When Are You No Longer "single"?

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286798

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At what point do you think you're no longer single? Is it when you're not interested in dating another person at the same time? After you've "defined the relationship"? When you're monogamous? Some further step?

I got a call from a guy I've known for almost 15 years to catch up. After misc. chit chat, he asked if I was single. My relationship had recently ended and I wasn't seeing anyone at all, so my answer was an easy yes. I asked him the same. He said he was, and went on to explain who he had dated over the past few years, how it had been a while since he'd had sex, etc. and that he'd like to go out. We had a number of texts back and forth, but no mention of getting together. I decided to ask if he would like to make plans for dinner this week, and he called... to explain that he was "kind of seeing" a girl and wanted to see where it would go. I reminded him that he said he was single and he said, "well, we haven't really talked about where we are yet, so I technically am single". The last time we had talked, I was just starting a relationship and was probably in the same spot, but I told him I had just started dating a guy. I'm frustrated that he wasn't forthcoming with me (we were super close about 12 years ago and have a lot of history) but it made me wonder when other guys view themselves as no longer "single?" What say you?
 
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marriedasian

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you're 100% straight but you mentioned "i had just started dating a guy"... i'm confused?

anyhow, to answer the question... until you make that decision to go exclusive with someone or some people, you are "single" in my book. single just means you're not tied to anyone or group of people. you can be dating and still be considered single.

if you want to make sure, just ask if people are single and dating. if so, then they're on the market and available for the picking. whether or not you like that scenario is up to you and you can always choose not to pursue that person.

i have a few buddies who hate this to no end. if they are just dating a girl then their expectation is that the girl better be only dating him and no one else until one party ends the dating relationship. makes zero sense to me about this sense of ownership however to each their own.

when my wife and i were dating back then, i told everyone i was single. if they would ask if i was dating, i would say yes, however i stood my ground and said i was single and available. it wasn't until i asked my wife (girlfriend then) to go exclusive did i start telling everyone i was in a relationship. we still fucked other people with consent however we were each other's support.
 

Hatt_101

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Always gotta read the profile Married Asian lool

I’d say you’re not single till you’re actually dating some one consistently in an actual relationship.

As for that guy maybe he said he was single because he didn’t expect you to ask him to dinner and he didn’t think his budding relationship was a thing yet.
 

cofrader

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no longer "single?"
For me when I think it’s when I passed 4 date and it’s looking good I don’t do parallel dating but I don’t think I would answer that before.
If a judge asked when I’m married. There is an idea that all must be the stud to service all and making himself available sounds good but when he realized this kinda seeing ment something more to hurt her retracted.
There are people that says on nail gets the other out so I guess there must be overlapping on those cases.
 
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palakaorion

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There are varying levels of single. Technically, anyone unmarried and not engaged. But there's dating around; seeing only one person but casually; seeing one person on a "steady" basis but no commitment; etc. Then there's the whole cohabiting thing, and the poly thing, and the "arrangement" thing.

Widowed people are technically single but maybe not emotionally available. Separated but not divorced people are technically married but may consider themselves available.

Labels give me tired head.
 
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Well, to keep it as simple as possible, in my point of view relationships are agreements. If my partner and I agree that we are committed to each other and if we both behave as such, then we are in a relationship.
 
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TexanStar

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At what point do you think you're no longer single? Is it when you're not interested in dating another person at the same time? After you've "defined the relationship"? When you're monogamous? Some further step?

I got a call from a guy I've known for almost 15 years to catch up. After misc. chit chat, he asked if I was single. My relationship had recently ended and I wasn't seeing anyone at all, so my answer was an easy yes. I asked him the same. He said he was, and went on to explain who he had dated over the past few years, how it had been a while since he'd had sex, etc. and that he'd like to go out. We had a number of texts back and forth, but no mention of getting together. I decided to ask if he would like to make plans for dinner this week, and he called... to explain that he was "kind of seeing" a girl and wanted to see where it would go. I reminded him that he said he was single and he said, "well, we haven't really talked about where we are yet, so I technically am single". The last time we had talked, I was just starting a relationship and was probably in the same spot, but I told him I had just started dating a guy. I'm frustrated that he wasn't forthcoming with me (we were super close about 12 years ago and have a lot of history) but it made me wonder when other guys view themselves as no longer "single?" What say you?

For me, if there's someone who I've recently kissed and will be kissing again, I'm not single :p

Doesn't mean that I'm in a full blown committed relationship, but it means I'm at least working towards one.
 
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deleted1547822

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Generally, what TexanStar said. If I've decided there's a possibility with someone else, I might casually date a different person but I'll restrict my physical behavior. My wife and I had a tumultuous start. We were somewhere in the process of getting back together (exploring the possibility). I dated a different girl a couple of times, and we were at the point of a physical relationship. The indications from her were absolutely unmistakable, at the end of the date when I took her home. I left hastily. It wouldn't have been fair to either of the women.

I get the "technically single" comment. That's just a statement of fact that means there isn't a mutual agreement.
 

TheRob

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for myself I'd say it's when you and someone are 'going steady' intentianlly only dating each other
if I take a girl out to dinner and have no idea if we will ever see each other again, I'm still single!