I decided to interrogate a subject that a friend presented to me in discussion. The lack of representation for black "daddies" in porn and on adult content websites. Where are they? Why don't they exist the way white and non-black "daddies" exist? If you aren't familiar with the term, I'll try to put it into context so that we can all have a clear understanding of the "daddy" figure as it relates to the dating world and porn. In straight porn it's usually an older man who engages sexually with a much younger female. In the gay community the "daddy" figure is pretty much the same. It is also considered a tribe in which men can identify with on dating apps. It's a way to make things simpler in finding a partner. A man that identifies as a "daddy" is letting potential suitors know that he is a mature man with plenty of life experience and "sexperience" as my friend would say. Him labelling himself as a "daddy" might also be an indication that he is seeking a younger partner. In the gay community there are multiple tribes that exist for men to identify under, some of them are twink, jock, otter, cleancut, corporate, cub, bear, pig, muscle daddy, fem, masc, etc. The list literally can go on and on depending on which dating apps you are using.
My friend is of the age where he would be considered a "daddy." He is a handsome older black man nearing the age of 60. He's in great shape and he rocks a head full of salt and pepper hair and a full beard and mustache. These are some of the attributes that you will find in daddy figures on porn sites. I'm nearly 20 years younger than my friend so I had no clue about this particular tribe. I did know, however, that it was a tribe and popular trope in mainstream porn. I desired to know more about the "daddy" figure so my friend enlightened me further. My friend's name is Joe. He and I were talking about the harm in labels like "BBC" and the racial fetishism that black men experience and how it seems to be acceptable thanks to porn. He and I pretty much agree in the fact that we both despise it. We somehow started venturing into other subjects such as the lack of representation of black twinks and black daddies in porn. Joe said if we were to believe everything showcased in porn, one would be lead to believe that black men were all of a certain age, certain penis size, hyper-masculine, hyper-sexual, and aggressive. He also joked that we would believe that black people don't engage sexually with other black people considering the only time black people are showcased is in interracial porn. I knew exactly what Joe was talking about but I wanted him to go into detail a little more about that. He said that porn was created for the consumption of "white people" so it's what they like that is produced and presented to the public. When he was saying "white people" I believe he was including any group that is not black. The only time porn is labelled interracial is when it includes a black person. When an Asian woman is having sex with a white man it's not called interracial. When a Latin woman is having sex with an Asian man it isn't labeled as interracial. I hope this part is clear. Joe feels that black bodies and especially those of black men, are commodified in porn. Black men are like a highly sought after accessory because it is known that interracial porn is popular primarily in the United States where porn is consumed heavily. Joe then opened up more about his views on being a "daddy" but not seeing the representation of black men in such positions on porn sites on parity as "white" men. He recognizes that there is some prestige in being considered a "daddy." Initially when guys would call him "daddy," he was offended by it until he realized it was meant as a compliment. A "daddy" is a prestigious label in the gay community because it implies many great attributes. Aside from physical attributes, it is the other unseen attributes that make it such a prestigious label. One would automatically think that if you are a "daddy" you have tons of wisdom, you are masculine, you are a take charge kind of person, you are established, and the cherry on top is that you come with years of sexual experience under your belt (aka sexperience). Joe asked the question, "Why No Black Daddies?" It's a valid question. You don't see them often in straight or gay porn and they are not represented on sites unless you do a strategic search by coupling words that would signify a black person such as "ebony."
The rugged alpha male who is dominant and takes what he wants are tropes that only seem to privilege white men. Those same qualities are conversely feared and reviled in black men outside of the bedroom. Joe says that it feels like black men are not viewed as desirable past the age of 50 with a few exceptions. Those exceptions are black men that fit the dreaded "BBC" stereotypes. Also black men that are super buff or have some European physical features are the exception. Joe admitted to me that younger men have referred to him as daddy on apps due to his tough and dominating appearance thanks to the beard and mustache. The beard and mustache is a mixed blessing because while it gives him a rugged look that is desired by many, it's an attribute that may cause non-black people to fear him. He admitted that it has been the reason he's been racially profiled while in shopping centers by store merchants and mall security.
Joe told me that being a black top was a double edged sword because he's seen as desirable by guys of other races and nationalities but those same guys were frightened by him as if he were going to rape them. He said they are never affectionate and they never care to see his humanity by getting to know him on a deeper level after they've gotten what they wanted from him sexually. He feels like he only existed to perform a function. He feels that many non-black bottoms come loaded with scripted fantasies and expectations. In a sense he feels that he is expected to perform and there's no fun in that. The performative aspect is another truth that we as black men sometimes feel when we navigate the dating world when it comes to engaging with people of other races. If there is a fetish under the surface it creeps into the bedroom when a black man is expected to fulfill a fantasy that one might have from seeing black men perform in porn. Black men are expected to literally "perform" for other people's sexual pleasure. There really isn't much give and take. I expect that I will get some pushback from saying this but I welcome it because it's a discussion that needs to be had.
Next time you go on a porn site or a dating app where images are being promoted start to question why you don't see black twinks or black daddies showcased. If they are showcased they are usually showcased coupled with someone white or of another race but never black-on-black. The proliferation of interracial porn is prevalent in both the gay and straight world because that is what "white" people want to see. Are we not in an age where questioning the lack of representation is a thing? How would other groups feel if they didn't see themselves represented or they didn't see themselves represented in the numerous ways in which other groups are represented? Chime in and lets have a discussion
My friend is of the age where he would be considered a "daddy." He is a handsome older black man nearing the age of 60. He's in great shape and he rocks a head full of salt and pepper hair and a full beard and mustache. These are some of the attributes that you will find in daddy figures on porn sites. I'm nearly 20 years younger than my friend so I had no clue about this particular tribe. I did know, however, that it was a tribe and popular trope in mainstream porn. I desired to know more about the "daddy" figure so my friend enlightened me further. My friend's name is Joe. He and I were talking about the harm in labels like "BBC" and the racial fetishism that black men experience and how it seems to be acceptable thanks to porn. He and I pretty much agree in the fact that we both despise it. We somehow started venturing into other subjects such as the lack of representation of black twinks and black daddies in porn. Joe said if we were to believe everything showcased in porn, one would be lead to believe that black men were all of a certain age, certain penis size, hyper-masculine, hyper-sexual, and aggressive. He also joked that we would believe that black people don't engage sexually with other black people considering the only time black people are showcased is in interracial porn. I knew exactly what Joe was talking about but I wanted him to go into detail a little more about that. He said that porn was created for the consumption of "white people" so it's what they like that is produced and presented to the public. When he was saying "white people" I believe he was including any group that is not black. The only time porn is labelled interracial is when it includes a black person. When an Asian woman is having sex with a white man it's not called interracial. When a Latin woman is having sex with an Asian man it isn't labeled as interracial. I hope this part is clear. Joe feels that black bodies and especially those of black men, are commodified in porn. Black men are like a highly sought after accessory because it is known that interracial porn is popular primarily in the United States where porn is consumed heavily. Joe then opened up more about his views on being a "daddy" but not seeing the representation of black men in such positions on porn sites on parity as "white" men. He recognizes that there is some prestige in being considered a "daddy." Initially when guys would call him "daddy," he was offended by it until he realized it was meant as a compliment. A "daddy" is a prestigious label in the gay community because it implies many great attributes. Aside from physical attributes, it is the other unseen attributes that make it such a prestigious label. One would automatically think that if you are a "daddy" you have tons of wisdom, you are masculine, you are a take charge kind of person, you are established, and the cherry on top is that you come with years of sexual experience under your belt (aka sexperience). Joe asked the question, "Why No Black Daddies?" It's a valid question. You don't see them often in straight or gay porn and they are not represented on sites unless you do a strategic search by coupling words that would signify a black person such as "ebony."
The rugged alpha male who is dominant and takes what he wants are tropes that only seem to privilege white men. Those same qualities are conversely feared and reviled in black men outside of the bedroom. Joe says that it feels like black men are not viewed as desirable past the age of 50 with a few exceptions. Those exceptions are black men that fit the dreaded "BBC" stereotypes. Also black men that are super buff or have some European physical features are the exception. Joe admitted to me that younger men have referred to him as daddy on apps due to his tough and dominating appearance thanks to the beard and mustache. The beard and mustache is a mixed blessing because while it gives him a rugged look that is desired by many, it's an attribute that may cause non-black people to fear him. He admitted that it has been the reason he's been racially profiled while in shopping centers by store merchants and mall security.
Joe told me that being a black top was a double edged sword because he's seen as desirable by guys of other races and nationalities but those same guys were frightened by him as if he were going to rape them. He said they are never affectionate and they never care to see his humanity by getting to know him on a deeper level after they've gotten what they wanted from him sexually. He feels like he only existed to perform a function. He feels that many non-black bottoms come loaded with scripted fantasies and expectations. In a sense he feels that he is expected to perform and there's no fun in that. The performative aspect is another truth that we as black men sometimes feel when we navigate the dating world when it comes to engaging with people of other races. If there is a fetish under the surface it creeps into the bedroom when a black man is expected to fulfill a fantasy that one might have from seeing black men perform in porn. Black men are expected to literally "perform" for other people's sexual pleasure. There really isn't much give and take. I expect that I will get some pushback from saying this but I welcome it because it's a discussion that needs to be had.
Next time you go on a porn site or a dating app where images are being promoted start to question why you don't see black twinks or black daddies showcased. If they are showcased they are usually showcased coupled with someone white or of another race but never black-on-black. The proliferation of interracial porn is prevalent in both the gay and straight world because that is what "white" people want to see. Are we not in an age where questioning the lack of representation is a thing? How would other groups feel if they didn't see themselves represented or they didn't see themselves represented in the numerous ways in which other groups are represented? Chime in and lets have a discussion