Hi Guys, any advice on finding new like gay friends? I don't drink or go to "bars" really and I seem to struggle with this. I'm not that fond of apps like scruff or grindr
Where to meet other good guys
- Thread starter hnla394
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Gosh, there's almost a year and a half of discussion on this and you just took it back to square one?
I don't drink and haven't for a long time. I met my husband 4+ years after I quit. I also meet gay guys at the gym, at yoga class and at the Korean spa who want to come home with me---and I'm old enough to be your grandfather!
Put down the fucking smart phone and start talking to the people in front of you!
And get out of your house, find activities where you will be surrounded by people who like activities that you like!
If you're really trying to make friends then I'd say to join a gay social group. I used meetup.com to find gay groups and I found a gaymer group where I made a lot of friends. But sometimes it's a right time, right place. Everyone in the gaymer group kinda made their own little cliques and although we still meetup sometimes, you kinda had to be there in the beginning. There are a lot of gay social groups on facebook that meetup (at least here in LA). But I've also done gay beach volleyball, kickball, gay board gamers and gays in tech (Out in Tech). Drinking was part of some of them but not required. I had almost no gay friends 8 years ago and now I have too many hehe. You have Varsity Gay League out there. Check out one of the sports they play.
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Here's my experience. Whenever I came out of a relationship, I was confronted by how much I'd forgotten about single life.
You've got to kiss a lot of frogs. That takes energy and open-ness. Especially if you're an introvert; I don't wish to jump to any conclusions about you, @hnla394, but an introverted nature can be common among us couch-and-cuddle types. It tends to take a while for introverts to heal from a relationship, too—and to put ourselves back into good working order, emotionally.
You'll need that emotional resilience as you re-emerge into single life. It takes thick skin to weather the rejections, and thick skin to dish out a rejection, too. But that's part of life. In a relationship, I'd fallen out of practice doing both of those.
Coming out of a relationship, your emotional energy probably feels low. Find ways to top up your emotional gas tank as a single man, and you'll be in better shape to venture out into the dating world.
Did your date turn out to be a dickhead? A dickhead date isn't a failure; it's one step closer to finding your prince. More frogs = greater chance of success. It takes energy, but you can find your frogs in lots of places.
@Ninjato and others have suggested gay sports teams, volunteering, social groups, meetups, and a broad circle of friends. Even if you don't find Mr Right in those places, the rewards are immense.
But I wouldn't stay away from the apps entirely. If I went in with realistic expectations (and my boundaries healthy) even a fast fuck put a little bit of energy in the emotional battery. A lot of those fast fucks were fine men; I admired many of them, and the memories of our encounters still puts me in a positive frame of mind. I'm glad I kissed the frogs first, and sized up their prince qualifications later. Sex ain't everything, but it's almost never a waste of time. Picking out curtain material isn't a first-date activity.
Sometimes, dating feels like work. Not always easy work, but it's rewarding work. It takes emotional energy, but it doesn't need to be an emotional drain.
My warmest best wishes to you.
You've got to kiss a lot of frogs. That takes energy and open-ness. Especially if you're an introvert; I don't wish to jump to any conclusions about you, @hnla394, but an introverted nature can be common among us couch-and-cuddle types. It tends to take a while for introverts to heal from a relationship, too—and to put ourselves back into good working order, emotionally.
You'll need that emotional resilience as you re-emerge into single life. It takes thick skin to weather the rejections, and thick skin to dish out a rejection, too. But that's part of life. In a relationship, I'd fallen out of practice doing both of those.
Coming out of a relationship, your emotional energy probably feels low. Find ways to top up your emotional gas tank as a single man, and you'll be in better shape to venture out into the dating world.
Did your date turn out to be a dickhead? A dickhead date isn't a failure; it's one step closer to finding your prince. More frogs = greater chance of success. It takes energy, but you can find your frogs in lots of places.
@Ninjato and others have suggested gay sports teams, volunteering, social groups, meetups, and a broad circle of friends. Even if you don't find Mr Right in those places, the rewards are immense.
But I wouldn't stay away from the apps entirely. If I went in with realistic expectations (and my boundaries healthy) even a fast fuck put a little bit of energy in the emotional battery. A lot of those fast fucks were fine men; I admired many of them, and the memories of our encounters still puts me in a positive frame of mind. I'm glad I kissed the frogs first, and sized up their prince qualifications later. Sex ain't everything, but it's almost never a waste of time. Picking out curtain material isn't a first-date activity.
Sometimes, dating feels like work. Not always easy work, but it's rewarding work. It takes emotional energy, but it doesn't need to be an emotional drain.
My warmest best wishes to you.
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