who here has chosen to stay eternally single?

concupisys

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Posts
846
Media
0
Likes
225
Points
188
Location
Toronto (Ontario, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
this 'aromantic' concept is very intriguing.... i can definitely relate to it in the sense that even if romance were to come in to my life, i don't think i would even know what to do with it or how to handle it.... that doesn't mean i'm heartless, it just means that romance expressed to me in just about any form is like someone speaking to me in chinese: i just don't get it.... for years i wanted to, and that was probably more due to the pressure i was getting from everyone else to seek out romance and welcome it in to my life.... but i realize now that it's silly to think a guy like me could understand romance, and i'm not going to beat myself over the head with a stick for the rest of my life trying to drum the concept in to my head.... that would hurt just as bad as (if not more than) a series of failed romances....
 

D_Jacqueline_Boozann

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2011
Posts
1,004
Media
1
Likes
32
Points
73
Sexuality
No Response
I can see most younger men/women not wanting a long-term relationship. I was like that in my 20s, 30s, and 40s....now, the clock is ticking forward, not backwards.

Most people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s are in long-term relationships, such as the people (married) in my EpiscopalCathedral. You just don't find too many people in that age range single or even widowed. Makes me wonder, where did I go wrong? Of course, there are a few singles: late 20s and 30s -- even they have relationships or in gay relationships.

The most beautiful act of love I saw Sunday was a male, gay couple. His lover had his arms around him, holding him in Church: no one flinched! You don't see that act in maintstream Protestant Churches, let alone the Catholic Church, the Evangelical Churches, or the Mormon Wards. Can you see that at The Temple in Salt Lake City?

Yes, there are many men in my congregation who are gay; they brings their lovers to church, but they're not that intimate with them. Everyone knows they're gay; all gays are welcomed to take The Eucharist (Communion). It's just that people in my church don't give a damn. We have people who are employed with Sandia Labs, the Air Force Bases, both Albuquerque and Alamgordo, New Mexico, and people who are employed with Intel and other major corporations, here in Albuquerque.

Now, Albuquerque, New Mexico is a Catholic city/state -- pretty conservative -- compared to San Francisco. It's just that Albuquerque is coming into its own; this isn't 50 yrs. ago.

As one gets older; one does not become younger, posters. I'm currently and actively involved with a 51, divorced man, who's in the service: he wants a long-term partner. Why? You guessed it: he's not 21, anymore.

I get tired of watching couples, holding hands, going to movies, dinner, and trips -- and I don't have anyone -- hell, no, that won't fly with me -- maybe, you.

You see, I've never been married; no children -- so, I don't have anything to complain about or to compare singlehood to marriage.

Any comments on this, posters?
 

concupisys

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Posts
846
Media
0
Likes
225
Points
188
Location
Toronto (Ontario, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
with all due respect, @Episcopalian: your involvement with this man you're seeing: is it because you really had a spark with this guy, or are you simply settling for him (and he for you) because you're scared to be alone? i for one am not scared of being alone, and won't commit myself to a relationship of convenience because i spend my time feeling insecure around other couples.... 'keeping up with the jonses' is not a good way to look at love and relationships....
 

rbkwp

Mythical Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Posts
79,269
Media
1
Likes
44,949
Points
608
Location
Auckland (New Zealand)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
@Episcopalian:

The most beautiful act of love I saw Sunday was a male, gay couple. His lover had his arms around him, holding him in Church: no one flinched! You don't see that act in maintstream Protestant Churches, let alone the Catholic Church, the Evangelical Churches, or the Mormon Wards. Can you see that at The Temple in Salt Lake City?


So very heart warming, Thank you very much for sharing that...
and i hope you find contentment and fulfillment with your chosen partner
 

spoon

Expert Member
Joined
May 20, 2011
Posts
3,206
Media
11
Likes
115
Points
208
Location
On a dark desert highway.
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
i'm in my 50's. and, have never had any desire at all to do the whole kids and marriage thing. if something happens with someone that would be good. if it doesn't that is fine too. i've never defined myself by my relationships.
 

rbkwp

Mythical Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Posts
79,269
Media
1
Likes
44,949
Points
608
Location
Auckland (New Zealand)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
@viper73
- with my adjustments ha sorry, but neccesary ha

If that perfect man is out there he's NEVER going to find me because I've called off the search. and have decided that I'm devoting the next 20 to ME.

exactly my thoughts, for a brief period i THOUGHT i was being selfish .... but WTF, its MY life....
at last a decent thread LPSG, worth reading in-depth.
folk speaking truth from the Heart ha
 
Last edited:

Yorkie

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 5, 2006
Posts
5,412
Media
79
Likes
4,492
Points
358
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Hetero aromantic asexual.

I just don't care! Coupling is irrelevant to me.
So "hetero" doesn't apply to you if you're genuinely asexual.I think this will interest you : BBC News - What is it like to be asexual?

I think I will always be single.I've never really been able to see myself as 50% of a couple.Statistically I'm past the halfway point of my life now.I'm content living the way I do.I'm open to friendship but I think it's unlikely that friends will become anything more than that.
 

rbkwp

Mythical Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Posts
79,269
Media
1
Likes
44,949
Points
608
Location
Auckland (New Zealand)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Wonderful article Thanks Yorkie
sort of confirms in writing, a belief have had for a lifetime, despite playing the sexual field on / off as we all do
Human Sexual Natures a funny beast huh? ha
 

gimme_another_inch

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Posts
376
Media
22
Likes
28
Points
263
Location
Europe
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I can definately relate...

I've had four serious, long-term relationships blow up in my face. In the end, looking back at each of them I can clearly see now that I was just being used and manipulated and ultimately devistated.

I've kindof came to the rationalization myself that it appears that all of the sane, normal people are gone. I'll be 39 in a few days and I've come to the conclusion that much of the misery I've been through over the years to find 'the one' wasn't worth it.

I've now decided to focus on the things that make me happy. I've decided to pretty much reinvent myself and actually live my life and give up on the hopeless search for Ms. Right.

I've gone back to the gym, started learning some martial arts, taken up competition shooting, etc. Things that 10 years ago I'd have never even attempted because I was too stuck on the notion that I was supposed to go out, fall in love and get married.

I admittedly don't have many friends and try pretty much to keep to myself, but I honestly think I'm happier now than I've been for years. I don't have the drama. I don't have to deal with all of the cheating, lies, and manipulation. I don't have to adjust my life and goals to make everyone else happy.

If that perfect woman is out there she's going to have to find me because I've called off the search. I've spent about 20 years searching and have decided that I'm devoting the next 20 to ME.

I do really appreciate and agree what you wrote, feeling so down in not receiving back a fraction of what I have been giving, accepted the idea that we all give and take in different ways, like you say, being manipulated and, in other people's mind, become a selfish and monster like personality...

I don't like being on my own, I so much wish to have somebody to share a movie or a meal with but I want to start to take, am almost done with giving but, you never know, with the right person your storage could be fullfilled again and life being bright again but, after my last experiences if she is out there I don't want to look for her, I would like her to find out I am a person worth it, now I wanna dedicate what I have left to myself, get back on the track, the right track that I decide and not the one somebody else decided in my place, a bit of selfishness!!!
 

coveryerteeth

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 9, 2006
Posts
185
Media
16
Likes
1,110
Points
598
Location
USA
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Can you see that at The Temple in Salt Lake City?

Uh, that's a big NOPE!

As recent events have shown, even non-member visitors to Temple Square will get themselves escorted off the grounds by the LDS Church's goons for committing the heinous crime of a simple little PDA between two people of the same gender.
 

redneckgymrat

Experimental Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Posts
1,479
Media
0
Likes
17
Points
73
Location
Texas
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
So "hetero" doesn't apply to you if you're genuinely asexual.I think this will interest you : BBC News - What is it like to be asexual?
Lacking a sex drive doesn't mean that I lack a preference...I frequently joke that I'm "1/10 of 1 percent" hetero, and 0% gay.

Here, this might help *you* understand. The BBC article is useful for general information, but the asexual community is a better source for information. Asexual Visibility and Education Network

The AVEN community is remarkably varied. And, especially considering how rare we are. The only "official" study made, places us at around only 1% of the population.
 

SR_HollowAngel

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 4, 2011
Posts
19
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
36
Location
Florida
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I've sort of given up trying to actively search for a meaningful relationship, at least for the time being. I have tried dating in the past but nothing seems to work out, ever guy I was with just did not seem to have anything going for them.

I decided it would be better for me to just get my affairs in order. Once I do that I know I will be in a better position to meet someone. As of now I am fine just staying single, but if love were to find me I would not exactly say no to it.
 
D

deleted3782

Guest
I've been more or less single for 5 years. I flirted with an "online relationship" during that time...but I'm not sure how much that really counts. Its been over 10 years since I've actually lived with the one person I ever co-habitated with. So...even though I'm not technically eternally single...it feels like it.

Why is this so? Lots of reasons. I'm not necessarily opposed to a long term partnership, but things get int he way. A) I live in a small city, so the opportunities are very limited, and I can be very picky and shallow. B) Most gay guys expect a full menu of sexual expression that includes anal sex...and I have no interest in that...which further reduces any prospect pool. C) I am easily frustrated and impatient, which means if I venture into a relationship, it is somewhat doomed from the start. Throw in my intraverted and apathetic disposition, my work schedule, and my love of travel (which not everyone can keep up with), and relationships are doomed.

Am I happy about it? I have learned to be content with myself. Society tells me that I must couple to be happy...but I forge my own path. If I were not content, I would drive myself crazy in not having a partner, and I don't want to live my life wanting for something I might never have. In the meantime, I actually do enjoy my quiet weekends. I enjoy watching tv in bed and hogging all the covers. I enjoy not having to live to someone else's schedule or dealing with their problems. I tend to get very anxious when trying to cope with the actions of past partners. I am calmer going solo.

In the meantime, I might have a few stretches of boredom, but I'm good at figuring out things to keep me occupied.

All that said, if I ever do meet someone who can tolerate me and that I find interesting and attractive...then I'm open-minded to where that might go.
 

airc3

Sexy Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2010
Posts
213
Media
26
Likes
99
Points
63
Location
DC
Gender
Male
I used to look. Then no one looked back. After a couple years, you just give up.

28 is still young. You may find someone and not even know it. When I stopped looking something came along. 'Do you' right now and something will come up.
sux that you had the hair removal and it didn't work.
Keep your head up.
 

airc3

Sexy Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2010
Posts
213
Media
26
Likes
99
Points
63
Location
DC
Gender
Male
I refuse to do that. And since I spent $6k on the laser hair removal (that didn't even fucking work) I am basically pennyless now.

Despite what I wrote, after all the years of no one wanting you, you feel worthless and unloved. It's gotten to the point where I don't think anyone will ever want me.

Dude you are in DC. You can get a direct flight to Amsterdam from Dulles. If you have enough money to spend $6K on laser hair removal you can afford any of the whores in the red light district.

Pretty sure they have some high class call girls (and boys) in DC...all of those politicians are getting laid. :biggrin1:
 

spoon

Expert Member
Joined
May 20, 2011
Posts
3,206
Media
11
Likes
115
Points
208
Location
On a dark desert highway.
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
I've been more or less single for 5 years. I flirted with an "online relationship" during that time...but I'm not sure how much that really counts. Its been over 10 years since I've actually lived with the one person I ever co-habitated with. So...even though I'm not technically eternally single...it feels like it.

Why is this so? Lots of reasons. I'm not necessarily opposed to a long term partnership, but things get int he way. A) I live in a small city, so the opportunities are very limited, and I can be very picky and shallow. B) Most gay guys expect a full menu of sexual expression that includes anal sex...and I have no interest in that...which further reduces any prospect pool. C) I am easily frustrated and impatient, which means if I venture into a relationship, it is somewhat doomed from the start. Throw in my intraverted and apathetic disposition, my work schedule, and my love of travel (which not everyone can keep up with), and relationships are doomed.

Am I happy about it? I have learned to be content with myself. Society tells me that I must couple to be happy...but I forge my own path. If I were not content, I would drive myself crazy in not having a partner, and I don't want to live my life wanting for something I might never have. In the meantime, I actually do enjoy my quiet weekends. I enjoy watching tv in bed and hogging all the covers. I enjoy not having to live to someone else's schedule or dealing with their problems. I tend to get very anxious when trying to cope with the actions of past partners. I am calmer going solo.

In the meantime, I might have a few stretches of boredom, but I'm good at figuring out things to keep me occupied.

All that said, if I ever do meet someone who can tolerate me and that I find interesting and attractive...then I'm open-minded to where that might go.


**********Society tells me that I must couple to be happy...***********
I hate, hate, hate, the 'society norms.' According to these norms--I should have been married and had children and been just thrilled about it. I am so happy and relieved I never went that path. I would have not been happy. I have met people, and, after the what do you do question, they ask if I'm married and have kids. When I say no, that I never really wanted that whole thing---I get looks as if I've just sprouted my 4 arm form.

Boxes are for presents!
 

spoon

Expert Member
Joined
May 20, 2011
Posts
3,206
Media
11
Likes
115
Points
208
Location
On a dark desert highway.
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
This is me. I'm almost 28 and never had a relationship. Hell, I haven't even been on a date in 6 years. Never did anything sexual either, not even a BJ. I also have major hangups about my appearance. After spending nearly $6k on laser hair removal for my back I found out it doesn't work on me because "I have too much testosterone" or something. And now the hair on my head is receding and thinning, plus I have crooked teeth. I think I'm decent looking in the face and I've lost 85 lbs from my career high, so I have that going for me. But I can't get over my other issues, especially the body hair. I don't want anyone to ever see me naked. And like others have said, nothing has happened by this point, so why would it?

Am I happy? Not really. I've never really been. But I am content. I get to spend all my money on myself. I get to travel and do what I want without worrying about another person.

Would I want to be with someone? Maybe. I do feel like I'm missing out on life. But now that I'm almost 28, I think time is lost and it can't be made up. All that fun people had while they were young, in college, etc, I missed out on. And I can't imagine anyone wanting me.

So I just live alone. I'm somewhat introverted, but I like to go out with other people. I plan my days and my future around myself and try to think of the positives.

But God, I would love to try sex on day. But I don't see it happening.


you are only 28. ok, so it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't. And...........there are people that enjoy hairy men!