who do women dress for? who should women dress for?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dolfette, May 2, 2010.

  1. dolfette

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    the topic pops up in threads fairly regularly.
    i know a lot of guys think women dress for men.

    so do we/should we...
    dress for ourselves, so we like what we see in the mirror and feel comfortable?
    dress to impress and titillate random stranger men?
    dress for our partners?
    dress for modesty?
    dress to convey a certain image or fit in with a group?
    walk around naked?
    wear a burqa?
    what?
     
  2. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Personally i dress for myself and to be comfortable. I think if you are dressing to impress and not comfortable eventually it will show. We have all seen the women walking around in fantastic looking shoes but you can see the pain n their face as the blood drips from their feet. I cant imagine anyone would find that attractive or fun t be around. Or the women who's jeans are cut so low and so tight they cant sit down properly, let alone have a nice dinner or lunch with a man.

    I really do think being comfortable in your skin, and your clothes makes for a more pleasant person to be around.
     
  3. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    I usually dress for myself but i dress for my bf in the bedroom and for the guys when i do the other thing
     
  4. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I dress for men. Yes, I will admit that. By that I mean, if I go to visit a gal pal, I don't worry too much about what I wear or what my hair looks like.

    If I know that we are going out (where men will be), I take more care in hair and what I wear.

    But still I want to emphasize
    1. I am no slave to fashion. I have liked for a long time the skirt and sweater set look.
    2. I wear low to medium heels. I live in a walking city so I buy flats and switch around to the (slightly) higher heel when I reach my destination.
    3. I buy at the low to middle market levels. I have trouble believing that a guy rejects women on the basis that she does not wear designer brands or that the price of her clothes don't reach a certain minimum.
    4. I think men are more interested in what a woman looks like in than what she wears than in the designer name or the price tag.

    I do see often this old (tired) wisdom that women don't give a toss what men think of their appeaarance, that is, they dress to impress other women. I really don't believe it.
     
    #4 ConstantComment, May 2, 2010
    Last edited: May 2, 2010
  5. dolfette

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    even lesbians? :tongue:

    we're all individuals. there ARE women who dress to impress other women. women are so often a lot harder to impress, actually noticing that your shoes aren't expensive or this season's look.
     
  6. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I have a lesbian friend. I'll ask her. Ithink she is the man in the relationship.

    I come from a family that places a high value on dress as is usually the case of minority (black in this case) family. Both mysisters and mother wear designer brands whether bought from the department store or the discount store, but the label is there.

    I think I rejected this attitude (from my family) because I have seen many women in work and social situations that I would like to be in and they wouldn't be able to meet my mother's standards. Which says to me that clothes may not matter; but they are certainly not a deciding factor.
     
  7. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    Interesting question! I dress according to what I'm doing...meeting, work, yoga, hubby playtime, etc. I hardly ever dress to the "9's" and rarely wear very high heels out. When I do wear them, it's almost always with jeans. I'm sorta small and most of my favorite jeans are really long. I do like wearing heels because they always make me feel 10' tall and a bit dominate. :) When I wear them at home for hubby they make me feel feminine and submissive. I love clothes and wear both what feels and looks best on me. Any accessory I add is for me just because I like it.
     
  8. AlteredEgo

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    Um... Are you sure you're friends? There is no man in that relationship. That's quite the point of the whole thing.

    I come from a black family too. There was never an emphasis on brand slavery in our home, but rather a very high value places on staying inside until you look and feel fantastically.

    My mother potty trained me on this philosophy. "AlteredEgo, do you want to wear big ugly diapers still, or wouldn't you like to start wearing pretty panties like Mommie?" And when I was in my teens, and received my first lingerie wardrobe, it was the same sort of deal. "AlteredEgo, you've had a body which could fit into these garments for a long time. However, I think now you're at a level of maturity and self-esteem where these beautiful things are appropriate. When you foresee a hard day ahead, put on something gorgeous under your clothes, and know for a fact you are as sexy and beautiful as you are brilliant and funny. Walk with the stride that comes from knowing you're amazing and other people will know it too." And my grandmother's stylishness and polished look are so reputed throughout my old neighborhood that when she went out to talk to the garbage collector one morning without combing her hair a neighbor actually later asked me if she was feeling alright. "She's always so put together! I was shocked to see her this morning." My grandmother told me a long time ago that she won't go out for any reason until she looks as good as, or better than she feels. When I asked her why it mattered, she said she didn't know, but that her parents had taught her to be that way.

    I myself, when I feel nervous, shy, or uncomfortable go and put on an incredible lip gloss. Lip gloss is like instant smile. Suddenly I'm in charge again, and my mood improves. When I feel sexy, I feel like a star. I feel like anything in the world is mine for the taking. So, following the example of my mother and grandmother, I wear sexy lingerie, and I wear clothes that emphasize my perfect breasts, my long, slim, shapely legs, my narrow hips, my small, round behind, and downplay my round belly. I pay attention to the condition and style of my hair. I wear jewelry that highlights my long neck and my dainty ears. Before I became a baker, I took really great care of my nails, too. I do this for myself. How I feel about my looks has an impact on my day.

    I'm sure there are women out there who dress primarily for other women, or for men. I say good for them if that makes them happy. That's just not my style. I have far too much ego to dress for the approval of someone else.
     
  9. nudeyorker

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    This is an excellent thread topic. I know you addressed it to woman, but I'm going to throw my two cents in.
    I usually walk around naked, but when I go out of the house I dress for myself but to project a certain image. I learned from my mother to dress extra nice when going to the doctor or the dentist if no more than to separate yourself from the pack. The same is true for me in business, I got a call back for something because someone loved my shoes.
    I once got bumped from business to first class on an oversold flight because the flight attendant informed me in a whisper... "We voted and your outfit won."
    Can I borrow the idea of this thread for the *appearance issues* forum?
     
  10. dolfette

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    borrow away!

    love the flight story.
    my friend once got a job because the kids she'd be working with liked her shoes. it's funny the things people pick up on.
     
  11. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    The problem here is looking good is quite often subjective. Some people think only designer clothes can make them believe that they are looking good.

    OTOh, perhpas my mother hassles more from the point of view of just being a thorn in the side. For example, when she flies planes she dresses up, nice suit and my mother has been an SAHM since 1958. I prefer to fly comfortably, that is in jeans and sweater, btw, the same way the white people travel. A couple of times both my mother and father when picking me up from the airport actually asked me whether I got good service wearing those jeans.

    But I have noticed this attitude in another black person. TBH, she is very dark and very big. Despite having a degree from Yale, having worked at a major commercial bank in Manhattan and having recieved an MD from a good state univerisity, she still complains she is treated as invisible when she goes shopping or is passenger on a plane. To counteract this, she admits that she dresses up, wears wool pants ( on a Saturday at the mall) as a way to command more respect. And sadly in these situations in which appearance (That which you can control and that which you can't control) overrides anything else (like bio, resume, references, history), this is what you get.
     
  12. dolfette

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    i vary my visibility with attitude and stance rather than clothing.
    ...but then i don't have to contend with racist stereotypes.
     
  13. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I agree with this. And I have experienced both possibilities ie being treated as mainstream and being treated as a black person.

    Still though with my parents, I think the issues of clothes with them is that they are looking for something to complain about.
     
  14. sbat

    sbat New Member

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    My mother (also black) has mentioned to me some of the issues that Altered and Constant have brought up. She is generally the best dressed person in her office, to the point that the other women complain to her "why are you so dressed up?" --- she's not a heels kind of woman, more of the classical elegant style, where the emphasis is more on the arrangement of colors and scents.

    I'm sure it helps that she's slim and beautiful and very dominant in a feminine way, but she definitely commands respect, and I'm sure her dress style helps substantially
     
  15. MickeyLee

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    i wear clothes so i don't get arrested for indecent exposure :smile:
    and to keep my boobs from getting freckled.

    i have to many ticks about clothing.. texture, color, skin feel.. thickness of fabric... some fabric feel too new.. so i just fidget and pluck if i try to wear it...

    the only honest answer i have is i dress for neurosis.
     
  16. D_Barbi_Dahl

    D_Barbi_Dahl Account Disabled

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    At this time in my life, I enjoy feeling feminine and sexy. Clothes help me to feel that way. In every day life, I dress in what feels comfortable, in clothes that I like, that are in colors that look great on me. I'm particular about my clothes, especially shirts. I do care about my appearance, I want to look good. For myself and then if I catch attention in the process that's even better.

    At work, I dress professionally, I'm a manager, but I don't wear suits daily. I tend to wear a lot of skirts and dresses.

    In the bedroom, I love lingerie and I enjoy wearing it. I think that guys like it too. If a guy asked me to wear something...I would.
     
  17. Enid

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    i dress to match these 4 pair of anti-shoes.

    MBT Shoes - Home of the Anti shoe

    i only wear things that look good with the 4 pictures i attached (i own these 4 pair). i won't walk in anything else now. period. i just won't, after walking in MBTs or Skechers Shape-Ups i can't imagine wearing regular shoes.

    the difference between walking in these shoes and walking in regular shoes is like the difference between sauternes and cheap sauvignon blanc. i should come up with a more accessible analogy though. let's just say it's big difference.


    *this is on a day-to-day regular basis of course. special occasions are different.
     

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    #17 Enid, May 3, 2010
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  18. fantasychick

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    I dress for myself... If I dont like what I'm wearing, I don't look good in I lol
     
  19. D_wibbles

    D_wibbles New Member

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    i think it comes down to the ego of the woman or any human for that matter we try to fool aresleves by saying its for othere and then lies the truth we want other people to think and say thay look good. a big pat on the head. a that a boy for the ego. so even if u say its for work or for ur man or ladie it come down to what the iner u had wanted.
     
  20. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    I thought of this thread yesterday when at the grocery store. I must have gotten there just after church let out. Amazing what some people think looks good on them! A few of the men were almost impossible to look at w/o sunglasses. Bright suits are painful viewing and also men should never, ever wear a purple suit and pink tie and shoes! And the ladies?! Hahahaha! I try to be open-minded, but some of the outfits I saw should never have been purchased let alone left the house. The fact they were worn to church is unbelievable. What are they thinking?? I giggled my ass off from the deli counter to bread isle wondering what Dolffie would say if we were shopping together.
     
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