When I Became A Woman

EllieP

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Mum and I were talking last night, and I mentioned my daughter's promotion, and how now she is really an independent woman.

Well Mum said she remembered the moment I realized I was a woman. As many of you know I grew up as a tomboy. My lifelong dream was to be a cowboy on my Dad's ranch.

I had reluctantly accompanied her to Neiman Marcus to buy clothes for me, but when we passed the perfume counter Mum stopped and the lady spritzed her wrist with a fragrance. And then the lady turned to me and asked if I would like some. I almost said no, but I figured why not.

Mum told me to rub my wrists together then smell. I loved it! I loved the smell, and I loved the fact that I was smelling like that!

She said that's the moment I became a woman.

She actually bought me a dress that I didn't object to! And I wore it without a fuss! She also bought me some perfume, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was.

Sorry guys, coitus does not turn us into women. It happens long before or long after that.

But I wondered if anyone else had similar experiences or when you realized that the switch had been flipped.

And please, stay within the rules, don't mention ages.
 

LaFemme

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I think it was when I argued with my dad over custody over my sister should he die. He had a super young girlfriend that he thought he was going to marry and was going to change his will and make this 23 year old guardian of my little sister. I put my foot down. Give that person the house, the cars, whatever - but my sister is mine. Period.

I think I felt like a woman for the first time. Grown up and mother bear like. I was an equal to my father and all others. I wasn’t a little girl anymore.
 

EllieP

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I think it was when I argued with my dad over custody over my sister should he die. He had a super young girlfriend that he thought he was going to marry and was going to change his will and make this 23 year old guardian of my little sister. I put my foot down. Give that person the house, the cars, whatever - but my sister is mine. Period.

I think I felt like a woman for the first time. Grown up and mother bear like. I was an equal to my father and all others. I wasn’t a little girl anymore.

Wow! I can't even imagine trying to best a parent at anything when I was younger. I always sought the sneaky route, but I understand that you had to do it that way. Were you always the dragon slayer or is this when you realized it?
 

LaFemme

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Wow! I can't even imagine trying to best a parent at anything when I was younger. I always sought the sneaky route, but I understand that you had to do it that way. Were you always the dragon slayer or is this when you realized it?
I had inklings. But this is when I realized it. I went up against the biggest dragon. I won, too. He never ended up marrying that girl, but he never ever brought up changing guardians again. No matter who he “fell in love” with. And he was in love a lot! :joy:

The thing is, I’m a very nice person. Truly, but no one should ever confuse my kindness or niceness for weakness. Not ever. I will take anybody on. I am no doormat, and I am fiercely protective. I don’t yell, don’t normally curse, but I have a spine of titanium.
 

EllieP

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I had inklings. But this is when I realized it. I went up against the biggest dragon. I won, too. He never ended up marrying that girl, but he never ever brought up changing guardians again. No matter who he “fell in love” with. And he was in love a lot! :joy:

The thing is, I’m a very nice person. Truly, but no one should ever confuse my kindness or niceness for weakness. Not ever. I will take anybody on. I am no doormat, and I am fiercely protective. I don’t yell, don’t normally curse, but I have a spine of titanium.

Would you feel weird if I told you I had a girl crush on you? ;)

I wasn't like that when I was younger, but I learned to act like the crippled bird to lure the fox away from the nest. Some people are easily fooled by sparkly things, too. I got some pretty good contracts that way.
 
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When I made the decision to place my offspring with an amazing couple in an open adoption. It wasn't about what was better for me, but what was going to give them the best possible life. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a year afterwards. It has been over a decade and it is still heavy on my heart as far as all the "what if" scenarios.

Still makes my heart hurt and want to cry, even now.
 

LaFemme

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When I made the decision to place my offspring with an amazing couple in an open adoption. It wasn't about what was better for me, but what was going to give them the best possible life. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a year afterwards. It has been over a decade and it is still heavy on my heart as far as all the "what if" scenarios.

Still makes my heart hurt and want to cry, even now.
That was an amazing decision. You have to know you did the right thing, sweetie.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I do know that. Unfortunately, it has never made me feel any better about the whole thing.

I won't try to make you feel better, because I realize that's something I'm incapable of doing.

I just want to let you know how much I respect you as a human being. No fucking bullshit.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I became a woman when I was in my partying, heavy drug using phase.

The first (but sadly not last) time I stopped a sexual assault at a party, I knew I was a full blown woman.

I put myself in harm's way to help innocent persons. No fucking regrets. (Well, I have regrets... Just not about what happened those times I fucked shit up to stop rapists from raping)
 
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Enid

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I think it was when I got my career job in the late 90s.

I spent 5 years in college getting a BFA in studio art (also math minor turned BA). I *floundered* after graduation. I had many jobs...ranging from photographer assistant, custom photo lab printing, substitute teach, bookshop coffee house, organic market, symphony season ticket sales, petshop, publishing house, gas station. And finally after 4 long years, I lucked into an interview at the local county community college. And I met a woman who became not only a boss and mentor, but a friend as well. She was the one who hired me, a European artist who went to art school in Switzerland studying under a protege of Fernand Leger. She's been retired about 5 years now. I absolutely can't imagine my life without her, or my current job, which is 2 titles above my starting position. (And she's the reason I have Bob!)

Besides all that, it was basically the time I grew the fuck up and started keeping a budget, being responsible, bought my first car, came into my own skin. I consider that time to be the time when I really became an adult person.
 

EllieP

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I think it was when I got my career job in the late 90s.

I spent 5 years in college getting a BFA in studio art (also math minor turned BA). I *floundered* after graduation. I had many jobs...ranging from photographer assistant, custom photo lab printing, substitute teach, bookshop coffee house, organic market, symphony season ticket sales, petshop, publishing house, gas station. And finally after 4 long years, I lucked into an interview at the local county community college. And I met a woman who became not only a boss and mentor, but a friend as well. She was the one who hired me, a European artist who went to art school in Switzerland studying under a protege of Fernand Leger. She's been retired about 5 years now. I absolutely can't imagine my life without her, or my current job, which is 2 titles above my starting position. (And she's the reason I have Bob!)

Besides all that, it was basically the time I grew the fuck up and started keeping a budget, being responsible, bought my first car, came into my own skin. I consider that time to be the time when I really became an adult person.

That sounded a lot like my daughter's situation. Of course, she'll always be my little girl, but she was taken under the wing of a wonderful mentor who groomed her for the promotion.

She thanked her mentor profusely and wanted to buy her a gift, but she told my daughter that the effort was purely hers all along.

Wish we had more people like that in the world. Wish I had someone like that when I worked in agencies in Atlanta.
 

Scarletbegonia

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When I made the decision to place my offspring with an amazing couple in an open adoption. It wasn't about what was better for me, but what was going to give them the best possible life. I cried myself to sleep every night for at least a year afterwards. It has been over a decade and it is still heavy on my heart as far as all the "what if" scenarios.

Still makes my heart hurt and want to cry, even now.
As an adoptee who got a better life, kiddo would say thank you.
 

AlteredEgo

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I will answer this in the RLG Some Boys Allowed group. My answer is not for everyone. I do want to share the answer with my friends and acquaintances here, but it's an emotionally fraught answer, and I may take a few days to choose my words and post it.
 
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I've chewed on this and I can't really think of a defining moment.

I know men saw me as a woman long before I saw myself as one

I also know that a lot of men considered me a girl (still do sometimes) long after I considered myself a woman

I really can't think when the switch flipped in my own head
 

AlteredEgo

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Okay. I decided to share mine on the open forum after all.

Context. Many of you know when I was born. Before my birthday in 1989, my mother had her left leg amputated, six inches below the knee in a series of surgeries trying to get ahead of the spread of gangrene caused by malpractice.

By my birthday that year, she was recovered and walking a little. She threw a party for us both; the invitation read: [Nickname redacted] is [age redacted] and I'm fine! That was the last real day of my childhood. In the days following, she began teaching me to do things for us that she couldn't. I remember her become angry with me when I had to keep being told what to do. I hadn't realized these were my new responsibilities, not a one-time favor or request. I hadn't understood that our lives had changed. Additionally, her life had been saved by one of my beloved kittens. I had two. The one who preferred her over me had popped a boil and given her cat scratch fever. That's how better doctors had discovered the gangrene her shitty podiatrist had told her was nothing. Still, my mother arranged for my kittens to be re-homed, and that was that. If I knew who that foot quack was I'd murder him. That's real.

His actions and inactions had negative reppurcussions on my life that still have real impact decades later. In fact, because she wasn't able to be as active with me as she had been, her heart disease was worse, and because she had a physical disability she was someplace she wouldn't have been, using equipment she wouldn't have used, and got a wound that led to a second amputation five years after the first.

More and more the lines between the roles of mother and daughter we're blurred. I got into a challenging and exclusive high school. She had a stroke. It became hard to keep her in good condition. In 1997, after several more strokes, I had to choose between getting a high school diploma, and taking proper care of my mother myself. I chose the diploma.

I put my mother in a facility, with the help of my grandmother and aunt. Becoming fully responsible for myself was complete. Relatives made sure I wasn't homeless nor hungry, but I had my own money, had to learn to manage it, enroll in and pay for University, and move my life forward. My first big mistake as an adult was in choosing a care facility.

I chose one across the street from the hospital that had saved her life scores of times through many, many surgeries. It was walking distance from school, on the route my aunt took between her home and work, and convenient for my grandmother. Between us, and her many friends, my mother had visitors all day most days. But at night, someone was sodomizing her. My mother, dumbstruck by stroke, could not communicate this to me. She was damaged and needed a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. This is a burden from which I will never be relieved. I had her moved to my second choice facility after she healed from her surgery at the hospital. I will be forever grateful to the nurses and doctors who kept carefully rephrasing the accusations they were not legally allowed to make, until I understood what my mother had endured, and knew I had to move her.

The second choice facility was excellent, but too remote to be visited more than twice a week, and only a few of us ever went. She was safe there, however. So my first real lesson of adulthood was about how to respond to a grave error.

I've been a grown woman for 75% of my life. I was not sexually mature when womanhood was thrust upon me, but that didn't deter a shocking number of men who had no idea what my life was like, no reason to expect me to be more mature than my years. That was disturbing and frightening.

I earn decent money. I bought a house. I buried all my immediate relatives. I keep hacking away at building the good life. Alright, I'm grown. I miss Mommie, though. She's been gone twenty years tomorrow. I still miss her every day.
 

AlteredEgo

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@AlteredEgo, I didn't know if I could love you more, but I really do. I want to give you the biggest hug, but it would quickly get creepy because I'd be feeling your beautiful skin!

You are my hero.
You have flattered deeply, made me tear up, AND made me laugh at the same time. You've a gift! *huggle* I love you too.