When sexploration goes too far

[B_subgirrl]

It sounds horrible to say, but part of me feels like I actually don't care if it ends because I don't think I should have to essentially censor myself, apologize for enjoying myself, or deprive myself of possible future experiences such as that. But I do understand how selfish and objectifying the statement is.

Unencouraging as this is gonna sound, I'm inclined to agree with you here, although not necessarily for the same reasons. I mean, what did he expect? That you wouldn't enjoy it at all? That you'd come out of it saying that he has some magic and unique ability to give you sexual pleasure? And the comment that he saw something in you that he didn't like - what, that you were a sexual person in general? That it wasn't specific to him? Sorry, but I'd be extremely pissed with him if it were me.

 

[Drifterwood]

Most people don't even want to imagine their "partner" having great sex with someone else, let alone seeing it first hand. When you realise that all the tangible things that you think of as special are available elsewhere, you are left with the intangibles.

 

[basincreek]

It may not be that she enjoyed it but that he perceived her as enjoying the other guy more than himself.

Another possibility is that he felt Paigexox's female friend didn't enjoy him as much as Paigexox enjoyed the other guy.

Either way I think a conversation needs to be had about it where the true issues are brought out.

 

[MoneyForNothing]

Are you looking for some sort of validation or what?

 

[Mule]

To be fair is doesn't sound like you've pushed it too far. I think that your partner didn't fully understand the ramifications of the arrangement - something which is unforgivable given the premeditation of the encounter.

While I see your point, I think 'unforgivable' is a little too strong. I mean, who hasn't gone into something with great enthusiasm only to find out it wasn't quite what they expected, regardless of how much they had thought about it beforehand?

I mean, what did he expect? That you wouldn't enjoy it at all? That you'd come out of it saying that he has some magic and unique ability to give you sexual pleasure? And the comment that he saw something in you that he didn't like - what, that you were a sexual person in general? That it wasn't specific to him?

This is an important aspect of the situation that I didn't address. The whole thing does point to him having some pretty deeply-held insecurities and possibly some unrealistic expectations of the OP.

 

[paigexox]

Are you looking for some sort of validation or what?

Not at all. If that were the case I wouldn't have been so open about it and willing to accept the role I played. For all I knew, this might have been a thread calling me a naive tart. My language is undoubtedly biased, but I don't think it's too out there in limbo for writing my mental thoughts out as they came to me.

In any event, it's done with now, so thanks to everyone for the super insightful replies! :hug:

 

[SilverTrain]

In any event, it's done with now, so thanks to everyone for the super insightful replies! :hug:

Does that mean you're going to leave us hanging as to the resolution? [He says, as respectfully as possible]

 

[yoursgetsmine]

You're with the wrong guy....my dick stays hard for hours and I shoot cum a yard or two when I see the woman I love being made helpless and pleasured by a completely new cock in my presence, and begging for more of his cock and cum....and then we get alone afterwards and go crazy...and I make her verbalize what she was feeling at the time which further drives me wild when she tells me how much bigger his cock was and how much better he was at getting her off and how she wants to do him again and new cocks and several at one time with or without me....very hot if you can seperate the physical from the emotional aspect of a relationship when doing it. He's got his ego dented and his confidence lowered because we tend to think that we are the only person that can turn our partner on the way we do....until we see a complete stranger do it better....like we are the only person to be able to do it for our partner, and they NEVER experienced great sex UNTIL we had them.....There are always better, bigger, more talented cocks out there...just believe it, but if you have her heart, and they don't, you're the lucky guy!

 

[Phil Ayesho]

There is no such thing as purely recreational sex.

You are toying with the most primal forces human beings experience... and no matter what you or the others involved imagine to be the case, hearts are ALWAYS in play.

People who engage in even the most casual and essentially carnal of encounters are merely playing russian roulette with the odds that they may run across a sex partner who elicits far more profound feelings than they are betting will be involved.

You never know, when touching someone new, whether their touch will reach that part of you you pretend to have the power to hold in reserve for your mate.

I would bet what bothers your boyfriend was how easily you slid into the event and enjoyed it... which implies to him that there will be more such experiments... and he will have to take his chances that, among the others you may bed, you might meet some fellow who is far more important to you than he.

And, frankly... if this is his dilemma, his instinct in this is dead right.

Just as it is impossible for any of us to really predict how we will handle seeing our love touched by another, until it happens.... you really have no idea how you will react when, one of these days, some 'purely carnal' fuck buddy touches you in a way that sinks in.

It is possible for people play such games and be unaffected... but it is an extremely rare confluence to get 3 or more people together ALL of whom can be completely unaffected by sexual intimacy with another.
And, seriously... do you really want a man who could be so unattached and blase about what you do with other men?

Personally... I don't want a woman who's heart would not break to see me hold another woman... or who would not break my heart in holding another man.

Sure I have fantasies... but they always involve imaginary and one dimensional characters who do not lay awake in the night crying over something that was left unsaid.
Who do not have insecurities, or longings that confuse their emotions in the heat of desire.

Real hearts are fragile... they can be shattered like glass.

And when playing with the fire of arousal and desire, most of the time, somebody gets burned.

 

[paigexox]

Really well said, I appreciate the message.


The word "love" kind of freaks me out though. Maybe I am a bit distant, but I would never profess to have met the love of my life, or give someone that title after knowing them for such a short duration of time. I almost feel like we're plunging the depths of subjectivity with that ideal.

 

[Incocknito]

The only possible thing it could be (IMO) is that the guy had a bigger cock then your boyfriend. And your boyfriend may have seen or thought you were enjoying his penis more.

Because anything else: like the other guy was giving you better head or fingering you proficiently...can be worked on.

But even so I think this could be a sign of insecurity in your boyfriend and most likely it will not improve and may get worse. Sounds like you've half decided to move on anyway.

 

[Jillang]

I don't know what your relationship was like before but if it was good I wouldn't throw it away. It sounds like he is just jealous. I know I would be. I personally know I couldn't handle it but I'm kind of the jealous type anyway. I would have been hurt when he suggested it.

 

[poultrygeist]

I don't know if it's been questioned yet, but how is the relationship of the roommates going? Is there strain anywhere else that you know of since it happened? Also, has there been any talk of another get together by either of the other couple? Have you talked with either of them and if so what was their feeling about what happened?

 

[paigexox]

I don't know if it's been questioned yet, but how is the relationship of the roommates going? Is there strain anywhere else that you know of since it happened? Also, has there been any talk of another get together by either of the other couple? Have you talked with either of them and if so what was their feeling about what happened?

My roommate was totally cool with what transpired. Up until that point she had been pretty sexually reserved, so it was an experience for her. I've also heard no bad news coming from her boyfriend -- they both seemed to have had a lot of fun.

 

[marriedasian]

depending on how much you value your relationship as a "whole", it may be worth your while to try and console what happened. i say engage in open dialog with him and try to have him engage back at 100%. it's important that his feelings are shared as well as yours so that you two can sort through this. this isn't a bad thing that has happened, look at it as a chance to move your relationship to another level.

open relationships are all built on trust, and that alone. when a guy sees his girl getting her brains fucked out and cumming like crazy, there should be no feelings of jealousy or envy. the only feeling should be happy; happy for your partner. the guy should be estatic that his girl is getting to enjoy such amazing pleasure, vice-versa. until this understanding is formed and sealed, there are going to be issues sooner or later.

my advice is to not change who you are but to try and compromise as that is what a relationship is all about. if a compromise cannot be met on an even ground, then there's going to be problems sooner or later; and it will come.

best of luck to you and hope it turns out for the best of both of you.

on a side note, looking over your pictures, as a guy i would have no issues watching you with other men and witnessing your pleasure with them. again, i would be happy for you that you are getting to experience such things (of course i would be doing the same and would want you to feel the same towards me). i would "trust" that at the end of the night, it was all about pleasure and we go home together.

take my cents for what it's worth. let us know what happens.

 

[joeym]

I thought this was a befitting thread since my boyfriend and I may have dunked our own relationship by getting too zealous over the holidays. We engaged in a sexual encounter with one of my room mates and her partner, and at the time my boyfriend was completely OK with this -- encouraging actually. We both thought this would be a mutually beneficial thing, as he had never partaken in any sexual event with more than one girl, and had hinted on previous encounters that it could be something he was comfortable exploring.

For me, I got to stroke a few things off my to-do (or try list, as abhorrent as it sounds), and I thoroughly enjoyed myself, as well as seeing my boyfriend copulate with my friend, as weird as that may be.

The problem, however, seems to be that somewhere along the way my boyfriend became uncomfortable with the situation, but never took the precedent to vocalize, or stop us/stop himself with us. Regrettably, this has effectively put a damper on our relationship, because as he has confided, he saw something in me he didn't like, and at some point didn't like the idea of another male being able to pleasure me.

It sounds horrible to say, but part of me feels like I actually don't care if it ends because I don't think I should have to essentially censor myself, apologize for enjoying myself, or deprive myself of possible future experiences such as that. But I do understand how selfish and objectifying the statement is.


Has anyone else found themselves in a conundrum like this because they've pushed it "too far?"

Did the other guy have a bigger dick than your boyfriend?

 

[marriedasian]

to further enforce what i had mentioned, here's a vid of a girl getting fucked really, really well... (i picked this up from the adult websites section)

Horny Amateur Fucks While Her Friend Records - Free Porn, Porn, Sex ::Shooshtime.com::

imagine she was your girl and you were there. would you be jealous that she was getting a serious good fuck or would you be glad that she's getting incredible pleasure? the sad truth is that some guys will look at this and be immediately jealous or angry that the girl is getting so much pleasure from this other dude.

 

[redbear52]

I know that it is not quite the same situation, but the emotions in play here may be akin to what I have seen happen with couples who attempt to engage in "open marriage" or an open relationship in which they cohabitate, and sometimes even have children, but agree to have sex with other people.

Even in situations in which both partners seemed quite emotionally mature, all such relationships that I have seen have eventually failed, although they may seem to work for a while. It always seems that one partner winds up happier with the status quo than the other, and the one who was first to suggest it is not always the happier party. At some point, jealousy rears its head, one party wants to restore monogamy and the other does not, and they go their separate ways.

Again, this is all just what I have observed. For myself, I don't think I could ever enter into such an arrangement with someone I really cared about.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Really well said, I appreciate the message.


The word "love" kind of freaks me out though. Maybe I am a bit distant, but I would never profess to have met the love of my life, or give someone that title after knowing them for such a short duration of time. I almost feel like we're plunging the depths of subjectivity with that ideal.

Given this response... i think what is bothering your boyfriend is that something about the encounter made it clear to him that you really do not "love" him in any way that is deep or special.

That he has no more a hold on you than any other man who might be fun in the sack.
In other words, you did not make him feel that this was something you and he were 'sharing', but rather that he was just another dick at the orgy.




That is a real pity... Its okay, I guess, at 25 to be footloose and holding your heart in reserve... having sex for fun and laughs...

but you should be mature enough to realize that most people want something deeper out of sex and that they do not call it "making love" for nothing.

And I would warn you that you can inure yourself to the idea of being emotionally aloof... of not committing, of not investing your heart in anything. It can become a habit, and from there, a handicap.
Perhaps you were very seriously hurt, early on, and felt betrayed or abandoned in some situation wherein your heart was invested... and you are coping with that injury by armoring yourself to any further injury... practicing sex without love the way a snake handler takes small doses of snake venom to build resistance...

But loveless sex is no different than masturbation... there is more feeling in playing checkers with one you really care about than in wild sex with a person who means little to you.

Your boyfriend, in seeing you with another, saw that he was only temporary... and he is in mourning for something he wanted to be much much more.

Time is wasting. Life trickling thru your fingers... a third of yours, already gone. Isn't it about time you took a break from sport fucking and looked at the question of real love, real commitment and a real relationship?

Or do you imagine that you will find the love of your life in an experimental sex session with some other couple?

On the one hand you strike me as a beautiful, hot, and sexually daring woman.
And on the other, you seem to be sleepwalking thru the lives of the men with whom you take up.


I sincerely hope you find, someday, a man whose touch can make you wish to touch no other.

 

[paigexox]

I think you've put your cart in front of the horse on this one. Reallllly reading a bit too much into it.



Also, I don't play my life by societies idealized "must do x by __ age" -- life is not trickling away, it is only beginning! It is what you make of it and how you enjoy it, so live life, not someone else's!