Where is the line between appearing too eager and being too nonchalant?
The same goes for getting another person's email.
The same goes for getting another person's email.
When you meet someone and get a phone number how long do you wait to call?
- Thread starter earllogjam
- Start date
I think you can ask for the email of relative strangers without appearing eager, most people don't consider their email address that personal. When it comes to appearing too eager or too nonchalant I think that very much depends on the other person, if they're fairly cool it'd make them think you were clingy and needy if you were all over them, but if they were eager and you were cool they'd think you weren't interested. When it comes to phone numbers you often don't have a choice, you have to ask for them in case you don't bump into that person again.
There, I was no help at all
There, I was no help at all
SpeedoGuy
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The interval was inversely proportional to how long it had been since I'd last been laid. :biggrin1:
B_Nick4444
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not a concern ... the only time the tel# comes into play, is an online meet resulting in real-world meet, the the only thing the tel# is good for, is for directions, in case there's trouble finding the place ...
e-mail is for setting everything up, so should be readily available at first meet and since
Principessa
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24-36 hours anything over that is too much. An e-mail contact can be later that day. However, it needs to be brief and perhaps a bit breezy in tone.
Three days? Maybe that's cool for gay guys; but a straight man needs to call me the next day. Otherwise I assume he is either not interested, a player, or he maybe relegated to the "friend zone."
A same day call makes you seem needy or desperate more than interested.
I can't answer the OP's question. I'd like to hear other people's answers. I don't know why people would have these rules of not liking someone because they called too soon or waited too long.
Where does one learn these "rules"? And njqt, why do you assume these things? I mean if someone is meeting tons of people every day, then I could see being so picky, but why dismiss someone because they didn't wait long enough or waited three days to call? Maybe the guy doesn't know your rules.
Principessa
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The 'wait 3 day thing' was mentioned in a dating book or a romantic comedy a few years ago. I assume if a man waits 3 days it is because he expects me to know how to play the rest of this game . . . I don't. :frown1: If you like me, call me. If you don't like me, then don't ask for my number just to be nice.
whatireallywant
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I think dating books and their silly "rules" are hurting more relationships than they are helping. I don't know how to play the "game" either, and have no desire to learn. The sooner people get over game-playing and rules in dating books, the better.
My advice is really radical (to the OP)... Be yourself! :smile:
Well, I'm hopeless confused. What if the guy is just shy or was busy or thought you were busy the days after he got your number. I don't understand why you think he is playing a game if he waits too long. Or maybe he is testing you to see if you are into playing games.
I think people read too much into this. Why not just ask why he/she waited so long to call? Or better yet, why not when you give someone your number say "give me a call tomorrow evening" (or some other time) so that you can avoid these games?
I'd like to know when it's proper to ask for someone's number. That's how dumb I am. :frown1: I mean if I meet someone at the grocery store and talk for one minute, should I ask for their number? It just seems odd to me. I think I'd come across as creepy or something by doing that. I don't think I'd feel comfortable asking for a number unless I already knew the girl and/or talked for a while first.
Principessa
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The real problem is I'm neurotic. :redface: I always assume the worst. Therefore, if I give a guy my number or e-mail on Saturday afternoon at Starbuck's and he doesn't contact me until Tuesday or Wednesday I have already decided why he isn't interested in me.
I will have gone over our encounter in my head 15 times, thought of wittier things I should of said, sharper casual outfits I could have worn, fretted that he hated my hair, smile, shoes etc. By the time HE calls 3+ days later I am a shell of the woman he met. :frown1:
If he calls the next day he won't see that side of me for weeks probably months. :smile: By which point I will have so enchanted him it won't seem like that big a deal.Good question.
I went out on a date with a girl I met on E-Harmony. We had lunch and talked for three hours. At the end she shook my hand and offered to pay the tip!
Well!
That was that. I emailed her that night saying what a great time I had and how I hoped to see her again but she took three days to reply.
I took that as a sign that she didn't give a shit so I never contacted her again. It's a pity because I did find her attractive which, in male parlance means, I'd have fucked her silly.
I went out on a date with a girl I met on E-Harmony. We had lunch and talked for three hours. At the end she shook my hand and offered to pay the tip!
Well!
That was that. I emailed her that night saying what a great time I had and how I hoped to see her again but she took three days to reply.
I took that as a sign that she didn't give a shit so I never contacted her again. It's a pity because I did find her attractive which, in male parlance means, I'd have fucked her silly.
Lex
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- Lex,
Here here!
These rules are, in the end, more detrimental than anything else. I have been on the receiving end of someone not calling you back or answering because they want to seem busy or not seem too interested. What is wrong with being interested in someone? The entire playing "hard to get" game is beyond ridiculous to me. I am often not surprised that those who play it are chronically single.
When I was single and someone gave me their number, I would call the next day. If they did not return my call within 2 days, I would say it went nowhere (same for if I gave them my number).
The same can be said for online stuff. If you are local and are not willing to go from IM to phone to coffee--take it for what it really is: chatter. Nothing more. Oh--and ALWAYS make someone get on cam before you meet them live (this is the TYphu31 rule as he made it up). I have many friends who have had people pretend to be something/someone that they were not.
It takes me under an hour to a year- if a year passes, I realize it ain't about to happen and I dispose of the # and/or address.
In general, I try to give it one or two days.
rob_just_rob
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I usually wait a couple of days. For my part, if someone takes more than 3 days to call me, I gather that she isn't interested, but I'm not put off if she calls me the same day we met.
If she calls me 3 or 4 times on the same day we met, that's a different story.
If she calls me 3 or 4 times on the same day we met, that's a different story.
Sixofspades
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OP: Those kinds of rules are just stupid. If I want to contact someone, I contact them. I don't set an alarm or mark it on the calendar.
I have absolutely NO problem turning around and walking away (or whatever the case may be) if someone turns out to be substantially different from what they portrayed online.
If I agree to meet someone at the Eagle, and online, he's claimed to be 35, we meet, he turns out to be 65, I have no interest in going any further, and I have no interest in sparing his feelings. The same would apply if he claimed to be 60 and was actually 30, or if there was a 60 pound discrepancy, or any other major discrepancy. People gotta be honest with me, or I don't care to be around them.
Meh. You and I didn't cam before we met.
I have absolutely NO problem turning around and walking away (or whatever the case may be) if someone turns out to be substantially different from what they portrayed online.
If I agree to meet someone at the Eagle, and online, he's claimed to be 35, we meet, he turns out to be 65, I have no interest in going any further, and I have no interest in sparing his feelings. The same would apply if he claimed to be 60 and was actually 30, or if there was a 60 pound discrepancy, or any other major discrepancy. People gotta be honest with me, or I don't care to be around them.
Guy-jin
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The timing of the phone call completely depends on the woman, situation, and how interested I am. It's usually 3-5 days. If it's an email, usually I'll send it within a day, because it's less personal.
If she doesn't pick up, I give a woman two calls before I won't bother calling again, and leave quick messages. But I pretty much never need to go to a second call if it's a woman who's interested, because she'll call back after the first one.
If she doesn't pick up, I give a woman two calls before I won't bother calling again, and leave quick messages. But I pretty much never need to go to a second call if it's a woman who's interested, because she'll call back after the first one.
