When does something 'cross' the line between straight and gay?

JohnDoeXXXm

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It is only gay if someone else finds out. Hickboy, quit telling people what we do in the barn!

i like this answer... maybe 2 guys can just "have fun" but the minute there is a third guy around it's being judged by an external third party as gay-straight-etc. As many others have said, it's all labels and really doesn't matter to anyone but those who participate. The biggest issue seems to be a trustworthy group, or a 'safe' situation- specifically: a guy who is among a steady group of trusted friends, or in a group of strangers who he will never see again...

Society judges all these acts under umbrellas of activity done normally by straight men, or gay men, or BI men. Truth is, that's all constructs that are just meant to communicate the who what where, but not the WHY. Sexual motivation is just too layered and it really does fluctuate. Some guys have a very active libido which drives their demeanor- and they don't seem to have a 'filter' that hides their socio-erotic attitudes and actions. Other guys were raised to be very conservative, and watch thru windows. But in all of us is a constant throb of hardwired instincts and impulses, which we strive to use responsibly.

Histories, beliefs, experiences, parents, religion, coaches, and a host of other influencers all shape who we are sexually, and our partner(s), spouses, or close friend(s) can mirror those parts of our lives back to us. If you get a couple of people (same or different gender) who come to agreement and parity on what is socially 'acceptable' then trust develops within that defined life space. If anyone wants to venture out of these norms, due to boredom, curiosity, and growth- the "down low" behavior causes confusion, hurt, and throws everyone into a rage.

If couples, friends, and intimates would invest in their relationships by communicating, flirting, sharing risk and nurturing empathy, more safe space would spread and we wouldn't see all of the judgments flying around. Unfortunately this post is on LPSG and won't be seen by most men who surround us in stores, work water coolers, and diner bar stools. Most men limit themselves to doing just what their poker buddies would approve of, and maybe beat off in the shower to a hidden fantasy that likely includes a much wider buffet.
 

Smaccoms

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The more I learn about this conversation, the more I realize we are having the same conversations our ancestors did, just in a different situation. The details might be different, but the over-arching themes are the same. How do we define ourselves?? And how do our identities support the social structure we built and live in? As they say, the personal is political. I understand we want to focus on the details. Which God do you believe in? Which gender are you attracted to? But at the end of the day, these conversations revolve around one thing.

What does it mean to be alive on this planet? I mean, without society, we're just animals. A bunch of monkeys. If we can't define who we are, how we came to be who we are, and why we choose to be who we are...how can we claim to be the best this planet has to offer? How can we believe ourselves to be the ones pushing the potential of life on earth forward?? To help build a better planet earth??

The community I identify most with are earthlings. And we are not necessarily the best of that community. Such hubris is dangerous these days.

In the past on this forum, I was once like you. Earnest and eager to explore gender & sexuality, and their accompanying spectrums and/or identities. And I still see the value in that discussion But I've also slowly come to realize that as we move forward, as we enter a new revolutionary situation with the COVID-19. That conversation is quickly becoming the past. It's not the all important central discussion it once was.

In a world where spending time with more than one other person at the same time is dangerous to the stability of our entire species...what does it matter anymore?? We no longer have the luxury to judge one another over it.