Happy to respond, Brett. We've been a couple for 31 years, and monogamous until about 6 years ago. However, husband is very disabled now, cerebral palsy since birth and many orthopedic operations over the years. He has been in intense pain for decades, and since about 20 years ago has been unable to have any kind of intimate contact. Then in 2007 he began to have very serious infections starting with sepsis, then pneumonia and during those hospitalizations he contracted clostridium difficult (c. diff) which is endemic in hospitals and nursing homes. Each of these infections almost killed him and his 3rd bout of c.diff ended with toxic megacolon. He was unconscious when the doctors broke the news to me that unless his large intestine was removed in the next few hours he would die. He woke up while I was deliberating, and got 2nd and 3rd opinions. He now depends on an ostomy bag near his belly button; it's not sexy and he's still in constant pain.
He did not make the decision that I thought he would make based on 20 years of discussion, but I will not leave him. When we met, he had a big muscular build, was very handsome and had a great career. If I left him he would be in some miserable nursing home.
I am still working AND I give many hours to caregiving. Burnout is very, very real for people in my situation and husband knows that. Getting some intimacy and fun is necessary for my well-being and therefore, his as well.
