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Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_ScaredLittleBoy, Nov 18, 2007.
Or can't get them out of your head, still think about them, etc. Just wondering. :redface:
3 hours, 28 minutes and 4.9 seconds.
Depends what you mean really.
Do you mean someone you've stopped seeing?
Do you mean while you are seeing them / on and off dating or having sex?
Do you mean a person you are interested in but haven't been with?
Um...about twenty years. But I'm done with that one now. And no, it wasn't my ex-husband.
I mean someone you've stopped seeing.
That's interesting Holly. I'm at 11 months, 18 days, 15 hours and 48 minutes. And counting :tongue:
Some of them will be with me forever.
Someone I've stopped seeing, hmmmm, not sure... three or four months? I really don't recall moping over guys for any longer than that without there being some kind of occassional sexual contact.
Well there were only promises of sexual contact. Every so often she'd tell me how much she wanted me (or my cock ) and then nothing would 'cum' of it.
I think I just feel cheated is what it is...and no one has come along for me to focus my attentions and affections on. I need to go out in Manchester...
A year and a half. This was a girl who I met and visited very sporadically after that initial meeting. Something like once every three months we'd get together in Boston and have a day out. I had the biggest crush on her but always felt she was into me and that it would happen if I didn't rush things. Then one day I was over her place and she just sort of fell into my arms. It was probably the biggest release I'd ever felt romantically. We became a couple as of the day that happened, but it only lasted three months. Turns out we were really incompatible, but I don't regret any of it, those feelings I had over that whole period were something else. Since then, I also really understand anticipation.
biggest crush of my life I guess.. never actually dated... that lasted over 10 years or so before I finally had a sense of closure.
As for people that I've actually been in a real relationship with, I guess my first girlfriend. I was with her over 3 years, and then very depressed over her for about a year, moderately depressed for another year, and still not completely over her for several more years after that even though I no longer wanted to be with her. Added all together, that was about 8 years I would estimate. Even now, though I'm definitely over her at this point, I can't deny that she continues to effect me to this day.
::starts humming Nine Inch Nails song::
all i do
i can still feel you
all i do
i can still feel you
numb all through
i can still feel you
hear your call
underneath it all
kill my brain
yet you still remain
after all i've died
after all i've tried
you are still inside
all i do (you remain)
i can still feel you (i am stained)
Can I ask you what brought closure in the first case and what if anything did that in the second case?
Was it finding someone else? Or just a conscious decision to stop?
In the first case, I had a huge crush on this girl who was my sister's friend since junior high school. She never really liked me, but I kept assuming maybe she would eventually come around. Originally I thought maybe it was because she just saw me as her best friend's little brother. (I was three years younger) So I kept making attempts. Always trying to never come on too strong. She was still never interested but never mean about it. I think her being nice to me was part of what made it go on for so long. That, and as I became increasingly disillusioned with life and love as I aged, my feelings for her remained more or less the same. She was kind of a window into my past. I sort of felt like if I could be with her I could love again like I did when I was a teenager. I finally got closure when, in my last attempt to win her affections, I simply came clean about everything. Something I hadn't done before. I told her exactly how I felt about her and was very frank. She turned me down again, flatly, and asked me to please not bring it up again. There was nothing left open. The finality of this final rejection was freeing in that sense.
In the second case... that was my first relationship... and I just needed time to heal. I was very much devoted to her, to the point where I'm sure it was unhealthy. After she dumped me I was really screwed up for a while and I needed time to reassess who I was and what I was doing with my life without her in it before I could move on.
I see, 'second case' sounds similar to mine...
I was really astounded with her and couldn't believe she was talking to me let alone letting me...do more :tongue:
And I spent Christmas at her mum's which was great, no one had ever asked me to before. She had such a loving and friendly family. Of course after that it all ended.
She was really pretty and confident and I really liked that. Her sarcasm was endearing too.
And I haven't met anyone like her since. Or any females really, apart from the married woman...so until then I guess all I can do is reminisce :redface:
6 years and counting
I was in a similar situation, when I was 20, we were savign aour virginites for eachotehr.. (awww) and we messed around, but going all the way never happened. it took me about 3 years to finally get over her.
I eventually put a rubber band around my wrist, and snapped it every time I thought about her. It worked, and within two weeks, I was much more well adjusted to life and women.
Definitely my first love...it has taken years.
We dated 5 years, and they were a very good 5 years, but it was a rough ending.
Our virtues and priorities were in contrast of each others:
Hers: Get married, and be financially secure NOW, and not later, before we had a chance to accumulate education and stability, and wealth.
Mine: Get an education, establish a career, THEN marry. Marriage can wait.
So she found herself and older, rich guy, and at the age of 22, had exactly what she wanted.
What took forever to get over her, was the fact that she would directly, or indirectly try to stay in my life somehow. She would have her friends run a recon on me and my activities and report back to her.
Closure: It all came to a head when, a few years ago, I was walking through the mall and I heard my name called out. Put on the brakes, looked over, and it was her. She came up to me, and asked if I had a few minutes. So we sat down and then she just sort of...vomited up and cried out all of her feelings for me, her regrets about her marriage, and her "now-lacking" sex life.
During this exchange, I was absolutely stunned about how she was literally trashing her husband right in front of me. How she was saying things to me, that, if I were her husband, would be unforgivable. I sat there the whole time, feeling totally sorry for this poor bastard. Especially knowing that, she had a bunch of shopping bags, and he was at home with their child, and she is professing her undying love for me on HIS dime.
The icing on the cake was her asking me if "we can get together sometime". And trust me...her intentions weren't coffee.
BAM...all of a sudden everything made sense to me. I never looked back.
It took a LONG time, longer than it should have...
Ive been there. Ha ha. (except I got over her real qucik, and she was not my first love)
Fuck her.. I mean it, literally, give her what she wants.
I did, it was worth it. It was awkward too, whe we were finished, I wanted to stroke her head like I used to, but I couldn't.... I couldn't show any signs of affection, I didn't want to... but the sex was still hot.
Your story is almost a mirror image of mine... except she did not last long with her new guy that was goign to bring her all the happiness she imagined I was lacking in providing.
Make no mistake New End...there was a big part of me that wanted to do JUST THAT. Mainly because the sex was dynamite, partially because a part of me still loved her, and partially I craved some form of redemption for her taking a giant shit on what I gave for 5 years of my life.
Ohhhh how a part of me wanted to.
I ran it through my mind over and over. But the only conclusion that I could come to, was that it would leave me feeling rotten to the core. It would have been awkward and meaningless to me. More than anything, I could personally never, ever live with myself as being part of the demise of her family that...will probably end somehow eventually. Simply put: I could not live with myself if I did so. Like always, I turned the other cheek (though its hard).
I ran into her a couple times AFTER this proposal of hers, and she treated me with an smug attitude. I think she felt like a fool opening up to me like she did, and I didn't reciprocate. She was embarrassed...as she should have been. I am sure she emotionally rationalized her actions somehow by convincing herself that I was a prick.
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side huh? She should take heart though...once they hit their 10 year anniversary, she'll file for divorce and will be legally entitled to a handsome amount of alimony on top of child support
I ended things with my bf of four years about three years ago, I often think of him because I realised fairly soon I'd made the wrong decision but there was no going back.
I was 15 and got with a man 10yrs my senior.
He treated me like shit, but he "loved me" so I put up with everything.
He cheat on me, beat me and I would always put up with it. That lasted for 5 yrs.
I moved across the country to get away from him, and while there met a fuck buddy.
Long story short, I ended up pregnant, not knowing if it was my ex's or my fb. I miscarried and when I called him from the hospital, the asshole told me "Maybe god killed the baby because he knew it wasn't mine"
So after 5yrs, it was over in an instant. No regrets, no pining, no anger, nothing.