Why am I attracted to straight men and not to the usual gay guys?

haervyu

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I know it sounds like a cliché, but it's starting to feel problematic though.
It seems that I'm always falling for the typical gym bro straight guy. It doesn't always have to be the over-the-top-obvious sexy guy. But just sometimes the regular sporty one, like the cool friend you'd have. No drama, just chill.

To be clear, I have never done something with a straight guy, I'm not oppost to it (it would still be a fantasy fulfilled), but I respect the boundaries and would never innitiate it myself.
Yet I seemed to be only attracted to the straight guys and not the gays. I can be good friends with gay guys (i have some really good friends), but I can't seem to find myself that much interested in them romantically. Occasionally physically attracted maybe. But that 'bit of extra' always seem to make me lose interest.

I wonder if it's because I haven't fully embraced "being gay" and seem to admire the straight guys that haven't have to deal with thisissue. I dunno... I came out late at only 25. Had GF's before, but I don't think I'm bisexual. Nor do I question my masculinity or think I was born in the wrong body.
It just doesn't seem to work for me
It sucks.

Does anyone have the same issue?
 
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Barffful

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It’s an issue if you’re only attracted to them because of their heterosexuality.

It’s totally fine to be attracted to traditional masculinity. You don’t have to be attracted to femme gays, there are plenty of gay men that don’t act any different to straight men.
 

marriedasian

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How do you know everyone's sexual orientations??

+1 to this... how do you know a guy is straight or gay?

A trick you can use is to pretend that if that straight guy that you are attracted to was gay, would you still feel the same and feel the same amount of attraction? If so, then it's not the sexual orientation but something about that person is attracting you to them. It may be a physical feature, demeanor, or whatever. Try to figure that out and set away from "I'm attracted to straight guys" to "I'm attracted to guys with a jaw line, or a sharp nose, or a warm smile, or a deep voice, etc."

I also agree with @curtdude, you may just want what you know you can't or shouldn't have. If this is the case, you have a lot of mental self-realizations to unpack that nobody on this forum will be able to help you with.
 

thom_green2003

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I know it sounds like a cliché, but it's starting to feel problematic though.
It seems that I'm always falling for the typical gym bro straight guy. It doesn't always have to be the over-the-top-obvious sexy guy. But just sometimes the regular sporty one, like the cool friend you'd have. No drama, just chill.

To be clear, I have never done something with a straight guy, I'm not oppost to it (it would still be a fantasy fulfilled), but I respect the boundaries and would never innitiate it myself.
Yet I seemed to be only attracted to the straight guys and not the gays. I can be good friends with gay guys (i have some really good friends), but I can't seem to find myself that much interested in them romantically. Occasionally physically attracted maybe. But that 'bit of extra' always seem to make me lose interest.

I wonder if it's because I haven't fully embraced "being gay" and seem to admire the straight guys that haven't have to deal with thisissue. I dunno... I came out late at only 25. Had GF's before, but I don't think I'm bisexual. Nor do I question my masculinity or think I was born in the wrong body.
It just doesn't seem to work for me
It sucks.

Does anyone have the same issue?
I have a lot of the same feelings. Personally, part of the issue is just that I like a more traditional sense of masculinity, whether the guy is straight or gay. I know I'm going to get pounded here, but that is what I like, whether a stereotype or not. It's similar to the men I was around growing up and I sexually respond to it.

I'm COMPLETELY supportive and appreciative of everyone in the LGBTQ! community. 100%. But I don't have to be sexually attracted to someone to support them. I support lesbians but am not attracted to them, that doesn't mean I have internalized phobias of lesbians. I'm also not a closet case, or having internalized homophobia (the catch term from all the amatuer therapists here). And again, while I support people as they wish to be, the whole drag queen, sister-sister, girls and bitches stuff is not me at all. I dont think I have to pretend that, to embrace it for others. Let me live my life as I'd like please, and others do the same. Peace!
 

bigboaster

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I have a lot of the same feelings. Personally, part of the issue is just that I like a more traditional sense of masculinity, whether the guy is straight or gay. I know I'm going to get pounded here, but that is what I like, whether a stereotype or not. It's similar to the men I was around growing up and I sexually respond to it.

I'm COMPLETELY supportive and appreciative of everyone in the LGBTQ! community. 100%. But I don't have to be sexually attracted to someone to support them. I support lesbians but am not attracted to them, that doesn't mean I have internalized phobias of lesbians. I'm also not a closet case, or having internalized homophobia (the catch term from all the amatuer therapists here). And again, while I support people as they wish to be, the whole drag queen, sister-sister, girls and bitches stuff is not me at all. I dont think I have to pretend that, to embrace it for others. Let me live my life as I'd like please, and others do the same. Peace!
Not being attracted to feminine men doesn't suggest internalized homophobia. Did anyone in this thread suggest that? Let's be serious please.

OP isn't talking about not being attracted to fem guys which (would be fine, that's a common preference), he isn't attracted to gay men at all (by his own admission), I assume even masculine ones since he didn't make any distinctions. That isn't normal and is certainly a sign of possible internalized homophobia.

Instead of quietly liking posts like this one @haervyu it would be to everyone's benefit if you actually address folks directly don't you think? Why would you start this thread if you won't engage with push back? If you think users here are wrong, prove it.
 

thom_green2003

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Not being attracted to feminine men doesn't suggest internalized homophobia. Did anyone in this thread suggest that? Let's be serious please.

OP isn't talking about not being attracted to fem guys which (would be fine, that's a common preference), he isn't attracted to gay men at all (by his own admission), I assume even masculine ones since he didn't make any distinctions. That isn't normal and is certainly a sign of possible internalized homophobia.

Instead of quietly liking posts like this one @haervyu it would be to everyone's benefit if you actually address folks directly don't you think? Why would you start this thread if you won't engage with push back? If you think users here are wrong, prove it.
I'm saying this with all intended respect, but... you are deciding to define "internalized homophobia" for everyone else. It's not necessarily even an actual thing! It's an idea, a concept, disputed as well as accepted.
Then you explained what OP meant and thought, not really your place. Additionally, you told OP it would be to "everyone's benefit"... would it? Did you poll the entire internet? Lastly, I was talking about my own self and experiences, not anyone else's. I'd like to think your intentions are good, but the words are exactly what I was protesting! One or more people defining sexuality for everyone else. NOPE!
 
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bigboaster

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I'm saying this with all intended respect, but... you are deciding to define "internalized homophobia" for everyone else. It's not necessarily even an actual thing! It's an idea, a concept, disputed as well as accepted.
I am not defining anything, it already has a general definition that was created by sociologists. It is absolutely a thing but okay bud
Then you explained what OP meant and thought, not really your place.
I read what OP wrote and suggested he MIGHT be suffering from internalized homophobia. I didn't make any firm conclusions about him, especially since he doesn't seem willing to elaborate further. This is a forum and anyone can give their thoughts, OP put this out there for commentary and feedback.
Additionally, you told OP it would be to "everyone's benefit"... would it? Did you poll the entire internet?
What? it would be to everyone's benefit as in... it would help clear up exactly what he's feeling for other users here.... As in we can offer more constructive feedback if he gives us more information?? What the hell are you on about? smh
Lastly, I was talking about my own self and experiences, not anyone else's. I'd like to think your intentions are good, but the words are exactly what I was protesting! One or more people defining sexuality for everyone else. NOPE!
Please show me where I defined sexuality for OP or anyone else. You are having an irrational kneejerk reaction to this conversation and just making wild claims based on nothing.
 

thom_green2003

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I am not defining anything, it already has a general definition that was created by sociologists. It is absolutely a thing but okay bud

I read what OP wrote and suggested he MIGHT be suffering from internalized homophobia. I didn't make any firm conclusions about him, especially since he doesn't seem willing to elaborate further. This is a forum and anyone can give their thoughts, OP put this out there for commentary and feedback.

What? it would be to everyone's benefit as in... it would help clear up exactly what he's feeling for other users here.... As in we can offer more constructive feedback if he gives us more information?? What the hell are you on about? smh

Please show me where I defined sexuality for OP or anyone else. You are having an irrational kneejerk reaction to this conversation and just making wild claims based on nothing.

"it would be to everyone's benefit as in... it would help clear up exactly what he's feeling for other users here.... As in we can offer more constructive feedback if he gives us more information??"
Again, you are using "We" and "Us", speaking for everyone else. Or trying.

Sociologists aren't experts in mental health. I believe one very famous sociologist was Karl Marx. You might have heard of him? Not someone I'd trust my mental health with.

Anyway, this is a waste of my time. Taking a cue from you, this is a waste of everyone's time! I'm done.
 

Hegel on Tinder

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Hi OP,I share some of the feelings you have commented. I can feel attraction to all kinds of men but many times in my life I've found myself falling over romantically with a certain type of men. This type is not the stereotypical straight guy, quite the opposite, but they were indeed straight. It's become sort of a cyclical feeling I've gotten used to, and it still causes me some headaches, some pain and frustration. Like you, I feel a bit of an extra towards these men that, in others, it's just lacking.

There's parts of sexual desire and romantic feelings that simply you don't get to choose. You'll have to come to terms with them, as with your past frustrations. It's not easy. I won't tell you "X thing happened/is happening with you, which is causing these feelings" because that kind of implies there's something wrong with you that needs to be fixed (as some here have irresponsibly stated). It's not. You have your own, personal way of living and understanding sexuality. Sometimes it will give you joy and pleasure, others confusion and sorrow. Either way, your feelings are still you, and they aren't going anyway soon.

This said, my advice would be to explore yourself. Not to fix you or your pain, but to understand yourself in a better way. How do you feel toward these men? What's in them for you? What are you expecting from them? I don't think there's easy answers here, but it's worth to make the questions. Going to therapy might help, but again, don't see it as something that has to fix or heal you, but as tool to get to know yourself better.

And also, I'd tell you to just chill a little xd, you're still young and might one day find someone that fits just nicely ;)
xoxo!
 

john1960ladd

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I know it sounds like a cliché, but it's starting to feel problematic though.
It seems that I'm always falling for the typical gym bro straight guy. It doesn't always have to be the over-the-top-obvious sexy guy. But just sometimes the regular sporty one, like the cool friend you'd have. No drama, just chill.

To be clear, I have never done something with a straight guy, I'm not oppost to it (it would still be a fantasy fulfilled), but I respect the boundaries and would never innitiate it myself.
Yet I seemed to be only attracted to the straight guys and not the gays. I can be good friends with gay guys (i have some really good friends), but I can't seem to find myself that much interested in them romantically. Occasionally physically attracted maybe. But that 'bit of extra' always seem to make me lose interest.

I wonder if it's because I haven't fully embraced "being gay" and seem to admire the straight guys that haven't have to deal with thisissue. I dunno... I came out late at only 25. Had GF's before, but I don't think I'm bisexual. Nor do I question my masculinity or think I was born in the wrong body.
It just doesn't seem to work for me
It sucks.

Does anyone have the same issue?
Very easy. Because gay men aren't masculine, and we crave our opposites regarding sexuality. There are FAKE masculine gay men, but their "masculinity" is just cringey.
 

sophieheat

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I know it sounds like a cliché, but it's starting to feel problematic though.
It seems that I'm always falling for the typical gym bro straight guy. It doesn't always have to be the over-the-top-obvious sexy guy. But just sometimes the regular sporty one, like the cool friend you'd have. No drama, just chill.

To be clear, I have never done something with a straight guy, I'm not oppost to it (it would still be a fantasy fulfilled), but I respect the boundaries and would never innitiate it myself.
Yet I seemed to be only attracted to the straight guys and not the gays. I can be good friends with gay guys (i have some really good friends), but I can't seem to find myself that much interested in them romantically. Occasionally physically attracted maybe. But that 'bit of extra' always seem to make me lose interest.

I wonder if it's because I haven't fully embraced "being gay" and seem to admire the straight guys that haven't have to deal with thisissue. I dunno... I came out late at only 25. Had GF's before, but I don't think I'm bisexual. Nor do I question my masculinity or think I was born in the wrong body.
It just doesn't seem to work for me
It sucks.

Does anyone have the same issue?
Everything is OK. Don't overthink it.
 

hisiff maji

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I know it sounds like a cliché, but it's starting to feel problematic though.
It seems that I'm always falling for the typical gym bro straight guy. It doesn't always have to be the over-the-top-obvious sexy guy. But just sometimes the regular sporty one, like the cool friend you'd have. No drama, just chill.

To be clear, I have never done something with a straight guy, I'm not oppost to it (it would still be a fantasy fulfilled), but I respect the boundaries and would never innitiate it myself.
Yet I seemed to be only attracted to the straight guys and not the gays. I can be good friends with gay guys (i have some really good friends), but I can't seem to find myself that much interested in them romantically. Occasionally physically attracted maybe. But that 'bit of extra' always seem to make me lose interest.

I wonder if it's because I haven't fully embraced "being gay" and seem to admire the straight guys that haven't have to deal with thisissue. I dunno... I came out late at only 25. Had GF's before, but I don't think I'm bisexual. Nor do I question my masculinity or think I was born in the wrong body.
It just doesn't seem to work for me
It sucks.

Does anyone have the same issue?
I’ve dealt with similar struggles OP. There are plenty of gays who struggle with this due to internalized homophobia, fem phobia, Upbringing, etc.
But if you’re like me, maybe for you it’s feeling more “at home” with straight passing guys on a personality and masculinity basis. I have twink friends as well, but if your authentic self mirrors that of straight buddies, it’s not unexpected to feel like effeminate gays just aren’t your cup of tea sexually. I know a bisexual friend who’s as straight passing and macho as anyone, and he prefers fem twinks. So, as long as it comes from an unproblematic place, no problem. To each their own.

But I feel your frustration.
Being attracted to the guys who are harder to find and sometimes impossible to feel out can be depressing and make you question yourself and your tastes. It takes a lot more initiative to meet other “straight passing” guys.