When is a compliment not a compliment?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by sgtrock, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. sgtrock

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    When is a compliment unwanted or for that matter taken wrong? Recently I commented on a member’s post of NEW photos. I loved them and believe me in no way did I compliment them knowing it would somehow cause a long tirade ending with anger.

    Maybe its just me but when I grew up we were told to compliment someone when they did good or in this case did good.

    Since the reality is with few exceptions we will ever meet a member in person these compliments are often private or worst on your profile page for all to see but where is the harm?

    After talking about this with a woman I date over the weekend who happens to be a therapist. She alluded to the idea that it was the poster who obviously resisted the compliment for their own personal hang-ups maybe low self esteem or abusive relationships in the past. It was her feelings after showing my post that I didn’t do anything wrong with the exception of becoming defensive in the end with an anonymous poster who I will never meet.

    So let me ask you; has our society gotten to the place where a compliment can be misconstrued as negative even in an anonymous world such as this site?

    Obviously I know better than to ever make the same mistake with this poster but I still like to share what I think with a poster both male and female, I mean that is why I posted my photos, or why I play with myself in the chatroom, I love the audience and it feeds my own ego and lets face it, it is much cheaper than therapy and no one really gets hurt do they. No unwanted STD’s, no pregnancies or fucked up drama or head games (well I know there are head games but you know what I mean).
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    This is difficult to answer without knowing what you said. But I think your friend might be right if you posted something sincere without a double meaning then it was likely misunderstood for whatever reason.
    Again without knowing what you said I reserve the right to say that there are certain things you should only say to friends...
    Cat Fight - YouTube
     
  3. t9

    t9
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    Just make all the compliments you like on my profile, likes and dislikes, i eat them all up and make my jewel swell. Oh, BTW, you did nothing wrong.:biggrin1:
     
  4. rbkwp

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    have found
    you never actually know why people are un/appreciative
    myriad of reasons as THEY say..
     
    #4 rbkwp, Oct 25, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2011
  5. Pendlum

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    When it's ajar?
     
  6. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    I bolded what you needed to go back and read to cut to the chase. I study psychology and couldn't agree more with your female friend's opinion. Let me also answer your last question by saying....

    The anonymity of the internet has allowed for more people to misconstrue what you say because voice inflection and tone is absent. The internet is a medium that allows you to rub shoulders with more people than you could ever do so in person in a lifetime, so the odds of coming across someone who is a tad unstable or emotionally damaged is pretty high.

    You sir, can rest assured, you simply came across one of those types when you complimented the photos. It really doesn't get more complicated than that.

    It has nothing to do with society as a whole or where society is going compared to what it used to be.
     
  7. nicenycdick

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    And, please, Sgt. Rock, work a little on your grammer and/or typing skills. Maybe take a little more time creating your posts in the future. I had a really tough time following what you wrote. And I assume that you would want to be clearly understood, no?
     
  8. SprinkleMe69

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    You did nothing wrong. Just the owner of the pics bad day I suppose.
     
  9. LaFemme

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    I don't mean to be critical, but sometimes if someone is rushed and uses poor grammar, or makes a lot of typos - it changes the meaning of the 'compliment'. I've received pms where I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be flattered or insulted. Clear communication is important.

    Personally, I post my pics because I enjoy being complimented; I wouldn't do it otherwise. I would guess that the person who got upset with you was either having a bad day, or is just the kind of person who likes to pick a fight with an anonymous someone.

    I wouldn't stop giving compliments. Most of us love them and they brighten the day!
     
  10. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    It's always the people who can't spell GRAMMAR who correct others about their grammar. One thing I've learned about LPSG is that there are many people from all cultural and language backgrounds than can make them seem out of the loop with your standards. But I understood what he had to say perfectly. Probably because rather than being bothered by grammatical errors, I was able to read the overall message of what he was saying.

    Correcting someones grammar is usually the thing that bored, unintelligent and otherwise not very creative people do when they don't like what someone has to say and they have no other way to tell them.

    I think it was rude and unnecessary for you to say that to him.
     
  11. TheBestYouCan

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    The grammar police just got policed! :O
     
  12. NOBBY_UK

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    I thought 'nicenycdick' was being sarcastic...

    No ?

     
  13. rbkwp

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    now now nobby uk
    we dont talk sarcastic on lpsg haha
    that could be one of them secret bannable o'fences
    where many mysteriously dissapear into the nether regions.

    my turn'
     
  14. erratic

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    Thank you.

    OP, if you ask me your compliment was still a compliment. If you see something you appreciate and you offer sincere thanks to the owner/person responsible for it, that's a compliment. How that person chooses to receive it is a whole different story. In this case it seems that the reception didn't go so well.

    A compliment is not a compliment, in my estimation, when it's more about the satisfaction of the person making the not-a-compliment. Take the stereotypical construction worker cat-call. It's not appreciative, thankful, or thoughtful. That's no compliment.
     
  15. midlifebear

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    After having sex like minks one person says to the other: "Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat person."
     
  16. willow78

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    I don't know what the OP's comment was or who it was directed at, so I won't give any comments/advice about his situation. But I would like to share my personal perception.....

    As a gay man, I'm very wary of leaving compliments for straight men. I can understand how some straight guys would be uncomfortable about gay appreciation, so I avoid it completely. I still lurk in their galleries but I don't leave any comments. Of course, there have been times when I just couldn't resist the temptation, but luckily they were flattered and didn't have a bad reaction. I think most of the straight guys here would have no issue with it, but I still like to err on the side of caution.
     
  17. CorsicanU

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    I LOVE it.
    ( I mean no slight to the person she's addressing,
    but damn, she is so right)!
    YOU ROCK!
    I truly appreciated your point.
     
  18. Frnkd213

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    Your complements would make me roll on the floor dying of side pains for about an hour than when I get up in the morning as I drive I will be smiling almost laughing to myself as I think of what i read the night before that you had written.

    It's your avatar or pics and the fact that you are one of the wittiest (sp) of people I know. of course the "Far Side" by Larson is pretty close that makes me smile. thank you

    Now this is a complement!!!!:biggrin1:
     
    #18 Frnkd213, Oct 27, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2011
  19. Frnkd213

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    http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/frnkd213/on-caring-8207/

    this is a blog I wrote regarding my worries of being miss interpreted. I had just started being more active in showing my appreciation to members replies to my posts or chat and was afraid that text by itself can easily be misread.
    Hope it relates.
     
  20. B_rivalsandking

    B_rivalsandking New Member

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    that's nice blog I have to say.
     
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