What's up with all of these labels?

brockli

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Hey guys, I hope this is in the right place! I just wanted to rant a little and listen to a few of your perspectives, thoughts, and advice. I do not mean to offend anyone in this post.

I am a 21 year old college student and I identify myself as straight to all strangers, friends, and family. I personally look at myself as a little bi. But because of all of the labels out there I am afraid to identify as anything other than straight. I also live in the rural south which does not help! I hate that I find some man attractive but I cant help it!

The other night I was at a small party in my friends apartment for a birthday. It was about 8 of us there (all friends) and I was with one of my very good friends that is a lesbian named Taylor (she had her girlfriend there too). Nonetheless, it was a group that was very familiar to each other and accepting of others preferences.

The next thing you know two men show up and one was gay. Jared was very open about his homosexuality. I saw him make eye contact with me while we all were playing cards. And after the night was over at about 2am everyone had gone to bed and I receive a text message from an unknown number. To make a long story short, it was the gay man named Jared texting me and hitting on me. I did not know whether to be flattered or offended that Taylor had given him my number! He asked if I was interested or not and he wanted to cuddle ... I did not know how to respond. He did not want to get to know me, he just wanted to come over and cuddle (he said so). I didn't know what to do because I did not find him attractive at all and I don't like being affectionate with men but I wouldn't mind the sexual part.

This is the important part to my story:
I am strongly attracted to females and relationships with them. I want to be in a relationship with a woman. I also find men attractive that are studly, athletic, and very straight acting (exactly what I WANT to be) but I don't like scrawny twinks. I like nice buff bodies and big dicks. My attraction is more physical than it is emotional. I do not like to cuddle, make-out, hold hands with other men. Although, I don't mind if he sucks my dick or in extreme cases I might be the bottom never the top. The perfect idea for me of having fun with a guy would be just to do sexual things with him (if he was cute and has a big dick) but I want no relationship with him whatsoever except just a normal friend).

Soo what in the hell does this make me? What guy would ever want to mess with me if I don't wanna kiss him, cuddle with him, touch his dick or anything? Unless he is pleasing my dick then I'm not interested... What does this say about me? I would appreciate your input. Thanks for listening/reading!
 

LGX

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I think you are a 'pseudo-homosexual straight male'!

I know how you feel though. I think it's natural to be attracted to our own bodies. Look at how long the David statue has lasted. It's a bit of a turn on to know that something large than you is more pleasurable. I don't think you should force yourself into think you HAVE to want to date men. You are what you are.

Ultimately, I can't find myself living the rest of my life with another dude. At all. At the most it would be a 'sugar daddy' relation ship but no "I want a ring " thing. Girls I can definitely marry. Watch the 'New Normal' the who idea of having a surrogate kid that mine but not mine just doesn't fit my particular puzzle.

But we have labels so we can discriminate.
 

prism

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well, i guess you like sex with guys hahaha

i don't think it's wrong to have a healthy sexual appetite with other consenting adults...
 

Phil Ayesho

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So... on the one hand you complain about labels... and on the other you ask the community to please label you?


First off... labels are not 'stupid'. They are not 'bad'. They are how human beings managed to rise above the rest of the animal kingdom.

The ONE thing we can do that no other animal can, is knowingly assign labels and meaning.

Without the ability to label the world around us we would not even be able to have this conversation. The most we would be able to say is "hey!" and "Danger!" like other animals.

SO, first of all, anyone saying that labels are bad, or that we shouldn't label things and people is simply someone who doesn't understand how their own mind functions.


Secondly... what you describe makes you pretty normal in your sexual appetites and attractions, and somewhat rare in that you can even acknowledge these attractions and appetites.

It makes you run of the mill Male Bisexual.

According to the best data we have, the vast majority of men seek romantic relationship with females... but are willing to have sex for the sake of sex with BOTH females and males... under the right conditions.

What those right conditions are vary quite a lot depending on how the men in question are socialized, how self aware they are, and how much is at stake in other finding out about their desires.

Some repress these feelings, some try to, and fail a handful of times they keep secret...
and a some embrace these feelings, either regularly, or occasionally... either keeping this activity secret, or being more open about it.

But again... you are pretty normal, as men go, in this regard. You prefer romance and sex with women... and could get into sex with a man, but not really feel romantic toward one.

For male human beings, This level of bisexuality is normal.
 

Silvertip

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There is nothing "wrong" with the labels gay and straight, but there are infinite shades of gray in between those two that constitute bisexual. So the bi label is not definitive and is therefore confusing. I agree with Phil that the bisexuality that the OP describes is likely the most common form and it even includes guys that are too homophobic to ever take advantage of their bisexuality. The purely physical, hedonistic relationship with a male sex partner, with no emotional aspect involved, is certainly how I relate to man-sex and my being able to do so has greatly enhanced my sex life. It's also produced some lasting friendships. I hope the OP will ultimately find a buff bodied, big dicked guy with whom he's comfortable so he can expand his horizons.
 

rbkwp

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More of a concern with this style of labeling huh??


http://www.lpsg.com/320740-confusion-over-best-before-dates.html

Soo what in the hell does this make me?

Human,
you decide who you wish to partner up with, just let him know gently, be nice, and no worries huh?
Choose & Chase your own dreams.
( I like btw haha hunky jock)

Dont worry too much about it matey
just do & be, all Good
only responsible for yourself, till you get into one of them damn relationship things ..
 

brockli

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Thank you all for your posts. I agree with you all! Sorry for contradicting myself and then asking you to label me-- b/c that is what I really wanted. haha

@LGX I like what you said about the "pseudo-homosexual straight male!" LOL

And to the rest of you, I guess what I was trying to say is I hate the limitations that labels set... I completely understand why labels exist and how they are a good thing. As far as I am concerned, here in southern Virgina, a male must be VERY careful identifying as a gay man (being Bi makes you gay in "their" minds). Many straight males that you could have a great relationship with will have nothing to do with you b/c they are homophobic. People will not even comment on you Facebook posts, etc, etc because you are gay. It can greatly alter your life, that is why many people around here are "closet bi/gay/lesbians." It is very unfair to these people. I think this is where much of my anxiety comes from being bi.

When I look back at ancient Greece and Rome (like in the show Spartacus) homosexuality was much more of a norm. It wasn't until the last few centuries that it was become so taboo in society...

On another note, I was just curious to see if other males out there had the same feelings as me -- by being physically attracted to certain men but not emotionally at all...
 

Catharsis

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I used to be like that... I wanted to marry a woman and have kids and have a picture-perfect family with a decent paying job.

I hated the fact that I was (well, at the time I hated that I "might be") gay.

I thought it was a phase that I would just get over and move on with my life, and have a girlfriend and possibly be attracted to woman. And so, for a while there, I thought I was... I was emotionally attracted to women. I connected more naturally with them. I was attracted to the way they thought. I developed crushes (well, I thought I did) and pursued them.

And I come to find out that I wasn't sexually attracted to them. Well, duh, as if I couldn't tell that by the porn I watched. But I learned that way.

The time that I figured out that I was gay was when I let go of these thoughts, these dreams of mine, and decided to "experiment" with another guy... And it sparked. I was and am sexually attracted to men. Being more receptive to this allowed me to believe that I could possibly develop an emotional attraction with another man.

This helped me become much more comfortable with being gay, and being as open and confident about my sexuality as I am today.

As for your preferences in men, they are not so odd. Many guys find a buff athletic guy to be hot - the ones with the arms and the chest and the abs and the ass - and obviously a big dick. And as for wanting to do something sexual with another guy? Maybe you're just curious. Or, you can truly appreciate male beauty. I know that I can appreciate female beauty, but personally it just wouldn't turn me on. If men can turn you on, then there's obviously something characteristic about a man that triggers your body to respond the way it does. And if you're attracted to that, then who cares?? It's what you like.

We all have our preferences and some of us even know what we want out of life. But if you're unsure of something, then you won't really ever know it until you give it a try.