When do you call a man your "boyfriend"?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Jovial, Nov 30, 2008.

  1. Jovial

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    If you are just dating, nothing serious, do you still call him your boyfriend, or is it only after you are exclusive and it's a serious relationship?

    And if you are attracted to a man and tell him you have a boyfriend, does that mean you are not available at all or what?

    I ask because 3 girls I've met in the last year showed interest in me, but when I showed interest back (asking out, or actually going on a coffee date) they said they had a boyfriend. But in the weeks after they continued to be more friendly than I'd expect if they were not interested. Seems like mixed signals to me. When they say they have a boyfriend I take that to mean that it is something serious so I don't ask them out or flirt anymore.

    I'm thinking it's a mistake, but I haven't asked them for details about the boyfriends after they mentioned them. I just avoided the subject. I think I should be less shy about it. If they bring it up, then I should ask to find out how serious it is. (?)

    The advice I get from most women I've asked is that it means these girls are not available and I would be a douche bag to pursue them knowing they have a boyfriend. The advice I get from most men is that I should not care at all that they said they have boyfriends. The fact that they show interest and are friendly is enough to keep pursuing them, and it's likely they are not happy with their current boyfriend.

    So what do you think?
     
  2. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    Jov, if you weren't so smart, I'd think you were played. This is the oldest excuse around to keep guys on the d-low from getting too close. The best way to deal with them is to just make them choose.
     
  3. Jovial

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    I must not be too smart since I don't even understand what you wrote. :redface:

    I'm not sure how you mean I was played since I didn't really lose anything I think.

    And are you saying they wanted to be on the down-low and cheat on their boyfriends with me so I should keep it hush-hush if I get involved? They seemed like nice girls that wouldn't do that. :rolleyes:
     
  4. D_Landrocke DeLonguepiece III

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    In my book, until they have a ring on their finger, they are fair game.
     
  5. HazelGod

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    Girls with BF's are the best kind...already attached, already someone else's emotional responsibility.

    If she tells you she has a BF, and yet continues to respond well to your signals, then hit it. Unless, of course, you're looking to become emotionally entangled...in which case, you're on your own.
     
  6. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    I didn't word my post very well. I was in PM hell. I just think that there are alot of girls out that who are playing on two or more fields. They keep each guy at a distance by telling them that they are in a commitment. You need to especially be aware of girls who tell you that they are in a relationship after you've already gotten close; there's no reason why she couldn't have told you from the start.

    The first girl you told me about seems legit. Albeit, she should have told you from the start, but her relationship seemed real. The second girl is a real piece of work. You were definitely played there. Lesson learned! When she said, "Well... he's... around... sometimes," that was a huge red flag. As for the third girl, don't let yourself be her dirty little secret.

    With these kinds of girls, the solution is easy: just ask them to choose between you and this other guy--whether he's real or not. She might dump you, or she might dump the other guy(s) and choose you.

    I think that you should do one of three things:

    1. Use an online dating service. I know you might not think highly of them, but at least you know what to expect from the girl.

    2. Since you can't hook up with me, hook up with a coolio like DJG or nvc_btm down there who can introduce you to some nice girls.

    3. Come to Ottawa and I'll hook you up.
     
  7. Drifterwood

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    When your husband can't hear you.
     
  8. Jovial

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    Sorry, everyone. I had given some more details to rec3000 in PM.

    It's not like I had sex or even kissed any of these girls. It seems kind of hard to ask any of them to dump their boyfriends for me since they barely know me. I guess you mean I can date them, but before getting too involved (whatever that means) I can ask them to dump the other guy.

    I think I come across as the guy they want to fuck, but they don't think I'm boyfriend material. Of course, if they got to know me better and found that I'm not bad in bed either, then they'd change their mind. So I dabble with the idea of going for the sex just to get them to know me better and then possible getting them to dump the other guy for me later. (I'm not afraid of becoming emotionally attached before they do.)
     
  9. goodwood

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    Well Jovial -
    If i were in your situation (and i have been many times) i would pursue them until it became clear my advances were unwanted or welcomed. There is nothing to do but continue to get to know them and let them get to know you while making it clear that you are interested in more than a platonic way and let the chips fall where they may.
    Good luck and do keep us posted!
     
  10. Principessa

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    #1 - We've had this conversation before Jovial. :rolleyes: I don't know why you can't just take my word for it instead of seeking out people to agree with what you want to be true. :irked: :mad:

    #2 - Why are straight men answering this question, when it is clearly directed at straight women? :confused:

    #3 - Any woman that continues to flirt with you when she already has a boyfriend, will cheat on you just like she does him.

    #4 - Some girls are cheap and just want a free cappuccino or dinner. So they figure I'll go out with him, then tell him I have a bf.

    When do you call a man your "boyfriend"?

    When he is. :biggrin1: I dunno, you kinda just know. If there hasn't been an actual conversation about exclusivity, then there are tell tale signs.
    • You are sexually exclusive
    • He calls you his girl/woman
    • You have a standing date for Friday or Saturday night
    • His friends start complaining they never see him anymore
    • You know the password to his computer and the PIN# for his ATM card.
    • You've met his family
    • He talks about the future and you're in it
     
  11. Gillette

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    Holy invasive, Batman!

    Why would anyone share this?
     
  12. Principessa

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    I didn't ask for the info. It usually happend because they wanted me to do shopping for them when they were at work or otherwise indisposed. :rolleyes: I'm an honest person so it's not like I was going to go buy Jimmy Choo's with their grocery money. I guess they felt they had nothing to hide; and they knew I was trustworthy.
     
  13. StraightCock4Her

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    It's interesting you mention this Jovial. I've been having issues with a girl I've been interested in.. Similar situation but rather different in some ways.

    I'll have to make a post about it later.
     
  14. Jovial

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    That's possible, but if a woman is being satisfied then I'd think she would be less inclined to flirt with other men or cheat. So if the next boyfriend is better and more attentive, then he won't get cheated on.
     
  15. Principessa

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    Some women, (Southern women come to mind) just flirt all the time, with men from 8 to 80.

    Otherwise once a cheater, always a cheater.
     
  16. bigdog83

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    im in the same boat........really liked this girl, and i thought she really liked me. she also told me she did, held my hands, kissed me, etc. we even had sex every few days the first month. she kept saying she didnt know/what she wanted. i never told her i liked her, but anyway we agreed on fuck buddies with-in the first week we meet.

    long story short, after about a month she stops the sex, and im like hello we are suppose to be fuck buddies here.......i bring it up and for like the 3rd time she says she really likes me, doesnt know what she wants and still wants to have sex.

    we stop hanging out, just like once a week but still talk and text alot, its been 3 weeks since we had sex at this point.

    now a month later, id thought i would see what is up and ask her to hang out again, and well she said, she had to tell me she had a bf for 2 weeks now. and that she still wanted to be friends and she would hang out still.

    dunno if its the truth or if she's trying to make me jealous, but talk about being confusing:confused22: the whole time, i was sticking around because it felt like she wanted to change the FWB into something more. i should of knowned better when she stopped the sex to bounce, but i listened to her bs of her being raped and a very bad relationship for her, thinking she stopped the sex to make sure i was really there for her and wasnt going to hurt her.

    dumb me, lol.
     
  17. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

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    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    Your a boyfriend when she's not satisfied!
     
  18. Principessa

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    :wtf1: That makes no sense. :irked: :confused:
     
  19. SpoiledPrincess

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    As you say several girls Jovial I question whether you're misinterpreting their friendliness as flirting. Some of us see pleasant banter not as flirting but as a way of wheeling the social wheels, there isn't anything in it its just fun and people enjoy it. You don't mention kissing, hugging, just generic flirting so I'd put it down that you're not getting mixed signals, you're just misreading the ones you get.
     
  20. Honey123

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    This level of closeness is a serious long term relationship level for me. Maybe the first 4 would be boyfriend for me.

    I call someone a boyfriend if we are dating exclusively. I generally don't have sex with people I'm not dating exclusively (although I've considered it I can't seem to ever go through with it). If I'm talking with a girl friend I might refer to someone I'm dating (but not yet to boyfriend level) as my boyfriend conversationally for simplicity sake because I hate getting into that we've gone out three times and I really like him blah blah blah dialog.
    I agree, to a point. Some people flirt harmlessly, but think they are just being friendly. Others flirt because they want to have a little lovin on the side. There are times when people meet the right person and never cheat again. More often than not though, the people that cheat will do it again. I think it's because they have emotionally decided the relationship is over but they haven't followed through with the break up yet. That or they just think they need more than one lover.

    If a girl tells you that she has a boyfriend and then continues to flirt you really have three options:
    1. Confront her gently and tell her that she is giving you mixed signals.
    2. Put a bit of emotional and/or physical distance between you.
    3. Match her flirting with an equal level of flirtation and then take it up a notch and take her up on it.

    Oh, and I wanted to add... if I had a boyfriend and you were asking me out I'd be seriously tempted to dump the boy and go out with you ;)
     
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