When a woman initiates a conversation with you...

[rtg]

Hey guys... so I'm very shy and have trouble talking to men in real life. Lately I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk to men when the opportunity seems to present itself. I'd like your opinion on what you think when a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

Also the guys I've spoken to have seemed happy enough to speak to me. But I don't know if they are just being polite so I don't know how long to make the conversation go for... I'll generally just exit the conversation as I don't know what to do next.

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number or vice versa?

 

[chester 12]

No responses? I figured guys would jump at this one. I think most people are too afraid to get out of their comfort zones and just talk to someone. Then they usually go home sad and alone. Good for you for trying to break that, especially if your naturally shy. If somebody looks interesting to you, go say hi. You can dictate how long you want to talk. If a guy is interested, you should be able to tell easily by body language. And if not...so what? Move on.

I hope this might help

 

[Captain Elephant]

I'm not a great conversationalist, but I will remain engaged as long as it is engaging. My wife has the opposite affliction and will chew ones ear off regardless of their interest level.

I'd recommend you remain engaged until given a reason to conclude. If you find a man being comfortable with you and enthralled in your repartee you'll see the conversation taking on a life of its own. So just ride it until the end. You might find talk will cease but the conversation continues for a long long time.

 

[Geoffrey2_0]

If a guy listens to you at all he is interested--if he wasnt he would politely excuse himself . . .

 

[rtg]

No responses? I figured guys would jump at this one. I think most people are too afraid to get out of their comfort zones and just talk to someone. Then they usually go home sad and alone. Good for you for trying to break that, especially if your naturally shy. If somebody looks interesting to you, go say hi. You can dictate how long you want to talk. If a guy is interested, you should be able to tell easily by body language. And if not...so what? Move on.

I hope this might help

But i can't tell if he's interested that's why I'm asking... what kind of body language says he's interested? I just want to make sure I'm not leaving the conversation too early so then the guy thinks I'm disinterested.
Thanks for the reply

 

[rtg]

If a guy listens to you at all he is interested--if he wasnt he would politely excuse himself . . .

I was at a concert about a month ago and started talking to the guy next to me. We were talking for 5-10 minutes and he seemed happy enough to talk to me... but then he moved to go and sit next to some mates and that was that. Maybe he had a girlfriend, maybe it was cos I lived interstate and was just visiting, maybe he just wasn't interested.. he didn't even politely excuse himself, he just moved away! I wish I had the balls to ask why he did that lol

 

[chester 12]

He would lean in closer...smile more. Make more eye contact. Maybe look at your mouth more too while you talk. If he's interested, i think he'd let you know

 

[chester 12]

I hope it helps you a bit!

 

[rtg]

I hope it helps you a bit!

Thanks it does, I'll just have to try and notice. I've never been good at ready body language or other subtle cues to gauge interest

 

[chester 12]

I think once you see the subtleties, it gets easier to read the signs. Both if they are interested in you, and just talking to you.

 

[Haggard_Wisdom]

I always talk to anyone who approaches. Then again I have been backpacking around the world a couple of times so the social aspect of approaching strangers for conversation gets less daunting each time I'm in a new country knowing fuck all about anything apart from what Lonely Planet tells me.

Have you travelled much, rtg?

 

[TexanStar]

Hey guys... so I'm very shy and have trouble talking to men in real life. Lately I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk to men when the opportunity seems to present itself. I'd like your opinion on what you think when a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

^---

Not desperate. I grew up very outgoing within my circle of friends, but very shy and self conscious when around people I didn't know. Women who sought me out for conversation was always extremely flattering.

Also the guys I've spoken to have seemed happy enough to speak to me. But I don't know if they are just being polite so I don't know how long to make the conversation go for... I'll generally just exit the conversation as I don't know what to do next.

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number or vice versa?

I would say if you're trying to gauge how interested a guy is, letting him ask if you're available for some more conversation (Whether over dinner or coffee or whatever) would be a good way, but you can also ask if you're wanting to be mindful of those guys who might be shy themselves.

That said, all my relationships grew out of friendships. They were women who were in my circle of friends and it grew into something more serious. My experience with cold dating is more or less zero, so you might get better advice from others.

 

[rtg]

I always talk to anyone who approaches. Then again I have been backpacking around the world a couple of times so the social aspect of approaching strangers for conversation gets less daunting each time I'm in a new country knowing fuck all about anything apart from what Lonely Planet tells me.

Have you travelled much, rtg?

I've travelled a little bit but not too much. I don't have any interest in backpacking but i do want to go overseas again this year. The last place I went was NYC in September 2014. I tried to talk to ppl but ppl were mostly rude and disinterested... or we're just nice to me because they wanted a tip. The only nice ppl I met was a store owner of a souvenir shop and another Aussie couple. I was so glad to get back home after that.

 

[sangheili90]

I've travelled a little bit but not too much. I don't have any interest in backpacking but i do want to go overseas again this year. The last place I went was NYC in September 2014. I tried to talk to ppl but ppl were mostly rude and disinterested... or we're just nice to me because they wanted a tip. The only nice ppl I met was a store owner of a souvenir shop and another Aussie couple. I was so glad to get back home after that.

That's the norm for metropolitan America, so don't take that personally.

 

[rtg]

^---

Not desperate. I grew up very outgoing within my circle of friends, but very shy and self conscious when around people I didn't know. Women who sought me out for conversation was always extremely flattering.



I would say if you're trying to gauge how interested a guy is, letting him ask if you're available for some more conversation (Whether over dinner or coffee or whatever) would be a good way, but you can also ask if you're wanting to be mindful of those guys who might be shy themselves.

That said, all my relationships grew out of friendships. They were women who were in my circle of friends and it grew into something more serious. My experience with cold dating is more or less zero, so you might get better advice from others.

Thanks for your response. I'm not sure why you posted that video tho? Lol.

My conversations don't seem to even last long enough to get to the stage where either one of us would ask the other out for a coffee or to exchange numbers or something.

For example, last night I was watching a football game standing in front of these two guys who were sitting down (one who I thought was cute) and turned around and asked if I'm in the way... they both said no and made jokes about how short I am so I couldn't be in the way. I joined in on the joking. Then I went back to watching the game. I turned around again not long after and asked if they played for that club... and I made it known that I was only there with my dad (he was there for a ceremony to be honoured as a past player). Then I thought the conversation wasn't really going anywhere else so turned back around again. Then kinda turned around again to rest on the bench they were sitting at while typing a text message. But they didn't say anything else to me. Then my dad came over (he is so clueless lol) and after standing there for a bit we left to go elsewhere. What could I have done differently? I'm sure if the guys were interested they would have kept talking to me right?

 

[rtg]

That's the norm for metropolitan America, so don't take that personally.

Yeah I heard that. So knew not to take it too personally. Still didn't feel nice though... was the total opposite of Australia.

 

[Wave85]

@rtg - sorry for the late response. I find it hard to imagine that you have any problems attracting men. I don't think a woman initiating a conversation looks desperate. I think it is sexy if it is done the right way.

While a head on assault can work sometimes, generally I think a side attack is better. So the first skill is to become a good eavesdropper. Let someone see how interesting you are before you engage them directly in conversation. Listen to what is going on around you. Find a conversation that you think is interesting with a group you find interesting and work yourself into that conversation -"did you say..." If there is someone in that group that interests you go from participating in the conversation to asking directed questions - something in the conversation will have likely prompted some question. You will be able to tell from body language if the guy you have targeted is into the conversation or not. While all guys are different I agree that a strong tell is if the guy looks at your eyes and your mouth back and forth.

While I do think many men will be polite for a time, they will find a way to move on from the conversation if they are not interested. If you really are interested in them, you will not have a problem finding questions and follow on questions to ask them.

I don't think it is forward to say that you would really like to pick the conversation back up again and offer your number.

 

[rtg]

@rtg - sorry for the late response. I find it hard to imagine that you have any problems attracting men. I don't think a woman initiating a conversation looks desperate. I think it is sexy if it is done the right way.

While a head on assault can work sometimes, generally I think a side attack is better. So the first skill is to become a good eavesdropper. Let someone see how interesting you are before you engage them directly in conversation. Listen to what is going on around you. Find a conversation that you think is interesting with a group you find interesting and work yourself into that conversation -"did you say..." If there is someone in that group that interests you go from participating in the conversation to asking directed questions - something in the conversation will have likely prompted some question. You will be able to tell from body language if the guy you have targeted is into the conversation or not. While all guys are different I agree that a strong tell is if the guy looks at your eyes and your mouth back and forth.

While I do think many men will be polite for a time, they will find a way to move on from the conversation if they are not interested. If you really are interested in them, you will not have a problem finding questions and follow on questions to ask them.

I don't think it is forward to say that you would really like to pick the conversation back up again and offer your number.

Hey thanks for this.... I appreciate your response. I generally can't butt into conversations where there's a group of ppl due to my shyness. But when I have done that I feel like I'm just butting in and then they kinda continue their conversion... also I'm generally not anywhere where there's groups of guys around talking. Also, as I have social anxiety I just have trouble being around groups of ppl I don't know. So situations where there's only one to three guys works better for me.

And I have difficulty keeping a conversation flowing with anyone, even if I'm not interested in them... I honestly just can't think of things to say. I need the other ppl to kind of carry the conversation and then once I'm comfortable I get better.

It probably sounds like I'm making excuses but I've actually come a long way in terms of what I used to be... and I'm trying to improve. It's something I'm working on in my sessions with my psychologist too. I guess I'm just afraid of getting rejected if I put myself out there too much...

 

[Ed69]

Thanks for your response. I'm not sure why you posted that video tho? Lol.

My conversations don't seem to even last long enough to get to the stage where either one of us would ask the other out for a coffee or to exchange numbers or something.

For example, last night I was watching a football game standing in front of these two guys who were sitting down (one who I thought was cute) and turned around and asked if I'm in the way... they both said no and made jokes about how short I am so I couldn't be in the way. I joined in on the joking. Then I went back to watching the game. I turned around again not long after and asked if they played for that club... and I made it known that I was only there with my dad (he was there for a ceremony to be honoured as a past player). Then I thought the conversation wasn't really going anywhere else so turned back around again. Then kinda turned around again to rest on the bench they were sitting at while typing a text message. But they didn't say anything else to me. Then my dad came over (he is so clueless lol) and after standing there for a bit we left to go elsewhere. What could I have done differently? I'm sure if the guys were interested they would have kept talking to me right?

1)Put the phone away, a person playing on the phone does not want interaction.
2)Sit down on the bench next to the cute one, this lets him know you're interested.
I know it takes nerve to do it, but it does work.

 

[rtg]

1)Put the phone away, a person playing on the phone does not want interaction.
2)Sit down on the bench next to the cute one, this lets him know you're interested.
I know it takes nerve to do it, but it does work.

I was texting my mum.... and I had to do it cos my dad asked me to. That was the only time I used my phone. But I do make the conscious decision any other time to not be on it cos I know it looks bad. I kinda did use it as an excuse to turn around that way again though... so get your point.

There wasn't any room next to the guy on the bench. I don't think I have that much nerve atm either but I'll keep working on it.