When You Have the SUCKIEST Dad That Ever Lived

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by HellsKitchenmanNYC, Jul 24, 2009.

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  1. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    I got an email from a pal in England that I've known for yrs. Her dad might be passing soon. Took me days to respond as I had to think about things....did I respond ok?
    ----

    I haven't avoided yr email, rather I'm trying to put into words what to say. I have to finish formulating it into real words but I think in my heart it's something you should hear from a friend who probably feels/felt the same way regarding dads. i hope I can kinda convince you, oddly enuf, to go against yr instincts and talk to your dad even for a second and I'll tell you why when I can finish putting it into words. But trust me it it will probably help your soul to do so. Don't let him die w/o talking to him one last time. No matter how it turns out or how you hurt you are or wanna cry or if he's stilla jerk. OK here goes: I felt the same way until the day FINALLY arrived that my dad DID actually die. When I finally got the phone call I was stunned, breathed deep and thot to myself...ahhh it's finally all over. If only that had been true. after talking to Rose and having a mini breakdown my whole body began to shake...uncontrollably...my mind seemed unwired and I didn't know what was going on. This was just inside my bedroom after hearing all this. I was wandering around in circles, saying to myself ooutloud..."OMG it's finally happened, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone!"
    The next day after I woke up after not sleeping much. I thot to myself WOW. Am I finally free from all this crap, this junk...a lifetime of it?
    After I had coffee and some egg thing I thot to myself.......".it's over, it's really over now that he's gone.BUT I'lll never get THAT I'm sorry now." Why would I feel so bad about this after years of his abuse and you know...you know.
    As I mentioned before in one of our MANY father discussions the last time I saw him in RHode Island outside my grandfather's house he came up to me i the driveway and said "I love you. You know I'm a macho and I know you're not but I love you". I was thinking to myself wtf? Who says that and to their son no le ss w/a straight face. And after WHAT he did?! But EVEN still why did I EVEN want an acknowledgment a real praise? That's the question.
    At that point I was angry again and was thinking that I better still get my 2 million when he died. I got 2 cents when his sisters moved in.
    Either way....in the long run, as evil as they are to you, and you know what my dad did and everything, you can hate them all your life, wish them bad but you prob are feeling kind of like I did that JUST BECAUSE they were your parent that somewhere inside of him, he actually had some dad feeling, somewhere. It all got fucked up for them, our dads, and how it got THAT bad I don't know. All I know is even still, w/all the bad, that EVEN STILL, I had heard the 2 words I'm SOrry pass thru his lips.
    Unfort. All I got was all the relatives stealing everything and my thots. My last words from himwere far from what I wanted to hear but maybe you can get something from someone still alive? either way it's a hard decision just remember if you decide not to talk to him one more time, even looking for an apology, that demented question will haunt you forever as it haunts me and i don't want you to have that! There was nothing I could ever do to have a real relatonship esp after...and nothing could undo what had been done to overstep that relationship and it all got even worse when the graverobbers came in and scooped it all up.
    Don't let that happen to you, I know emotions are all mixed up w/this...but try to at LEAST get SOME sort of answer.
    ME
     
    #1 HellsKitchenmanNYC, Jul 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2009
  2. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    still editing............
     
  3. Mem

    Mem
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    It was probably an awkward and difficult thing for him to say. The important thing is that he said it.

    No parent is perfect. I don't need my parents to tell me they love me to know it. My father told me that he yelled at the religious people who come door to door. I find that wrong, but I won't say it to him because it will make him mad at me. He is set in his ways and grew up in a different time.

    What you father was trying to say is that it was hard for him to say it to you because you are more sensitive and caring than he is. He wasn't trying to insult you. He should have just said "I love you".
     
  4. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    Actually there'a LOTS of stuff I left out of that on purpose. Stuff that folks I don't know don't need to know. But I was just wondering if my email to my friend seemed to encourage her to not make the mistake of poss not hearing it from her dad (even what he did) near the end. I know it's all weird.
     
    #4 HellsKitchenmanNYC, Jul 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2009
  5. D_Gunther Snotpole

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    I think that email will probably have that effect, hells.
     
  6. Mem

    Mem
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    Just tell her she will probably regret it if she doesn't speak to him. Also tell her that when your father said "I love you " to you that it was important. Some people have trouble saying I love you. Even if you say it and the other person only says "me to", or "so do I" it still means a lot.

    it reminds me of this part in a song that I love

    When you fail to make the connection
    You know how vital it is
    Or when something slips through your fingers
    You know how precious it is
     
    #6 Mem, Jul 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2009
  7. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    OK I didn't make myself clear or you skimmed my post. When my dad said that it didn't really register w/me that hard. The whole point of the story was how were they gonna do it in their final days. Yeah that story had an impact on me but that just made me feel even more he was a jerk. Who would say that to their son and expect an answer.
     
  8. nudeyorker

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    Closed at the request of the OP
    PS I had the suckiest dad!
     
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