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Why'd I wait so long to acknowledge to myself I was cock whore?
Shame? Probably. Shyness? Yes.
I'm tall (188cm 6'2") , skinny (at 18 I was 56kg/125lbs) with sparse hair (how do you spell ectomorph?). I don't know where my shame came from; I recall these days maybe it was my childhood environment in the Bay Area where my Asian childhood friends somehow osmotically infused me with shame. Maybe it was some sort of oddly transmitted message from my parents (verbal not practicing Christians) of Scandinavian heritage that sex was bad. Or maybe I'm just born this way. This whole topic gets rather convoluted, and I'm more inclined to side with nature>nurture and believe, recently, that this is the way I'm built: a shy and shameful introvert.
Growing up there was never any mutual masturbation, circle jerks, or ANY nudity amongst my friends although my crew and I did set up a boys club in our home sauna which we plastered with playboy pics; although this didn't last too long. Talking with girls absolutely petrified me, and I recall my wonderment at those of my classmates in Marin who had he gumption to actually talk with girls.
After my parents divorced, I moved to the East Coast with my father who sent me off to an all boys boarding school where again there was zero sexual stuff to which I was exposed. I suppose, in retrospect, it was probably happening around me, but I was just not tuned into that vibe (add slow developer to the shy and shameful list?). I do recall once an upper classman (very, very, VERY dark-skinned from Africa) who approached me in the hallway one day and wanted to wrestle (I was on the wrestling team) and said, "Hey let me show you this move and grabbed my cock and fondled it. I was aghast, ran off, and never mentioned this to my friends - I've recently found myself fapping to this.
Fast forward to many years later after graduating from University (Chinese Language major) after a stint in the Nay, getting married, and finding employment in Taiwan with local conglomerate which seconded me to job in Hanoi, Vietnam. I was an out-and-about expat who exclusively hung out with my Taiwanese compatriots. So with Asians, it's all about KTV's, drinking, and whoring and in the Real Estate development community that's LITERALLY all we do. Up till this point, I really, really can't remember ever fantasizing or fapping to thoughts of another man. One night palling around with some Taiwanese chaps at our favorite rub n' tug joint (the sauna at the Hanoi Hotel) when we returned to the locker room, there were a couple of new attendants (Vietnamese boys). One of them approached me, whilst the other looked on, and offered to help me dry off - this had never happened before. With towel still wrapped around my waist, he used his towels to dry me off: starting with my chest, back, and torso he moved down do my legs and was reaching up under my towel to dry around my nethers. Let me say, that some whore had just jacked me off yet this guy's ministrations were getting me aroused when without warning my towel popped open, my semi rigid cock sprang out, and literally smacked him in the face! I instantly thought, 'OMG'. Yet, with no sense of embarrassment, and not a little bit of awe, he uttered, "WHOA".
Shame and shyness prevailed, and I mumbled something, got on my clothes ,and headed upstairs to the disco where there were 3 dozen whores waiting. I suppose something must have been triggered in me: some deep, latent yearning because later that night well into many, many bottles of XO. I headed to the head where I ran into the the regular attendant whose name I can't quite recall. Phung (that's usually girl's name), Pham (don't think so), well I know it began with a 'P', I do know that. Let's just call him Phung because he was effeminate. Little Phung. All 5'4" and 100 lbs dripping. He was my go to boy. When I didn't find the right whore I was looking for, when my desires for a particular type weren't met, I'd go to Phung tell him to find me the one: petite, chubby, big tits, skinny, whatever. He always came through. US$20 to him assured that.
But that night, I'd just been dried and fondled by a nice boy while inadvertently smacking him in the face with my cock - the dark in me was activated and the XO had vanquished my inhibitions. Phung. Small, petite, skinny Phung. He directed me to a stall opening the door for me. Grasping him by the shoulders, I pushed him in the stall, closed the door, and grabbed his crotch. OK, let me say that the immediacy of his arousal, the instantaneous hardening of his cock. What say, the sure, proud response of this little sissy's cock is etched permanently in my mind. Where are these sensations stored? I didn't see his cock, I didn't taste his cock, I can describe the feeling of a beer can in general terms, cunts are nice and squishy, tits are firm (well not always), but but but the feeling of a cock growing in one's hand is a singularly unique tactile experience. There it was. What was once soft, was growing. What was once deprived was activated. What was hidden was proud and growing IN MY HAND. I'm convinced that should I lose my arm, and should the phantom memory of my lost limb be pared down to it's last, final, and most important sensation, it would be the feeling of Phung's engorging cock that would survive.
Looking up at me Phung said, "Really?"
"Come to my hotel"
"OK"
The next afternoon I met Phung in the lobby and brought him to my room. He blew me and jerked my cum into my bellybutton then drank it like it was a precious elixir. I played with his cock and pondered sucking it but was afraid of STDs. I tried to fuck him in the ass, but I wore a condom and my cock was too big for his tiny rosebud. All in all a very uninspiring session. To this day I regret not stuffing my face with his skinny cock; I regret not slurping up HIS precious elixir. I kept coming back to Vietnam for another six years and never sought out Phung again. My genie receded back to it's previous, dormant lair.
Sorry for the grammar and typos. I'm tired and have more share if anyone is interested.
Shame? Probably. Shyness? Yes.
I'm tall (188cm 6'2") , skinny (at 18 I was 56kg/125lbs) with sparse hair (how do you spell ectomorph?). I don't know where my shame came from; I recall these days maybe it was my childhood environment in the Bay Area where my Asian childhood friends somehow osmotically infused me with shame. Maybe it was some sort of oddly transmitted message from my parents (verbal not practicing Christians) of Scandinavian heritage that sex was bad. Or maybe I'm just born this way. This whole topic gets rather convoluted, and I'm more inclined to side with nature>nurture and believe, recently, that this is the way I'm built: a shy and shameful introvert.
Growing up there was never any mutual masturbation, circle jerks, or ANY nudity amongst my friends although my crew and I did set up a boys club in our home sauna which we plastered with playboy pics; although this didn't last too long. Talking with girls absolutely petrified me, and I recall my wonderment at those of my classmates in Marin who had he gumption to actually talk with girls.
After my parents divorced, I moved to the East Coast with my father who sent me off to an all boys boarding school where again there was zero sexual stuff to which I was exposed. I suppose, in retrospect, it was probably happening around me, but I was just not tuned into that vibe (add slow developer to the shy and shameful list?). I do recall once an upper classman (very, very, VERY dark-skinned from Africa) who approached me in the hallway one day and wanted to wrestle (I was on the wrestling team) and said, "Hey let me show you this move and grabbed my cock and fondled it. I was aghast, ran off, and never mentioned this to my friends - I've recently found myself fapping to this.
Fast forward to many years later after graduating from University (Chinese Language major) after a stint in the Nay, getting married, and finding employment in Taiwan with local conglomerate which seconded me to job in Hanoi, Vietnam. I was an out-and-about expat who exclusively hung out with my Taiwanese compatriots. So with Asians, it's all about KTV's, drinking, and whoring and in the Real Estate development community that's LITERALLY all we do. Up till this point, I really, really can't remember ever fantasizing or fapping to thoughts of another man. One night palling around with some Taiwanese chaps at our favorite rub n' tug joint (the sauna at the Hanoi Hotel) when we returned to the locker room, there were a couple of new attendants (Vietnamese boys). One of them approached me, whilst the other looked on, and offered to help me dry off - this had never happened before. With towel still wrapped around my waist, he used his towels to dry me off: starting with my chest, back, and torso he moved down do my legs and was reaching up under my towel to dry around my nethers. Let me say, that some whore had just jacked me off yet this guy's ministrations were getting me aroused when without warning my towel popped open, my semi rigid cock sprang out, and literally smacked him in the face! I instantly thought, 'OMG'. Yet, with no sense of embarrassment, and not a little bit of awe, he uttered, "WHOA".
Shame and shyness prevailed, and I mumbled something, got on my clothes ,and headed upstairs to the disco where there were 3 dozen whores waiting. I suppose something must have been triggered in me: some deep, latent yearning because later that night well into many, many bottles of XO. I headed to the head where I ran into the the regular attendant whose name I can't quite recall. Phung (that's usually girl's name), Pham (don't think so), well I know it began with a 'P', I do know that. Let's just call him Phung because he was effeminate. Little Phung. All 5'4" and 100 lbs dripping. He was my go to boy. When I didn't find the right whore I was looking for, when my desires for a particular type weren't met, I'd go to Phung tell him to find me the one: petite, chubby, big tits, skinny, whatever. He always came through. US$20 to him assured that.
But that night, I'd just been dried and fondled by a nice boy while inadvertently smacking him in the face with my cock - the dark in me was activated and the XO had vanquished my inhibitions. Phung. Small, petite, skinny Phung. He directed me to a stall opening the door for me. Grasping him by the shoulders, I pushed him in the stall, closed the door, and grabbed his crotch. OK, let me say that the immediacy of his arousal, the instantaneous hardening of his cock. What say, the sure, proud response of this little sissy's cock is etched permanently in my mind. Where are these sensations stored? I didn't see his cock, I didn't taste his cock, I can describe the feeling of a beer can in general terms, cunts are nice and squishy, tits are firm (well not always), but but but the feeling of a cock growing in one's hand is a singularly unique tactile experience. There it was. What was once soft, was growing. What was once deprived was activated. What was hidden was proud and growing IN MY HAND. I'm convinced that should I lose my arm, and should the phantom memory of my lost limb be pared down to it's last, final, and most important sensation, it would be the feeling of Phung's engorging cock that would survive.
Looking up at me Phung said, "Really?"
"Come to my hotel"
"OK"
The next afternoon I met Phung in the lobby and brought him to my room. He blew me and jerked my cum into my bellybutton then drank it like it was a precious elixir. I played with his cock and pondered sucking it but was afraid of STDs. I tried to fuck him in the ass, but I wore a condom and my cock was too big for his tiny rosebud. All in all a very uninspiring session. To this day I regret not stuffing my face with his skinny cock; I regret not slurping up HIS precious elixir. I kept coming back to Vietnam for another six years and never sought out Phung again. My genie receded back to it's previous, dormant lair.
Sorry for the grammar and typos. I'm tired and have more share if anyone is interested.
