When did you learn basic logic? (in relationships)

[AlteredEgo]

As a young girl, I had low self-esteem. I put up with a lot of shit because I figured adulthood would magically turn everyone into decent people. I had tons of bullies, and the bullying only reinforced my own negative self-talk. Still, I endured by telling myself that adults didn't bully each other, and that I was strong enough to hang on until adulthood. That thinking (literally) pulled me from the ledge a few times. Then, at my summer job the year I was 17, a 30-something year old woman (my boss's wife, who was lateral to me on the chain of command) was bullying me. In the course of performing my duties (by the book) I had to deny her underling a request, and she came to a staff meeting to physically bully me into acquiescing. She broke the paradigm that had kept me alive. I responded by making a (nearly successful) attempt on her life in a room full of witnesses.

I learned that I am willing to murder people, and capable of acting on that will. So. A lot had to change about my mindset, and the way I lived in order to remain civilized and decent. I wasn't strangling her because she hurt me, and frightened me. I was strangling her because I never made anyone accountable for their actions against me.

From then on I decided that I was worthy of respect, and that no one could lay their hands on me without painful repercussions. I decided I deserved to be treated by a person as I treated them, and when my feelings are hurt, or I am angry, jealous, or frightened, I must make this immediately known, and resolve those feelings as soon as possible. I learned to treat myself better, and insist that others treat me well also. It didn't happen overnight; I was sexually assaulted that summer, by another co-worker, and I never told anyone who could do anything to protect me. I stay away from events he might attend. I do not forgive him. I am capable of doing something violent to him.

As a direct result of getting to those conclusions, and learning to treat myself better, I have never tolerated inequality and abuse in my relationships, including relationships with friends, family, and lovers. This keeps us all safer, and happier. Unless I am thinking about the dude who raped me, or the dude who assaulted me, I don't think I have any violent urges strong enough to act on. Unless you want to count the fact that I punch (with the side of my fist) anyone who tickles me, but I always warn them a few times first.

Anyway, because of this, I have never been in a stupid relationship. That's why the vast majority of my exes are friends.

 

[Daichii]

Yeah, cause you know at 41 years old I might as well have one foot in the grave.

Whoa whoa whoa. I'm 27 and disagree with this sir.

Your still a young'n :smile:

 

[poultrygeist]

As a young girl, I had low self-esteem. I put up with a lot of shit because I figured adulthood would magically turn everyone into decent people. I had tons of bullies, and the bullying only reinforced my own negative self-talk. Still, I endured by telling myself that adults didn't bully each other, and that I was strong enough to hang on until adulthood. That thinking (literally) pulled me from the ledge a few times. Then, at my summer job the year I was 17, a 30-something year old woman (my boss's wife, who was lateral to me on the chain of command) was bullying me. In the course of performing my duties (by the book) I had to deny her underling a request, and she came to a staff meeting to physically bully me into acquiescing. She broke the paradigm that had kept me alive. I responded by making a (nearly successful) attempt on her life in a room full of witnesses.

I learned that I am willing to murder people, and capable of acting on that will. So. A lot had to change about my mindset, and the way I lived in order to remain civilized and decent. I wasn't strangling her because she hurt me, and frightened me. I was strangling her because I never made anyone accountable for their actions against me.

From then on I decided that I was worthy of respect, and that no one could lay their hands on me without painful repercussions. I decided I deserved to be treated by a person as I treated them, and when my feelings are hurt, or I am angry, jealous, or frightened, I must make this immediately known, and resolve those feelings as soon as possible. I learned to treat myself better, and insist that others treat me well also. It didn't happen overnight; I was sexually assaulted that summer, by another co-worker, and I never told anyone who could do anything to protect me. I stay away from events he might attend. I do not forgive him. I am capable of doing something violent to him.

As a direct result of getting to those conclusions, and learning to treat myself better, I have never tolerated inequality and abuse in my relationships, including relationships with friends, family, and lovers. This keeps us all safer, and happier. Unless I am thinking about the dude who raped me, or the dude who assaulted me, I don't think I have any violent urges strong enough to act on. Unless you want to count the fact that I punch (with the side of my fist) anyone who tickles me, but I always warn them a few times first.

Anyway, because of this, I have never been in a stupid relationship. That's why the vast majority of my exes are friends.

You're awesome!!! There is simply nothing better than hearing about bullies and scumbags get their asses handed to them.

 

[EllieP]

It was 20 for me. I married my high school sweetheart, except that he wasn't a sweetheart. I was basically looking for a sperm donor because I wanted to be a mom so badly. He was convenient, I guess, and I thought I loved him. I never once saw a downside to getting married barely 18. Having a baby before 19, and being a single mom at 20. Then I saw the downside.

Yes, I thought I wasn't good enough for anybody else either. He planted that seed deeply in my head. So glad to get that asshole out of there.

 

[Incocknito]

Ugh, I've already divorced once and still don't see the forest for the trees sometimes.

Relationships are complicated and the unfortunate bit is that once you're in one, all the stupid things that are immediately apparent from the 3rd person perspective are nigh invisible.... it's like some fancy cloaking device that either glazes over the bad things enough to see you on to happier days... or slaps you in the face and ties you to the train tracks to get smooshed. :banghead2:

For realz? If I was married to you I'd never divorce you! Of course I'd never marry you either, cos I'm not into that. But you know, you seem cool.

What people need to do is separate themselves from their partner. A lot of women (and men) centre their lives around other people. This usually happens quickly too.

You women need to slow down and scope a guy out, follow his daily routine, hire a private investigator. And just be cool. Be aware of what you're getting yourself into (and what's getting into you).

I mean it's nice to have a woman who cooks for you, buys you things and sucks your dick whenever you ask (and sometimes when you don't). But that same woman texting a million times a day and ringing unannounced (!) is annoying.

I have my own life and times when I can't be contacted because I'm busy doing "my thing", women need to have their own lives too. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all.

If you keep two dogs locked up in a room long enough they'll get frustrated and fight. It's the same with humans (men and women). Except in humans the woman will nag you "can we go out?", "will you wash up?" if you're sat on the couch all day. But if you're not there, you can avoid all that.

And the woman can get on with the things that truly make her happy: cleaning, cooking and bitching to her girlfriends

But pour vrai, everyone is different and people learn at different rates, some people don't learn at all.

 

[D_Dierks Bentwilly]

My Dad only spoke to me once about relationships. He told me, "Son, happy wife; happy life." My Dad is no push over, but he has definitely learned how to take his ego out of most situations. He doesn't lose his cool and he really tries to see everything from the other person's point of view. I think it is a good lesson for anyone in a long term relationship. Unfortunately I haven't quite nailed the whole 'ego-check' thing.

Also, I should add that my parents just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary.

 

[helgaleena]

That is a very sad story. The only reason I can think of for the 'friend Erin' to behave like this is if she has gotten preggo, and her hormones have hijacked her brain completely. This does happen. If the guy thinks it wasn't the right time he may resent her mortally. It is tragic but not unusual. :sad:

 

[B_crackoff]

Im from the cut your losses and move on while you have your youth camp myself so I just dont get it. It is way too fucking early in life to be worried about dying alone. That should be reserved for people in their 40's - 50's whose stock is likely rapidly declining.

Dude, you really have got to get over your age prejudice. It's like someone saying to you that if you can't hold onto a girl at your age it's because most other guys are better. :wink: , or me saying: give it time lad, you'll learn.:smile:

People whine about their relationships, but normally they aren't that bad. Exaggerations are common, & you really have no idea what life is like for them behind closed doors.

Why on earth are you listening to women talking about relationships anyway? Is it a plan to get into their pants, or their friend's soon, or a long term strategy to understand the female psyche for future gameplay? If it's the latter, it will never work, because people are a swarming mass of contradictions.

The only thing that you have identified, but misinterpreted, is that when it comes to relationships, many women just (sorry girls, no one on LPSG) go on & on about the same thing. It's cathartic as much as anything else.

You as most men would, think that something is wrong, & therefore there is a solution. This is nearly never the case with women. They just want to talk, someone to listen,get it out of their system, & possibly get a bit of sympathy or understanding. They do not want anything solved. I know that this is strange to most men, but there it is.

If you continue these types of conversations, you will hear the same thing over & over again, for your whole life, which is why most men don't talk to any woman about relationships, except their partner, & even then under great duress. Most men want to head for the hills when the woman in their life says "I think we should talk about our relationship"!I think it's something to do with our biological make up.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

Im just saying. Your stock is almost defintely lower than it was in your 20's unless you were a slacker and are now a successful businessman.

You couldn't be more wrong, Gecko.

 

[LaFemme]

You couldn't be more wrong, Gecko.

He measures our "stock" differently than we do. In his eyes, age diminishes and doesn't enhance. Reading glasses and paying less for car insurance are yucky old people things. Whatever.

Anyway, wisdom comes from making mistakes and hopefully learning from them. As mentioned earlier, you may not have the entire story - you could be listening to venting, hormonal releases or even just the rantings of a drama queen. Ultimately, it isn't up to you to come up with a solution. It is up to her to determine whether or not she wants to continue with the relationship. If it's a mistake, eventually she'll discover it, like millions of other women before her. No one gets a fairy tale, but some people do get a pretty good marriage if they put the work into it.

And then again, some people will never learn.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Why on earth are you listening to women talking about relationships anyway? Is it a plan to get into their pants

Been there done that got the tee shirt

You as most men would, think that something is wrong, & therefore there is a solution. This is nearly never the case with women. They just want to talk, someone to listen,get it out of their system, & possibly get a bit of sympathy or understanding. They do not want anything solved. I know that this is strange to most men, but there it is.

If you continue these types of conversations, you will hear the same thing over & over again, for your whole life, which is why most men don't talk to any woman about relationships, except their partner, & even then under great duress. Most men want to head for the hills when the woman in their life says "I think we should talk about our relationship"!I think it's something to do with our biological make up.

I see I see

He measures our "stock" differently than we do. In his eyes, age diminishes and doesn't enhance. Reading glasses and paying less for car insurance are yucky old people things. Whatever.

Well when your young you have potential. Most of your worth comes form people banking on that potential. When your older your bound to what you have already accomplished. People are more lenient about that with younger people because they have had less time to accomplish things.

Anyway, wisdom comes from making mistakes and hopefully learning from them. As mentioned earlier, you may not have the entire story - you could be listening to venting, hormonal releases or even just the rantings of a drama queen. Ultimately, it isn't up to you to come up with a solution. It is up to her to determine whether or not she wants to continue with the relationship. If it's a mistake, eventually she'll discover it, like millions of other women before her. No one gets a fairy tale, but some people do get a pretty good marriage if they put the work into it.

And then again, some people will never learn.

Hope so

 

[cece]

I believe insecurity and fear of the unknown can make a person behave irrationally, and are the main reasons people do not leave bad relationships. Unfortunately people often need to learn things the hard way, myself included. Although I've found a great partner am happy in my relationship, I would hardly call myself wise as I am still doing stupid shit and stumbling through life's lessons. We can never stop learning. I'm not sure what else one can do to get "wise". Maybe watching reruns of Oprah, Phil Donahue Show, Jerry Springfield Show and Dr.Phil might help! :biggrin1:

 

[D_PIOuiohIYGIY]

You live and you learn. I got out of a relationship a couple of weeks ago that ended real bad. When I was 21, he was my "White Knight" and saved me from a downward spiral... so in my instance, my heart was completely smitten but my mind was trying to tell my heart that something isn't right here. I lived with verbal abuse for 3 years before I finally got the courage to leave last month. My self-confidence is now gone because of him... so I guess I would say that this relationship really opened my eyes and made me learn a few things. But, like I said, you live and you learn... it's never easy.

 

[helgaleena]

Why on earth are you listening to women talking about relationships anyway? Is it a plan to get into their pants, or their friend's soon, or a long term strategy to understand the female psyche for future gameplay? If it's the latter, it will never work, because people are a swarming mass of contradictions.

Methinks crackoff is being too harsh about one of young Gecko's most endearing qualities, his ability to listen to anyone as a friend. And it is also one of crackoff's most repellent qualities, thinking that there is no possible reason to listen to what a female has to say unless it is ultimately to 'get into their pants.'

 

[B_crackoff]

Methinks crackoff is being too harsh about one of young Gecko's most endearing qualities, his ability to listen to anyone as a friend. And it is also one of crackoff's most repellent qualities, thinking that there is no possible reason to listen to what a female has to say unless it is ultimately to 'get into their pants.'

Well you've totally misread & misunderstood what I've written - again.

What I said was pretty balanced - & as Gecko was having difficulty understanding why young women in fresh relationships would be moaning about them so much, yet staying in them - I thought I'd give him a viewpoint that he may not have considered.

Men don't talk about relationships for the reason it's the same thing over & over again, & it never leads to a resolution. In general the catharsis for them is sport.

If I hadn't heard GFs go on & on & on about the same thing with their BFs, & heard the same thing from GFs GFs, I couldn't reach that opinion!

Any woman, & indeed any man, who goes on about their relationship to a male friend is a bore. It's usually another recycled story. 2 minutes of polite courtesy is enough for anyone.

Why you think women are restricted to relationship spiel is beyond me - most women I know are quite witty & clever, & have a kaleidoscopic range of topics with fascinating views & insight - that's far more interesting.:tongue:

 

[helgaleena]

Well you've totally misread & misunderstood what I've written - again.



Why you think women are restricted to relationship spiel is beyond me -

I did not say that. :banghead2:

 

[bigdog83]

coming from a guy, ive learned some women never learn. If a women has it at 25, she will have it when shes 40.

im 28.