Well, everyone's asking where I've been and what I've been up to. I recently graduated from Harvard Law with a specialized degree in Special Stuff Knowledge Things. I also scaled the Himilayahs and got laid. I developed a nasty habit of smoking crack with Amy Winehouse, but then Obama called and BEGGED me to be part of his cabinet so I cleaned up (long enough to pass the drug test, only to find that they were going to fake my results anyway!) I decided that my talents could be put to better use than the US government so I offered my position to Hillary (who, believe it or not, has iron lungs, she hits bongs like nobody's business). Then I did some stuff and sucked some cocks. I had a brief marriage to Saved By The Bell star Mario Lopez, but I decided that he was too good for me and I we didn't have much in common so we broke up. I also had a pregnancy scare, the condom broke while he was fucking me and I woke up vomiting so I thought it was morning sickness, turns out it was just all that whiskey I had drank the night before. Which brings me up to last night, woke up in an alley behind a dumpster and walked home. It was cold. But I'm back bitches! Plus, you get 20 points if you recognize which AWESOME childhood show I referenced in the thread title.