Wow, I'm sorry to hear that such a potentially enjoyable event turned sour, and during the holidays no less.
As just about anyone would say, adding extra people to the sexual experience always poses risks and it's always very difficult to really know that you and your partner are on the same page prior to going into the event. Unfortunately, it's one of those things where it's really difficult to know what you're getting yourself into or ultimately how you'll come out feeling.
Perhaps I'm simply trying to see the best in people, but I'm inclined to say I see a sound argument in both you and your partner. As a man, I can say that though many of us try vainly to hide it, emotion plays a huge role in our lives. Between our egos and the level of emotional insecurity most of us exude, I think it safe to say we very much qualify as basket cases. It sounds like your partner may be really emotionally invested in you, and seeing you enjoy sexual pleasures brought on by another individual rocked his world a little bit. Maybe he isn't displaying his unrest in the most productive way, but, if I am hitting anywhere close to home, he probably had something of an epiphany during the event and realized that he really wasn't enjoying you being that happy with someone other than yourself. For some of people, it is very difficult to separate sex from emotion. It sounds like you successfully made that distinction and enjoyed the group sex as a purely sexual act; perhaps he wasn't able to separate, and is considering your sexual pleasure to coincide with emotion -- emotion not directed at him. If that's the case, I can understand his reluctance to spoil the moment-- during or after. If you were as expressive as you seem, it would have been obvious that you were really enjoying yourself; no one who really cares about their partner wants to spoil a happy moment for them or make them feel guilty afterward. And let's face it: you're a very beautiful woman, "a prize" some might say; but dating one of the "hot chicks" can be a dual-edged sword. As much as any guy might fantasize being with a 12-out-of-10 girl, it always comes at a price: many find themselves insecure when faced with the reality that they're not the only ones who see drool-worthy sexual appeal in their partner, whom both know could easily have their pick of other guys if ever they wanted. On some level, at some point, there will be the thought in our head that "this girl could have
any guy she wants, easily; all it takes is one screw up from me and she could be on her way to having another guy before I even have time to let the heartbreak sink in."
On the other hand, you make a very valid point: you
shouldn't have to shield your sexual excitement or in any other way dim your true colors. If you can't be who you really are around your partner, then your relationship needs ... routine maintenance. If you honestly believe that he would prefer you tame yourself to suit his pleasures, then you should definitely confirm that with him and if necessary move on. As much as I would like to think that nobody would be so selfish/dimwitted as to impose limits like that on someone they claim to love, I know better. However, if my wishful thinking is anywhere close to on target with your partner, than I really don't think that is his intention. If he really is just a little shaken up by it, my thoughts are that he probably just isn't expressing himself in a good way but he is less hurt by the fact that you really enjoyed the experience and more by the fact that someone else shared the responsibility for that level of enjoyment.
Or maybe he's just an ass and wanted to test you to give you an opportunity to show that sex with anyone but him was thoroughly uninteresting and anticlimactic, and was disappointed when things turned out differently.
Either way, I hope you two manage to work through this and move on to better, happier days. It would be a shame for such a cool/fun/great/etc experience to end in the termination of your relationship. I wish you the best.
Happy New Year---
