I had a lot of feelings of being very different from other kids in a way I really couldn't explain when I was in elementary school. I grew up in a very small town in a rural area, so I had no real exposure to gay people. I do remember hearing about it some on the news when I was about 9 or 10 as the AIDS epidemic was first making news. I didn't understand what the words "AIDS" or "homosexual" meant, but somehow deep inside I had this feeling that it somehow applied to me. As I got older, I never could understand why I didn't seem to have the feelings about girls that the other guys my age were experiencing and always talking about. At first I chalked it up to being a late bloomer, which I was. I started to question whether I might be gay when I was in high school when I noticed that I couldn't keep my eyes off the cuter guys in our school. I realized I looked at them the same way the girls did and it started to click. Unfortunately, it took many years before I was able to finally admit it to myself and learn to accept who I was. I finally started to come out when I was 24, and had my first relationship with another guy about a year later.
Had I grown up in a family that was less uptight about talking about sex, or in a larger, more liberal community, it probably would have been a lot easier. However, I did eventually grow to appreciate, and love this aspect of who I am, and am generally a pretty happy and comfortable guy. I'm still single, and while I'd love to have a life partner to come home to, and maybe adopt a child or two with him and raise a family, the fact that I don't have those things yet doesn't keep me up at night worrying about it. I have faith the right guy will come along at the right time. Until then, I'm just happy being me, and enjoying the relationships I have with friends, plus the occassional friend with benefits. And when I look at all the kids I grew up with that taunted and teased me because I was different and didn't fit in, I can't help but pity them. My life is so much more exciting, and rich, than so many of theirs. I moved on, while they mostly stayed in our hometown. I've traveled all over the world, have an incredible career, and have experienced so many things. I'm not sure I would have had all of that had I been a straight country boy like most of them (not that there's anything wrong with that). It's just that being gay was, in part, one of the things that kept me focused on school and getting myself to a better position in life.