what's wrong with being single?

D_Holden_Maballs

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I guess the word "most" has got people up in arms.

How about if I amended the statement to say:

"The typical "straight" reason to be in a relationship is so that people don't (won't) think you're "gay". Hate me for saying it, but that is the reason for a lot of "straight" relationships nowadays."

Is it so outlandish now?

Sorry, I didn't read your subsequent posts, so I didn't see how you explained it better. Anyways, I would still disagree, but that's fine. I just believe that the vast majority of my straight friends that are in relationships or married are in them because they are lonely...I know that is why I have been in them in the past. I don't want people to think that I am gay, strictly because I am not gay, not because of any other reason. That being said, it isn't something that preoccupies me, or directs my behaviors (especially in regards to major life decisions, i.e. relationships). If I were to guess something about a lot of gay men, it is that they have had to deal internally with the issue of being gay (how they are perceived, etc.) FAR more than straight guys do, obviously. To me, that sounds like a projection (this, of course, may not be the case, just my two cents).
 

monel

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It's more prevalent than you probably think. People are scared as hell of being called the "g" word. Especially in the teenage to mid thirties age range. :cool: In America at least. Probably from all the societal brainwashing.

It may occur but it is absolutely a lot less prevalent than you seem to think. Most people who get married have already established their "straight" bona fides through their dating history. Not that I'm saying gay guys do not date woman before coming out but, others do not automatically suspect "gay" when a guy doesn't get married particularly if he has a dating history. Many guys who don't marry are still in a relationship with a woman. When I got married being suspected of being gay was nowhere on my list of reasons. I think the fact that you hold this view shows your cynicism towards marriage more than it does any realistic discription of its state.


And yes. I'm afraid even with the modification to your original post it is still outlandish.
 
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D_Holden_Maballs

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It may occur but it is absolutely a lot less prevalent than you seem to think. Most people get who for so have already established there ""straight" bona fides through their dating history. Not that I'm saying gay guys do not date woman before coming out but, others do not automatically suspect "gay" when a guy doesn't get married particularly if he has a dating history. Many guys who don't marry are still in a relationship with a woman. When I got married being suspected of being gay was nowhere on my list of reasons. I think the fact that you hold this view shows your cynicism towards marriage more than it does any realistic discription of its state.

I honestly have to agree with the latter part of your post. I have noticed on this site that it appears that a lot of gay guys tend to assume that other men (ESPECIALLY men on this penis site, lol) are either gay, or are homophobic. Or, at the very least, mindful of other's perceptions of their sexuality. Now, in no way am I saying that this is the case with all gay guys on here (or even the majority), because I am friends with probably about 40 or 50 gay guys on here, and I feel that almost none of them feel this way. I am just stating that this appears to be a reoccurring theme in posts and in chat.
 

AlphaMale

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I think the fact that you hold this view shows your cynicism towards marriage more than it does any realistic discription of its state.

And yes. I'm afraid even with the modification to your original post it is still outlandish.

LOL what @ the bolded statement? I briefly mentioned marriage, and in it's own context with the "for all the wrong reasons" statement. Relationships do not equal marriage and both gay and straight couples can get married anyway. If you check my numbers <- you will see that I'm both heterosexual and homosexual simultaneously. :wink: I'm just as "straight" as you are. I can, however, see both sides of the coin more clearly on this issue.

But since you did mention marriage, yeah it's even worse with that.

==

There are plenty of people out there who will agree with what I'm saying. Nothing I've said has been invalidated simply because there have been two dissenting opinions.
 
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people who are scared of doing something themselves will fear for others in that situation.
the world is full of people who are scared of being alone.
the world is also full of people in utterly shitty relationships because they are scared of being alone.
This, especially the first sentence!

There's been many occasions when I wish I'd listened to my own advice rather than other ppl's - usually would have worked out better.
 

monel

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LOL what @ the bolded statement? I briefly mentioned marriage, and in it's own context with the "for all the wrong reasons" statement. Relationships do not equal marriage and both gay and straight couples can get married anyway. If you check my numbers <- you will see that I'm both heterosexual and homosexual simultaneously. :wink: I'm just as "straight" as you are. I can, however, see both sides of the coin more clearly on this issue.

But since you did mention marriage, yeah it's even worse with that.

==

There are plenty of people out there who will agree with what I'm saying. Nothing I've said has been invalidated simply because there have been two dissenting opinions.

You are correct in that you never mentioned marriage but only "straight relationships". I incorrectly inferred marriage. However your statement is worse than I had originally thought in that it is an indictment of straight relationships of which married is only a part. As such not only do you have a cynical view of marriage but straight relationships in general . I don't question your "straightness" and regardless of how straight you are, you do hold straight relationships in contempt to some degree.
 

B_debonair87

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Secondly, be aware that MOST of the hot babes you are banging are actually in the market for real relationship, and be responsible in that you do not take advantage or hurt people, just to add notches to your bedpost.

the girls i bang have no problem being friends with benefits. theres nothing wrong with no-strings-attached sex or one night stands. sex is sex.

Third of all... I hate to break it to you, but if you think brief encounters with girls who are strangers is hot sex... then you have a lot to learn. Novelty and Variety can be fun...but it is very seldom really great sex... nowhere near the level of sexual heat that can develop between a couple well matched, who have a year or two of experience with each other, who know each others bodies and fantasies and actively employ that knowledge to pleasure a partner they feel deep attachment to.
no i prefer sex.......not 'making love'. and most married couples or those in long term relationships tend to have less sex than when a couple first starts dating. i'm not one for all that 'spiritual connection' nonsense during sex.

Forthly; Right now you are young and healthy and having a good time.... but that will change. You will get older, your ambitions will get scaled back to the reality of what your talents, and outside circumstances and time allow, and you will find out that there is far more to life than indulging yourself. Be prepared for change, and recognize that there will probably come a time when your wild bachelor life becomes wearing... The key to a really satisfying life is to be able to realize when letting go of something is actually growth.
indulging myself is what matters the most. i'm young therefore I have a right to be selfish and I should want the six-figure salary and the big house and the cars and the trips to the greek isles. i'm not saying i don't want to get married, i'm saying its not in my plans right now nor something i'm thinking about because my happiness comes first.

And lastly... If you think being a bachelor improves your chances for success, you are quite simply, wrong.
Married men, or men in settled long term relationships outperform single men in every aspect of success.

This is largely because of the time, energy, attention, and money that single men spend finding and getting woman after woman.
Also because having two incomes, and two people to share the load of living expenses, chores, and goals is simply more efficient and brings greater resources to bear on attainment.

Personnel managers know this from statistics. Married men get more and better promotions because they are done playing and ready to buckle down, and they have the emotional support and motivation to provide that only comes from having others depending upon you.
those researches done on the differences between single men and married men are dated and aren't very clear. they don't specify men who chose to be single, men who cant find anyone, men who have been divorced, and men who have been windowed.. it just states 'single' which is very broad when comparing to a man who is just titled as 'married'.

I work on wall street and the men around me who chose to be single (lawyers, brokers etc....) are living the life. the chase women, they take trips around the world, and they make their 6-figures or millions and live happy whereas the married men look older than they are, balding or have gray hair, stay after work late so they dont have to go home and deal with their wives and/or children.
 
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deleted3782

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people who are scared of doing something themselves will fear for others in that situation.
the world is full of people who are scared of being alone.
the world is also full of people in utterly shitty relationships because they are scared of being alone.

I have a lot to say on this topic, but you say it simply...which is best.

Many guys I know are in relationships not so much because they are scared, but they that is what is expected of them.

...and of course once you are in a straight relationship, many expect you to get married.

...and of course once you are married, many expect you to have kids.

...and once you have kids, many expect them to go to preschool.

You get the point.

Forge your own path, if you want. Its more difficult to go off the path...but perhaps more rewarding too.
 

Phil Ayesho

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Actually, they are not 'dated' they are recent, and they specifically chose confirmed bachelors to represent the 'non married' group.

You really might benefit from an actual cost analysis of how many hours and dollars you spend chasing sex...

And, yes... there are a handful of men who make ridiculous money on wall street... and if you are going to be a broker... maybe you will beat the odds...

But I know quite a few EX-wall streeters who were burned out and are now lonely and broke from living large and chasing paper and pussy...


but, you should absolutely do as you please and not let anyone pressure you... if you are not ready or interested in long term love, and the greater sense of fulfillment that comes from taking on committed relationships and the responsibility for raising the next generation of decent human beings, then you would probably suck at it or be miserable.

And that's no life.

Still and all... the men who OWN the brokerages, are mostly married, or have been... and they still live a damn good life.
 

Phil Ayesho

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people who are scared of doing something themselves will fear for others in that situation.
the world is full of people who are scared of being alone.
the world is also full of people in utterly shitty relationships because they are scared of being alone.

This is all true.

Some people are fine with being alone. Actually suited to it.
And some people are afraid of being alone.

But Most people, Dear Dolf, simply want to be with someone.

And wanting to be with someone, preferring that, is not the same as fearing loneliness.


And preferring to be alone is not always because of personal strength or being happy in oneself.

Some folks are alone because they fear having to think about the needs of anyone but themselves.
Some folks are alone simply because they can not stand other human beings.
Some are alone because they can not take the risk of being hurt, of losing love.

the world is not so much filled with people who are necessarily afraid of being alone...
but it is filled with folks who do not like being alone.

Wanting and yearning is not fear. Its desire.
 

AlphaMale

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You are correct in that you never mentioned marriage but only "straight relationships". I incorrectly inferred marriage. However your statement is worse than I had originally thought in that it is an indictment of straight relationships of which married is only a part. As such not only do you have a cynical view of marriage but straight relationships in general . I don't question your "straightness" and regardless of how straight you are, you do hold straight relationships in contempt to some degree.

Well I was analyzing a bigger issue as a whole, not myself or anyone personally... but if you want to analyze me personally that's fine. Everything you've said so far has been dead wrong.

I'm not indicting "straight relationships" as a whole. I'm indicting "fake straight relationships" and the people in them. I'm talking about relationships that exist for the wrong reason(s) (one of which could be to exude false heterosexuality). But all relationships are for the right reasons anyway... right?

I hold all phony relationships and people in contempt to the highest degree, regardless of them being "straight" or "gay". And there are a lot of them!

What's the break up/divorce rate again? I'm sorry I must be way off base here since all straight relationships are perfect. You're making it out to be like all people and relationships are butterflies and rainbows. Either you're that young, naive, or both.

Shame on me for pointing out a possible flaw in relationships and bringing any light to a possible negative side of them. :rolleyes:
 
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monel

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Well I was analyzing a bigger issue as a whole, not myself or anyone personally... but if you want to analyze me personally that's fine. Everything you've said so far has been dead wrong.

I'm not indicting "straight relationships" as a whole. I'm indicting "fake straight relationships" and the people in them. I'm talking about relationships that exist for the wrong reason(s) (one of which could be to exude false heterosexuality). But all relationships are for the right reasons anyway... right?

I hold all phony relationships and people in contempt to the highest degree, regardless of them being "straight" or "gay". And there are a lot of them!

What's the break up/divorce rate again? I'm sorry I just must be way off base here since all straight relationships are perfect. You're making it out to be like all people and relationships are butterflies and rainbows. Either you're young, naive, or both.

Shame on me for pointing out a possible flaw in relationships and bringing any light to a possible negative side of them. :rolleyes:

I am not trying to analyze you. Neither am I trying to be antagonistic. However, this explanation is not an accurate description of what you said or of what your were speaking. Your post concerned the "typical straight relationship" as such it is greatly over broad. As such it is wrong.

I never said, suggested nor do I believe that all straight relationships are perfect. Lord knows I am living proof of the contrary. Still the imperfection of straight relationships does not make your indictment true.

Finally, I am not young - well not too young anyway - or naive. And I am a lot more realistic than idealistic.
 

AlphaMale

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I am not trying to analyze you. Neither am I trying to be antagonistic. However, this explanation is not an accurate description of what you said or of what your were speaking. Your post concerned the "typical straight relationship" as such it is greatly over broad. As such it is wrong.

I never said, suggested nor do I believe that all straight relationships are perfect. Lord knows I am living proof of the contrary. Still the imperfection of straight relationships does not make your indictment true.

Finally, I am not young - well not too young anyway - or naive. And I am a lot more realistic than idealistic.

I think you misinterpreted what I originally typed (which I tried to explain a little better in later posts). I didn't say that was the "typical straight relationship". I said that was one of the typical "reasons" for wanting to be in a straight relationship. Implying that it is one of many reasons. Not implying that it is the only reason.

Are you honestly trying to tell me that you don't believe that there are any (or even very few) "straight" relationships out there where part of the reason the couple is in the relationship is to try to prove to their friends and family that they are indeed straight?

I think you just want what I'm saying to be wrong to justify something. Probably your own actions.
 
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BIGBULL29

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Well I was analyzing a bigger issue as a whole, not myself or anyone personally... but if you want to analyze me personally that's fine. Everything you've said so far has been dead wrong.

I'm not indicting "straight relationships" as a whole. I'm indicting "fake straight relationships" and the people in them. I'm talking about relationships that exist for the wrong reason(s) (one of which could be to exude false heterosexuality). But all relationships are for the right reasons anyway... right?

I hold all phony relationships and people in contempt to the highest degree, regardless of them being "straight" or "gay". And there are a lot of them!

What's the break up/divorce rate again? I'm sorry I must be way off base here since all straight relationships are perfect. You're making it out to be like all people and relationships are butterflies and rainbows. Either you're that young, naive, or both.

Shame on me for pointing out a possible flaw in relationships and bringing any light to a possible negative side of them. :rolleyes:


I got what you were saying from the get-go and completely agree (you've sufficiently clarified yourself now:smile::biggrin1:).
 

BIGBULL29

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@ the OP:

1) universalizing our wants and desires: people think that what "seems" to make them happy is exactly what you need (applies very much with making single folks feel that they need to be married and have children as it's what they "supposedly" really want for themselves)

2) cultural: we are taught growing up that we need to be married and have children with daily doses of reinforcement; and not just to be happy but to be considered "normal" (everything everyday tells us that we all need to get married and have babies)

I know from my own experience how hard it can be to listen solely to your own voice, but that is what you need to do if you want to get anywhere near happiness (the vast majority of people never find it as they're too busy listening to the world and to other people). And the longer you go listening to your own voice, the easier it will get: by age 45-50, you will be smiling and looking at the world as the biggest of fools after you've seen how right you will have been.


Best of luck!:smile:
 

monel

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Are you honestly trying to tell me that you don't believe that there are any (or even very few) "straight" relationships out there where part of the reason the couple is in the relationship is to try to prove to their friends and family that they are indeed straight?

I think you just want what I'm saying to be wrong to justify something. Probably your own actions.

No I am not trying to tell you that. I just believe it to be atypical. Neither do I care whether what you are saying is right or wrong. I just believe you are wrong. Finally my disagreement with you and what I believe about straight relationships is not held in order to justify any of my actions.
 

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No I am not trying to tell you that. I just believe it to be atypical. Neither do I care whether what you are saying is right or wrong. I just believe you are wrong. Finally my disagreement with you and what I believe about straight relationships is not held in order to justify any of my actions.

How atypical though? We're dealing in generalizations, but we're also talking about billions of people.
 

monel

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How atypical though? We're dealing in generalizations, but we're also talking about billions of people.

I believe very atypical. I dare say some people may get involved in a relationship so others don't think them gay but that would be a very small percentage of people. It is certainly not "the typical "straight" reason to be in a relationship" and it is absolutely not "the reason for most "straight" relationships nowadays." This is what you said. We may be speaking in generalities but that does not excuse gross exaggerations such as these. Please show me any credible evidence to support this contention and I will concede to your position.
 

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I believe very atypical. I dare say some people may get involved in a relationship so others don't think them gay but that would be a very small percentage of people. It is certainly not "the typical "straight" reason to be in a relationship" and it is absolutely not "the reason for most "straight" relationships nowadays." This is what you said. We may be speaking in generalities but that does not excuse gross exaggerations such as these. Please show me any credible evidence to support this contention and I will concede to your position.

I sense... bitterness in your post... are you sure... that you're not being cynical against married men... who have later come out and said they were gay and just got married to give the illusion that they were straight... because that lessens the power of being straight... :rolleyes:

(See I can post like you...)

==

Yes, my original post (which I clarified in detail in later posts) was a generalization, but it was not a gross exaggeration. There are organizations/groups dedicated to exactly what I've been talking about.

And people speak in generalizations all the time. Get over it. C'est la vie (as you put it). However, people making generalizations is apparently a touchy subject with you and why you went back to scrutinize the OP after there was a later clarification is beyond me. It really shows how hollow your argument is.

That being said, it's certainly not a one in a million occurrence as you would like to think it is and as you're implying. You just don't like it that I even put the possibility out there that it could be a lot more prevalent than you think. (Damnit, I can't put %200 straight next to my name...)

The bolded part holds true for exactly what you are saying as well. We're not going to get any scientific data or evidence on something like this and you know it. Doesn't mean it's not true. The fact that you're so concerned about it already proves that what I'm saying has some merit to it.

We'll just have to agree to disagree.
 
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