This article was so stupid I just had to share it with y'all. :biggrin1:
Why A Woman Shouldnt Say I Love You First
If I have a daughter one day, among the many things Ill teach her will be how to tie her shoes, to look both ways before crossing the street, to never end a sentence with a preposition, and to always let the man say I love you first. Ill give her plenty of other relationship tips, too, like how its perfectly okay to ask a guy out, to make the first move, to even propose, but when it comes to the L word, the balls in the guys court. When this issue came up last week in my list of 30 things a woman shouldnt do before 30, it caused a bit of commotion. What is this, the Victorian era? wrote one commenter, if you truly love someone, tell them. Otherwise youre just playing outdated coquettish games. Another commenter put it more diplomatically: I dont think Ive ever said I love you first, but someone has to do it. Its okay to take a few risks. I appreciate both arguments and understand the sentiments behind them, but at the risk of having my feminist card revoked, I think its naïve for a woman to utter those three little words before a man does.
Unlike asking a man out, making a move on him, or even proposing, theres no action-based response to the first I love you. Its all words, its all emotion. In that moment, he either loves you back or he doesnt you only hear the black or white of a yes or no, not the grey of Well, I like you a whole lot and I could see myself falling in love with you, but Im just not quite there yet. And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, theyre usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level. So what happens if you get there first and you say it and hes not there yet? What happens when your I love you is met with a thank you, or worse, a dear-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before its even too far from the station.
If a woman asks a man out and he says no, at least she knows where she stands with him and she doesnt waste any time pining over someone who isnt interested. Same thing goes if she makes a move on him and shes rejected. If shes in a serious relationship one where the expression of love has been made clearly by both partners and shes eager to make a deeper commitment, theres nothing wrong with proposing. At the very least, itll start a conversation of where the relationship is headed so the woman can decide for herself if and how long shes willing to wait if man isnt interested in getting married yet. But an I love you uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isnt feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesnt get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.
I guess my advice to my future daughter would be this: If you love a man and want to have a long relationship with him, give him time to get there. If you think youve given him enough time and youre ready to move on if he doesnt feel the same way for you, then go ahead and tell him you love him. But only say those words if youre prepared to let him go. Then Id teach her how to make my famous chili and do a one-handed cartwheel.
Why A Woman Shouldnt Say I Love You First
If I have a daughter one day, among the many things Ill teach her will be how to tie her shoes, to look both ways before crossing the street, to never end a sentence with a preposition, and to always let the man say I love you first. Ill give her plenty of other relationship tips, too, like how its perfectly okay to ask a guy out, to make the first move, to even propose, but when it comes to the L word, the balls in the guys court. When this issue came up last week in my list of 30 things a woman shouldnt do before 30, it caused a bit of commotion. What is this, the Victorian era? wrote one commenter, if you truly love someone, tell them. Otherwise youre just playing outdated coquettish games. Another commenter put it more diplomatically: I dont think Ive ever said I love you first, but someone has to do it. Its okay to take a few risks. I appreciate both arguments and understand the sentiments behind them, but at the risk of having my feminist card revoked, I think its naïve for a woman to utter those three little words before a man does.
Unlike asking a man out, making a move on him, or even proposing, theres no action-based response to the first I love you. Its all words, its all emotion. In that moment, he either loves you back or he doesnt you only hear the black or white of a yes or no, not the grey of Well, I like you a whole lot and I could see myself falling in love with you, but Im just not quite there yet. And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, theyre usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level. So what happens if you get there first and you say it and hes not there yet? What happens when your I love you is met with a thank you, or worse, a dear-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before its even too far from the station.
If a woman asks a man out and he says no, at least she knows where she stands with him and she doesnt waste any time pining over someone who isnt interested. Same thing goes if she makes a move on him and shes rejected. If shes in a serious relationship one where the expression of love has been made clearly by both partners and shes eager to make a deeper commitment, theres nothing wrong with proposing. At the very least, itll start a conversation of where the relationship is headed so the woman can decide for herself if and how long shes willing to wait if man isnt interested in getting married yet. But an I love you uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isnt feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesnt get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.
I guess my advice to my future daughter would be this: If you love a man and want to have a long relationship with him, give him time to get there. If you think youve given him enough time and youre ready to move on if he doesnt feel the same way for you, then go ahead and tell him you love him. But only say those words if youre prepared to let him go. Then Id teach her how to make my famous chili and do a one-handed cartwheel.
I didn't care since I was happy with saying what I said which was what I felt. A few days later it started........She was telling me a hundred times a day she loved me, after a certain point I almost felt she was mocking me. When she broke up with me and told me she did love me but could not get over her ex boyfriend (who constantly left her nasty voicemails at all hours, vandalized her car and mine, broke down her apt door while she was not there and cut up all her cloths, puts holes in the walls, and broke the doors) I felt like a fool for ever being with someone so stupid. Next time I will keep my happy thoughts to myself.
