What's your opinion?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Rugbypup, Mar 23, 2011.

  1. Rugbypup

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,194
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    8 years ago I fell out with my then best friend.

    A long story short, I did it on purpose because of my immature understanding of my then self. I was selfish and vicious and totally uncalled for but made a lot of sense to me back then.

    Thing is, Ive missed him since then and thought about him from time to time, always fondly and regretfully of my actions toward him.

    Anyway, I saw him on facebook and am now torn as to whether I should add him and try and make contact with him again.

    Part of me knows if I were him, I wouldn't want to hear from me.

    Part of my thinks we might have both moved on so far in life it might be time to say hello.

    He's married now, settled and no doubt in a successfully career, where as my life hasn't been as accomplished in the last 8 years and is only now really starting to start.

    Part of me would like to apologise.

    Part of me wants my friendship back.

    Part of me fears, perhaps more than rightly, he still hates me.

    Is it just rose tinted glasses on a past mistake that should be left well alone?

    What should I do?
     
    #1 Rugbypup, Mar 23, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2011
  2. Joll

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Messages:
    14,523
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    723
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wales (GB)
    I'd send a speculative pm on facebook (rather than a friend request) - offering your apologies and asking if it would be ok to send a friend request. If he ignores you, then you probably have your answer - but you'll never know unless you give it a try. :)

    You may get a bit of a rant while he remembers any pain he went through at the time - but maybe enough water's passed under the bridge for a fresh start?

    Good luck, anyways. :)

    PS: Off topic, but Kiwi band 'The Naked and Famous' are cool. Just sayin. ;)
     
  3. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
    If it was me in your situation I think I might possibly send a friendly message to say "Hi, how have you been" (and not much else) on Facebook. If you get a reply from him then you could bring up your apology. If you don't hear anything back then I would leave it alone and move on.
     
  4. petetown

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    973
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    126
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cape Cod
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think Joll is right....go for it and understand that you may get rebuffed. But nothing ventured nothing gained.....good luck
     
  5. silvertriumph2

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,507
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2,088
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastcoast USA (NYC-Manhattan)
    Verified:
    Photo

    I am a big believer in never letting the sun set on an argument in the first place, but it never hurts to apologize...no mater how much time has passed. At least you will feel better and know that you tried and he knows....even if it means a full closure to
    the old friendship.
    Good Luck...I hope he is receptive and you can be friends again.
     
  6. nedly32

    nedly32 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2007
    Messages:
    84
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    syracuse ny
    you have grown as a person in 8 years .time to make amends and restart that freindship
     
  7. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    I think Joll's advice is the best in my opinion. I recently reconnected with an old dear friend on fb. I got the apology that I would have liked many years ago, but in the end it was not necessary because I learned that real friends were more important than old hurt feelings.
     
  8. D_Fizzy Cola Bottles

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2010
    Messages:
    286
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Keep it short. Don't go into too much detail about the "past." Maybe somewhere in your message just add a line to the effect of "I know some stuff happened but I just want to say hello." Something like that.

    Understand he might blow you off. So there's no sense sitting around thinking about writing to him and what he might do, etc. Just do it or don't do it.
     
  9. Contour

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2006
    Messages:
    227
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Verified:
    Photo
    Silly pup x. Do it. Love Wolf. :p
     
  10. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    First things first. PM and give the option of friends status later. But you will never know until you send that PM.
     
  11. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    14,610
    Likes Received:
    5
    I'd say take the risk, rugbypup.
    And if he rebuffs you, you can learn to accept it, which will be another stage in growing up.
    But he might be surprisingly open to resuming a friendship.
    (In your shoes, I would be uncertain, too. However, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Confront your fears.)
     
  12. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    8,104
    Likes Received:
    33
    To be honest, I've been in that situation, and I was the one that got hurt...
    In my situation it has been three years ago now with a best friend that I was friends with for 12 years.
    And if I'm honest, I'm still mad for what that friend did. I never had an explanation and it still gets me so angry. Even after three years.

    So... you can try to get connected again, but be warned, alot of anger can come or no answer or maybe a positive answer.
    Not everyone is like me, luckily. So good luck, glad you already realise what for answer you can expect.
    But nothing to lose.
     
  13. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    I've done this and gotten a positive response from every single person! Shockingly, even though I wasn't expecting it, I've also gotten apologies for old wounds, one of them the most beautifully written letters I've ever gotten in my entire life that changed the way I viewed a painful event from the past and let me look upon old memories with untainted feelings. I feel like he gave me good memories back again.

    Write him a message. If he doesn't respond then you've lost nothing. The risk sounds like it's worth it for you.
     
    #13 petite, Mar 27, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2011
  14. curious_angel

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2010
    Messages:
    1,094
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think you should contact him. As others have said: you have nothing to lose, and it could lead to a great friendship again.

    Petite makes a very good point (as usual :smile:). Even if he doesn't accept your friendship, then at least it may help him have different memories of the situation.

    Send him an apology, expressing your regret and ask to be his friend.

    Good luck.
     
  15. Mem

    Mem
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,087
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    You should apologize, regardless, if you know you did something wrong. Don't apologize only if he will be friendly with you. Some people hold grudges, sometimes what a person does will cause them to lose your trust and not allow them to be your friend again. Maybe he can forgive you, but if he can't forget and get over it it's his decision.
     
  16. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    Also, if you use that puppy avatar on your Facebook account, there's no way that he could refuse to forgive you or deny your friend request. I know it softens my heart.
     
    #16 petite, Mar 28, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2011
  17. Rugbypup

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,194
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Thank you all for your advice, I think the majority feel I should contact him.

    I have to admit, I'm afraid to do so but I'm giving it some serious thought.

    One thing I'm not sure about it whether it's him I miss or whether it's the idea of a close male friend I miss.

    I also can't help but feel the sense of inadequacy he made me feel when we were friends, he didn't do it on purpose but he was just natural a very high achiever with a very defined masculinity.

    It's confusing, I need to think carefully about this but rest assured good people, I'll let you know what happens.

    Thank you,

    Pup, x.
     
  18. tomjay122

    tomjay122 Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2010
    Messages:
    43
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cape Coral (FL, US)
    offer an genuine apology on facebook....and let him make the next move.....
     
  19. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    8,104
    Likes Received:
    33
    Give it a good thought, because things won't be as before, as you remember the close friendship.
    Most of the times you miss the whole bonding you have with someone and forget about all of the other details. Something to consider, because things have changed, especially in 8 years.

    And if you try, you'll get your answer either way. Good luck :)
     
  20. sleepiboi

    sleepiboi Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Messages:
    503
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington
    I agree with this because I've had this happen with people who I tried to see if things were ok between us, and it really takes care of things when you hit that send button. I mean, it's better to at least try then not to try.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted