What's Worse?

[goodwood]

After reading and participating in many threads, I wondered today: what causes more damage to us as children, adults, people - parents who inflict emotional, psychological, verbal and or physical abuse OR being raised in a single parent home, always longing for a parental relationship that never was?
I hope that people will share their thoughts on how they have been affected coming from either of those scenarios. Thanks. - Chris

 

[Principessa]

Great Question!

Off the top of my head I would have to say, parents who inflict emotional, psychological, verbal and or physical abuse do more damage. That doesn't rule out single parents doing the same thing. I think it's sort of all encompassing.

After reading and participating in many threads, I wondered today: what causes more damage to us as children, adults, people - parents who inflict emotional, psychological, verbal and or physical abuse OR being raised in a single parent home, always longing for a parental relationship that never was?

I hope that people will share their thoughts on how they have been affected coming from either of those scenarios. Thanks. - Chris

 

[D_golden parachute]

emotional, psychological, verbal and or physical abuse

is clearly going to do more damage than not having a 'father figure' or a 'mother figure' that can easily be replaced by something else

 

[goodwood]

Off to a good start. Thanks njq and Geordie. I wonder if this will be the consistent opinion. Geordie - it never occurred to me that a vacancy of a on-present parent could be peplaced by something or someone else.

 

[B_Swimming Lad]

I would say that abuse is worse. However being raised by your Grandparents because your parents don't really want you doesn't make you feel that great either! lol

 

[Principessa]

I would say that abuse is worse. However being raised by your Grandparents because your parents don't really want you doesn't make you feel that great either! lol

True, I had a friend in grade school whose parents divorced. She and her sister lived with her dad because her mother 'wanted alone time.' I can't imagine what it's like to be a 12 year old girl and be rejected by your own mom. :frown1::redface:

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Parents: They Fuck You Up (see below

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

 

[pdsover]

I grew up with a father that dished out all of the above abuse. So to me that is the worst. Two of my sisters are divorced and my other sister is a single parent, and I am positive they were attracted to their partners arising from issues relating to my father. I am happy to be one of the father figures to my nieces and nephews and have been told am complete opposite to my father, so hopefully that cycle is broken at my end.

 

[goodwood]

Swimminglad - thanks for that. I am sure that didn't make you feel very good or wanted by your parents, but were your grandparents kind to you at least? And pdsolver - good for you to be a positive influence to your nieces and nephews. I am sure that means a great deal to them to know that in you they are welcomed and loved.

 

[whatireallywant]

I would say that abuse is worse. However being raised by your Grandparents because your parents don't really want you doesn't make you feel that great either! lol

My mom was raised by her grandparents for this reason.

And yes, I think that abuse is worse.

 

[viking1]

I'd say abuse is worse. However, all of the scenarios mentioned here are less than ideal.

 

[B_ajaxgayguy7]

Great Question!

Off the top of my head I would have to say, parents who inflict emotional, psychological, verbal and or physical abuse do more damage. That doesn't rule out single parents doing the same thing. I think it's sort of all encompassing.

I have come from a home where both parents where alcholics, and there was plenty of emotional, physical and mental abuse for all of us 6 kids. My mother moved out of the home when i was 11 yrs old, she had to or my dad would have killed her, and at the age of 13 i left home, have been on my own every since. And considering my dad told me " i would never amount to anything and that im worthless" out of 6 kids, i make the most money, have been employed by the same company the longest (23yrs), i travel alot, every couple years i buy a new car which i pay cash for. My dad has since pasted, i never went to the funeral, my mother is still alive and still dishing out the hurtfull comments and abuse, so needless to say i dont bother with her and when she dies i wont be going to her funeral either. I have done alot of work on myself with self inprovement courses, but the scars are deep.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

A child needs a consistent supportive and loving presence in it's life, whether it lives with an aunt, a grandparent, one parent or both parents, as long as it's consistenly loved and supported it'll be fine, I don't know where this idea that a child has to have two parents to grow up ok comes from, throughout history dads have been killed in wars, been absent figures because supporting their families meant they had to work from dusk till dawn most days. But being verbally or physically abused by the person/people who are supposed to care for a child is going to affect it no matter how many people are taking part in its life.

 

[Love-it]

My wife experienced emotional abuse and it has had lifelong repercussions on her ability to enjoy life.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I grew up without a father. It was a disadvantage but not as big a disadvantage as having an abusive parent.

 

[2322]

A single parent can raise a child to be healthy and well-adjusted. It may not be an ideal situation, but with care it can work without a problem. I think it's easiest when the parent has been widowed as the child is then free to think that the other parent would have loved to be there but can't; hardest when it's straight abandonment.

Abuse is a abuse. A single parent household is not necessarily abusive. Good relationships make for good kids who become good adults. Bad relationships, whether in a single or dual parent household, make for fucked-up kids and adults.