When Did You Become a Man?

[jcjb2002]

When I stopped blaming my parents and anyone else for any of my problems.

applause... maybe Ill get there someday

 

[Male Bonding etc]

My Grandfather sent me on a vision quest when I was 16. I spent several days saying prayers as I tied prayer flags together on a string. When I started my prayers, I was praying for child-like stuff (new video games, new bike, etc) but by the end of my prayers, I was praying for the health of my loved ones, for humility, for abundance, world peace. Things that really mattered.
My Grandfather took me to a spot on a mountain in the Black Hills of South Dakota and stripped me of my clothes. I stepped into my prayer circle with enough water to last 4 days and I was left alone for 4 days and 4 nights in the wilderness. I had no blanket or any shelter from the cold nights or hot days. I was to stay inside my prayer circle (5'X5') the entire time.
I had 4 days and nights to pray and think. I saw many forms of wildlife. I sang teepee songs and sweatlodge songs top past the time. I prayed until I cried and then laughed for joy.

On the morning after the 4th night, I got up and made my way down the mountain to sit in a sweatlodge and share any visions or experiences with the elders.

This was the most incredible experience of my life. I knew a change had happened. When I went up on the mountain, I was a boy. When I came down the mountain, I was a man.

I had been introduced to my animal spirit helpers and to this day (26 years later), when I have things happen in my life, I call on those spirits to help me make major decisions. My life has been blessed ever since. I walk with my head high and have never questioned my "being a man".

When I stopped blaming my parents and anyone else for any of my problems.

Skootavi describes one culture's rite of passage, and we seem to need something like that, even if it isn't exactly that same formula. Simcha describes what the rest of us perhaps have to use in lieu of those rites.

 

[Rugbypup]

Im still looking forward to the day when there's not a shadow of doubt in my mind that im a man as i still find myself feeling boyish about some things in life.

:-(

In fact i dont remember a right of passage in my life that ment i was formaly acknowledged as a man.

 

[earllogjam]

Well, my emotional parents died when I was 9. It was my dad's parents. We lived in the same town and I saw them almost every day. My dad went even more psycho when his mother died. I had to start doing a little of the emotional support. When I was 13, my bro was given a death sentence with cancer. My mom had to be gone a lot for him to get treatments. I had to step up to the plate and cook, clean, take care of the yard, keep everything running. All the while, my abusers had gotten worse. I went straight from childhood to adulthood. I didn't really have teen years to have fun or gradually change.

Hootie,

My childhood best friend had a similar experience to yours. His parents divorced by the time he was 10 or so, and his father was not in the picture at all. So he had to step up the the plate at 10 and become the man of the house so to speak. He really didn't have any teenage years becuase he had to help support the family as his mom didn't have a high paying job. I think he came out of it stronger, a more determined person and had an easier time when he got older because of all the experiences he has as a kid. He regrets not having a normal teen life but personally I don't think he missed out on much - especially as a gay man. I admire him a lot and have learned that sometimes bad situations are a blessing in disguise. He became a man without the help of a father.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Earl, you are a sweet tender soul. :kiss:
Unfortunately, we still have those holes in our heart we needed our dad to help fill. A guy really needs his dad to love him and affirm him. Otherwise, we are partially disconnected. I needed the teen years to transform me. I have trouble playing as an adult. It isn't always easy for me to just cut loose and have fun. I know deep inside that I am a good man. Emotionally, I am stronger than most.I have stood up for the oppressed and endured great hardship. I have a health problem as a result of the persecution. Yet, I would do it again. Still, I have a disconnected feeling inside. I needed my dad to tell me he was proud of me, and that he loved me. Neither one is ever going to happen. Even now, if I had contact with him, he would still be abusive to me.

 

[pdsover]

I feel like this happened to me in two stages.

Probably from the age of 13 I became the rock of the family and would take care of my nieces and nephews (much older siblings) which just came naturally. My father was to invested in religion or his own problems to be a father so I took over the role from a young age...I had to grow up quite quickly to help me deal with everyones problems and issues which I didn't mind doing but did take up most of my young adult years when I look back on it.

The second stage happened only in the last couple of years. I found my strengths and weaknesses, established my career and achieved some of my goals. I know who I am and where I want to be now and in the future which to me feels like becoming a man..the man thats me.

I guess I would define it as the point when you know who you are and feel comfortable with yourself.

 

[D_ohdarnit]

when my hot neighbor let me in her pants!

 

[Ethyl]

About 2 weeks ago.

Gender reassignment a la LPSG. Quite the success, i'd say. :biggrin1:

 

[D_Joseba_Guntertwat]

I think it was when I made love to a beautiful woman a few years ago, and realised that she was coming uncontrollably and was completely in awe of my thick penis just penetrating her.
I knew I was the man that night

 

[B_New End]

Ive been lost in a forest and got out, but dont feel like a man.
(captain of my orienteering team :tongue: )

I have never felt like a man.

I have saved a man from getting beat to death, but that still didn't make me feel like a man.

I've gotten in a police chase, and served time, but still feel like a kid.

I go out hiking alone, sometimes, and camp, but I still feel like a kid, looking for peace.

I get carded *every* time. I am told it will soon be a compliment, and it's getting there. Because of my looks, I will have bedraggled 25 year olds smoking a cigarette talk "down" to me.... (oh honey, one day you'll see that.... ) and I have to remind them I've been here longer.

I am guessing buying a house, or seeing a child of mine born might do it... but I dunno. :shrug:

 

[frizzle]

I've never actually felt like a man, but I guess I have the wisdom and the intellect of a man, but the maturity of a boy. Which I'm fine with really, but I don't have an exact pinpoint moment when I've grown up, just a long-winded time from being a preppy youngster to a cynical bastard.

 

[B_Swimming Lad]

I don't feel any different now to when I was a kid. Learning to drive made me feel quite manly i guess, but I don't really see myself as a man. I'm still scabbin off my parents for one thing! lol :biggrin1:

 

[viking1]

I don't really feel like a man. What makes one a man anyway? Still searching for that answer after all these years.

 

[kazooplayer]

While I think that tragedy and suffering can make you into a man, I think it can also have the opposite effect.

Without getting to into it, I can say I had my father contract cancer and move away from me when I was six, and my three best friends move away in the space of a year - one friend died when I was five or six, so they weren't the first encounter I had with loss. Growing up, I was a minority in school, and always felt the part - I had only violent relationships with my sister, constant fighting with my mom, and at about the age of 9 or 10, I - in large part - stopped going to school; I just refused to go.

When my dad died when I was twelve, in some ways, it was a relief because I could just let go of some childish belief that I'd somehow, someday, have him in my life again, but the relief just bred cynicism with the world, not a true understanding. Now mix in problems with alcohol starting as a teen, a bit of trouble with drugs, crashing my mom's car the first day I got my license, and all the pains of adolescence, and this is where I'm at - I've grown to understand my pain is unique to me, and I should honor and respect it, but truthfully, I don't; every time I try to analyze my life and come to grips with it, I think I'm a pussy who's never had real hardships, and that I should just be grateful I had a family at all growing up... I know I shouldn't try to hide from these things, but I think it might be easier to just run from them then it is to deal...

To answer the original question, I think I've always been, and am still, half-a-man.

 

[B_New End]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif] We're the middle children of history.... no purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.

~Fight Club movie, screenplay by Jim Uhls, directed by David Fincher, novel by Chuck Palahniuk


....and sometimes I cant help but think about that movie, when I come to this forum, and rememebr the introduction of Tyler Durden, working in the film room.

"A nice, fat, cock"
[/FONT]

 

[deleted3782]

My dad had a routine. He would come home from work, sit on the sofa, read the paper and drink his beer. He never strayed from this routine. Everything in the house revolved around his schedule...such as the dinner schedule. He also fell asleep easily. No matter, it still wasn't time to eat dinner until he was done with his beer.

One evening, I was hungry. "When can we go out to eat, dad?"

"Not till I'm done with the beer."

I left, came back 30 minutes later, and he was asleep. "Come on, dad, lets go..."

"Not done with my beer."

I left, came back 20 minutes later. He was alseep again, and his beer glass was still practically full. "Dad, come on, I'm hungry!"

"When you see that beer glass empty, then we will go eat dinner."

Without skipping a beat, I grabbed his glass of beer, and chugged the whole thing in one gulp. I slammed the empty glass down on the side table and said "Good, you're done, lets go."

My mom was in the room, she busted out laughing. He just looked at me, looked at his empty glass, and all he could do was laugh too. We then went to dinner.

That night, I became a man. I was 14. Never since have I held back from stating my opinions to anyone, and I stand by my actions...and also stand my ground. I think part of being a man, or being an adult, is being accountable for your actions (such as chugging your dad's beer), be willing to take the consequences, and being confident that what you are doing is the right thing to do.

 

[invisibleman]

I never really understand these types of questions. "When did you become a man?" I was born with a penis. I am a man. If we talk about criteria and credentials...via rites of passage...marriage to a woman...having children...I didn't get those things. I am not a rites of passage guy. I am not into women sexually...so no to tradition. Hehehe.

I want to be myself. I am going to fall short of other criteria for being whatever they think a man supposed to be. I guess I am a man who doesn't ask other guys "when did they become men?" when they have a penis.

 

[galaxus]

My dad had a routine. He would come home from work, sit on the sofa, read the paper and drink his beer. He never strayed from this routine. Everything in the house revolved around his schedule...such as the dinner schedule. He also fell asleep easily. No matter, it still wasn't time to eat dinner until he was done with his beer.

One evening, I was hungry. "When can we go out to eat, dad?"

"Not till I'm done with the beer."

I left, came back 30 minutes later, and he was asleep. "Come on, dad, lets go..."

"Not done with my beer."

I left, came back 20 minutes later. He was alseep again, and his beer glass was still practically full. "Dad, come on, I'm hungry!"

"When you see that beer glass empty, then we will go eat dinner."

Without skipping a beat, I grabbed his glass of beer, and chugged the whole thing in one gulp. I slammed the empty glass down on the side table and said "Good, you're done, lets go."

My mom was in the room, she busted out laughing. He just looked at me, looked at his empty glass, and all he could do was laugh too. We then went to dinner.

That night, I became a man. I was 14. Never since have I held back from stating my opinions to anyone, and I stand by my actions...and also stand my ground. I think part of being a man, or being an adult, is being accountable for your actions (such as chugging your dad's beer), be willing to take the consequences, and being confident that what you are doing is the right thing to do.

LOL thats a funny story! it should be in a movie!

 

[prince_will]

lol....i'm seriously starting to crush on exwhysee. haha! funny post!

 

[raraa]

the day my father died, i was thirteen, but i was seriously spoilt, in the next year , i had to change schools, appartment, car, everything, and that does take a toll on you regardless of anything.

also i had to work, when i was fourteen, so it was a bit of a wake up, but still deep inside i never grew up, i go to toys r us, and shit like that, because simply i can