When do you bring sex into a relationship?

[wallyj84]

I've recently started seeing someone new and I'm curious about when I should bring up the idea of us having sex.

Usually I have sex with someone by the third date, but I want to know what you guys think. Is that too short of a wait? Is it better to wait a while before having sex or does it not matter at all?

 

[B_subgirrl]

I've recently started seeing someone new and I'm curious about when I should bring up the idea of us having sex.

Usually I have sex with someone by the third date, but I want to know what you guys think. Is that too short of a wait? Is it better to wait a while before having sex or does it not matter at all?

I really don't think it matters at all when you have sex. I don't think you need to bring it up though. A few flirty hints here and there to show you are interested is a good thing, but I would find an actual discussion about it kind of strange.

I wish you the best of luck Wally.

And whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you think big penises are superior!

 

[601900]

I agree with subgirrl.It doesn't matter be it on the first,third or tenth date.

No two people are alike and just because you've waited for the third date before,it doesn't mean that you should this time.

Anyway,hope it all goes well for you.

 

[wallyj84]

I really don't think it matters at all when you have sex. I don't think you need to bring it up though. A few flirty hints here and there to show you are interested is a good thing, but I would find an actual discussion about it kind of strange.

I wish you the best of luck Wally.

And whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you think big penises are superior!

Regardless of what people might think, I don't bring that kind of thing up in normal conversation. It's just something that I think in private and bring up on the internet.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Regardless of what people might think, I don't bring that kind of thing up in normal conversation. It's just something that I think in private and bring up on the internet.

Good to hear :smile:. Hope all goes well for you :smile:

 

[helgaleena]

I can't give advice on this because it all depends on the person and your chemistry together. You are going to have to keep your senses wide open and play it as it lays. And good luck wishes from moi also.

 

[KTF40]

Ask her how important is sex to you in a relationship? Try to come across as sort of innocent and non-offensive when you ask it. Something like, "I don't mean to get too personal with you, but how important is sex to you in a relationship?" That will put sex in the discussion and then just go from there based on what she says. You can ask her whenever you feel like there is a connection and mutual interest, whether that's the first date or the third.

 

[Bbucko]

I think discussing sex in an abstract kind of way is perfectly appropriate any time in the early stages: it helps you to establish expectations (of variety, duration and frequency, not necessarily size) early on and can really help in determining compatibility.

I know it's just me (and not a rule of thumb, especially with straight relationships), but I'm not sure I'd continue to have much interest if sex didn't enter into the picture within the first, say, month or so. Though it's not a primary motivator in beginning a new relationship, it is a vital and integral part of it.

Also purely anecdotal (and within a gay context): the one person who held off past the third date before we had sex was a really bad lay: a really, really poor lover with minimal skills and little inclination to expand his horizons. This could well have no relation to what you're embarking upon, but it might.

 

[Stephenmass]

To answer your original question Wally, as "old advice" as this may sound, when it feels right.

 

[wallyj84]

To answer your original question Wally, as "old advice" as this may sound, when it feels right.

I've never cared for that kind of advice. As awkward as I am, nothing ever feels right to me.

Anyway, the situation has changed and we're most likely going to fuck the next time we meet. Now whether or not we will fuck again after that... I don't know.

 

[helgaleena]

I've never cared for that kind of advice. As awkward as I am, nothing ever feels right to me.

In that case, how about letting her make the first move? Keep imagining how she might start throwing herself at you, in lots of technicolor detail, and it may come to pass.

 

[wallyj84]

In that case, how about letting her make the first move? Keep imagining how she might start throwing herself at you, in lots of technicolor detail, and it may come to pass.

I can't imagine any situation where she might throw herself at me. At least not one that doesn't already involve me making the first move by inviting her back to my place or to a hotel.

 

[earllogjam]

Don't straight guys just start off necking and just go as far as the girl lets him?

I'd think if you haven't had intimate contact (2nd base) by the 3rd date I'm not sure the girl likes you that way.

 

[big_tits4big_dicks]

She will give you the signs that she is cool with it. If I'm not going to sleep with a guy as soon as his hand wandered down I would say where it would be ending that evening. But other playing could happen...

 

[helgaleena]

I can't imagine any situation where she might throw herself at me. At least not one that doesn't already involve me making the first move by inviting her back to my place or to a hotel.

If you are driving her somewhere, simply stop the car once you have arrived and instead of rushing out and around to open her door, give her the puppy eyes. I have had great sex in automobiles on the spur of the moment. But making out for a few dates first before getting that heavy in the car is perhaps more usual, statistically :tongue:

 

[B_subgirrl]

But making out for a few dates first before getting that heavy in the car is perhaps more usual, statistically :tongue:

Not with me :redface: