whats worse? being honest or being kind?

[D_Andreas Sukov]

im asking this in a specific circumstance. from a few experiances and observations.

If you have ever been in a relationship where all of a sudden you are unsure what you want, do you be honest and say "im not sure what i want, lets take a break till I figure it out" or do you not say a thing, Carry on as usual and wait till you know?

i spoke about this with a friend, and they said it might be hard to put effort in to continue as normal, whereas i say they shouldnt be selfish and they should put themselves through the "shit" of making effort rather than hurting someone for what could be no reason.

Another circumstance, which is ongoing with someone i know and i cannot make my mind up is, if you dont love someone but they love you. this person wont leave the guy because they are scared and from what i know of them, they need the comfort and support of someone. From what i know, the guy is unaware anything is wrong. now, do they leave the person as it is unfair to stay with someone whose love is not given back, or should they stay with them untill they are strong enough to leave or till they possibly love them?

i guess the basic quesiton is; whats worse? Hurting someone for selfish, but possibly fair reasons, or putting yourself through some shit for the benefit of someone else? i am aware the latter also includes further hurt for the last circumstance.

 

[bigboy9239]

Hmmm good question....I would look at it from the stand point of which is better.....they both have merit. I sort of lean toward being kind.....

 

[Principessa]

If it gets to the point I feel I need a break, I break up with him. I know myself, no sense stretching out the inevitable. I can be very pragmatic when it comes to affairs of the heart.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

If it gets to the point I feel I need a break, I break up with him. I know myself, no sense stretching out the inevitable. I can be very pragmatic when it comes to affairs of the heart.

By break, i mean a spell away and then reconvene to see where you are as a couple. from what you have said, it seems you thought i meant a break from any relationship. or do you break up with them and then if you want, get back with them?

 

[mitchymo]

I think it best to be honest. It might seem cruel but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind as the addage goes. It might be selfish but you should'nt feel bad about looking after number 1's feelings cos which is worse, the other person hurting for a short while or yourself hurting for a long while with the potential of making things worse for the other by the passing of time.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Taking a break means you've decided, people who use that just haven't got the balls to sit down face to face and say it's over.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

Taking a break means you've decided, people who use that just haven't got the balls to sit down face to face and say it's over.

Yeah i agree, but according to my ex there is such a thing as a break, where you dont act as a couple but have the constraints of being a couple i.e no fucking other people.

 

[Blackle]

The only person that came in to and is leaving this world with you is you. And the only thing worth leaving behind you is the truth. Because if this isn't what you want right now then start telling the truth. Lying only prolongs disappointment. If you do want to possibly be in a relationship with this dude when you work things out then tell him that. But don't string him along. If you need some time off the truth will set you free. If you stay when you don't really love him then niether of you are getting what you REALLY want and the asshole/what have you is you. You can not Navigate this world with too much in mind for peoples feelings. You'll end up a born again Christian or something like that, or even worse EVANGELICAL!!!(dun, dun dun...I'm not hating on religion as much as it sounds for those who would pipe up.)

 

[B_Hung Jon]

My g/f and I have been through both of these predicaments. I do think that constant and clear communication can help a great deal in resolving these issues one way or another. Without communication, the party who gets dumped feels completely confused and lost. Also I don't think a resolution should happen quickly. If both people are mature, then taking it slowly should be the best way to keep both happy and understanding.

 

[Not_Punny]

All relationships have up and down times. "Take a break" ends some relationships, but can strengthen others.

It has strengthened two relationships for me. But from what I've seen of other people, it mostly tears the relationship apart.

If I were you, I'd take a pen an pad and write a list of what you are looking for in a relationship, and then make a list of the pros and cons of the existing relationship. That should tell you a lot.

But write it down. You can be more objective that way.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

just to let everyone know. im not really aksing for advice. im finished. these are all things that happened to me a while ago. this is just the first time ive cared to look at the bigger picture as it seems to repeat itself with other people.


What im trying to say is, im single.....Ladies
XD

 

[Principessa]

By break, i mean a spell away and then reconvene to see where you are as a couple.

I understood you the first time. :biggrin1: I don't believe in that, it's a waste of time.

from what you have said, it seems you thought i meant a break from any relationship. or do you break up with them and then if you want, get back with them?

I have never wanted to get back with them, If I think I need a break from the relationship then I break up. The love is gone and it ain't coming back.

Taking a break means you've decided, people who use that just haven't got the balls to sit down face to face and say it's over.

:yup: Exactly!

Yeah i agree, but according to my ex there is such a thing as a break, where you dont act as a couple but have the constraints of being a couple i.e no fucking other people.

Yeah, I've heard of that and it's bull shit. Someone always cheats or has already cheated or is looking or a new stallion or her stable.

The only person that came in to and is leaving this world with you is you. And the only thing worth leaving behind you is the truth.

Preach it!

Because if this isn't what you want right now then start telling the truth. Lying only prolongs disappointment. If you do want to possibly be in a relationship with this dude when you work things out then tell him that. But don't string him along. If you need some time off the truth will set you free. If you stay when you don't really love him then niether of you are getting what you REALLY want and the asshole/what have you is you.

Amen brotha, you ain't never told a lie! :yup:

You can not Navigate this world with too much in mind for peoples feelings.

:261: I disagree with this. I don't think you should care more for others feelings than your own. But to go through life not caring at all about other peoples feelings would mean a pretty lonely existence.

 

[rbkwp]

Protect your emotional needs
anything left over .. invest in yr partner.
(sharing & caring equally is a rare occurrence)
enz

 

[dolfette]

if you don't KNOW that you want to be with them then you should leave. it's not rocket science.

 

[helgaleena]

I am very bad at hiding my feelings. Often the people around me ask me what is wrong before I realize myself that something is bothering me. Therefore it has always benefited me most to be completely upfront about things in a relationship, because the truth will out. To insist that nothing is wrong when there obviously is would be horrid and unfair.

Sadly, I have been broken up with more than i have done the breaking up ftmp. It is humbling to realize how much I miss about my partner sometimes, despite my constant desire to please. It would be far kinder to moi for my partners to tell me exactly what they want, as I might imagine it wrong.

 

[StrictlyAvg]

Taking a break means you've decided, people who use that just haven't got the balls to sit down face to face and say it's over.

Not having the "balls" to sit down face to face - as opposed to "dropping a hint" by evading any form of meaningful communication suddenly and arbitrarily - to give out the news sucks ime! :frown1:

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

I've always been told to be sincere and geniune. That requires honesty and kindness. Communication is vital. But I'm speaking from inexperience, and wisdom. I just heard it from the older heads.

 

[pitloverfl]

Usually honesty is the kindest thing in the long run, both for yourself and your partner. I guess the hard part is knowing how to be honest about something you're unsure about. Being upfront and frank about the uncertainty and questions/discomfort you might be having is probably the best way to go as long as you couch it all in a loving, respectful way that doesn't exacerbate the problems you are having. Of course, if lack of communication is one of the issues involved, this can be a real problem.

 

[yhtang]

I would rather be honest and take any flack that comes along. I am not a good liar.

 

[492801]

Well it depends on the circumstances, but then as I read other posts I realize I'm not the best to be post mainly cus I'm more cinical then not and I have a saying without benifet there is no point