When a woman initiates a conversation with you...

[rtg]

Icebreaker: Hi. What's your name?

You should try to make chit-chat at every opportunity. Don't expect each attempt to become a 5 minute conversation that can feel like an eternity, just drop one-liners here and there. If they bite, they bite, but keep it short. This works well if you're on the move anyway. Then when you're not necessarily on the go, you can add more to the convo.

When you're checking out at Coles or Woolies or wherever, no matter who is working the register, look at their name tag. If it's a unique name, that's an opportunity for a background question.

You should practice every time you HAVE to interact with people. That should make it a little easier when you WANT to.

Or you could try this:

Thanks for the advice I freaking hate chit chat Haha so try to avoid it as much as possible. But I do agree that doing it more will make it easier for those times that I want to do it! I'll work on it

Haha love that dumb and dumb clip too... I forgot about that!

 

[someperson]

But i can't tell if he's interested that's why I'm asking... what kind of body language says he's interested?

a boner..


if they touch you

 

[rtg]

a boner..

If he wants a slap in the face

*when I first read that I thought you meant touch me with his boner Haha

 

[Shackleford]

Thanks for your advice and insight unfortunately I don't see any guys regularly who I'm interested in, it's all once offs.

There is this one cute guy at work who I've been chatting to every now and then and am not shy to say hello or have a conversation any with more... but after getting to know him a bit I've realised he's much too immature for me.

Keeping it simple with a smile or a "Hi" still works with once offs. Wave's advice of scoping out the situation first is pretty limited to regular encounters, however.

 

[Ocine]

Hey guys... so I'm very shy and have trouble talking to men in real life. Lately I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk to men when the opportunity seems to present itself. I'd like your opinion on what you think when a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

Also the guys I've spoken to have seemed happy enough to speak to me. But I don't know if they are just being polite so I don't know how long to make the conversation go for... I'll generally just exit the conversation as I don't know what to do next.

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number or vice versa?

No im a shy guy too, its nice to see some women do the first step, since I rarely do it, If no girls come to talk to me I would be pretty fucked
And also, you feel like special if she decided to choose you and not ignoring you.
There was also this question on a french foruim, since usually its guys who come first talk to women, they was wondering what guys would think if they do the first step, so no, nothing weird or desepserate, its good

For the other things its a bit complicated and depends of men, Im not very good in english, and im sure you already had your answer s(4 pages )

 

[Beedie Tijii]

My only advise would be to not think too much about how to end the conversation appropriately. Just keep talking to someone as long as you're interested in what they have to say, and let it run its course. People will pick up on your body language when you're thinking about ending a conversation.

 

[HorsemanUK]

Hey guys... so I'm very shy and have trouble talking to men in real life. Lately I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk to men when the opportunity seems to present itself. I'd like your opinion on what you think when a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

Also the guys I've spoken to have seemed happy enough to speak to me. But I don't know if they are just being polite so I don't know how long to make the conversation go for... I'll generally just exit the conversation as I don't know what to do next.

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number or vice versa?

Guys are pretty simple souls and react well to women being direct and forward with them. If a guy is attracted to you and you initiate a conversation, he's very unlikely to cut you off and will most likely make small talk and flirt with you (unless the guy you are talking to is conically shy). Even if he's attracted to other women, generally men like female attention and wouldn't shun a woman's advances (unless there already in a committed realtionship, but I guess you are asking from the premise that the guy is known to be single). Men generally just get confused when women are overly subtle and expect us to read 'signals', unfortunately your singles are on a different wave length and tend to go way over our heads, which ends up in many situations as been misinterpreted as we are not interested (when really we are but you really just need to be less subtle with us).

Put it on a plate and we'll gobble it up, I don't think its ever crossed my mind 'wow she's desperate to talk to me' more often i'm thinking 'awesome, the sexy girl wants me'. The only situations which could turn sour, if you were initiating conversations with guys who were clearly attached and they were concerned conversation with you could be perceived as flirting. Which would jeopardise their realtionship if whispers got back to their partner (although to be fair a lot of guys really don't think things through in that detail in any case).

When you are talking, if the opportunity arises to ask something or steer the conversation into risque areas or make a suggestive or sexual remark/joke, then take it. That will defiantly let the guy know you're not just being polite or making small talk for the sake of it. Moreover, if you get confident enough to do so, don't be afraid to get a bit 'touchy feely' with the guy, that will defiantly get across big positive signals that you are very into them. It can be difficult to do so right off the bat but build up to that after you've got to know them a little bit from a few initial conversations.

 

[OlderNudistM]

well it's simple. Being yourself is super important. Let the conversation flow comfortably. if you feel like it is ending then end it, if not then prolong it with questions of interest and curiosity. There is nothing like being direct sometimes. The longer the conversation goes the more you know about the person and if they are interested especially when there plenty in common. Never hesitate to mention coffee or quick bite to eat, lunches etc.The phone number thing comes on its own/text or just a set planned date and time.
I'm not sure if whatever I wrote has been mentioned before/above but just have fun with any chat with anyone.

 

[gma26_4521]

Don't you just love the game of dating and creating some interest? Just for the record, a man has the same feelings when we start a conversation with a female! Honestly, if a woman starts a conversation with me, I enjoy it and chime in and introduce myself by name-you should do the same. If the guy is a complete knob, he will ignore you after a hello, and not reciprocate. If he doesn't excuse himself, when he leaves the conversation then he has no manners. A gentleman or woman, should simply say I'm with someone, excuse me. I enjoyed chatting. Or Im about to leave, excuse me-I enjoyed talking, etc etc. If they are interested, a man will ask for you number-I would. It is not a lifetime committment! But some men are bashful for many reasons and may be completely initimiidated by your approaching them. And you may take them by surprise so to speak. If they talk for a bit and things seem fine, ask them if they would be interested for a coffee or wine sometime? So long as you are interested. Men are very simple the one side brain thing you know! Don't take it personally if they seem like a dimwit socially. Move on. I enjoy women who are more open, conversations are interesting. I like learning about people. Not all men/women are like that. They automatically think someone is a predator/psycho or some shit if they talk with you.

And NYC/ east coast is a little put offish too. So don't take that personally. It is a very fast paced place. Enjoy the culture and sites.

 

[deleted994618]

Hey guys... so I'm very shy and have trouble talking to men in real life. Lately I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk to men when the opportunity seems to present itself. I'd like your opinion on what you think when a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

Also the guys I've spoken to have seemed happy enough to speak to me. But I don't know if they are just being polite so I don't know how long to make the conversation go for... I'll generally just exit the conversation as I don't know what to do next.

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number or vice versa?

Weirdly enough I feel in this social media world we live in now-a-days it has become more difficult to talk to members of the opposite sex sometimes.

The dance and balance between being too forward and too demur is a real struggle for women. For the most part men like to feel like the hunter so a woman who is too aggressive in her approach might throw a man off guard a bit but on the flip side being too coy can work against you as well. So what are you supposed to do? As corny as this sounds be yourself and do what feels natural, that way the guy who you attract is actually attracted to you in your natural state all flaws, quirks and all, instead of the calculating representative that we tend to put forth in order to play the mating game.

If he's the wrong guy he'll think you're too desperate but if he's the right guy he'll think your approach was perfect.

My humble 2 cents

 

[mako shark]

I like the woman that has enough self confidence to strike up a conversation with me.

 

[elvid]

When a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number or vice versa?

Just be yourself and be friendly. I don't think a woman is any way desperate when she initiates a conversation with me.

As for asking for a number, I would do something like this. Judge whether the conversation is going well or not - does he seem happy to be talking to you. Trust your judgment / gut feel. If he does, I would just be casual about it and, if the conversation has been going well, say something like, "Hey, you know it was really nice chatting to you - can I get your number? I 'd like to give you a call sometime." Remember, the worst that can happen is he says no.

 

[BetterFuture]

I'd like your opinion on what you think when a woman initiates a conversation with you... do you think she's desperate?

Desperate? Not at all. I'd think that she found something about me attractive and I'd be flattered. And I'd be thinking, I'd like to find out more about her.

seemed happy enough to speak to me. But I don't know if they are just being polite

Polite only lasts for a short time... if a guy keeps talking with you for 15 minutes, he's probably interested. Maybe to test things you could excuse yourself to go use the restroom... then when you come back let me see that you're back, but don't go back to talk with him right away... wait a couple of minutes and see if he comes to you. And even if he doesn't, swing by and say hi again and see if you can read how enthusiastic his response is.

If a guys interested, how do I know? And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number

How about this? Even if you're not sure what he's thinking, can you say something like, "I've got to get back to my friends, but I really liked talking with you... maybe we can talk again, would you like my number?". Hopefully the next thing is that you exchange numbers. But if not, there are plenty of men out there. Again, if a woman said this to me I'd be flattered and I'd be interested in finding out more about her to explore if this might go anywhere.

 

[dixmcgee]

What's with all the "New York is just like that" stuff? Hahaha

I love the idea of a woman chatting me up. Definitely not desperate, does the job of making me feel desired.

I'd say think about how you would show interest in someone, maybe that's what you should be looking for. And when wondering what to do, think about what you'd want from them if they were chatting you up.

Girls have a bad habit, I think, in the modern world of either being very shy in making the first move or making the first move and then still expecting the guy to be the forward one after that. If you're gonna hunt, hunt! Be a lioness!

 

[jrizzle2015]

Welcome to the life of a straight guy. We are talking and she is smiling, does she like me? Was that a polite laugh? Oh god, am I annoying her? She went to talk to other friends, does that mean she thinks I am boring???

Which is to say, that is all normal. It is tricky to figure these things out, so that is the good news. You aren't doing anything wrong. Sometimes people just don't click or that was just not a good time for that person. There are dozens of reasons why some one would not be vibing with you that have nothing to do with what you are doing right or doing wrong. Its raining, his dog is sick, he forgot to do laundry, he didn't shower today and is worrying if you think he smells bad.

So, keep doing what you are doing and get more comfortable with just talking to people. Also, try this out Rejection Therapy on rejectiontherapy.com/ It could help you get more comfortable just interacting with people.

Now, if you have the guts, you can always walk up to someone at a bar and just say "Hey, I saw you across the bar and you looked really handsome, cool, interesting, fun, etc." So they know you are interested. I bet you, some of those guys were thinking the same things as you "Hey, no way this chick is talking to me to flirt, she is just being nice. That kind of woman would never be interested in me" So think about things YOU can do to make clear that you are interested in more than just a friendly chat, that you are interested in actually flirting and the whole get numbers type stuff.

 

[boatnik]

All of the many successful relationships I have had with women have been initiated by the woman. I am approached a lot and am always genuine, honest, truthful and engaged and expect the same from the other person. If things click between us we usually both know and just let the course of conversation flow from there. If we don't quite jive, then we usually both know that as well and find some polite way to say goodbye.

Just be yourself and don't try too hard to make it work with someone. A genuine connection requires no work - it just happens naturally. There are many different types of people in the world - some you will connect with and some you won't. Don't think less of yourself if it doesn't work out - you just need to find someone on your wavelength. They are out there.

 

[rtg]

Welcome to the life of a straight guy. We are talking and she is smiling, does she like me? Was that a polite laugh? Oh god, am I annoying her? She went to talk to other friends, does that mean she thinks I am boring???

Which is to say, that is all normal. It is tricky to figure these things out, so that is the good news. You aren't doing anything wrong. Sometimes people just don't click or that was just not a good time for that person. There are dozens of reasons why some one would not be vibing with you that have nothing to do with what you are doing right or doing wrong. Its raining, his dog is sick, he forgot to do laundry, he didn't shower today and is worrying if you think he smells bad.

So, keep doing what you are doing and get more comfortable with just talking to people. Also, try this out Rejection Therapy on rejectiontherapy.com/ It could help you get more comfortable just interacting with people.

Now, if you have the guts, you can always walk up to someone at a bar and just say "Hey, I saw you across the bar and you looked really handsome, cool, interesting, fun, etc." So they know you are interested. I bet you, some of those guys were thinking the same things as you "Hey, no way this chick is talking to me to flirt, she is just being nice. That kind of woman would never be interested in me" So think about things YOU can do to make clear that you are interested in more than just a friendly chat, that you are interested in actually flirting and the whole get numbers type stuff.

Thanks, it never occurred to me that all those things might be going through a guys head. Thank you for your advice and for giving me another perspective

 

[DaisyDoesIt]

Sexual equality, hell! Women can get away with murder~! Guys are such horndogs, you can pick one up in about 30 seconds. I've goosed, grabbed, flashed and fondled total strangers---just for the hell of it---and done things with impunity that a guy could get arrested for.

 

[rtg]

Sexual equality, hell! Women can get away with murder~! Guys are such horndogs, you can pick one up in about 30 seconds. I've goosed, grabbed, flashed and fondled total strangers---just for the hell of it---and done things with impunity that a guy could get arrested for.

As I've previously said to you, I'm not looking to "pick up" a guy, nor am I looking to sexually assault one. Why are you posting in ask a man anyway? If I wanted a woman's opinion / judgement then I wouldn't have posted in this forum. You're giving women a bad name too... your post is the type of annoying post that men get torn apart for when commenting in a thread in Ask a Woman.

 

[halcyondays]

When a woman initiates a conversation with me...

I don't presume anything. I do watch for signals that she may be interested in more than just having a conversation.

Here are the ones I look for:

-lots of smiling
-lots of eye contact
-lots of conversation
-she touches or adjusts her hair, jewelry or clothes
-incidental touching of my hand, arm, shoulder, side
-her eyes running down my body
-persistent lingering presence--she does not want our encounter to end and lingers or re-initiates contact

The last is the most obvious. Women who are really interested insert themselves into my life over and over. This is especially true of introverted women who have trouble maintaining a conversation. They're not big talkers, which is fine, but end up hanging out a lot and finding excuses to do so.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to ask me out" is a phrase I've heard many times.

And how do I go to the next step of getting him to ask me for his number

This is the saddest part of your post: the expectation that men pursue women not the other way round.

My advice is to ask for a guy's number, especially in situations like a party or social gathering where you've just met and are not likely to meet ever again. If he becomes a pest you can always block his number.