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Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Dec 22, 2009.
When does affection turn into clingyness and why is that a bad thing?
I'd say affection and clingyness are two totally different things. Affection is paying attention in both a physical and emotional way to your significant other. Clingyness is when one doesn't want to let the other person out of their sight, or, when out and about, has to be always touching their significant other. Clingy has a negative connotation because it implies (at least to me) that a person cannot function independently - they cannot enjoy activities alone or with other friends. They must always be included in their significant other's activities and social cirlcles - this becomes a burden for the one being clinged too.
Someone can be extremely affectionate without being clingy and someone can be extremely clingy without being affectionate (just needy).
Agree completely, I'd rather have crabs than a clingy GF.
When it turns into you, perhaps.
Couldn't it be rather the opposite in most cases? Clinginess turning into affection?
Clinginess seems to be one of the first stages of falling in love. Few people (except maybe the more mature) can skip it.
Clinginess is a very bad thing. It can ruin a relationship, more than jealousy. In fact, clinginess is much like jealousy in action. You can be jealous and keep those feelings for yourself, but if you are clingy, you act it out.
Clinginess is a signal of insecurity. It can change into affection, and it must, if this is to be a meaningful relationship, but it takes a lot of work on yourself.
Affection is good. If it turns into clinginess, that is a real loss.
These are just loose thoughts, ok?
You and me both!
There is nothing good about a clingy person in my opinion unless you
desperately need someone with no will to make you feel like you're "helping them" and you cannot fix anyone
no matter how in need they may seem to be.
Clingy and needy are people to avoid in any relationship.
It is just another word that means someone is insecure in themselves.
No, not me. :tongue: I'm an only child, there are times when I crave alone time. As a matter of fact, I have in the past attracted clingy men and wondered why. They didn't seem clingy in the begining.
I have this fantasy image in my mihd that they were holding on for dear life :biggrin1:
Then why are you asking why it's a bad thing? If it has happened to you and you're trying to avoid it, you already know why it's a bad thing.
They say on a first date all you should try to establish / determine is that you are happy and independent and so is the other person. If the other person being happy and independent is the first thing to determine before going further, then by definition clingyness is a deal killer. They are either jealous or insecure or emotionally needy and immature. What you want in a relationship is two high functioning adults. If someone doesn't have their act together as an individual, they won't have it together as one half of a couple.
Clingyness is when they are texting you non stop or calling you.
I think people turn clingy when they become attracted to you/emotionally involved. They become jealous and fearful of you being taken away, I think.
So to speak.
Affection is given freely to others. Neediness is about the self.
And how do you prporse doing this. I think I get closer to the truth by putting together a series of conversations and seeing what's consistent and what is not.
Surely, you're not going to get anywhere by asking, "Hey, are you cling?" "Who me, of course not." So what kinds of questions would you ask to test whether someone has clingy tendencies or not?
I should add, I despise clinginess myself. And I do guage how much a guy repsects my independence when we're dating. ie. Doesn't get pissed because I take day to return a phone call or an e-mail. I once had to ask, am I on your payroll that you feel justified to ask me this.
But what's even more insidious is that becuase clinginess is universally accepted as ugly and worse girly, a lot of men who are clingy will bend over backwards to hide it. Then that takes you in the realm of manipulative. A whole n'other thread.
When you find a better sex partner! That's usually the turning point.
affection: i love it when we cuddle.
clingy: I love it when we cuddle.
clingy is more about your needs than about mutuality. it's selfish and bloody irritating.
I should revise that to say when it turns in to being all about "you". :wink:
You just get a general sense of what kind of life they have. Do they have outside interests or are they so desperate to get a boyfriend/girlfriend that's all they focus on? Do they talk incessantly about exes and dating and married best friends and married siblings?? (And maybe babies ) If so, they are obsessed with coupledom. No need to have a 2nd date in my opinion. If on the other hand they have actual friends and one or more hobbies and are involved in community activities (from charities to homeowner associations to civic groups) then you get the sense that they have a social life outside of dating and might be a whole person and therefore someone you want to get to know better.
i wouldn't agree with that at all.
usually it's the people who need constant company & stimulation that get clingy.
imo people who are perfectly happy to be alone with themselves are less clingy.
i'm more wary of people who seem to fill their days right up to the brim.
I THINK THAT EVERY WANTS TO THINK THEY ARE INTERACTING WITH A WHOLE ADULT. nOT SOMEONE WHO IS AN EMOTIONAL BLACKHOLE WHO'S BAGGAGECREATES A VACUUM THAT NOTHING OR NO ONE CAN FILL. tHE IDEA OF BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSUMED CAN BE TERRIFYING. WHEN WE BARGAIN FROM A POINT OF NEED WE USUALLY DO NOT MAKE VERY VIABLE BARGAINS. mOST WANT TO HAVE A MELDING OF TWO DISTINCT INTERESTING LIVES IF BOTH ARE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY.
no need to shout!
lol! MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK.