Exactly how I feel. For me, the weekly anonymous views still continue to this day on my LI profile. I hope I've caused him just a tenth of the heartache and pain he has caused me.
When The Bromance Breaks
- Thread starter Rugbypup
- Start date
Exactly how I feel. For me, the weekly anonymous views still continue to this day on my LI profile. I hope I've caused him just a tenth of the heartache and pain he has caused me.
MisterEy
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Update: my “old friend” reached out to me through a mutual and wants to go on a vacation. I have been forced to facilitate it because others in the group are lazy but my old friend who I fought with is seeming very eager to plan it and wants to hang out with me.
personally I am very relieved to hear back from him after an ENTIRE FULL CALENDAR YEAR, but also quite anxious just due to penned up anger/confusion. I will continue to update
personally I am very relieved to hear back from him after an ENTIRE FULL CALENDAR YEAR, but also quite anxious just due to penned up anger/confusion. I will continue to update
MisterEy
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For the record, I was more upset about not being able to express how I felt about our friendship rather than losing the friend. I would rather have told him how I felt and if we fought at that point it would have been easier to walk away from. I’m not going to go into this head over heels but this year has been wild so why not try and make the best/something out of it
Your ex-bromance is a narrcissist. These people are toxic and thrive on making others feel bad about themselves. Go no-contact and stay far away from him. Narrcissists do not change, they can't
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So little update, I know it’s not good to play into it but tomorrow we have plans to hang out. I would say back COMPLETELY up and if you can try to set a boundary before the big fight happens. That way you can anticipate and deescalate.
it has been a very slow and gradual thing and so far we have hung out perhaps 3 times within the past year
I lost my best bro last year. We had known each other for about 25 years. Went to the same church; worked at the same job and retire at the same time. We been through a lot together. But, in the end, he wasn't much of a friend. I didn't have a problem with the alpha dog and between us. We made a good husband. So, he retired, sold his house and moved away. Hope the best to him. Bro less in virgina
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It's a bit of a head fuck to think I started this thread just over two years ago now. I think it might be time for an update, lol.
My 'bromance' and I never mended our relationship and I think it's now very safe to say it's dead, as dead as a dead dog's dick in a dirt desert ditch in a December deluge. AKA, pretty fucking dead.
After we fell out, which I now understand was completely his choice due to his narcissism, I spent a year hoping, trying, begging to get my friend back. To which I saw him only twice, over the entire year and even then, only for a few hours at best. Not content with his utter narcissistic disregarding of me, he spent that year emphasizing just how much he didn't want me in his life, nor wanted to be in mine. Coming and going on social media and all that childish shit and generally hitting the point home that I was other, alienated and not worth his time.
I felt utterly abandoned, crushed and distressed over it. I now know this was stupidly giving him the narcissistic supply he needed to feel human. I spent a year grieving what I then thought was a great loss. This has undoubtedly left me with scars on my heart and soul. Well, lessons truly well learnt.
We get to his birthday a year later and something in me snaps back to self respect and reality. If he's only prepared to give me teenagesque grunt style replies and then, only when I text him, it's not worth my effort nor time. So I wished him happy birthday and chose not to contact him further but would reply if he contact me.
You can guess how long the no contact lasted.
Well actually, pretty damn long. A whole year in fact.
My birthday came and went and nothing in return, Covid arse fucked the world, and not a note of concern. We even had a few good sized earthquakes and still, not so much as a fart in my general direction. Christmas, new years, nothing. This hit home to me that I had made the right choice to go no contact, one of the few survival and recovery techniques you can deploy when dealing with a narcissist. Yet still, the closest we came to contact was observing each other blocking and unblocking each other as contacts on a text app like children.
This was a hard year. despite my mental fortitude, there were tears for my lost friend, best mate, brother. Then tears for realising I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. They don't teach you that shit in school.
So a year comes and goes and were back to his birthday. My resolve crumbled and I chose to send him birthday wishes. Our only contact for an entire year! A few hours later, I get a 'thank you' and then... back to absolutely nothing. This weakened me a bit, a healthy dose of rose tinted glasses and fond memories made me think, perhaps we can rekindle a connection. A month later, I sent a funny text, in the hope that perhaps we could work on burying the hatched.
I was a fool to even think this was a possibility.
Remember, I dared to speak my mind, scorn him for his cuntish narcissistic behavior and then to add insult to injury, didn't contact 'him' for year. Not as long as you've got a hole up your arse was he, is he, going to debase himself by talking to me, not when there was still so much injustice dealt to him for me to beg forgiveness for. That's just how narcissists work and he is a narcissist, a completely delusional narcissist.
Where once in me there was friendship, loyalty, devotion and love. Now there is nothing but cooling anger, firm hatred, utter revulsion and tempering pity. He 'chose' to throw me away. This in hindsight was almost divine intervention. They say God removes people from your life because he heard the conversations you did not, and for this I am grateful, but likewise, I don't think he truly understand what he's lost in his life by discarding me. My dodged bullet, is truly his loss.
So be it.
I understand he's getting married this year. That there may even be a child on the way. I feel... nothing. Well, not quite nothing. Sadness. But not for me. For those in his future. He is a creature of narcissistic pattern, whether he understands it or is even conscious of it or not. He is. This means the current pet vagina (trust me, that's how he see her) that he's shacked up with will be subject to his twisted, self pitying gas lighting and cries for narcissistic supply. Worse still, when he wears her into the pits of self loathing a depression, he may well have a child to fuel his narcissism.
God help them, I do pity them.
I do pity him.
On the other hand I hope she wises up and rapes him for ever dime he's worth, and then boots his sorry arse to the curb, lol.
This has been a two year journey of pain and healing, the like of which I would wish on no one, yet still have come to be thankful for, for all that I have learnt. I am wiser, stronger, more resilient and more self respecting. I have always struggled with shame and self loathing and although I am still a broken puppy at heart, my eyes and ears are keener, my bark is louder and fiercer and my teeth and bite are far, far sharper.
I am hopeful to one day be someone's bromance again. Though not with a narcissist, lol.
Beware the coming of the narcissist my friends, especially when woods are dark, the fields are frozen and the moon, is fat.
My 'bromance' and I never mended our relationship and I think it's now very safe to say it's dead, as dead as a dead dog's dick in a dirt desert ditch in a December deluge. AKA, pretty fucking dead.
After we fell out, which I now understand was completely his choice due to his narcissism, I spent a year hoping, trying, begging to get my friend back. To which I saw him only twice, over the entire year and even then, only for a few hours at best. Not content with his utter narcissistic disregarding of me, he spent that year emphasizing just how much he didn't want me in his life, nor wanted to be in mine. Coming and going on social media and all that childish shit and generally hitting the point home that I was other, alienated and not worth his time.
I felt utterly abandoned, crushed and distressed over it. I now know this was stupidly giving him the narcissistic supply he needed to feel human. I spent a year grieving what I then thought was a great loss. This has undoubtedly left me with scars on my heart and soul. Well, lessons truly well learnt.
We get to his birthday a year later and something in me snaps back to self respect and reality. If he's only prepared to give me teenagesque grunt style replies and then, only when I text him, it's not worth my effort nor time. So I wished him happy birthday and chose not to contact him further but would reply if he contact me.
You can guess how long the no contact lasted.
Well actually, pretty damn long. A whole year in fact.
My birthday came and went and nothing in return, Covid arse fucked the world, and not a note of concern. We even had a few good sized earthquakes and still, not so much as a fart in my general direction. Christmas, new years, nothing. This hit home to me that I had made the right choice to go no contact, one of the few survival and recovery techniques you can deploy when dealing with a narcissist. Yet still, the closest we came to contact was observing each other blocking and unblocking each other as contacts on a text app like children.
This was a hard year. despite my mental fortitude, there were tears for my lost friend, best mate, brother. Then tears for realising I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. They don't teach you that shit in school.
So a year comes and goes and were back to his birthday. My resolve crumbled and I chose to send him birthday wishes. Our only contact for an entire year! A few hours later, I get a 'thank you' and then... back to absolutely nothing. This weakened me a bit, a healthy dose of rose tinted glasses and fond memories made me think, perhaps we can rekindle a connection. A month later, I sent a funny text, in the hope that perhaps we could work on burying the hatched.
I was a fool to even think this was a possibility.
Remember, I dared to speak my mind, scorn him for his cuntish narcissistic behavior and then to add insult to injury, didn't contact 'him' for year. Not as long as you've got a hole up your arse was he, is he, going to debase himself by talking to me, not when there was still so much injustice dealt to him for me to beg forgiveness for. That's just how narcissists work and he is a narcissist, a completely delusional narcissist.
Where once in me there was friendship, loyalty, devotion and love. Now there is nothing but cooling anger, firm hatred, utter revulsion and tempering pity. He 'chose' to throw me away. This in hindsight was almost divine intervention. They say God removes people from your life because he heard the conversations you did not, and for this I am grateful, but likewise, I don't think he truly understand what he's lost in his life by discarding me. My dodged bullet, is truly his loss.
So be it.
I understand he's getting married this year. That there may even be a child on the way. I feel... nothing. Well, not quite nothing. Sadness. But not for me. For those in his future. He is a creature of narcissistic pattern, whether he understands it or is even conscious of it or not. He is. This means the current pet vagina (trust me, that's how he see her) that he's shacked up with will be subject to his twisted, self pitying gas lighting and cries for narcissistic supply. Worse still, when he wears her into the pits of self loathing a depression, he may well have a child to fuel his narcissism.
God help them, I do pity them.
I do pity him.
On the other hand I hope she wises up and rapes him for ever dime he's worth, and then boots his sorry arse to the curb, lol.
This has been a two year journey of pain and healing, the like of which I would wish on no one, yet still have come to be thankful for, for all that I have learnt. I am wiser, stronger, more resilient and more self respecting. I have always struggled with shame and self loathing and although I am still a broken puppy at heart, my eyes and ears are keener, my bark is louder and fiercer and my teeth and bite are far, far sharper.
I am hopeful to one day be someone's bromance again. Though not with a narcissist, lol.
Beware the coming of the narcissist my friends, especially when woods are dark, the fields are frozen and the moon, is fat.
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This is a fascinating topic that deserves a book, right?. There are only a couple of books I know of that cover this topic and only one that I have been able to read, Peter Nard's Gay Men's Friendships.
Nard's main thesis is one I dont agree with necessarily but I will say he makes some interesting arguments. One of them is the idea that straight men do not have a way to express there feelings physically. If you are gay and have a straight friend, then when he invites you to play ball or when he says lets go hunting or fishing, thats his way of saying lets go on a date.
I cant tell exactly what happened in your case but if he is straight and you aren't then most likely he has no way to deal with his negative feelings towards you. He is not gonna talk it out because thats not what straight boys do. He will wallow in self pitty or become hurt and withdrawn rather than ask you about what happened or tell you how much hurt he is.
I have been there many times. I only have a handful of straight friends now. I would say 90% of them are friends in which there is no sexual tension. When sexual tension has occurred, my friendships have ended the same way as yours but usually it is me that withdraws. I get hurt, have no way of mending things and I end up not being able to get past the hurt. Straight boys dont know how to talk things out.
I did try the last time this happened to talk it out with my frined. We went out and had a meal, I tried to open things up, he turned things away from the emotional talk and was more focused on concrete issues and who was right or wrong. I became frustrated and withdrawn. We hugged, I cried and I never trusted him again and our friendship ended right that day.
We still talk occasionally. Like you, if he had whipped it out then and there, I would be on my knees. I liked him both as a person, and physically as a man. I think that makes it complicated. I honestly think that sexual tension builds up and any conflict in the relationship can only be fixed with either a deep emotional talk or sex. Since straight men will not have sex with us and since the majority of them lack the emotional tools to have a deep conversation, relationships like this seem to be doomed from the beginning . Read that book, you may not agree with this but it helps to at least understand the dynamics better (btw the book thesis if I recall correctly is pretty much that sex is the only way to go in these cases).
Nard's main thesis is one I dont agree with necessarily but I will say he makes some interesting arguments. One of them is the idea that straight men do not have a way to express there feelings physically. If you are gay and have a straight friend, then when he invites you to play ball or when he says lets go hunting or fishing, thats his way of saying lets go on a date.
I cant tell exactly what happened in your case but if he is straight and you aren't then most likely he has no way to deal with his negative feelings towards you. He is not gonna talk it out because thats not what straight boys do. He will wallow in self pitty or become hurt and withdrawn rather than ask you about what happened or tell you how much hurt he is.
I have been there many times. I only have a handful of straight friends now. I would say 90% of them are friends in which there is no sexual tension. When sexual tension has occurred, my friendships have ended the same way as yours but usually it is me that withdraws. I get hurt, have no way of mending things and I end up not being able to get past the hurt. Straight boys dont know how to talk things out.
I did try the last time this happened to talk it out with my frined. We went out and had a meal, I tried to open things up, he turned things away from the emotional talk and was more focused on concrete issues and who was right or wrong. I became frustrated and withdrawn. We hugged, I cried and I never trusted him again and our friendship ended right that day.
We still talk occasionally. Like you, if he had whipped it out then and there, I would be on my knees. I liked him both as a person, and physically as a man. I think that makes it complicated. I honestly think that sexual tension builds up and any conflict in the relationship can only be fixed with either a deep emotional talk or sex. Since straight men will not have sex with us and since the majority of them lack the emotional tools to have a deep conversation, relationships like this seem to be doomed from the beginning . Read that book, you may not agree with this but it helps to at least understand the dynamics better (btw the book thesis if I recall correctly is pretty much that sex is the only way to go in these cases).
- CUBE,
My friend and I see each other at work on occasion and chat. Once a week some texts go back and forth. I’m glad for it but he’s best described as an acquaintance now. I started sending a text at holidays this past year and it built from there. There won’t be dinners or anything again. He damaged things too much for that and he doesn’t have the capacity to apologize or see a bigger picture. But I’m not hurt by it anymore. We weren’t best friends before. It was just a good work buddy and we always had lunch etc. I eat with a few other people on occasion or just work through lunch.
It's a bit of a head fuck to think I started this thread just over two years ago now. I think it might be time for an update, lol.
My 'bromance' and I never mended our relationship and I think it's now very safe to say it's dead, as dead as a dead dog's dick in a dirt desert ditch in a December deluge. AKA, pretty fucking dead.
After we fell out, which I now understand was completely his choice due to his narcissism, I spent a year hoping, trying, begging to get my friend back. To which I saw him only twice, over the entire year and even then, only for a few hours at best. Not content with his utter narcissistic disregarding of me, he spent that year emphasizing just how much he didn't want me in his life, nor wanted to be in mine. Coming and going on social media and all that childish shit and generally hitting the point home that I was other, alienated and not worth his time.
I felt utterly abandoned, crushed and distressed over it. I now know this was stupidly giving him the narcissistic supply he needed to feel human. I spent a year grieving what I then thought was a great loss. This has undoubtedly left me with scars on my heart and soul. Well, lessons truly well learnt.
We get to his birthday a year later and something in me snaps back to self respect and reality. If he's only prepared to give me teenagesque grunt style replies and then, only when I text him, it's not worth my effort nor time. So I wished him happy birthday and chose not to contact him further but would reply if he contact me.
You can guess how long the no contact lasted.
Well actually, pretty damn long. A whole year in fact.
My birthday came and went and nothing in return, Covid arse fucked the world, and not a note of concern. We even had a few good sized earthquakes and still, not so much as a fart in my general direction. Christmas, new years, nothing. This hit home to me that I had made the right choice to go no contact, one of the few survival and recovery techniques you can deploy when dealing with a narcissist. Yet still, the closest we came to contact was observing each other blocking and unblocking each other as contacts on a text app like children.
This was a hard year. despite my mental fortitude, there were tears for my lost friend, best mate, brother. Then tears for realising I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. They don't teach you that shit in school.
So a year comes and goes and were back to his birthday. My resolve crumbled and I chose to send him birthday wishes. Our only contact for an entire year! A few hours later, I get a 'thank you' and then... back to absolutely nothing. This weakened me a bit, a healthy dose of rose tinted glasses and fond memories made me think, perhaps we can rekindle a connection. A month later, I sent a funny text, in the hope that perhaps we could work on burying the hatched.
I was a fool to even think this was a possibility.
Remember, I dared to speak my mind, scorn him for his cuntish narcissistic behavior and then to add insult to injury, didn't contact 'him' for year. Not as long as you've got a hole up your arse was he, is he, going to debase himself by talking to me, not when there was still so much injustice dealt to him for me to beg forgiveness for. That's just how narcissists work and he is a narcissist, a completely delusional narcissist.
Where once in me there was friendship, loyalty, devotion and love. Now there is nothing but cooling anger, firm hatred, utter revulsion and tempering pity. He 'chose' to throw me away. This in hindsight was almost divine intervention. They say God removes people from your life because he heard the conversations you did not, and for this I am grateful, but likewise, I don't think he truly understand what he's lost in his life by discarding me. My dodged bullet, is truly his loss.
So be it.
I understand he's getting married this year. That there may even be a child on the way. I feel... nothing. Well, not quite nothing. Sadness. But not for me. For those in his future. He is a creature of narcissistic pattern, whether he understands it or is even conscious of it or not. He is. This means the current pet vagina (trust me, that's how he see her) that he's shacked up with will be subject to his twisted, self pitying gas lighting and cries for narcissistic supply. Worse still, when he wears her into the pits of self loathing a depression, he may well have a child to fuel his narcissism.
God help them, I do pity them.
I do pity him.
On the other hand I hope she wises up and rapes him for ever dime he's worth, and then boots his sorry arse to the curb, lol.
This has been a two year journey of pain and healing, the like of which I would wish on no one, yet still have come to be thankful for, for all that I have learnt. I am wiser, stronger, more resilient and more self respecting. I have always struggled with shame and self loathing and although I am still a broken puppy at heart, my eyes and ears are keener, my bark is louder and fiercer and my teeth and bite are far, far sharper.
I am hopeful to one day be someone's bromance again. Though not with a narcissist, lol.
Beware the coming of the narcissist my friends, especially when woods are dark, the fields are frozen and the moon, is fat.
Congratulations! Rugbypup, You Are A Survivor!
The removal of toxic people from our lives is the first step of stopping the drip, drip, drip of poison that eventually always defeats us.
MisterEy
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It's a bit of a head fuck to think I started this thread just over two years ago now. I think it might be time for an update, lol.
My 'bromance' and I never mended our relationship and I think it's now very safe to say it's dead, as dead as a dead dog's dick in a dirt desert ditch in a December deluge. AKA, pretty fucking dead.
After we fell out, which I now understand was completely his choice due to his narcissism, I spent a year hoping, trying, begging to get my friend back. To which I saw him only twice, over the entire year and even then, only for a few hours at best. Not content with his utter narcissistic disregarding of me, he spent that year emphasizing just how much he didn't want me in his life, nor wanted to be in mine. Coming and going on social media and all that childish shit and generally hitting the point home that I was other, alienated and not worth his time.
I felt utterly abandoned, crushed and distressed over it. I now know this was stupidly giving him the narcissistic supply he needed to feel human. I spent a year grieving what I then thought was a great loss. This has undoubtedly left me with scars on my heart and soul. Well, lessons truly well learnt.
We get to his birthday a year later and something in me snaps back to self respect and reality. If he's only prepared to give me teenagesque grunt style replies and then, only when I text him, it's not worth my effort nor time. So I wished him happy birthday and chose not to contact him further but would reply if he contact me.
You can guess how long the no contact lasted.
Well actually, pretty damn long. A whole year in fact.
My birthday came and went and nothing in return, Covid arse fucked the world, and not a note of concern. We even had a few good sized earthquakes and still, not so much as a fart in my general direction. Christmas, new years, nothing. This hit home to me that I had made the right choice to go no contact, one of the few survival and recovery techniques you can deploy when dealing with a narcissist. Yet still, the closest we came to contact was observing each other blocking and unblocking each other as contacts on a text app like children.
This was a hard year. despite my mental fortitude, there were tears for my lost friend, best mate, brother. Then tears for realising I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. They don't teach you that shit in school.
So a year comes and goes and were back to his birthday. My resolve crumbled and I chose to send him birthday wishes. Our only contact for an entire year! A few hours later, I get a 'thank you' and then... back to absolutely nothing. This weakened me a bit, a healthy dose of rose tinted glasses and fond memories made me think, perhaps we can rekindle a connection. A month later, I sent a funny text, in the hope that perhaps we could work on burying the hatched.
I was a fool to even think this was a possibility.
Remember, I dared to speak my mind, scorn him for his cuntish narcissistic behavior and then to add insult to injury, didn't contact 'him' for year. Not as long as you've got a hole up your arse was he, is he, going to debase himself by talking to me, not when there was still so much injustice dealt to him for me to beg forgiveness for. That's just how narcissists work and he is a narcissist, a completely delusional narcissist.
Where once in me there was friendship, loyalty, devotion and love. Now there is nothing but cooling anger, firm hatred, utter revulsion and tempering pity. He 'chose' to throw me away. This in hindsight was almost divine intervention. They say God removes people from your life because he heard the conversations you did not, and for this I am grateful, but likewise, I don't think he truly understand what he's lost in his life by discarding me. My dodged bullet, is truly his loss.
So be it.
I understand he's getting married this year. That there may even be a child on the way. I feel... nothing. Well, not quite nothing. Sadness. But not for me. For those in his future. He is a creature of narcissistic pattern, whether he understands it or is even conscious of it or not. He is. This means the current pet vagina (trust me, that's how he see her) that he's shacked up with will be subject to his twisted, self pitying gas lighting and cries for narcissistic supply. Worse still, when he wears her into the pits of self loathing a depression, he may well have a child to fuel his narcissism.
God help them, I do pity them.
I do pity him.
On the other hand I hope she wises up and rapes him for ever dime he's worth, and then boots his sorry arse to the curb, lol.
This has been a two year journey of pain and healing, the like of which I would wish on no one, yet still have come to be thankful for, for all that I have learnt. I am wiser, stronger, more resilient and more self respecting. I have always struggled with shame and self loathing and although I am still a broken puppy at heart, my eyes and ears are keener, my bark is louder and fiercer and my teeth and bite are far, far sharper.
I am hopeful to one day be someone's bromance again. Though not with a narcissist, lol.
Beware the coming of the narcissist my friends, especially when woods are dark, the fields are frozen and the moon, is fat.
thank you for your reply because I’m sure I’m in the very exact situation. I do think also I’m over thinking it too because from what I’ve got from our mutuals is that he’s never around unless asked. I think what happened from the very beginning was I had a friend from middle school who introduced me to the narc and then out of nowhere disappeared, and I assumed that the narc would be just as friendly as my old friend, but I was blinded by his charisma and everything.
like everyone has mentioned, and not to take hope from anyone’s friendships, but they are literal ticking time bombs waiting to explode on the person “closest” to them until they find a wife lmao
It's a bit of a head fuck to think I started this thread just over two years ago now. I think it might be time for an update, lol.
My 'bromance' and I never mended our relationship and I think it's now very safe to say it's dead, as dead as a dead dog's dick in a dirt desert ditch in a December deluge. AKA, pretty fucking dead.
After we fell out, which I now understand was completely his choice due to his narcissism, I spent a year hoping, trying, begging to get my friend back. To which I saw him only twice, over the entire year and even then, only for a few hours at best. Not content with his utter narcissistic disregarding of me, he spent that year emphasizing just how much he didn't want me in his life, nor wanted to be in mine. Coming and going on social media and all that childish shit and generally hitting the point home that I was other, alienated and not worth his time.
I felt utterly abandoned, crushed and distressed over it. I now know this was stupidly giving him the narcissistic supply he needed to feel human. I spent a year grieving what I then thought was a great loss. This has undoubtedly left me with scars on my heart and soul. Well, lessons truly well learnt.
We get to his birthday a year later and something in me snaps back to self respect and reality. If he's only prepared to give me teenagesque grunt style replies and then, only when I text him, it's not worth my effort nor time. So I wished him happy birthday and chose not to contact him further but would reply if he contact me.
You can guess how long the no contact lasted.
Well actually, pretty damn long. A whole year in fact.
My birthday came and went and nothing in return, Covid arse fucked the world, and not a note of concern. We even had a few good sized earthquakes and still, not so much as a fart in my general direction. Christmas, new years, nothing. This hit home to me that I had made the right choice to go no contact, one of the few survival and recovery techniques you can deploy when dealing with a narcissist. Yet still, the closest we came to contact was observing each other blocking and unblocking each other as contacts on a text app like children.
This was a hard year. despite my mental fortitude, there were tears for my lost friend, best mate, brother. Then tears for realising I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. They don't teach you that shit in school.
So a year comes and goes and were back to his birthday. My resolve crumbled and I chose to send him birthday wishes. Our only contact for an entire year! A few hours later, I get a 'thank you' and then... back to absolutely nothing. This weakened me a bit, a healthy dose of rose tinted glasses and fond memories made me think, perhaps we can rekindle a connection. A month later, I sent a funny text, in the hope that perhaps we could work on burying the hatched.
I was a fool to even think this was a possibility.
Remember, I dared to speak my mind, scorn him for his cuntish narcissistic behavior and then to add insult to injury, didn't contact 'him' for year. Not as long as you've got a hole up your arse was he, is he, going to debase himself by talking to me, not when there was still so much injustice dealt to him for me to beg forgiveness for. That's just how narcissists work and he is a narcissist, a completely delusional narcissist.
Where once in me there was friendship, loyalty, devotion and love. Now there is nothing but cooling anger, firm hatred, utter revulsion and tempering pity. He 'chose' to throw me away. This in hindsight was almost divine intervention. They say God removes people from your life because he heard the conversations you did not, and for this I am grateful, but likewise, I don't think he truly understand what he's lost in his life by discarding me. My dodged bullet, is truly his loss.
So be it.
I understand he's getting married this year. That there may even be a child on the way. I feel... nothing. Well, not quite nothing. Sadness. But not for me. For those in his future. He is a creature of narcissistic pattern, whether he understands it or is even conscious of it or not. He is. This means the current pet vagina (trust me, that's how he see her) that he's shacked up with will be subject to his twisted, self pitying gas lighting and cries for narcissistic supply. Worse still, when he wears her into the pits of self loathing a depression, he may well have a child to fuel his narcissism.
God help them, I do pity them.
I do pity him.
On the other hand I hope she wises up and rapes him for ever dime he's worth, and then boots his sorry arse to the curb, lol.
This has been a two year journey of pain and healing, the like of which I would wish on no one, yet still have come to be thankful for, for all that I have learnt. I am wiser, stronger, more resilient and more self respecting. I have always struggled with shame and self loathing and although I am still a broken puppy at heart, my eyes and ears are keener, my bark is louder and fiercer and my teeth and bite are far, far sharper.
I am hopeful to one day be someone's bromance again. Though not with a narcissist, lol.
Beware the coming of the narcissist my friends, especially when woods are dark, the fields are frozen and the moon, is fat.
Rugbypup, I say this with care and best wishes and considerable feeling for your pain ... but you do not need to put yourself through this.
At its heart, this is a simple tale; a person you became emotionally involved with turned out not to be a good person. A person you thought was a friend was not.
Absolutely no good can come from wishing him 'happy birthday' or contacting him at all. It will not repair the friendship (not that there ever was a true friendship). All that can happen is that the scab that was forming is ripped off yet again, and the healing has to start all over again.
I would VERY strongly urge you to never contact this person again, and to resist even labelling this a 'bromance'. Instead, I would encourage you to put this 'bromance' down to a case of mistaken identity. You thought he was a 'bro'; a friend - he was not. He was never your friend, never will be and you are doing yourself a great disservice giving him this much energy. He is totally not worth it.
I believe the best 'revenge' and certainly the best medicine is to never, EVER contact him again. Even now, I'm sure he expects to hear from you at some future date. And he will enjoy hearing from you, knowing you're still under his big alpha spell. Pull the plug once and for all – if you haven't already firmly resolved to – and you will gain self respect and deny him the opportunity of spurning you yet again.
Look after yourself, mate. *hugs*
EagleCowboy
Cherished Member
It's a bit of a head fuck to think I started this thread just over two years ago now. I think it might be time for an update, lol.
My 'bromance' and I never mended our relationship and I think it's now very safe to say it's dead, as dead as a dead dog's dick in a dirt desert ditch in a December deluge. AKA, pretty fucking dead.
After we fell out, which I now understand was completely his choice due to his narcissism, I spent a year hoping, trying, begging to get my friend back. To which I saw him only twice, over the entire year and even then, only for a few hours at best. Not content with his utter narcissistic disregarding of me, he spent that year emphasizing just how much he didn't want me in his life, nor wanted to be in mine. Coming and going on social media and all that childish shit and generally hitting the point home that I was other, alienated and not worth his time.
I felt utterly abandoned, crushed and distressed over it. I now know this was stupidly giving him the narcissistic supply he needed to feel human. I spent a year grieving what I then thought was a great loss. This has undoubtedly left me with scars on my heart and soul. Well, lessons truly well learnt.
We get to his birthday a year later and something in me snaps back to self respect and reality. If he's only prepared to give me teenagesque grunt style replies and then, only when I text him, it's not worth my effort nor time. So I wished him happy birthday and chose not to contact him further but would reply if he contact me.
You can guess how long the no contact lasted.
Well actually, pretty damn long. A whole year in fact.
My birthday came and went and nothing in return, Covid arse fucked the world, and not a note of concern. We even had a few good sized earthquakes and still, not so much as a fart in my general direction. Christmas, new years, nothing. This hit home to me that I had made the right choice to go no contact, one of the few survival and recovery techniques you can deploy when dealing with a narcissist. Yet still, the closest we came to contact was observing each other blocking and unblocking each other as contacts on a text app like children.
This was a hard year. despite my mental fortitude, there were tears for my lost friend, best mate, brother. Then tears for realising I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. They don't teach you that shit in school.
So a year comes and goes and were back to his birthday. My resolve crumbled and I chose to send him birthday wishes. Our only contact for an entire year! A few hours later, I get a 'thank you' and then... back to absolutely nothing. This weakened me a bit, a healthy dose of rose tinted glasses and fond memories made me think, perhaps we can rekindle a connection. A month later, I sent a funny text, in the hope that perhaps we could work on burying the hatched.
I was a fool to even think this was a possibility.
Remember, I dared to speak my mind, scorn him for his cuntish narcissistic behavior and then to add insult to injury, didn't contact 'him' for year. Not as long as you've got a hole up your arse was he, is he, going to debase himself by talking to me, not when there was still so much injustice dealt to him for me to beg forgiveness for. That's just how narcissists work and he is a narcissist, a completely delusional narcissist.
Where once in me there was friendship, loyalty, devotion and love. Now there is nothing but cooling anger, firm hatred, utter revulsion and tempering pity. He 'chose' to throw me away. This in hindsight was almost divine intervention. They say God removes people from your life because he heard the conversations you did not, and for this I am grateful, but likewise, I don't think he truly understand what he's lost in his life by discarding me. My dodged bullet, is truly his loss.
So be it.
I understand he's getting married this year. That there may even be a child on the way. I feel... nothing. Well, not quite nothing. Sadness. But not for me. For those in his future. He is a creature of narcissistic pattern, whether he understands it or is even conscious of it or not. He is. This means the current pet vagina (trust me, that's how he see her) that he's shacked up with will be subject to his twisted, self pitying gas lighting and cries for narcissistic supply. Worse still, when he wears her into the pits of self loathing a depression, he may well have a child to fuel his narcissism.
God help them, I do pity them.
I do pity him.
On the other hand I hope she wises up and rapes him for ever dime he's worth, and then boots his sorry arse to the curb, lol.
This has been a two year journey of pain and healing, the like of which I would wish on no one, yet still have come to be thankful for, for all that I have learnt. I am wiser, stronger, more resilient and more self respecting. I have always struggled with shame and self loathing and although I am still a broken puppy at heart, my eyes and ears are keener, my bark is louder and fiercer and my teeth and bite are far, far sharper.
I am hopeful to one day be someone's bromance again. Though not with a narcissist, lol.
Beware the coming of the narcissist my friends, especially when woods are dark, the fields are frozen and the moon, is fat.
YAY!!!
You got over him!!
May I suggest an awesome cowboy from the great country of Texas?
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It's been a while since I started this thread and over that time, my (so called) friend and I have never managed to reconnect on any level. I've often deluded myself that one day...
I've even thought about him on birthdays and holidays but I've remained resolute and not contacted him. Though, the same is also true, he has never contact me either. I am truly and utterly disposed of, lol.
I understand this was a bullet dodged being as he's a manipulating narcissist but still, there's an ember of missing the friendship I thought we had. Well, today I found out he got married in November last year. I knew it would happen but still, I cant help but think of the fact I wasn't even a consideration.
There would of been a stag do and dare I say it, even a best man spot going, all the things close male friends should be part of in each others lives. Then I remember, I was nothing but a means to an end, an emotion tampon and source of narcissistic supply until he got himself comfortable with a new and female victim. I cant help but lament for what I thought I meant to him, for what (for a while) he meant to me.
But the truth is, we fell out just over three years ago, we haven't spoken in two years, bar a text I sent him to which I got a labored platitude in reply. He bought a house, and didn't tell me, he got engaged and didn't tell me, he got married and didn't tell me. The message is clear, lol.
I wouldn't of gone of course, hes an utter cunt, but still, I get a bit grief stricken when I think of what might of been. I miss having a close male friend very much, still. The older one gets, the harder it is to bond on a deep level with another man and the absents of that masculinity is a bit painful.
I find myself on occasion trying, via apps and such but frankly they're gross. If ever you wanted to be treated like an undesirable, disposable, inconsequential bit of shit, try the modern app scene, lol. I've lost a lot of the hope and interested I once had that one day I might be lucky enough to feel close to another guy on the level I thought I shared with him.
Alas, onward we go. Scared and wiser, stronger and lonelier. Til the day we share the burdens we carry, or succumb to the height of them.
Sigh.
I've even thought about him on birthdays and holidays but I've remained resolute and not contacted him. Though, the same is also true, he has never contact me either. I am truly and utterly disposed of, lol.
I understand this was a bullet dodged being as he's a manipulating narcissist but still, there's an ember of missing the friendship I thought we had. Well, today I found out he got married in November last year. I knew it would happen but still, I cant help but think of the fact I wasn't even a consideration.
There would of been a stag do and dare I say it, even a best man spot going, all the things close male friends should be part of in each others lives. Then I remember, I was nothing but a means to an end, an emotion tampon and source of narcissistic supply until he got himself comfortable with a new and female victim. I cant help but lament for what I thought I meant to him, for what (for a while) he meant to me.
But the truth is, we fell out just over three years ago, we haven't spoken in two years, bar a text I sent him to which I got a labored platitude in reply. He bought a house, and didn't tell me, he got engaged and didn't tell me, he got married and didn't tell me. The message is clear, lol.
I wouldn't of gone of course, hes an utter cunt, but still, I get a bit grief stricken when I think of what might of been. I miss having a close male friend very much, still. The older one gets, the harder it is to bond on a deep level with another man and the absents of that masculinity is a bit painful.
I find myself on occasion trying, via apps and such but frankly they're gross. If ever you wanted to be treated like an undesirable, disposable, inconsequential bit of shit, try the modern app scene, lol. I've lost a lot of the hope and interested I once had that one day I might be lucky enough to feel close to another guy on the level I thought I shared with him.
Alas, onward we go. Scared and wiser, stronger and lonelier. Til the day we share the burdens we carry, or succumb to the height of them.
Sigh.
Hello, I just read through your posts and to me it seems you two were in some type of co-dependent relationship?
Also you keep bringing him up, contacting him, despite knowing he doesn't want to get in touch with you/treats you really bad. I don't mean to be mean, but it looks as if you are seeking out his rejection? He might be a narcissist but you are the one playing the victim part in this constellation.
I also notice you seem to be rather a little "obsessed" by words like masculinity, submissiveness etc. If I remember correctly you also wrote you like being taken care of/ feeling protected - which I think is a normal human need. Maybe you could get more in touch with your own "masculinity" and protective side and see how things work out.
I noticed I used to have a crush on guys that displayed behaviours I wouldn't/couldn't attribute to myself, because I thought me being gay would render it impossible for me to behave in certain ways. I also noticed in my own life that masculinity doesn't equal the stereotypical bad boy behaviour (I'm actually trying not to use the terms masculine/feminine a lot, because I think we all share the same feelings/behaviours regardless of what is considered masculine/feminine behaviour).
So yeah - basically I think you might need to work on your self esteem, trust me - you can never have enough of it.
Also you keep bringing him up, contacting him, despite knowing he doesn't want to get in touch with you/treats you really bad. I don't mean to be mean, but it looks as if you are seeking out his rejection? He might be a narcissist but you are the one playing the victim part in this constellation.
I also notice you seem to be rather a little "obsessed" by words like masculinity, submissiveness etc. If I remember correctly you also wrote you like being taken care of/ feeling protected - which I think is a normal human need. Maybe you could get more in touch with your own "masculinity" and protective side and see how things work out.
I noticed I used to have a crush on guys that displayed behaviours I wouldn't/couldn't attribute to myself, because I thought me being gay would render it impossible for me to behave in certain ways. I also noticed in my own life that masculinity doesn't equal the stereotypical bad boy behaviour (I'm actually trying not to use the terms masculine/feminine a lot, because I think we all share the same feelings/behaviours regardless of what is considered masculine/feminine behaviour).
So yeah - basically I think you might need to work on your self esteem, trust me - you can never have enough of it.
I real sorry had experience like this but sometimes it for the best buddy you know you been good friend you seem like sweet guy it his lose hope when time your heart will heal .
Sounds like a user to me.
After reading your original post and this part, it seems very clear to me that he very well knew you had a huge crush on him and he totally abused having that power over you and yeah, that's the type of people that will drop you at the smallest thing that goes wrong.
I know it won't make the pain any less and it's easier said than done:
But let this one go, even if for whatever reason he returns to you because he eventually realizes he lost his buddy with benefits (benefits being everything he was using you for, not sex), because he will always just use you.
