AS much as I hate to admit it, from time to time I loose it and punch something (usually a door frame, as the walls in my house are plaster and have been up for around 80 years). Unfortunately, my living arrangements suck. I have been living and taking care of one of my grandparents for the last 6 or 7 years. At first it was to be there for them in a physical manner (housework, yardwork, repairs, cooking, and first aid), but over the last year and a half alzheimer's has set in and their cognative abilities have drastically been reduced.
Unfortunately, their ablity to reason and understand has declined to an extent, its like dealing with a 3 year old. I can't reason with her any more, and she's so fucking stubborn its not even funny. THe house could be on fire, but until she sees it on fire...well I'm just lying.
So I have no way of communicating with her, and even raising my voice disturbs her to the point of tears, so I just have to suck it up and internalize my frustration. From time to time, the frustration climbs to the surface, and I have to have some sort of physical release, and I end up punching something. I'm not a violent person and have never violently or intentionally caused any type of physical pain on anyone, but sometimes I just have to have that physical release.
Sad thing is...If I'm really stressed out b/c of work or home life, when I sleep, I have dreams where I am releasing all of my anger on someone, and next thing I know I wake up to a sharp pain in my fist, then quickly fall right back to sleep. The next morning, I wake up and my hand is black and blue and for the life of me I can't figure out how the hell it happened.