Who else feels exhausted by the process of knowing new friends?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lopo2000, May 16, 2010.

  1. lopo2000

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    New friends come all the times. And the process of knowing them -both good and bad sides- can be very exhausting, especially when it's a friend you can instantly feel the connection with.

    I had this one friend from Turkey and we instantly mutually liked each other (not relationship 'like' - but friendship 'like') and after meeting at Istanbul and going to Malaysia together, we always contacted each other afterwards. Then, he always asked me to hang out together and he's been fun to be with. But day after day, he's starting to reveal his true colors (and I guess I am too) and there are some sides of him I do not really like. Lately, my motto in friendship is, if we're to accept one friend, we accept the whole package, good and bad. And that's what I'm trying now, but still, it's been quite a long time I made new good friends, and the process is upsetting, requiring a lot of tolerance, and exhausting.

    You guys must have had similar experience. What do you do?
     
  2. SpeedoMike

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    what is your definition of exhausting? I've never heard anyone say his friend was exhausting except when talking about the sex.
     
  3. Gecko4lif

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    If your exhausted your not doing it right.

    It should be exhilarating.
     
  4. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    If I feel exhausted around someone, then I avoid them.
     
  5. goodwood

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    this can be an exhausting process to be sure.
    perhaps its good to keep in mind not to take too
    much too seriously. i find this eliminates much of the
    exhaustion.
     
  6. boxerboy

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    I, ve felt the same in the past I think I know what your trying to say. Ultimately the friends I find the most work I just see less off. But I also have great easy going friend I just see less of as they are so far away.
     
  7. bearvwe

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    or like they say, "everyone is normal until you get to know them". :)
     
  8. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I know where you're coming from. Some friends are just easier to be around while others can be taxing. Some friends sit and talk about things that have no bearing on what's going on in your own life but you sit and listen but then even being with them gets to be too much. Like you want to be with them for a short period of time and then ok, time's up, gotta go. Then there are other friends who you can spend time with without feeling weighed down. Not sure why but I know what you're saying. Maybe it has something to do with the importance you put on that particular friendship?
     
  9. invisibleman

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    I like meeting new people and maybe becoming their friend. Getting to know people as a potential friend is not a problem...going through the process of dating a guy...THAT is a problem with me.

    I don't like dating. I find it hard trying to get to know a guy. THAT is more frustrating.

    Even more frustrating, is going through all of the motions of dating someone I really liked (loved)...and getting dumped. Then, I have to go through the process of unloving them...unliking them. And depending on how fucked up the breakup was...determines later on whether we are friends or not.





     
  10. green carnation

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    maybe they are exhausting because they are energy drainers. I try to avoid these people.
     
  11. exwhyzee

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    Some say exhaustion stems from the energy you put into taking on a role you are not comfortable with. For example, if you are more comfortable being an introvert then you might grow exhausted taking on the role of being an extrovert. Furthermore, introverts sometimes need alone-time to re-energize themselves...where extroverts often re-energize themselves by interacting with people. Have you ever thought of yourself as an introvert?
     
  12. lopo2000

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    Funny how your reply really fit to my situation. I've always been an introvert in a group of people but a talkative bitch when I'm with people I like/love. Talking about taking on a role I'm not comfortable with, actually, I'm acting as his good 'straight' friend, while the first moment I saw him, I have been wishing that he's gay since he's been romantic since we met. Now, I have known for sure how straight he is, although the friendship has been very nice, but straight acting, pretending like his sweet lips and handsome face and nice bulge don't really matter can be exhausting too.
     
  13. danjs584

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    I've found that the great friends I've made I've had an instant connection with from the first minute we met...sort of an instant comfort around them and no need to hide what I would consider my shortcomings. If a friendship is taking a lot of effort it isn't worth it. I've spent a lot of time with people who sucked the life out of me because I felt bad because he/she was a "nice person" but sorta screwed up. Life is too short. I know if someone is the right friend if I feel energized around them rather than anxious or about to fall asleep.
     
  14. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    Life is too short. Exactly. I finally told someone that I was taking back my friendship as it was just too much being his friend. Of course I got an earful but it was so much better after admitting that it wasn't working for me. He was really sucking the positive energy from the entire room when we were together.
     
  15. helgaleena

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    The exhaustion comes from pretense as you try to 'be nice' much too hard. If you have known somebody for some time, try relaxing and showing your true self and see what happens.

    This goes for your 'straight' friend too. If you want to stay friends he has to accept you as you are, and know how you really are feeling. Even if he turns you down as a lover, you will have cleared the air.
     
  16. lopo2000

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    But as a person living in certain cultures, he is taught not to accept any kind of homosexuality. I believe it's not really his fault so I won't be disappointed as much if he turned me down, which he would if I expressed my desire. And I don't think I can ever admit that I'm gay since it'll destroy our friendship. But you're right, if we could find one person where we could be totally ourselves, then that's great friendship.
     
  17. rob_just_rob

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    If I feel like it's too much work getting to know someone, then I don't get to know that person.
     
  18. D_Barbi_Dahl

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    I think getting to know new people is fun. I love making friends. The people who are emotionally draining, or are annoying I just let them go.
     
  19. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think that if you really love the other person and they love you, then there's nothing exhausting about it at all. In fact it gives me energy to be with them.
     
  20. helgaleena

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    How would it destroy your friendship? I truly don't understand this. Call me thick if you want. But in Pakistan-Afghanistan, males are expected to pleasure each other, no matter what clerics might profess. Societies differ a lot, and laws do not always correspond to real life. It might be a good idea to ask a few roundabout questions about such things before you jump to conclusions about what your friend might think if you explained yourself.
     
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