of action is to remove yourself totally from the situation and seek help.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
108
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
i've found that i tolerate less the older i get.
it's less that i reject people, it's more that i find myself preferring being alone to being with them.
relationships don't often get to the point where they are serious and committed enough for breaking up to be a distressing event...unless the person turns out to be abnormally clingy, which is their personality flaw and not my problem.
 

kayman

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 31, 2010
Posts
1,344
Media
26
Likes
1,184
Points
358
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
I don't think it's luck. Our generation was raised differently. The morels of today are completely different. It has become a me, me society. Everyone is focused on “me” and their feelings and needs; not the feelings and needs of others. Let alone a spouse or partner.

A relationship takes trust, loyalty, commitment, and real love to make it work. When it becomes broken, they take the easy way out. Instead of taking the time and effort to fix what is wrong. Relationships and marriages are thrown away in the same manner one would throw away an old toaster. It seems it is easier to toss the spouse and move on to the next relationship. They are too quick to seek comfort elsewhere if things are not working out in their favor.

Everyone makes mistakes and if you truly love someone no mistake is unforgivable.

In order for a sapling to grow and mature into a tree that stands tall. It must learn to bend with the wind.

P.S.
Abuse is no mistake. Abusive relationships get worse over time. Emotional and verbal abuse frequently shifts to more overt threats or physical violence. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship the prudent course of action is to remove yourself totally from the situation and seek help.

I like your incite, man!
 

D_Natalie Attired

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2010
Posts
353
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
53
Age
47
Sexuality
No Response
a deal breaker for me is numer 1 cheating

2. keep secrets because a commited relationship to me should be based on trust and not lies

3. if a man raises his hand or fist to me, its definitely a no go!!!
 
Joined
May 29, 2009
Posts
23
Media
0
Likes
1
Points
86
Alright, I got sentenced to two weeks of no contact by my friend for "fraternizing" with someone he objected to and he seen us outside sitting at an outdoor table. I thought it was silly, but yeah, but then I worry that he is getting a little too controlling over something silly. haha
 

Bigdgf

Just Browsing
Joined
Jun 30, 2011
Posts
8
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
36
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Cheating and dishonesty for sure! My poor cousin just found out her bf of 3 years cheated oh and she's pregnant! I feel so bad for her! Seems like there's just not any honest people left! :(
 

belowaverage1

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Posts
266
Media
0
Likes
35
Points
53
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Racism
Drug Use
Smoking
Driving while drunk or intoxicated
Drinking too much
Cheating
Lying
Theft/Destruction/Pawning of my personal belongings
Animal Cruelty
Threatening physical violence
Controlling habits or attempting to prevent me from having friends/acquaintances/being social

Actual physical violence also ends anything.