When a woman initiates a conversation with you...

[Hatt_101]

Thanks for your reply if a woman started talking to a guy out of nowhere, wouldn't he just assume she's interested?

youre welcome. but ya more or less a guy will think that i woman is interested if she starts talking to him. the smallest action from a woman can make us think women are interested lol.

i know yo said you were shy but maybe the guy is as well and he doesnt want to push to hard and look like hes overly aggressive/eager. if you really want his number dont wait just ask for it, because the that will generally let him know you are interested. and he will most likely ask you out soon.

 

[twoton]

the smallest action from a woman can make us think women are interested lol.

Or, as I once heard a woman say, "Just because a girl says she likes your sweater doesn't mean she wants to go out with you."

I have never thought a woman is desperate if she started a conversation. To me, she's friendly, self-confident, and out-going.

For body language--I have no idea. What are we supposed to do? For me--but remember I've been married for 20+ years--for me, I don't consciously show interest. I think I kind of act on it without thinking about it. If I'm attracted to a woman who starts talking to me, I'll flirt with lighthearted humor.

As for Americans and being friendly, that probably depends a lot on where you are. Most of what I've read on the Internet is that European find Americans are too friendly. Maybe Australia is even friendlier than the U.S.? Pittsburghers have a reputation of being very outgoing and welcoming, especially to newcomers, because they (we) love to show off their (our) city. On the other hand, I've heard just the opposite about people in Pittsburgh, so who knows. I can tell you from firsthand experience that most of the rest of Pennsylvania is not particularly friendly.

Dallas, the one time I was there, was mind-blowingly friendly.

But it really depends on where you are.

 

[TexanStar]

I thought you were a woman.

Did you actually?

(You don't have to answer that, more of a rhetorical curiosity)

 

[rtg]

As I read through this thread my initial thoughts flipped.

First, go for it. Guys have no issue with a girl starting a conversation, I know I never have. In a bar or club, everyone's there to have fun and maybe meet someone. But as I went on reading, I realized it may have to do with your expectations of people. My recommendation is when going out, maybe bring a girlfriend or two to make yourself (yourselves) more approachable. Groups are easier to start a conversation with, and reduces that pressure. Body language definetly plays in, so be relaxed and be yourself. You might also put yourself in a situation for the guy to initiate a conversation as well, like walking up to the bar and maybe asking a guy who you'd like to approach and ask "hi, can you get the bartender's attention for me?" Most guys would jump at this one. It's purely innocent, and if he's not interested, you can move on.

As far as the conversation, sounds like you're working too hard. Let the convo flow both ways. The guy will take the lead in keeping it going if he wants. But make sure you keep him engaged, smiling, laughing at our dumb jokes, and eye contact. When it dies, that the signal people want to move on.

Most of of, make it fun, not a process. You might be over analyzing it. Good luck.

Thanks for the reply... I should have mentioned that all my single girlfriends live in places I no longer live. All my girlfriends here are married with babies so when I'm with them there's never any opportunity to meet men due to whatever activities we are doing. I'm working on building more friendships with single women but the shyness also extends there too.

I don't think I'm trying too hard... not sure why you think I am. My thought processes are obviously too much and I am aware of that, but when it comes to talking to men I'm generally keeping the conversations short and sweet so as not to appear desperate. If the guy isn't taking lead of the conversation then I'll move on. And I've only done this three times.... the first only a month ago.

 

[rtg]

@rtg - I only know you virtually but I find you very engaging, smart, fierce and funny in your posts here. While I get that you can "hide" here because it is ananymous you really have a lot to offer to any group.

Maybe if you find a friend who enjoys and is good at meeting new people and you go out and tag team with them a handful of times. Maybe that is how you put your toe in the water first, because I can tell you from what I know about you here that you would be very fun to run into and talk to.

I agree that if you are uncomfortable with yourself that will make others uncomfortable with you. So maybe it's baby steps at first, you don't have to get to where you are going in one step. Proud of you for going to therapy to work on yourself!!

Thank you for the compliments once ppl get to know me in real life they have a hard time believing I'm shy. I'm also exactly the same IRL as I am here. As I mentioned in my last comment I don't have anyone who I can do things with to meet men or other ppl in social situations

I'm hearing two different things?
1.conversation
2. wanting to be picked up?

1. on the conversation, I like guys, I work with guys, I'm comfortable with guys. guys are people---and I can talk to people, hell, I can talk to a post. for one---be normal.
2. being 'normal' you get to know each other--a little anyhow. once you know them, a little you can decide if maybe you want it to go farther. You're a woman---if you don't know how to send signals, flirt---hell, I dunno--practice.

Me---I just say so.

I'm not wanting to be "picked up" as in sex, a number of ppl here know that I'm currently celibate until I'm in a relationship.

I am practicing as I've mentioned throughout my comments here. And I've also mentioned that I have difficulty getting to the "getting to know you" stage.

You're also a woman, I posted in ask a man so I wouldn't receive judgement from women or comments about how they can talk to men better than me.

 

[twoton]

Thank you for the compliments once ppl get to know me in real life they have a hard time believing I'm shy. I'm also exactly the same IRL as I am here. As I mentioned in my last comment I don't have anyone who I can do things with to meet men or other ppl in social situations

I'm not wanting to be "picked up" as in sex, a number of ppl here know that I'm currently celibate until I'm in a relationship.

I am practicing as I've mentioned throughout my comments here. And I've also mentioned that I have difficulty getting to the "getting to know you" stage.

You're also a woman, I posted in ask a man so I wouldn't receive judgement from women or comments about how they can talk to men better than me.

Don't worry. She's not a woman to judge.

 

[rtg]

Don't worry. She's not a woman to judge.

Thanks. I find it frustrating when ppl don't understand how painful it is to be shy... one of my extremely extroverted guy friends at work was having a light argument with me about how being shy is all in your mind and it's easy to change. Yes I know it's in your mind but it's also who I am and changing something so big about yourself is difficult. But I'm trying... it just takes time.

 

[326807]

If that happened I would think the guy is a total creep and would not be engaging in conversation. I'm also sure your story is bullshit.

Hung_10 also felt compelled to pm me saying "don't be shy, I'm not" with a link to his gallery. There's always one..

As usual there's always one who can't laugh or enjoy .....

 

[rtg]

As usual there's always one who can't laugh or enjoy .....

There's 20 something other forums and thousands of other threads you could post your shit in. Just because I don't want to look at your dick or entertain your ridiculous comments about guys with hard ons or semis, doesn't mean I "can't laugh or enjoy" things in life. Grow up

 

[Hatt_101]

Thanks. I find it frustrating when ppl don't understand how painful it is to be shy... one of my extremely extroverted guy friends at work was having a light argument with me about how being shy is all in your mind and it's easy to change. Yes I know it's in your mind but it's also who I am and changing something so big about yourself is difficult. But I'm trying... it just takes time.

just remember that guys can be shy as well. He can seem loud or out going and extroverted but when it comes to women men change and even the most out going guy can be really show around women. kind of like the saying "theyre more afraid of you than you are of them" lol. and you being an attractive woman (im assuming from your display picture) most guys would not assume you were shy because of that

 

[rtg]

just remember that guys can be shy as well. He can seem loud or out going and extroverted but when it comes to women men change and even the most out going guy can be really show around women. kind of like the saying "theyre more afraid of you than you are of them" lol. and you being an attractive woman (im assuming from your display picture) most guys would not assume you were shy because of that

Thanks haha the saying "they're more afraid of you than you are of them" made me giggle as that's what we say about snakes here
I think I'm reasonably attractive, but more like the girl next door type. I don't go walking around in my underwear though but I do get what you mean, when I see an attractive guy I generally don't expect him to be shy because I assume he would know he is good looking and that he'd get plenty of attention from women. But as you've pointed out, it's likely the incorrect assumption to be making.

 

[rtg]

My psychologist asked me where some of the places are that I see good looking guys... I said mostly while I'm waiting for my coffee order on work days or on public transport. She said that I should go and initiate a conversation with a guy and I'm like what do I say? She said I can use the "so do you come here often?" Line. That made me cringe.... haha

 

[Jjz1109]

My psychologist asked me where some of the places are that I see good looking guys... I said mostly while I'm waiting for my coffee order on work days or on public transport. She said that I should go and initiate a conversation with a guy and I'm like what do I say? She said I can use the "so do you come here often?" Line. That made me cringe.... haha

Hopefully she was being sarchastic using the standard pick up line. Even that can laughingly be an ice breaker. That said, you might think through some other lines your eyes moe comfortbwle with until you overcome some of your shyness issues. Keep up the good work.

 

[rtg]

Hopefully she was being sarchastic using the standard pick up line. Even that can laughingly be an ice breaker. That said, you might think through some other lines your eyes moe comfortbwle with until you overcome some of your shyness issues. Keep up the good work.

Haha unfortunately she was being serious about that line! Yeah I'm working on thinking of ice breakers. Thank you

 

[Guy-jin]

Did you actually?

(You don't have to answer that, more of a rhetorical curiosity)

(No.)

 

[palakaorion]

I've been unavailable for nearly 40 years until recently. I have zero game. I'm also pathologically oblivious. I can't tell the difference between friendly conversation and flirting until way after the line has been crossed. I've always "guarded my heart" to avoid giving women the wrong idea.

Now that I'm considering re-entering the relationship world, I need to re-program.

RTG I wonder if you've unknowingly been chatting up men who consider themselves unavailable?

 

[Shackleford]

I'm trying to remember what is was like to be single so I can offer some worthwhile advice. Hmmm....

No, absolutely not would I have ever interpreted a lady initiating a conversation as her being desperate or otherwise troubled in any way. In fact, the confidence & friendliness expressed in her doing so would be a huge positive.

I like @Wave85 's advice about soaking things in and waiting for a somewhat favorable opportunity before making the move if it's someone you see regularly. If that's the case, though, just take advantage of being the woman. The beauty of being female is you can get things moving just by smiling or giving a basic acknowledgement of his existence like a simple, "Hi." Chances are, a guy sees or hears that, and he'll be like, "Whoa, she noticed me!" and do whatever he can to hold your attention from there. He'll be the one trying to find a way to start a conversation.

@Captain Elephant is on the money, too. Just let the conversation take care of itself once it starts. It'll naturally keep going if it's worthwhile, even if not in one sitting.

 

[rtg]

I've been unavailable for nearly 40 years until recently. I have zero game. I'm also pathologically oblivious. I can't tell the difference between friendly conversation and flirting until way after the line has been crossed. I've always "guarded my heart" to avoid giving women the wrong idea.

Now that I'm considering re-entering the relationship world, I need to re-program.

RTG I wonder if you've unknowingly been chatting up men who consider themselves unavailable?

Thanks for your reply....I probably have! I'm terrible at telling when someone is being nice vs flirting too (unless it's glaringly obvious). My game is also non existent.

 

[rtg]

I'm trying to remember what is was like to be single so I can offer some worthwhile advice. Hmmm....

No, absolutely not would I have ever interpreted a lady initiating a conversation as her being desperate or otherwise troubled in any way. In fact, the confidence & friendliness expressed in her doing so would be a huge positive.

I like @Wave85 's advice about soaking things in and waiting for a somewhat favorable opportunity before making the move if it's someone you see regularly. If that's the case, though, just take advantage of being the woman. The beauty of being female is you can get things moving just by smiling or giving a basic acknowledgement of his existence like a simple, "Hi." Chances are, a guy sees or hears that, and he'll be like, "Whoa, she noticed me!" and do whatever he can to hold your attention from there. He'll be the one trying to find a way to start a conversation.

@Captain Elephant is on the money, too. Just let the conversation take care of itself once it starts. It'll naturally keep going if it's worthwhile, even if not in one sitting.

Thanks for your advice and insight unfortunately I don't see any guys regularly who I'm interested in, it's all once offs.

There is this one cute guy at work who I've been chatting to every now and then and am not shy to say hello or have a conversation any with more... but after getting to know him a bit I've realised he's much too immature for me.

 

[MisterVIP]

Haha unfortunately she was being serious about that line! Yeah I'm working on thinking of ice breakers. Thank you

Icebreaker: Hi. What's your name?

You should try to make chit-chat at every opportunity. Don't expect each attempt to become a 5 minute conversation that can feel like an eternity, just drop one-liners here and there. If they bite, they bite, but keep it short. This works well if you're on the move anyway. Then when you're not necessarily on the go, you can add more to the convo.

When you're checking out at Coles or Woolies or wherever, no matter who is working the register, look at their name tag. If it's a unique name, that's an opportunity for a background question.

You should practice every time you HAVE to interact with people. That should make it a little easier when you WANT to.

Or you could try this: