who do women dress for? who should women dress for?

[Gillette]

I'm surprised that no one has brought it up yet but from my observation many women dress to impress other women. The kick ass shoes, the high end purse, whatever the "gotta have it" label is often flaunted for the sake of gaining status within the group. A kind of armour maybe? I think the same motivation factors into the need of some women to attempt a complete overhaul of their partner's appearance. It doesn't matter if he's comfortable as he is many women won't introduce him to their friends until they feel he casts a positive reflection on them.

We may also dress to please a man - "damn you look good"
We may dress to please our mom's - "A tube top at a wedding? Really!"
We may dress to please our bosses - no cut-off shorts at board meetings
We may dress for comfort - we don't normally choose to jog in gowns and heels

We all dress for different reasons and those reasons, like our clothes, change from day to day, moment to moment, situation or mood. At the heart of it we dress to suit ourselves based on whatever our priority is at any given time.

The most interesting illustration of this is in cases where a person has had their corpus callosum severed. Where one hemispere of the brain functions largely for logic and the other largely for emotion when the two are no longer able to communicate with one another they can actually disagree over decisions as minute as wardrobe selection. I recall a case where a woman was trying to dress herself in clothing she liked the look of herself in with the cooperation of one hand, while the other was trying to remove the clothes because they weren't weather appropriate!

Our motivations in dressing are rarely as simple as one thing.

 

[dolfette]

good post!

 

[petite]

It depends on the circumstances.

Like AlteredEgo, in general I feel more confident and self-assured when I feel that I am dressed attractively and just like her, a little lip gloss makes a difference in how I feel. In general, dressing attractively benefits me.

I have an eccentric personal style that I indulge in when I'm around certain friends or on the weekends and sometimes when I'm socializing. I consider that dressing for myself. I know not everyone agrees with my personal choices and they aren't the ones they would make for themselves. I like wearing what I like sometimes.

At work I'm like Nudeyorker and sbat's mother, I try to dress in a way that will bring me respect from others. At work, I'm dressing for my co-workers and customers.

When I go out with TheBoyfriend, I dress for him. He likes it when I wear clothes that are tighter and more revealing than I would normally wear, but I know that's what he likes, so I dress to please him when we're going out. At first it made me feel very self-conscious about my body but now I've gotten used to it and I rarely feel self-conscious anymore when I do that.

Sometimes I dress for my female friends, especially if they're fashion conscious. I try not to look entirely clueless about fashion if we're going out to lunch together, because I like compliments as much as the next person, and if a fashion conscious friend gives me a compliment on my ensemble, it feels really good.

 

[Kevbo]

I make it a point to try to compliment women on what they're wearing if I think it's nice. Like we learned in "The American President", a comment on shoes can be especially appreciated as being observant. But I would definitely weigh in that women dress more for women than for men. That's because -- my theory -- it's just easier. Beyond wearing tight and/or revealing clothing, many women don't know how to "present themselves" (clothing-wise) to men.

Some principles/tips I would offer to a woman who wants to dress for men but not look like a skanky ho from a rap video :->:

* We want women who are interested in us, especially on a personalized level, but without going so far as to being psycho about it. So if you're with a guy and want to dress for him, remember what he likes (colors, "level" of formality, headware or no, jewelry or no, etc.) and show him you're thinking of him by dressing to his tastes. You may be surprised by what he likes, and you should never do something that you don't like or that "compromises" you, but if you can, roll with it. For example, some women are categorically against baseball caps, on either themselves or their men. But some guys love them, and some guys (ahem) think girls look really cute when they wear a cap and pull the ponytail through the back. Obviously, this isn't a churchwear option, but there are occasions where it would be fine. Conversely, don't overdress for the occasion, just because you want to look "nice". Your favorite little black dress will make you a laughingstock at a baseball game.

* Signals you want to send:
- I'm comfortable with you
- I have a body, I know it, here's a hint of it because I know you like it, and if we click and you play your cards right, I may give you a shot at it later in the relationship
- I like to look nice but I am not high maintenance. I do not obsess over small personal "defects" that only I see, even if you tell me that they are of no consequence to you.
- I can be playful and unpretentious

* This might just be me, but I think you can tell a lot about a woman by the pocketbook she slings. Huge bags and tiny bags both shout "high maintenance" to me, someone who has a lot of overhead do deal with. I don't know designer bags on sight but that would also be a sign. None of this is a dealkiller but it can certainly be a hurdle.

" There is an author, Sherrilyn Kenyon, who wears the most outrageous clothes to the conventions she attends. She's a New Orleans native and she takes the southern belle motif to its logical limit at times. One time, I heard someone ask her what her husband thinks of all her get-ups. She replied that she made a deal a long time ago with him: when she's out of the house, she wears what she wants; when she's alone with him, she wears what he wants. It looked like a great deal for both of them.

Kevbo

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Im all for what is comfortable when it comes to day to day clothing. I only have one dress, i bought it for a wedding i had to attend last year. I didnt like having to shop for it, i hated trying them on. I had a funeral last month i had to attend and i tried on several more dresses, i ended up finding some black dress capri's and using a nice shirt i already had at home. I picked a wedge sandal that was kind of dressy but they were entirely too uncomfortable to wear again. I could live in sports wear and tennis shoes. Once you go comfy you can't enjoy the dress wear.

 

[AlteredEgo]

While cleaning up earlier, I came across something that made me realize that while I wouldn't ever say I dress for men in general, I am willing to cater to the preferences of one particular man. The sexiest shirt I own created scandal at a friend's birthday party, and since it was just minor scandal, and not serious drama, I loved the controversy. Ohhhh the dirty looks from other women in the subway when I have it on. I like that too. Men don't usually talk to me when I wear it, because it makes me completely full of myself, and you can see it a mile away. I like that as well. They look, but the doubt they can can touch, and they are correct. The shirt is actually a hand-me-down from a friend. It looked really cute on her, but she thought it would look really hot on me, so she traded it to me for a silk sweater I no longer was wearing. It was a perfect trade. My silk sweater looks stunning on her in a way it never did on me, and her shirt was cut exactly for me. The first time my husband saw it, he begged me not to wear it. He said that shirt looked like a night of trouble he didn't need. So I put on something more conservative. It's an incredibly slutty shirt. He said he never wanted me to wear it. I put it away in a bag of clothes that were too big or too small. (I keep a small quantity of clothes which do not fit because my weight fluctuates wildly.) I found my slutty shirt today, and decided I will wear it next time I go out with his sister, if he doesn't mind too much, and if he doesn't tag along, and if I still have the right bra. But the decision to pack the shirt away, is definitely a sign that I am willing to modify my outfit for the comfort of my man.

 

[petite]

Mademoiselle Rouge, I can't imagine only owning one dress! Both me and TheBF have to wear suits for our work. They aren't very comfortable, but wearing a suit or getting dressed up does make me feel differently about myself in a way that I just don't feel when I'm dressed down! You only have one dress, I only have a few t-shirts and I no longer own any jeans. I need to buy another pair of jeans, after the baby is born, I guess. I imagine I'll be dressing down a lot more then. :tongue:

AlteredEgo, I don't think there's anything wrong with dressing to please your lover/husband/boyfriend. He has asked me not to wear something anymore because he's thought it was so unattractive, and I've made the same request to him. I know exactly what he likes because I've asked him when I am shopping. Whenever he goes shopping he takes me with him and I give my opinions. We both dress for each other a lot. He makes a point of telling me when an outfit that I love gets him compliments from other women, validating that I know what really looks hot on him. :smile:

* This might just be me, but I think you can tell a lot about a woman by the pocketbook she slings. Huge bags and tiny bags both shout "high maintenance" to me, someone who has a lot of overhead do deal with. I don't know designer bags on sight but that would also be a sign. None of this is a dealkiller but it can certainly be a hurdle.

You may want to reconsider your opinion about women's handbags. I honestly don't believe anyone would consider me high maintenance and my purse is both designer and small.

I'm going to say three things about a woman's handbag:

1. Career women consider a good handbag an absolute must, just like nice shoes. A quality handbag can be evidence of a woman who has a good job.

2. The only designer item I own that wasn't purchased at a second-hand store is my handbag because of #1.

3. I only carry small handbags. This is because I don't want to carry a bag that weighs 12 lbs and I don't need that much stuff. This is evidence of a practical person, which I believe is the opposite of a high maintenance woman.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I have this rule that my purse can't be any larger than my liver. I know, its crazy, but it's really hard to lose my keys in there.

 

[Enid]

* This might just be me, but I think you can tell a lot about a woman by the pocketbook she slings. Huge bags and tiny bags both shout "high maintenance" to me, someone who has a lot of overhead do deal with. I don't know designer bags on sight but that would also be a sign. None of this is a dealkiller but it can certainly be a hurdle.

huge bags might be a sign she HAS A LOT OF STUFF TO CARRY. like if she's a gym girl or whatever. i'm not really referring to designer bags. i wouldn't know a designer bag if it bit me in the ass and simultaneously shat on my face to be honest. i don't care about designer stuff, get my bags from thrift stores.



also tiny bags can be appealing to me. normally i carry a backpack but let's say i go to a club and go dancing. of course, either i want to put my ID and bank card/cash in my pockets or i want a small little sensible cute bag to put that crap in.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

What does it say if she doesn't carry a purse at all?

That she is low maintainance and wears combat boots

 

[petite]

Oops, I added more to my post!

 

[petite]

Huge bags might sometimes be a sign she HAS A LOT OF STUFF TO CARRY. like if she's a gym girl or whatever.




What does it say if she doesn't carry a purse at all?

True about the huge bag! Or maybe she likes to knit!

 

[dolfette]

huge bags?
they say about me: this woman's son is Kamikaze and she's carrying a first aid kit, just in case.''

 

[petite]

huge bags?
they say about me: this woman's son is Kamikaze and she's carrying a first aid kit, just in case.''

Obviously huge bags are in my future, too. :redface:

 

[AlteredEgo]

When I carry my huge bag, it has my blood glucose testing supplies, water for me, water for the dog, a bowl for the dog's water, baby wipes, sanitizer, gum, medication, ipod, cell phone, and my wallet. When I carry a small bag, it just has my wallet and a lip gloss. How does that translate to high-maintenance? Some men are fucking weird.

On the other hand, maybe that's why my husband keeps buying me medium sized pocketbooks.

 

[petite]

On the other hand, maybe that's why my husband keeps buying me medium sized pocketbooks.

:lmao:

I suppose it would be convenient if our personalities could be controlled by the size handbag we carry. :tongue:

 

[ConstantComment]

I try to carry as few different purses in a time frame as possible. That's because a couple of times that I have changed purses, I have forgotten my wallet. With a bus pass and possibly prepayment for the evening's main activity you can get pretty far without your wallet but later inconveniences may arise.

These days along with my silk skirts and sweater set, I use a backpack. Not the camping type but sometimes by Longchamp and sometimes by 9 West. So smallish and more feminine. What would a man read into that?

 

[EllieP]

Hi. I'm Ellie. And I'm a fashion addict.

Yes, I have too many clothes and shoes. I dress to impress, either me or my husband or my clients. I know what to wear and when to wear it. I have to. I'm in design so if I can put together a wardrobe then it won't look to good for me to help with their interior design, right?

I know when to dress a little provocative and when to be subdued. I absolutely love to dress sexy to go out. It just makes me feel good, not to mention younger! I work like crazy to stay in shape.

Let's not talk about shoes, ok?

 

[Kevbo]

The handbag thing:

Of course it's contextual. Here's an example where it didn't work, to show you where I'm coming from:

I meet a woman online through a dating service, we trade emails, talk on the phone, and decide to meet. Through our conversations, it turns out that -- among many other things -- we both enjoy miniature golf. So I suggest meeting at a local course for a round, with dinner afterwards, since mini-golf will be a quirky but playful way to get to know each other, with rife opportunities to flirt in various ways if we click in-person. She agrees. We meet. And it immediately falls apart, because she's brought a handbag you could smuggle Chi Chi Rodriguez in and she's taking it around the course with her. Every shot, she has to either carefully set the bag down (a non-trivial maneuver) or swing with the bag still on her shoulder (probably more non-trivial, but she started doing it after a while to save time). Either way, she wasn't having much fun and the entire situation was easily avoidable. I don't know if maybe she had some weaponry in there because of the blind-datedness of our encounter, but we were in a very public place in broad daylight. To this day, I still don't understand why she brought the bag with her and didn't just leave it in her car, which was maybe 20 yards away at the furthest point.

There are times a small clasp or handbag is just fine -- you're dressed formally for some gala and it complements the outfit, or you're in a similar situation where you don't need to keep a catalog of supplies to handle a variety of situations. But it has just been my experience that a woman who habitually carries a really small clasp or handbag is often a bit of a princess who expects whoever she's with to take care of the matters that she doesn't have covered with the contents of her purse (like, for example, paying for dinner). This is not a hard-and-fast rule, just a recurring pattern I've picked out.

I'm surprised that more women don't (apparently) do what us guys do -- have separate bags for different activities. I have a backpack, a valise, a briefcase, a laptop bag, and a gym bag. I use the backpack every day, the others on an as-needed basis. Why don't more women follow this approach? (Maybe many of you do, but some ladies responding on this thread seem to put everything they might need in one bag.)

Kevbo

 

[AlteredEgo]

I put everything I need in one bag. But it's a different bag every day. The exception is gym clothes. Sweaty stuff needs its own container. For activities like mini-golf as you described, I started using beautiful, leather backpacks when I was still in high school. My husband picked up on this when we were dating, and one of the first gifts he ever gave me is now my favorite elegant little backpack. It's pretty small, but the compartments mean I can carry everything I need on any given day. Unless I walk the dog. I can't fit her stuff in that one.