Well, everyone's asking where I've been and what I've been up to. I recently graduated from Harvard Law with a specialized degree in Special Stuff Knowledge Things.
I also scaled the Himilayahs and got laid. I developed a nasty habit of smoking crack with Amy Winehouse, but then Obama called and BEGGED me to be part of his cabinet so I cleaned up (long enough to pass the drug test, only to find that they were going to fake my results anyway!
)
I decided that my talents could be put to better use than the US government so I offered my position to Hillary (who, believe it or not, has iron lungs, she hits bongs like nobody's business).
Then I did some stuff and sucked some cocks. I had a brief marriage to Saved By The Bell star Mario Lopez, but I decided that he was too good for me and I we didn't have much in common so we broke up.
I also had a pregnancy scare, the condom broke while he was fucking me and I woke up vomiting so I thought it was morning sickness, turns out it was just all that whiskey I had drank the night before.
Which brings me up to last night, woke up in an alley behind a dumpster and walked home. It was cold.
But I'm back bitches!
Plus, you get 20 points if you recognize which AWESOME childhood show I referenced in the thread title.
I also scaled the Himilayahs and got laid. I developed a nasty habit of smoking crack with Amy Winehouse, but then Obama called and BEGGED me to be part of his cabinet so I cleaned up (long enough to pass the drug test, only to find that they were going to fake my results anyway!
)I decided that my talents could be put to better use than the US government so I offered my position to Hillary (who, believe it or not, has iron lungs, she hits bongs like nobody's business).
Then I did some stuff and sucked some cocks. I had a brief marriage to Saved By The Bell star Mario Lopez, but I decided that he was too good for me and I we didn't have much in common so we broke up.
I also had a pregnancy scare, the condom broke while he was fucking me and I woke up vomiting so I thought it was morning sickness, turns out it was just all that whiskey I had drank the night before.
Which brings me up to last night, woke up in an alley behind a dumpster and walked home. It was cold.
But I'm back bitches!
Plus, you get 20 points if you recognize which AWESOME childhood show I referenced in the thread title.
