Whoa! I should've seen THAT coming!

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Oct 3, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    wvalady1968: The conversation started out being about moving in together, so how did it end up leading to the break up? Our goals are completely different. I want to have children; he's done that and doesn't want to start over again.

    This hurts worse than my marriage breaking up. How can it hurt so much after only four months?
     
  2. Imported

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    AnonyMs: oh, Allie, sweetie!

    I am so sorry.

    <sits quietly next to Allie, holding her hand and passing her tissues>
     
  3. Imported

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    emilywee: sorry wv, i totally feel for you and your situation. i had a breakup not too long ago, not to compare at all- but i just hope you know we understand.
     
  4. Imported

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    sammygirly: Aww....I'm sorry to hear that sweety.

    But on the positive side (though hardly a consoling factor at the moment I know) at least you discovered NOW that you were on different paths, rather than much later on.
     
  5. Pecker

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    Sorry for your heartbreak, Allie.

    For some men a long term commitment consists of no more than calling for a Saturday Tee time on Friday afternoon.

    (quietly passes Nony another box of Kleenex)

    Pecker

    (Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.)
     
  6. Imported

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    petite_girl: *hugs allie* *passes allie some tissues and holds her hand*
     
  7. Imported

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    awellhungboi: Allie, I'm so sorry to hear that! :'(

    We're all here for you! ~big hug~
     
  8. Imported

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    7x6andchg: Oh...Allie...I'm so sorry....

    Pecker has a point as to what might be the silver lining...you probably had less invested in him now than you would have later, especially if you co-habitated...I know it's not much at this time, but it's something...

    <hug>

    7x6&C
     
  9. Imported

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    wvalady1968: Thanks, Guys. You're right. It could have been worse. In fact, that's what I thought when I broke off with him.

    His voice mail has been about working this out, but what kind of compromise can come of this?

    I'm taking a coward's way out and leaving town this weekend. Just don't wanna sit around and wait for something that can't happen. I'm gonna get involved in a charity walk thing. Stay active, ya know?

    I have one dilemma. What do I do with all the things he's left at my place and the things I left at his? What's the "adult" thing to do. I've gathered his up in a bag, and I'm thinking about going to his place and just leaving them there outside his door. Do any of you have a better plan?
     
  10. Imported

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    7x6andchg: Well -

    if you can stand to face him and are firm in your resolve that it is done, and overwith - face to face is usually best, but hardest, when it comes to giving stuff back. It shows you at least give enough of a damn to take care of his stuff until it is back in his custody.

    Barring that...make sure it's someplace safe if you do just leave it. Don't need it getting stolen.

    As for leaving town - it's not necessarily cowardice...sometimes a new place to look at something FROM is required for a new perspective on it.

    Paul
    7x6&C
     
  11. Imported

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    awellhungboi: Yeah, going out of town, being active, moving on--that's the ticket. Who knows, you might even meet someone who piques your interest at the Charity Walk (if it's not too soon).

    And I agree with Paul, just give him his stuff back. Don't make a big deal about it. Get him to meet you in a semi-public place: a parking lot or restaurant or something. Don't go to his place, the two of you would probably just end up arguing, crying, or in the sack. (or all three). Don't just leave it at his place--he might take that as a hostile sign, even though you obviously don't intend it that way. If you can't handle seeing him, get a mutual friend to drop it off to him.

    Lots of luck, Allie! You've got plenty of people rooting for you here.
     
  12. Imported

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    wvalady1968: I didn't have to. He showed up here about half an hour after I got home. Angry that I'd left town. All I could do was look at him and tell him that I'd had to get away.

    "We can work this out." How? Silence. The only consolation is that he looks as bad as I feel.

    No crying. I wan't going to be accused of using "emotional blackmail". But I couldn't let him touch me. I'm not that strong. I gave him his stuff and told him to go.

    Thanks for your support. No more drama, I hope. I hate drama.
     
  13. Imported

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    awellhungboi: Good for you, Allie! I hope you had a good trip. So do you think he'll change his mind? What would you do if he said he wanted to have kids with you? Or is it too late for that?
     
  14. Imported

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    wvalady1968: But he didn't. I respect that honesty.

    Life goes on.
     
  15. Imported

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    AnonyMs:
    Making decisions based on assumed fertility might not be the wisest thing.

    Just a thought.
     
  16. Imported

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    wvalady1968: Oh, Nony, that thought's gone through my head a million times in the last four days.

    I'm sorry for YOUR heartache.
     
  17. Imported

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    AnonyMs: Thank you, Allie, my sweet, but that is in the past and life goes on.

    Your pain is much fresher. I shared my experience only to point out - as you have already thought - that there is no guarantee you could bear a child. Chances are you could, but if this man is what you want, fertility testing might be in order before making a definate NO decision - that's all.
     
  18. Imported

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    rainfletcher: A quick caution:

    Be very careful in involving children in relationships where one party is unsure about child rearing. My own painful experience is that if both parties are not COMPLETELY into the advent of a child, things can be worse than anything imagined for both the children and the parents.

    I know that seeing a child born can give you a different perspective, but don't plan on it.

    I remember telling a friend once:

    Look at the person in front of you in all their insecurities and issues and assume they will NEVER change. And then ask yourself if you can live with that. If the answer is in any way 'NO', then think very hard about any future with the other person.

    Everyone in the world deserves happiness.....Not everyone gets it, but don't shoot yourself in the foot unnecessarily...
     
  19. Imported

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    sammygirly: [quote author=rain link=board=women;num=1065206012;start=0#17 date=10/06/03 at 16:57:08]
    I remember telling a friend once:

    Look at the person in front of you in all their insecurities and issues and assume they will NEVER change.  And then ask yourself if you can live with that.  If the answer is in any way 'NO', then think very hard about any future with the other person.  [/quote]

    That is beautiful advice
     
  20. Imported

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    Tender: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=women;num=1065206012;start=0#18 date=10/06/03 at 20:11:54]

    That is beautiful advice
    [/quote]

    sure---
    its just too late for some of us, lol!
    i hope some one hear heeds it, cause its VERY good advice....
    :)
     
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