What's the proper reaction to this?

GoneA

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2005
Posts
5,020
Media
0
Likes
38
Points
268
Well, I know you said you still want to be with her but, after all of that, on both of your parts, I think it's time to call it quits. Clearly, responding to her in the way that you did wasn't right, but, neither were ALL the things she did. You guys may be pretty but, not as a couple.

You'll find someone else.
 

MsLulu

Experimental Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2005
Posts
169
Media
0
Likes
5
Points
163
Age
34
Location
Denver, CO
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Wow. You do realize that when someone acts that way after you work hard on a dinner like that..... that it's a pretty damn shitty thing to do? I mean, I'm not sure you really do understand just how ABnormal that kind of behavior is. I don't care how you want to paint it, it's cruel, malicious and an indication that this girl is what? 11? I can't imagine her being a day older.

Hell, even 11 year olds have more sense, compassion and MUCH more of a heart.

As for calling the cops, going to court... it's what your pride might suggest, but I seriously would not go for that option. Try to put yourself in her position now. She's so angry that she shredded your stuff the way a pack of cats shred a new couch. She's lashing out, angry, hurt, upset. If she was a normal person (which I doubt, after reading her reaction to your dinner) then I would say that she may feel guilty over time after doing such a thing. But, she's not a normal, HEALTHY person.

Let's make that clear right now.

SHE IS NOT NORMAL.
SHE IS NOT HEALTHY.

Ok, good, it's almost gotten through (maybe.)

If you go to the cops / go to court, honestly, I see that as adding gasoline to the fire. It's probably what she wants. She'll:

1. get attention from you
2. become a martyr (oh poor me, I was taken off in handcuffs by the cops!)

It will just be more ties and sticky tape that you have to remove in order to be free of her. Be graceful. A clean break is the best in a situation like this. I really can't stress that enough.

At this point, I wouldn't buck up and go back to her, even if counseling was involved. She is already receiving counselling if she has a prescription for Xanax and apparently, it's not doing shit. Besides, people who need help (who are truly sick) will only get it when THEY are ready. No ultimatum or promise from you to help will do a damn thing.
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

Legendary Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2003
Posts
41,226
Media
0
Likes
41,776
Points
718
Location
New Jersey, USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Be thankful you're still alive and not fucked up somewhere. Your possesions can be replaced but you definitely can't be.
If she's that psychoid after being on xanax and then drinking, far better thing you do then to get out whilst the getting's good, and don't look back.

Go back to her? Why? you don't strike me as a glutton for unnecessary punishment, so what's the point to going back to something that potentially toxic and possibly fatal?:confused:

You want to get back at her? Toss her ass in jail for vandalism and very quite possibly malacious assault. After a pysche evaluation, she might be kept in a facility for some time to cool her jets.

Bottom line, she's not worth it if this is her behavior, even on prescription drugs. Bolt. Go find another girl who doesn't need chemicals to function in society.
 

DC_DEEP

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
8,714
Media
0
Likes
97
Points
183
Sexuality
No Response
I'll start by clearing up one little issue, then continue... Xanax is NOT an antidepressant... it's an anti-anxiety drug, most often prescribed to patients prone to panic attacks. It is very very easy to buy "on the street", and never reacts well with alcohol in the body.

Filing a police report would be a wise thing to do, but only if you specify and insist that it is simply "for the record." You definitely do not want the police to confront her. By filing a "for the record" report, you then have some background if she decides to continue harrassing or vandalizing. (You didn't mention if you have a car, or how large a city you live in... crazy, spurned ex-lovers just love to vandalize property.)

You also don't mention if you have a home phone, or a cell phone, or both... but caller ID is essential. Let your family and friends know that you will not answer any calls you don't recognize.

Distance yourself from her, her friends, her family... even friends you had in common will be a problem.

You lost some property, and some dignity. Go on without them. Don't give it a second thought. Whether or not you added to the problem at that time is not relevant. You lost that one battle, but the cost of winning would be much too high, so, as others have said before me, take the loss, move on, learn from it, and don't put yourself again in a situation that could lead to such destructive behavior. Stay away from recreational drugs, and people who use them. They can be fun, sure, but they are just too dangerous and not worth the problems they so often lead to.

Best of luck to you, KB.
 

Hung Low in Thiva

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2005
Posts
127
Media
0
Likes
5
Points
161
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
You're lucky that is all she was able to do. Then again, sex with her after all of this would be fucking incredible and would likely blow both of your minds
 

MsLulu

Experimental Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2005
Posts
169
Media
0
Likes
5
Points
163
Age
34
Location
Denver, CO
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Filing a police report would be a wise thing to do, but only if you specify and insist that it is simply "for the record." You definitely do not want the police to confront her. By filing a "for the record" report, you then have some background if she decides to continue harrassing or vandalizing. (You didn't mention if you have a car, or how large a city you live in... crazy, spurned ex-lovers just love to vandalize property.)

This is awesome advice. Good to know for all of us, I think, just in case anyone here is in this situation in the future (knock on wood.)
 

KidBrown

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Posts
237
Media
0
Likes
3
Points
163
Age
34
Location
P.G.C Maryland
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Yep, filed a police report yesterday just to keep a record of events. That way if anything else happens, there's a pattern of behavior established.

You know what's sad? In my area, you actually have to pay a small filing and processing fee for the police report. I had to pay six bucks to get the damn thing on record, haha.
 

DC_DEEP

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
8,714
Media
0
Likes
97
Points
183
Sexuality
No Response
KidBrown said:
Yep, filed a police report yesterday just to keep a record of events. That way if anything else happens, there's a pattern of behavior established.

You know what's sad? In my area, you actually have to pay a small filing and processing fee for the police report. I had to pay six bucks to get the damn thing on record, haha.

Ah, I just noticed the PGC, MD... yep, in this area, there is a fee or tax for everything. I'm surprised that there is not an "eye-blinking tax" and an ass-wiping fee. I wonder what those MF law enforcement agencies think we pay already exorbitant taxes for. Just consider it six bucks well-spent.
 

SurferGirlCA

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2004
Posts
1,242
Media
0
Likes
480
Points
303
Location
Los Angeles (California, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
Trust me, if you need it, it's the best $6 you've ever spent. Been there, done that. You really have to take care of yourself now, KB. I know it's hard not to think about "good times" and miss past experiences, but you have to believe you are worthy of finding someone who can give you the good stuff minus the insane behavior. Life's too short, babe. Hang in there! :)

KidBrown said:
Yep, filed a police report yesterday just to keep a record of events. That way if anything else happens, there's a pattern of behavior established.

You know what's sad? In my area, you actually have to pay a small filing and processing fee for the police report. I had to pay six bucks to get the damn thing on record, haha.
 
Joined
Dec 20, 2004
Posts
435
Media
0
Likes
5
Points
161
Without any details of the break up or what you did to her this is too one sided to say whether or not you have a psycho on your hands. You say you don't think you did anything too severe but maybe she was hurt by whatever happened...I just don't wanna call someone a psycho when I don't know the whole story. If I watched FOX news and only listened to the Bush administration I would think everything is just peachy and Iraq is a success shining to the world!
 

Alley Blue

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2005
Posts
1,151
Media
0
Likes
27
Points
183
Age
34
Location
New York
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
OrbitzXT said:
Without any details of the break up or what you did to her this is too one sided to say whether or not you have a psycho on your hands. You say you don't think you did anything too severe but maybe she was hurt by whatever happened...I just don't wanna call someone a psycho when I don't know the whole story. If I watched FOX news and only listened to the Bush administration I would think everything is just peachy and Iraq is a success shining to the world!

Great post OrbitzXT!!

When I read the original post, the first thing that came to my mind was that this was just a women, who felt she was scorned, and now trying to avenge hurt feelings. What she did was wrong no question about it, but alot of people who are upset and feel as if they have been wronged, will do this sort of thing. It doesn’t make it right, but it is by no means uncommon. To be honest, if I was in your situation, I would pretty much bet that the lil' bitch would try to pull a stunt like that.
Now if she killed your cat and smeared its blood all over your house, now that's what I call psycho behavior!
 

panthera

Just Browsing
Joined
Jul 12, 2005
Posts
141
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Age
65
Location
Germany
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I hope, now that a few day have passed, things are beginning to quiet down for you. When I was studying psychology (back when Freud was still practicing...) one of my professors gave us a warning when working with Selbstmordgefährdete (people with suicidal tendencies?, yeah, sounds right...). He said: Anybody who is willing to hurt themselves is willing to hurt other people, too. And people who, one would say today, "act out" with destructive violence are only one step away from doing the same thing to other people.
Many years later I, sadly, have learned that this was just right, never mind what current thinking among therapists may be.
Please take the advice to be careful which you were given here seriously. It isn't spineless to miss what you had - there had to have been good moments or you wouldn't have been together, no? This woman is dangerous, to and for you. It was wise to go to the cops - now they have a record for the next time. And I would bet anything you like this was not the first time. Nor the last.
Ah, the sad experience? Two years of crisis intervention with people in your situation. The fact that this woman is sick doesn't change the fact that she is extremely dangerous.
If you know the name of her therapist, and think they are competent, perhaps you might want to write to them and let them know what has happened and how you will react (police, court, etc.) if she ever gets close to you again.
Xanax and alcohol? So not a good idea.
Good luck!
 

MYDEEPTHROAT

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2004
Posts
189
Media
0
Likes
32
Points
248
Location
Toronto (Ontario, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
KidBrown said:
Yep, filed a police report yesterday just to keep a record of events. That way if anything else happens, there's a pattern of behavior established.

You know what's sad? In my area, you actually have to pay a small filing and processing fee for the police report. I had to pay six bucks to get the damn thing on record, haha.

That was a good idea of yours, to document what has happened with that police report, with you walking away in a mature way, just incase anything should happen in the future ...

Just be thankful that you saw this side of her before it was too late ... like after a marriage or kids were involved !!!!

You might want to consider changing your avatar now that your not a couple ... ;-)