What's with HIV Positive guys always wanting to have bareback sex?

[rbkwp]

I never meant to imply that all HIV positive guys were like this.. And for that I am sorry.. I am sure there are many out there who do practice safe sexual behaviours and play it even safer when they are with a negative person.
post 6

Agree with the OP, followed this thread from the outset, prior to my post re P Mwai..so ANGRY i was with that person at the time.
Think its ridiculous for some to continually go on and on, re the OPs genuine mistake in his thread subject.
The whole thread would have an entirely different slant, instead of the OP needing to defend himself from almost every post.
The subject matter as we all know is far more important than this.

 

[D_CountVonBhigBohner]

Guess what!? Whether you are HIV+ or negative you need to be responsible and wear a friggin condom. Those who want to take the risk of having unprotected sex and getting infected need to live with the consequences if it happens.

I never said you couldn't post new topics on the message board. Your title categorized the majority of HIV+ guys as being irresponsible...and that's not the case.

I said only one person I consider to be a FRIEND has this attidude.. There have been MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY guys who are NOT FRIENDS that do have this attitude..

So it is not a one person issue.. and there have been several other comments, saying that other people have had similar experiences so I am not alone..

And when you say stop wasting everyone's time, what's the point of a message board if no one starts new topics..

It is your choice to read them and to participate.. If you feel the topic is a waste of time, then the answer is simple.. Just don't click on it!!

 

[B_thickjohnny]

Here's where I have a problem. Recently in a JO club blog some guys wanted to get together for more than JO. In fact, they wanted to have a sex party and more or less promoted raw sex. Some asked if people were acknowledging their status and the answer was no. I immediately opted out of that group. I'm wouldn't mind participating in a group get together but condom MUST be used by all participants and MUST be removed and another put on before going from ass to ass. But I was looked at as the odd man out.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

No I am not.. I know one guy who i would consider to be a friend who is positive and acts irresponsibly by having bare sex even though he's positive.. However to my knowledge he always discloses this.. And I knew him before he was positive.

This post was mostly referring to experience with guys online who wish to meet up..

Look at Craigslist. There are countless guys looking for bareback only. They are not disclosing their status at all. That's scary.

 

[Snozzle]

It certainly does happen. I've had a guy join two of us in a threesome and try to get the two of us to have unprotected sex. I'm sorry now I didn't drive him away with menaces. Or the guy who says "You look pretty clean to me". ("Fuck you, it's not MY cleanliness I'm worried about!")

But I think you've phrased the question the wrong way round. "Why are guys who want bareback sex so often HIV+?" sort of answers itself, doesn't it.

 

[FRE]

Here's where I have a problem. Recently in a JO club blog some guys wanted to get together for more than JO. In fact, they wanted to have a sex party and more or less promoted raw sex. Some asked if people were acknowledging their status and the answer was no. I immediately opted out of that group. I'm wouldn't mind participating in a group get together but condom MUST be used by all participants and MUST be removed and another put on before going from ass to ass. But I was looked at as the odd man out.

Don't worry about being odd man out; sometimes it's the only viewpoint that makes sense.

At one time smoking was considered normal and non-smoking was considered abnormal. I didn't see it that way and was considered eccentric as a result.

Do what makes sense, what is reasonable, and what is considerate of other people, regardless of what others may think.

 

[stevie1509]

if i'm honest i didn't know that there was HIV-...i only thought it was HIV+ or nothing...

how ever you do raise a good point, i got asked yesterday by a guy i knew was + if i would swallow his cum or go bb with him, i was not amused at all.....
if i didn't bb with my ex-bf what the hell makes him think i would have with him

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

Just go on Craigslist and type in a city you'll see plenty of tops/bottoms who will take "all-comers" bare, or who only fuck bare. Seems a certain fatalism in it, "well I already got 'the big one' so might as well enjoy sex au naturale" not counting the other diseases they might acquire. There are some psychos out there who think that anyone wanting bareback is HIV+ and fail to disclose that they are infected. I think every state has laws regarding if you have an STD you must tell your partner.

 

[buffaloboy]

Just go on Craigslist and type in a city you'll see plenty of tops/bottoms who will take "all-comers" bare, or who only fuck bare. Seems a certain fatalism in it, "well I already got 'the big one' so might as well enjoy sex au naturale" not counting the other diseases they might acquire. There are some psychos out there who think that anyone wanting bareback is HIV+ and fail to disclose that they are infected. I think every state has laws regarding if you have an STD you must tell your partner.

This is such a weird thread and the ignorance on display is quite astounding.

Someone seeking bareback sex with strangers has a high risk of contracting HIV, if they don't have it already. We all know that, so I'm not sure where this sense of moral outrage comes from.

But in any case, this thread, according to the OP, is about men who DO disclose their status and seek unprotected sex so, again, the point isn't relevant to this discussion.

 

[aninnymouse]

Part of the problem with HIV, AIDS, and being infected is that many people don't view it as a death sentence like they did 20 years ago, or even 25-30 years ago when people were dropping like flies from it.

It's sort of become another chronic health condition, such as diabetes or hypertension. It's not viewed among many people as something that is truly life altering and something that makes people suffer.

They see people who have lived with HIV for 25 years plus, and don't view it as a big deal. "Oh, Hey, he looks healthy, and has had it for 25 years, it's no big deal," not realizing the trememdous changes that it's wrought in people's lives, and lifestyles.

It's rather sad, to me, because there are a LOT of costs associated with living with HIV. The drugs alone are insanely expensive. I've known people who are Positive who have to live at or below the poverty line just to pay for their medications, without which, the would be dead in a year.

Then there's the social costs to having HIV. There's a lot of people who have referred to being HIV Positive as "Dirty" and being Negative as "Clean." It's rather offensive, IMO. Add on other social stigmas, and it's insane.

How anyone would NOT want to take any and every precaution is beyond me.....

 

[aninnymouse]

This is such a weird thread and the ignorance on display is quite astounding.

Someone seeking bareback sex with strangers has a high risk of contracting HIV, if they don't have it already. We all know that, so I'm not sure where this sense of moral outrage comes from.

But in any case, this thread, according to the OP, is about men who DO disclose their status and seek unprotected sex so, again, the point isn't relevant to this discussion.

Here's the thing. I've heard of guys who Serosort. They don't like condoms, so they are open about their HIV Positive status. Thus, they only have sexual contact with other men who are HIV Positive as well. That way, there are no issues about transmission, or anything else.
That is something I have no issue with. I actually think that's healthy. Much better than random, risky behaviors, which the OP is describing, even if he's describing it in a very ignorant way.

 

[BigD_2]

Quite the thread - as it always is when HIV and barebacking are the topics.

I can tend to be long-winded on this topic too, but let's suffice it to say the following: each individual needs to consider, *before* any sexual act with another person starts, what level of disclosure and risk is acceptable to them.

Anyone can say anything they want about their status. A poz guy who knows his status may be truthful if asked or lie if asked. If not asked, he may bring it up or he may not. A neg guy may ask the partner the question, or maybe not. Someone who has recently been tested or has a squeaky-clean sexual history may know that he's neg. Someone who's not been tested recently and may have seroconverted without knowing it. So if asked about his status he may say "neg" but the real answer is "I don't know." And how do we know who's lying and who's telling the truth about any of this, especially if we've just met them?

The only way to be 100% sure you won't get an STD is not to have sex with anyone else. Most of us don't find that a desirable option, so we all must do all that we can to know that we've minimized our risk of contracting an STD to a level we consider acceptable.

Some HIV+ guys want bareback sex sometimes, some want it all the time, some want it never. Just like some HIV- guys want bareback sex sometimes, some want it all the time, some want it never. If we each take the time and show the individual responsibility to decide what we will and won't do before the sex starts, then we'll be more comfortable with ourselves during and after the sex - and that will make it more enjoyable.

 

[BigD_2]

Part of the problem with HIV, AIDS, and being infected is that many people don't view it as a death sentence like they did 20 years ago, or even 25-30 years ago when people were dropping like flies from it.

OK not for nothing, but as a somewhat younger person I hear this charge leveled at younger people all the time and I find it offensive, IMO.

It's no longer viewed as a death sentence because it's not one.

I have tremendous respect for long-term survivors I know, and their lives have been difficult, and everyone who was the right age at the right time knew lots of people who died and suffered and it was horrible. And there is an enormous social stigma associated with HIV, and meds are really expensive, and I share the opinion that people should want to take precautions to protect themselves.

But to note that "part of the problem...is that many people don't view it as a death sentence" implies that the younger generations, who do not have clear memories of 20-30 years ago, are hurrying out with reckless abandon to have tons of unprotected sex specifically and only because they don't know personally people who died of AIDS. This is ridiculous, and seems to blame young people for being young. It's not a freshman in college's fault that they were born after 1990 (!) and therefore don't remember this epidemic pre-HAART. For a whole generation of people who are now young adults hooking up, HIV has indeed become a chronic, manageable condition (with considerable additional undesirable unpleasantness) thanks to amazing scientific advances funded by many amazing donors over the years. To imply that they'll engage in risky behavior solely because they don't have personal experience with an HIV death is as illogical as saying kids will start smoking because they don't know someone who's died of lung cancer.

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

This is such a weird thread and the ignorance on display is quite astounding.

Someone seeking bareback sex with strangers has a high risk of contracting HIV, if they don't have it already. We all know that, so I'm not sure where this sense of moral outrage comes from.

But in any case, this thread, according to the OP, is about men who DO disclose their status and seek unprotected sex so, again, the point isn't relevant to this discussion.

What ignorance?

One sentence makes a moral outrage now?

Sorry you're taking the thread personally.

 

[aninnymouse]

OK not for nothing, but as a somewhat younger person I hear this charge leveled at younger people all the time and I find it offensive, IMO.

It's no longer viewed as a death sentence because it's not one.

I have tremendous respect for long-term survivors I know, and their lives have been difficult, and everyone who was the right age at the right time knew lots of people who died and suffered and it was horrible. And there is an enormous social stigma associated with HIV, and meds are really expensive, and I share the opinion that people should want to take precautions to protect themselves.

But to note that "part of the problem...is that many people don't view it as a death sentence" implies that the younger generations, who do not have clear memories of 20-30 years ago, are hurrying out with reckless abandon to have tons of unprotected sex specifically and only because they don't know personally people who died of AIDS. This is ridiculous, and seems to blame young people for being young. It's not a freshman in college's fault that they were born after 1990 (!) and therefore don't remember this epidemic pre-HAART. For a whole generation of people who are now young adults hooking up, HIV has indeed become a chronic, manageable condition (with considerable additional undesirable unpleasantness) thanks to amazing scientific advances funded by many amazing donors over the years. To imply that they'll engage in risky behavior solely because they don't have personal experience with an HIV death is as illogical as saying kids will start smoking because they don't know someone who's died of lung cancer.

Fair enough, and I do see your point, but...HIV/AIDS still kills. It shortens lifespans and causes untold health issues.

The point I was trying to make is that people don't see HIV as a big deal anymore. I think that is for a lot of reasons, including the ones I enumerated above. And BTW, it's not just young people who don't view it as not being a big deal. People who are our age and older also tend to not view it as that big of a deal.

Fact. HIV rates are on the rise. Fact, it's among younger people that this is very prevalent. It's not just because of one thing, it's for a variety of reasons.

I think one of them is that the Safe Sex message is not as strongly heard. That's for many reasons, among them I think it's where people have been given the message so long, they're starting to tune it out.

Another one is that simply put, Bareback feels better. Everyone knows it. A lot of people are just going for the pleasure, and not thinking of the consequences. That's both younger and older.

So, NO, I wasn't implying that just because someone was born after 1990, and they don't have experience with the epidemic in the 1980's that they'll just go out and have unprotected sex willy nilly.

Yes, I think that does play a part. How big a part? I don't know. I think it depends on the individuals.

I could go off on a whole gigantic rant about youth, and the mistakes we make being young, and the hijinks we get up to, but I don't think that this thread is the proper place.

 

[buffaloboy]

What ignorance?

One sentence makes a moral outrage now?

Sorry you're taking the thread personally.

The ignorance in your sentence that I highlighted.

I'm not 'taking it personally', but I do think it's important to challenge the stigma around a disease which affects everybody.

 

[rawrg]

If you're HIV positive, you are aware of it, and you have unprotected sex with someone who is not without telling them then I'd throw you in jail for attempted murder.

 

[buffaloboy]

If you're HIV positive, you are aware of it, and you have unprotected sex with someone who is not without telling them then I'd throw you in jail for attempted murder.

Again, this isn't a thread about someone with HIV not disclosing their status. Why are people having such difficulty understanding that?

 

[matt121matt121]

Here's the thing. I've heard of guys who Serosort. They don't like condoms, so they are open about their HIV Positive status. Thus, they only have sexual contact with other men who are HIV Positive as well. That way, there are no issues about transmission, or anything else.
That is something I have no issue with. I actually think that's healthy. Much better than random, risky behaviors, which the OP is describing, even if he's describing it in a very ignorant way.

There are still risks of acquiring other strains of hiv, and other diseases that are opportunistic due to having hiv.

I already apologized about my wording of the original question several times

If you're HIV positive, you are aware of it, and you have unprotected sex with someone who is not without telling them then I'd throw you in jail for attempted murder.

Even if the person is told the guys status.. isn't that kind of like someone telling someone I'm going to kill you and then doing it anyways? or does that change it from being murder to suicide since its the persons choice to accept it?

I think one of them is that the Safe Sex message is not as strongly heard. That's for many reasons, among them I think it's where people have been given the message so long, they're starting to tune it out.

Another one is that simply put, Bareback feels better. Everyone knows it. A lot of people are just going for the pleasure, and not thinking of the consequences. That's both younger and older.

I definitely agree with the tune it out message.. for someone who is diligent about playing safe it definitely does take some of the spontaneity out of things, having to ensure to always be prepared.. and sometimes the stopping to put the condoms on does kind of kill the moment for a minute..

Has anyone ever truly analyzed the reasons why bare feels so much better?
If you ask me I personally will blame circumcision, but this is a topic for a thread entirely of its own..

 

[aninnymouse]

Come on.

Sex is about feeling, about pleasure, about skin on skin. Any barrier takes away from the sensation of that. There's no need to analyze anything. A condom is a barrier. You don't get the true feeling of skin on skin.

Jesus.