Earlier this year, I fooled around with 2 of my good friends, a girl and a guy. During the process, the girl turns to me and says, "okay, now I wanna see you go down on him..." I tried it for about a minute, and then gave it back to her... I had never done anything like that before, but I found that it sparked my curiosity. A few months down the line, me and this same guy friend were hanging at my place havin some drinks, and we started joking about stuff. One thing led to another, and next thing I know, I have this greek god of a man (ivory, chieseled, and gorgeous) naked on my bed, and I'm rimming him to the point of moaning, and then deep throat him until he cums straight down my throat. Mind you, I've never fully done that before (that 3some experience being the first trial), and I couldn't believe I could do that. It was all good tho because he told me he was quite surprised and impressed. I think that was possibly the best night of my life... even better than the 3some. After that, we've flirted, rubbed, and kissed a little, but nothing major. Since that night, there's been this fire in me, and I feel it any time I think about him, talk to him, or see him... especially see him. I feel he's seriously brought out a side in me that I didn't know existed. The problem is... he was engaged then... and newly married now... so I told myself that nothing else would happen between us. I just have SO much trouble with it because I want it so so so bad... I seriously feel like that girl from Black Snake Moan when she sees a black guy.... that's close to what I feel when it comes to this guy, and it hasn't changed since that night. At one point, I thought I was calming down, but then it all came back to me. The night before he got married, we were outside talking after dinner, and he told me "I'm not gonna stop doing what I'm doing," and basically told me that I will still have opportunities. As wrong as it is, that ignited the fire all over again... I could've jumped on him right then. I'm just trying to stick to what I told myself tho... it's the better thing to do in an already-terrible situation. I try to calm the shit down by masturbating, but it's not helping... I now masturbate daily, often multiple times daily... really, any time I think of him, and I've started playin with my ass sometimes when I do it... the urges are just getting more intense. I just don't know what to do. I don't wanna go out and do something stupid, like jump on someone just because I'm so fuckin wound up, or jump on someone who reminds me of him, haha. What's gone on between us was wrong to begin with, so I really don't wanna go to him again, but the urge is there, larger than ever, when he's in mind or in sight, and it just continues to grow. Any suggestions??