When Your Guy Doesn't Come

90x

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My fwbs get frustrated (on the verge of upset) that I don't always finish. I explain that I enjoy fucking and get off on them enjoying themselves. I know I can take awhile to finish. It doesn't help If I sense they are just "hanging in there", in hopes of me finishing. Explaining that doesn't seem to be enough. Any suggestions?
 
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SoaringSpirit

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You can tell them nicely what you stated, their pleasure IS yours & no reflection on them but you don't always have to "orgasm".
There are times where my other half dosent come right away & he can stay hard for a long time. Of course I want him to but it's not a requirement. Ours is an exclusive relationship so we understand each other.
That's really all you can do, perhaps even mention beforehand, that it gratifies you immensely giving them pleasure & not to worry if you come or not.
 

Scarletbegonia

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My fwbs get frustrated (on the verge of upset) that I don't always finish. I explain that I enjoy fucking and get off on them enjoying themselves. I know I can take awhile to finish. It doesn't help If I sense they are just "hanging in there", in hopes of me finishing. Explaining that doesn't seem to be enough. Any suggestions?

finish in different ways, perhaps? Not simply PIV.
 
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90x

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Concentrate and come.
Finish the job babe, your cum is the reward.
Unless your jerking off too much and you have no energy left :emoji_ghost:

Concentration might just be the problem. I'm laser focused on leaving them in a breathless, sweaty mess that I don't "let go". Usually not an issue after the third or fourth time with someone.
 

Scarletbegonia

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It’s created problems when my guy (ex husband and rebound guys in this case) were so focused on the prize of “getting me to come” rather than be in the moment.

In my current situation, it’s just all about playing and enjoying, and if the Shiny Squirrel of Doom sidetracks either orgasm, so be it. We can cuddle a bit and try again, or just roll with it, and curl up around each other.
 
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I won't deny that it upsets me for irrational reasons if my fella doesn't finish.
+1

One of my LTR's didn't disclose that he was on antidepressants that affected his ability to finish. I internalized his inability to orgasm as I was doing something wrong/he was attracted to me/he wasn't over his ex/etc. and it fucked with my self esteem. Once he disclosed it, then I went down the rabbit hole of "what else isn't he disclosing", etc. Not a happy place and it contributed to the demise of our relationship.

Ironically, my current guy is on same meds and disclosed it right away. Fortunately, he wants me to have a good experience and can stay hard for-EV-er so I can have as much fun as I want to have. When I've been satisfied and he hasn't had an orgasm yet, I'll sometimes ask if he's got one in him or not... if he does, we keep going. If not, I tell him that I'm happy.

OP- can you offer any insight on how you'd prefer for your partner to verbally "tap out" (and she's just hanging in in hopes of you getting yours)? Also- if you feel comfortable with sharing, do you know why you don't reach orgasm (meds, physical condition, etc)? Asking in case there might be a difference in approach.

Also- I'd offer that it has been HUGE for me that the current guy told me upfront. If there's a physical/medical reason for your inability that you feel comfortable sharing with your FWBs, say so. And if you have a preferred way that they "tap out", offer that to them. That'd go a long way for me not feeling obligated to keep trying, if I were in their shoes. Or no shoes, as the case may be.
 

MickeyLee

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I'll ask if my partner might need something I didn't bring to the show to get their crescendo. If the answer is yes I am totes willing to follow prompts and guidance.

If my partner tells me they don't always cum and are simply enjoying the moment I'm good with that. Bring on the snacks, the cuddling and I have a Netflix password.

I try to park my ego on the floor next to my bloomers when it comes to smexy times. In my younger years I might have felt some sense of not being up to booty snuff or that my playpal wasn't so into it. But life done learned me. From a partner who kept her orgasms to herself. To another who preferred to delay orgasm over multiple rounds in one session. That is their orgasm. I'm stoked to share if they are game. If not, meh, as long as a good time is had by all then everything is chill.
 

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My husband has explained to me more than once that I can bring him "past orgasm." He explains that I can get him so aroused so quickly that he has to come down before he can orgasm. And when we slow things down later he has no problem.

I've never experienced that before, and I don't know how common that would be.
 

ChanelleNo5

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I used to get my feelings a bit hurt but I never let them know.

What really got to me was when my SO denied me sex. I figured guys ALWAYS wanted sex unless they weren't attracted to you as a woman. One partner broke it down to me like "when we first started seeing each other I was so starved that of course I wanted it all the time. Now that we've been together a while and I know I can have it pretty much whenever, I just don't jump because I'm pretty satisfied at the moment."

Which made perfect sense but I was still butthurt because of my own insecurities and that's not their fault.
 

Scarletbegonia

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I used to get my feelings a bit hurt but I never let them know.

What really got to me was when my SO denied me sex. I figured guys ALWAYS wanted sex unless they weren't attracted to you as a woman. One partner broke it down to me like "when we first started seeing each other I was so starved that of course I wanted it all the time. Now that we've been together a while and I know I can have it pretty much whenever, I just don't jump because I'm pretty satisfied at the moment."

Which made perfect sense but I was still butthurt because of my own insecurities and that's not their fault.
New relationship energy is an amazing aphrodisiac. All the sex is good, to some degree. Then, post frenzy, it’s about really leading the others rhythms.