Whose in the wrong?

[_Jonesy]

Nope, just be upfront with them from the start. Over the years I've had plenty of FBs. Most were never going to develop into more committed relationships for various reasons. But because we were always honest with each other from the start, the relationships rarely became painful.

Problem is at my age it can push them away. Especially if I hint I'm in such a mess. Think I jsut need a rest, I'll take the rest as it comes.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Problem is at my age it can push them away. Especially if I hint I'm in such a mess. Think I jsut need a rest, I'll take the rest as it comes.

Most of my FB relationships were when I was between the ages of 18 and 21. I'm now having more at 30, so I'd be inclined to say that age doesn't matter. And seriously, if they choose to walk away, it was the best outcome for all involved. That's kind of the point of being upfront - so that they have the option of walking away and if they choose to stay it's an informed decision.

But I do actually think the best thing for you to do would be to stay out of relationships for a little while. I'm glad you think so too :smile:. Give yourself time to heal.

 

[_Jonesy]

Very true, might just move to Australia I hope to anyway when I'm around 30; sounds fun too :L

I haven't enjoyed these casual things though in the past. Just doesn't feel real. Some end up becoming good friends, but for the purpose of which they were set up they have done little for me.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Very true, might just move to Australia I hope to anyway when I'm around 30; sounds fun too :L

I haven't enjoyed these casual things though in the past. Just doesn't feel real. Some end up becoming good friends, but for the purpose of which they were set up they have done little for me.

They aren't really supposed to feel real as such. Or at least that's not my purpose in having a FB. My purpose with an FB is to be friends (tick) and to have sex, preferably good sex (tick). But they aren't right for everyone. Some people can't have sex without romantic love. If you're one of those people, a FB relationship wouldn't give you what you need.

And Australia's a lovely place to live!

 

[_Jonesy]

They aren't really supposed to feel real as such. Or at least that's not my purpose in having a FB. My purpose with an FB is to be friends (tick) and to have sex, preferably good sex (tick). But they aren't right for everyone. Some people can't have sex without romantic love. If you're one of those people, a FB relationship wouldn't give you what you need.

And Australia's a lovely place to live!

I can't wait to at least work out there for a few years if I can. I can imagine retiring in New Zealand too, it's like the English Lake District without the shit around it in other parts of the country. :L Hopefully it will stay that way.

I do like the idea of having someone like that, especially if the sex is good and there is good chemistry their. Not to mention good friends. Thing is I would usually want to take it further with a person like that. Unless I still don't want a relationship.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I can't wait to at least work out there for a few years if I can. I can imagine retiring in New Zealand too, it's like the English Lake District with the shit around it in other parts of the country. :L Hopefully it will stay that way.

I've always thought NZ looks beautiful, never been there though. I agree that it looks like the Lake District.

I do like the idea of having someone like that, especially if the sex is good and there is good chemistry their. Not to mention good friends. Thing is I would usually want to take it further with a person like that. Unless I still don't want a relationship.

I've had a few special ones. If you enter into a FB relationship, you really need to be able to know in your heart that it can't go any further, or you can end up in a big tangled mess when they turn out to be special, but don't want anything more.

I've had others who were less special. Sometimes the friendship wasn't as strong or the sex wasn't as good. Sometimes it was just lacking chemistry, despite the friendship and the sex. But they were still a lot of fun.

 

[_Jonesy]

I never knew before University how many differences there can be in how sex feels depending on the person and the combined chemsitries. Seriously, I can have amazing sex with one girl where I last sub-10 minutes (amazing for me I guess), amazing sex for both of us where we both love it for sub-20 mins, or slow boring sex where nothing really happens for an hour. It's amazing.

 

[ruffboy]

you're spelling of "who's" is wrong, i know that much

 

[_Jonesy]

you're spelling of "who's" is wrong, i know that much

Yes, it was pointed out in the first post, thank you. I do know the difference it was just a lapse in concentration. I had other matters on my mind at the time, which are in the post.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I never knew before University how many differences there can be in how sex feels depending on the person and the combined chemsitries. Seriously, I can have amazing sex with one girl where I last sub-10 minutes (amazing for me I guess), amazing sex for both of us where we both love it for sub-20 mins, or slow boring sex where nothing really happens for an hour. It's amazing.

Or amazing sex that lasts for HOURS (my personal favourite :tongue.

 

[_Jonesy]

Or amazing sex that lasts for HOURS (my personal favourite :tongue.

Never had that pleasure maybe one day when I meet someone who doesn't just lie there. Tends to happen a lot to me that one :L

 

[nicenycdick]

You're giving up already? So young? What makes you think that relationships don't take as much time, effort and pratice as, oh, piano playing?

Give yourself time. You've got a long, long, long way to go...

 

[B_subgirrl]

Never had that pleasure maybe one day when I meet someone who doesn't just lie there. Tends to happen a lot to me that one :L

One day you'll get lucky :tongue:. I think that younger women especially are less likely to let go during sex. I think, in general, that older women are more likely to embrace their sexuality and are less afraid they'll do something 'wrong'.

 

[silvertriumph2]

One day you'll get lucky :tongue:. I think that younger women especially are less likely to let go during sex. I think, in general, that older women are more likely to embrace their sexuality and are less afraid they'll do something 'wrong'.

Very true, but then I think it is not only the woman, but the man who can also be less likely to let go at an early age.

When we begin to be sexual, we all stumble, worry, make mistakes, but sometimes and somehow...on some occasions seem to get it right! Those are the Good times!
But, most of the time, it is just a good or bad, hit or miss learning experience. Only with maturity (not just age) can this learning experience bring about a more enjoyable and less
inhibited kind of sex, one that can be totally satifying for both. It takes practice and should never be a "slam, bam, thank you Mam/Sir" thing. One should take time to make sure both are satisfied and are enjoying every minute!

One should not worry too much about getting things wrong, for no matter what you do, they will happen....just let it be a learning experience....and move on.

 

[_Jonesy]

I tend to worry about making hte other girl satisfied and it can spoil it for me sometimes. But I wish I could meet an older woman sometimes, so much simpler, so much more experienced and I have a thing forthe mature look. A massive one.

And no I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying to find it until it finds me, or until I recover enough to try again.

 

[silvertriumph2]

Jonesy....you have gotten a lot of good advice here. Do you realize that there has not been one negative posting (unless you count the whose/who's comments)? It has been completely positive, which is not always the case. You have hit spot and have gotten a pouring out of friendship and encouragement. Good for you.

Take a break and just enjoy your friends and do not worry about finding "the right girl" for the time being. Don't try so hard or think it to death..for when the time is right, it will come to you, you will know it and it will be wonderful. Again, just don't try so hard.
Your soul mate is out there....possible just around the next corner and waiting for you as you are waiting for them. Just enjoy being young and be patient!

 

[_Jonesy]

Well like I said when I met her I was kind, innocent, friendly, loved life albeit naively. I have changed, become a bit more resentful/jealous and make some awful decisions with girls hence why I'm backing off for a while. I hate that, I want the old me back - and I really am grateful to this great community for being behind me on it instead of simply saying I'm being foolish. Like you say it is quite rare, and a very pleasant surprise.

Always loved this site. Probably shouldn't admit this but long before I was 18 I was getting advise off a lot of people here. It really helped. I feel like I owe something to everybody here, to a degree it has kept me sane.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Very true, but then I think it is not only the woman, but the man who can also be less likely to let go at an early age.

When we begin to be sexual, we all stumble, worry, make mistakes, but sometimes and somehow...on some occasions seem to get it right! Those are the Good times!
But, most of the time, it is just a good or bad, hit or miss learning experience. Only with maturity (not just age) can this learning experience bring about a more enjoyable and less
inhibited kind of sex, one that can be totally satifying for both. It takes practice and should never be a "slam, bam, thank you Mam/Sir" thing. One should take time to make sure both are satisfied and are enjoying every minute!

One should not worry too much about getting things wrong, for no matter what you do, they will happen....just let it be a learning experience....and move on.

Brilliant post!!!

Best advice for people who are still in their sexual early years:

1. Don't be afraid of making mistakes.

2. Sex is never dignified!

I tend to worry about making hte other girl satisfied and it can spoil it for me sometimes.

I'm tempted to say don't worry so much. But the best sex I've ever had is with someone whose pleasure during sex is DEPENDENT upon my pleasure. To the extent that he would notice it if I was enjoying it even a little less than usual.

However, I still think it's very important for the woman to take at least partial responsibility for her own pleasure.

And don't worry so much! :tongue:

But I wish I could meet an older woman sometimes, so much simpler, so much more experienced and I have a thing forthe mature look. A massive one.

When I was 20, I was lucky enough to find a guy who was 8 years older than me. We were FBs for around a year and a half, and he set the bench mark for everyone who came after him. He taught me a massive amount about sex. Not so much in a technical sense, more about attitudes, and how to be completely, utterly comfortable in the bedroom (or lounge room, or hallway etc :biggrin1.

And no I haven't given up, I've just stopped trying to find it until it finds me, or until I recover enough to try again.

Yep. Taking a break to heal is not giving up.

 

[_Jonesy]

subgirll you've definately had quite a good life haven't you

Actually the best sex I've had was when she loved it, wanted to 'show' she loved it, which turned me on even more. It was like I was giving her good sex without worrying about it and actually getting a lot back too.

I can't imagine somebody sat at home, or even with a boyfriend with the destiny of meeting me. Poor girl

 

[B_subgirrl]

subgirll you've definately had quite a good life haven't you

I had a long patch in the middle with depression and the No-Sex-Ex. But on either side of that, it's been fantastic!

Actually the best sex I've had was when she loved it, wanted to 'show' she loved it, which turned me on even more. It was like I was giving her good sex without worrying about it and actually getting a lot back too.

This might be why so much of the sex I've had has been good. I both love sex, and I show it. And I've always loved it when it's obvious my partner is thoroughly enjoying himself. Makes sex a 1000 times better.

I can't imagine somebody sat at home, or even with a boyfriend with the destiny of meeting me. Poor girl

Honey, you'll be fine given a bit of time and some tender love and care.

(And I've looked at your pics - she'd be damn lucky to meet you! You have AMAZING eyes!)