When HIV POZ Guys Lie about their status...

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Sep 21, 2008.

  1. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    If you know you are HIV positive don't you think you have a moral imperative to practice safe sex. I have known more than a few guys who lied about being positive and I wonder if this is a common phenomenon among gay men.

    I wonder how many of these guys lie about their status to potential dates just to get laid. I guess it's the reason why we all need to practice safer sex. I wonder what goes thru these guys heads to rationalize their deceitful behavior. Is the other person not human to them?
     
  2. marleyisalegend

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    5,587
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    charlotte
    I think you're an idiot if you enter a sexual relationship assuming someone is going to be honest about their status. Sure, in an idealistic world they should be forthcoming about this, but in REALITY that's not the case. For that matter, lots of people don't even know their status so why risk it? Is a nut really worth that headache?
     
  3. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    Maybe they figure if the guy they're with is taking risks he will get it eventually from someone so it doesn't matter. Or the feeling of sex is just so powerful that they don't think logically.
     
  4. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
     
    #4 Principessa, Sep 21, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2008
  5. bklynbigballs

    bklynbigballs New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2004
    Messages:
    21
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    You say you know some guys who lie about being positive, but do you know they're having unsafe sex with other men who aren't positive?

    I grew up and became sexuality active during the eighties. Back then we were all told to practice safe sex with EVERYONE. There was no need to disclose or lie or tell the truth because you just had safe sex. Period. Now everyone is trying to second guess everyone else so that they don't have to use condoms. That's the problem, as far as I'm concerned.
     
  6. Mickactual

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,844
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    52
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Jersey (US)
    Absolutely. ...And to also disclose Your status to Your potential sexual partners.

    I'm sure it's often just that - selfishness. Maybe in other cases it's anger. ..And like Marley said, many people have it and don't even know.

    I feel very passionate about this issue. Failure to disclose poz status to a sexual partner (and this includes not only lying, but also conveniently neglecting to mention it) is probably the lowest thing one gay man can possibly do to another. It is, essentially, murder - and should be regarded as such both morally and legally.

    OK - rant over.
     
  7. Rowan Ravenseed

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Messages:
    500
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St Kilda East, Melbourne, Australia
    Verified:
    Photo
    I dont know about in the states but i do know that in Australia if you are positive and you have unprotected sex with a person without telling them first that you are positive you can be lawfully charged with reckless endangerment.

    I have had a few friends with H.I.V and as i have said to them....while it is understandable the complications being open with your partners can present it is your responsibility to divulge that information to them. If you fear predjudice (and sadly its a very real concern in the gay community) then you should perhaps consider carefully getting to know some-one before jumping in the sack with them.

    Some of my friends are quite open about thier status and have learned to grow a hard skin against the fuckwits in our community that would descriminate against HIV people and i applaud them for being so open becuase they are great role models for a sadly growing HIV sub community within the Gay community.

    Now in saying that.....be you Hetero or Homo .......If you are NEGATIVE...... always assume that untill you have seen tests to indicate otherwise that the person you are sleeping with is posative.

    One of my dearest friends contracted HIV from his ex partner of 5 years becuase he believed he could trust him and foolishly had unprotected sex with him.

    As a sexually active person whether your gay or straight you should make it your responsability to know eveything you can about the STI's out there and most especially HIV. Do not fear HIV becuase fear breeds ignorance and ignorance costs lives....... Aknowledge HIV as a part of the world.....understand it better and you increase your chances of not contracting it.
     
  8. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    This is a question and answer type question, and I only have a mini essay type answer, I want to sleep on it. (BTW) I'm Hiv-. Did you believe me just because I said so?
     
  9. bklynbigballs

    bklynbigballs New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2004
    Messages:
    21
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    No. Having unsafe sex with someone you've lied to about your positive status is the lowest. Just neglecting to mention your status isn't. I've slept with lots of men whose status I haven't known. If they fuck me, they use condoms. Period. Lots of people lie. Lots of people don't know. If I have sex with someone I barely know, I'm not having unsafe sex.

    The problem is that negative people think that positive people have the responsibility to not only answer truthfully, but to unilaterally disclose. And then positive people think that it's the negative person's responsibility to ask. Subsequently, a lot of people are having unsafe sex because they think there's this unspoken understanding that it's the other's party's responsibility to bring it up.

    Everyone should be having safe sex...with everyone else.
     
  10. nakedwally

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2006
    Messages:
    4,013
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    all over
    I can tell you the number one reason a lot of guys who are positive do not reveal their status, it is called the "fear of rejection" it is not easy as a positive guy getting rejected 12 times in three days time once I reveal my status, but I do believe in honesty and always reveal my status, but this does not make rejection any easier, discrimination against us who are POZ also may be another reason guys do not reveal their status. I have always been open about my status. In most cases when a POZ guy does not reveal their status it is because they are still insecure with who they are or they want to get revenge for being POZ by spreading HIV to as many people as possible, this is very sad but is true this is how some people think. Again I must say that if you are POZ be sure to reveal your status, I know from personal experience what it can be like having to reveal your status, But I always do and am open and honest.
     
  11. Mickactual

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,844
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    52
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Jersey (US)
    This is what I meant by "anger". And yes, it is very sad.
     
  12. amygdala

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2006
    Messages:
    372
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    nyc
    Verified:
    Photo
    The bottom line is, only you can protect yourself - and you can't really trust anyone you don't truly know. Just because someone tells you he's negative doesn't make it true, and it doesn't necessarily mean he's lying either (he may not know). Unless you're willing to watch someone get tested, wait for the results, then repeat 3 months later, making sure that he doesn't have sex with anyone else during that time, you're never really going to know for sure. Thus, you have to assume that the person you're having sex with is positive and protect yourself according to the level of risk you're willing to assume.
     
  13. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    But can't a condom break easily during sex which puts you at risk anyway if you don't know their status?
     
  14. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes, but one can't live in constant fear of the unknown. Otherwise you end up never having sex.

    Man up and ask the question and on your next date take him or her to a clinic where you can both be tested. If they hem and haw or say that's not necessary they are probably lying about their negative status and you should dump them. :cool:
     
  15. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Wally's very right I think.

    There is also something that happens when you're deep in the throes of horniness and you just kinda lose all sense. There's a hole, there's a cock and what ever might happen, just couldn't happen now. It'll be OK. Just this once. You'll be careful so there's no bleeding. You won't come in him. You're going to get off and it'll be hot just like in porn. You'll do the prophylaxis tomorrow. YOU JUST HAVE TO BREED THIS GUY NOW!!
     
  16. novice_btm

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2006
    Messages:
    18,199
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    861
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles (CA, US)
    Which is why I personally think that being honest counts. It allows me to make an informed decision. Granted, some people may not know that they're positive, and because of this, I don't care how much I trust someone, I still only play safely (it's just my thing). But if someone does know, I think it's only fair to divulge that, especially when bluntly asked.
     
  17. bklynbigballs

    bklynbigballs New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2004
    Messages:
    21
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Yes, but you can also get hit by a car while crossing the street. Or that person who has just told you is negative and gone home with you could be a serial killer. The amount of people who have contracted HIV from a broken condom is negligible.

    Plus HIV is no longer a death sentence. It's highly treatable.
     
  18. findfirefox

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,143
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    It's treatable but you still die sooner then you should have.

    It's still a death sentence, HIV does not equal Herpes.
     
  19. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Very glad you said that.

    And good to see you again FFF.:smile:
     
  20. Sklar

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    1,278
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    156
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington state
    I think it should be mandatory that an AIDS test be part of a physical. It should be no different than any other test: Mammography, High Blood Pressure, Chloresterol, etc...

    I have friends that are HIV + because some scum either lied about their status or never bothered to find out. If a person knowingly lies about their status, I personally feel that they should be brought up on attempted murder charges. But that's just me. I know I'm in the minority on that one.

    Sklar
     
Draft saved Draft deleted