Who is Right?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MovingForward, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    Well I have been in a relationship for 5 months. My current boyfriend is good friends with his ex. I knew this when I first decided to date this guy. Not a huge problem for me, but I have realized that I have never met this ex. Is it wrong for me to want to? I feel that if this ex is important, then I should meet him. My boyfriend thinks I am insecure
     
  2. Gillette

    Gold Member

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    It's not unusual for people in a relationship to want to meet each other's friends at some point. If he's still good friends with his ex it's only natural that he'd be someone you'd like to meet.
     
  3. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    That's the thing. He has met all my friends, and people important to me. He hangs out with his ex, so I feel like I should meet all the people he hangs out with.
     
  4. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    I don't think you're in the wrong for wanting to meet his friend who happens to be his ex. I believe it's a healthy thing for you to be able to meet and get along with good friends of his and vice versa.
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    I think you are right. It's only natural to meet and get to know any of your significant others friends and/or family. I find it slightly suspect that he is resisting the introduction and pinning the insecure button on you. Perhaps it is he or the ex who is hesitant about the introduction.
     
  6. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    This was my thought too.

    MovingForward, you have to, at the very least, compare dicks.
     
  7. finsuptx

    finsuptx New Member

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    I agree, I don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting to meet this "friend/ex", and you have every right to say so. I don't think you are insecure, and I don't think he should avoid introducing you.

    I wouldn't automatically jump to conclusions as to why he's resistant to the idea. There are a number of reasons he might not want to mix future and past. I guess it goes back to communication in the end.
     
  8. denton85

    Verified Gold Member

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    there is nothing wrong with your reasoning...

    however i am VERY scared (for no real reason) when i have a current gf meet an ex gf... he could just be nervous about the whole thing... i don't know why he pushed the insecure card though... thats a little suspicious imo
     
  9. Principessa

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    He's met your friends therefore you should meet his friends. Nothing insecure or wrong with that in my opinion.


    Some people might be leery of the past and present lovers meeting and becoming friends, or worse comparing notes. :eek: :biggrin1:

    Old BF: Does Moving Forward still eat puffy cheese doodles dipped in mayonnaise when he's upset? :confused:
    New BF: Eeeww! Yes, and it totally skeeved me out the first time I saw him do that. :yuck:
    Old BF: Wait till the holidays, he turns into Martha Stewart and the whole house smells like nutmeg and pine trees. :lmao:
    New BF: I'm Jewish, gawd, I hope he doesn't insist on a Hanukkah bush! :rolleyes:
    Old BF: Maybe you can compromise, have a menorah and decorate the tree in blue and white.
    New BF: Hmm, maybe a small tree decorated in blue and white wouldn't be too weird . . . I'll think about it. Thanks for the tip.


     
  10. jerryhall

    jerryhall New Member

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    If he is cool and comfortable enough with his ex to stay his friend than why isn't he willing to let him hang out with you both on occasion?

    If I were you I would let him know that this is making you uncomfortable and give him your reasons, which are perfectly healthy and natural. Don't back down until you are comfortable with whatever arrangement you two agree on.
     
  11. avatarng

    avatarng Member

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    why would you want to meet his ex? or You just want to compare his ex and yourself.
    leave it alone. you pay your own bills not his ex.
     
  12. tray22nc

    tray22nc New Member

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    I think it is perfectly normal to feel like you should meet the ex, if they still hang out. The fact that he hangs out with him alone and doesn't want you to meet him is quite odd. That comes across like he is hiding something (either something they are doing or something about him that you don't know). Even if it is the ex that doesn't want to meet you, he should tell his ex that you are now part of his life and that he either needs to buck up and meet you or not hang out together. If you two are serious about being together and are planning on the long haul, there needs to be more open communication and honesty between you guys. Believe me, when there is no communication or trust, not much else will remain either....Good luck man.
     
  13. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    Well we talked and he does want me to meet his ex, but their really has not been an opportunity to. I told him flat out that when we are going to the movies or something, his ex is more than welcome to come along. I am not trying to be buddy buddy, but I feel like we should meet each other at least once.
     
  14. fortiesfun

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    This may be more insightful than you intended...:eek:
     
  15. hung

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    It may be nice to meet the "ex" but then again, moving forward with your current bf I am confident that if he is still a friend, then someday soon the ex and you both will cross paths.

    No rush. Take it easy.
     
  16. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    Or all of you could have a three-way.
     
  17. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    it's not wrong for you to want to meet someone who is a friend of your significant other--even if it is his ex.

    ask him why it's ok for him to meet all your friends, but when you want to meet all his friends, it's not ok?

    he is clearly holding a double standard against you and it's not fair. it sounds like he is the one who is being insecure, not you.
     
  18. Lex

    Lex
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    My hubby and I have me the ex's who are still important to us. In fact, we are all friends and hang out together when we find ourselves in each other' cities. As Gillette mentioned--if your man is good friends with his ex, it would be only natural to want to meet him.

    As long as you are not constantly comparing yourself to his ex, I think you will be fine. Remember, he is with you (and not him) for very important reasons.
     
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