why are bi curious friends afraid to make a move?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by buddy7706, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. buddy7706

    buddy7706 Member

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    How come I as a bi curious guy only get caught up with straight guys that are stuck in my same boat. I just want a bud I can mess with while I have a girlfriend and not have it be a big deal . The thing is I don't like openly gay men but everytime I feeel like I make a friend that is like me they won't make a move but just send mix messages. I don't get it and if someone is openly gay I have no actraction only with guys I get vibes are like me guys with girlfriends but there are these flortations or moves yet neither of us make moves ... Is it just me kinda only liking straight guys or guys like me to scared to make a move? Any stories or thoughts or suggestions?
     
  2. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    The mixed messages are probably a back out clause ie they can say it was a joke or whatever. Try just being totally up front and to the point with them.
     
  3. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Maybe because they have reservations about cheating on their girlfriends?

     
  4. rheno

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    For me, my fear of breaking a perfectly good friendship...
     
  5. Gdaymate

    Gdaymate Member

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    If you truly think he is interested but unwilling to make the first move , help him by keeping a sense of humor. Sex should be relaxed and fun after all. I have a similar situation now and I'm taking it week by week. I turned a big corner with him last week by talking about an erection I had a few days prior that lasted more or less for twenty plus hours. We were both laughing and I could tell he liked hearing it. He didn't change topic and it went on and got funnier. I grabbed myself and said "even talking about it makes it get big again." then changed the subject. I know either he or I will mention it again and it will a humorous subject not a tense one. It opens the door to lots of other remarks that help things along. Remember, only if you are sure, otherwise it's too awkward and manipulative. If he wants to , but is afraid, help him with humor and sincerity.
     
  6. buddy7706

    buddy7706 Member

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    Its weird sometimes I get signs but it is almost as if he can't just let it go and let it happen almost as if he is fighting those feelings. For instance stayed over my place after a drunk night then I find myself awake with him next to me without any invitationm or vise versa ... but only when while I'm asleep I guess weird but nothing ever in the right state of mind
     
  7. DiscoBoy

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    You want to hook up with guys, but not ones that are openly gay? That's just the most stupid shit I've ever heard. Men are men, regardless of sexual orientation. Certain personality types are what you should be hunting for, not specific orientations.

    If they're not making a move, then you should make a move. And if you're afraid to make a move, then you already know the answer to your own question.
     
  8. MuscleBoundMan

    MuscleBoundMan Active Member

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    Maybe it's your age group? I'm 46 and I think i have been hit on by every "curious" or gay friend I have. 100% Straight guys (if such a thing exist) don't want any physical sexual interaction with another dude. It's not funny to them. I've had several friends that got pissed off because a mutual buddy crossed their personal barrier. I could have told them not to bother. Of course a bro can be straight and still not have a physical non-sexual barriers with other dudes. For example, plenty of straight guys have gay friends who "play" around by grabbing their ass or balls, etc. I know I do. It doesn't bother me, but it doesn't turn me on either. So go ahead and make an attempt and if it pisses him off, apologize and don't do it again.
     
  9. heist

    heist New Member

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    They're probably just afraid you'll reject them and then they'll have to deal with the consequences of releasing that information. Alternatively, you might be reading too deeply into their friendliness and maybe they just want to be close friends.

    As a side note, I strongly agree with DiscoBoy that your attraction to guys with girlfriends like you is a doomed to frustration. It's not healthy: 1) you're looking to get with guys even though you're already in a relationship, and 2) you're looking to get with guys who are taken. You're just going to hurt pretty much everyone involved if your dream comes true.
     
  10. jackinjackson

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    now THIS is a hot topic to discuss. i too am attracted to masculine "straight types". i'd love nothing better than to have a straight man to play with as a suckbuddy, even if it was one way. very difficult commodity to find. most totally straight guys want to remain anoymous and not let anybody know their business..i've even seen and know of them choosing old fat ugly trolls instead of a good looking cleancut stud to blow them.
    i think men in general are sexual creatures and love talking about sex, and sexual topics. dont always take this as a mixed signal, although i do and have. i'll try to tell this story briefly. i had a coworker, fine as he could be, tall dark handsome and hung. he'd come to my desk half hard often, or we'd talk about his gf's and i'd see him get hard. this actually went on for years, and it got to where it pissed me off, i'd glare at his 8" in his jeans and let him see me do it...he didnt mind. well, time came, one horny day when i crossed the line and asked him if he'd ever let a guy blow him. he got all huffed up and didnt talk to me for a while. a week or so passed, i made another comment at a time i thought was appropriate, of how i'd take care of his needs if given the chance. o shit....next thing i knew, i was in the human resources office, he had reported me . a friend...i'd gone to lunch with for 10 yrs! he said he just didnt want me to go down a road and choose a lifestyle that would make me lose my family.....he did it out of caring...WTF???
    anywho, that caused all kinds of workplace issues, and i no longer work there. moral of the story.....you'd better know those mixed signals are CLEAR before you step into something that will really stink! Proceed with caution! been there, done that, got that tee shirt.
     
  11. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I smell some big time fear on your part. You're only attracted to guys who are like you in the sense that they don't appear to be "bi curious", bi or gay. You're most likely doing exactly the same thing to guys who may be interested in you. If you don't make yourself available to other guys, how are they suppose to know what you want and need? I feel the best way to deal with your situation is to make friends with guys who you are attracted to. The only problem with this though is that you might find yourself liking them and then you'll have to deal with your emotions around your sexual needs. Over the long haul it's hard to have sex with people without having to deal with their feelings or yours. Just my take.
     
  12. exwhyzee

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    Some guys (like me) are just clueless about signals. Unless you walk up to me and say "Hey Ex, I'd like to suck your dick" then I won't get it. I end up second guessing your signals, and I don't want to breach any boundaries or lines...and I'm majorly risk averse. If I get a mixed message, I will assume the non-sexual scenario before I assume the sexual one. Even in budding relationships, I'm slow. I remember meeting a guy with a huge dick one weekend years ago, and making out with him until he was sick of kissing and practically whipped his dick out for me to start giving him head. I just err on the side of caution.
     
  13. Nekoman

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    I'm sure you're aware there's a huge taboo on male homosexuality in our culture -- in spite of all the progress we've made. No one wants to be called names, "fag" is still a real dirty word in most societies, punishable by death in some eastern countries. Even gay men struggle with coming out for this reason. Few people enter into homosexual activities casually without some trepidation, despite what you may see or hear on the internet.
     
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    This sounds exactly like TheBoyfriend! We're really physically affectionate and he couldn't tell the difference between a non-verbal, "I love you and I think you're sexy," and a signal that said, "I want to fuck right now!" The result was that we only had sex if he came onto me and never whenever I was trying to seduce him. After being frustrated by his denseness over and over again, I finally got so frustrated that I just confronted him about it.

    The final straw was one time when he came into the kitchen and I came up to him and kissed him and started rubbing his cock through his pants and he kissed me back sweetly and smiled at me and moaned a little bit as I was rubbing him, and then the dense boy said, "I was thinking about going to the grocery store. Is there anything you want?" My mouth dropped open and I shook my head and he turned around and walked out the door and went to the grocery store!

    When he came back, we had a little talk about the subject of, "What do I have to do to tell you that I want to have sex?" He just told me to tell him. He said, "Just say, 'I want to have sex.' It's the only way I'll figure it out."

    I thought that it would make it less romantic or sexy, but it made things a lot more convenient. Now I'll just say, "I just want you to know that I really want to have sex sometime tonight," or I'll say, "after dinner," or something along those lines. Then he smiles really big and he comes onto me after dinner, or sometime tonight. It's so easy! We never miscommunicate any more.

    So, yeah, some guys are REALLY clueless about signals. Even really big flashing signals. They just don't get them.
     
  15. dad4you

    dad4you Member

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    :smile:
     
    #15 dad4you, Sep 11, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  16. dad4you

    dad4you Member

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    If I am making out with someone.. as far as I am concerned, it is license to grope.. if that goes well, that is the signal to get to home base.. :)
     
  17. ramwella

    ramwella Member

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    Ok "buddy7706", here's how you seduce your bi-curious str8 guy...

    Talk about sex in general and things that you "wish" your girlfriend would do. But only continue the discussion if he's into it and swapping stories with you. You might talk just a little bit about porn, but not too much. And then change the topic and don't talk about it anymore.

    The next time you guys hang out wait and see if he starts talking anything about sex. (This will mean that he feels comfortable with you and he's probably been thinking about everything you guys talked about before.) Ask him about porn he watches...specific websites...get your laptop and browse a few websites together, and then shut it down. Go and hang out together-- no more sex talk.

    The next time-- tell him you were checking out his favortie porn website and you saw something cool. Show him the porn and just relax. Now, by watching porn together (albeit str8), it makes sex part of a "bonding moment" for you guys. From then on you'll have to decide when to make the next move and how far to take it.

    What worked for me was competition:
    Who can shoot first?...the farthest?...the biggest load?...hit a cum target? I know this all sounds a little juvenile, but it worked for me when I was in college. (Besides, guys like competition and you can use the game as a front. At the very least, you'll get to see his dick.) Eventually, this guy and I got so comfortable talking sex and watching porn, that one day I just reached over and grabbed his dick "to help him get good aim at the cum target". But if that had freaked him out, then I would have just used the game as an excuse, shut everything down from there and never do it again!!

    But he didn't freak out. We started having sex and still kept on dating our gfs. It was the best-case scenario and totally hot!! He's married now. He lives in Boston with his family, but 20 years later we hook-up when either one of us is visiting town. No one ever knew or suspected us of ever having sex together-- and still don't.
     
    #17 ramwella, Sep 12, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2010
  18. joeweekend

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    Concrete suggestion: put a personal on Craigslist or someplace like that. State who you are, what you want. Meet up with a couple of the guys who respond - that way everyone's interests are known. You wan't have the fear of making a move problem, because you've already taken care of that.
     
  19. Countryguy63

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    I'm exactly like you X. I've had people eventually tell me that they had a huge crush on me, and was sad that I rejected them. We laugh when I tell them I had no clue that they even had any interest in me. :cool:

    AM was no exception. Here's a little known fact..Our romantic relationship was started by a text from me, stating how much I really liked him, that was intended to go someone else, but sent to him by mistake.
    Once I realized it's destination, I freaked. I texted "Hahah, just a joke, No Offense, etc" over and over again. When I didn't get a response, I texted "Well, now that you know how I truly feel for you, I hope that this won't affect our "friendship", but I understand if I crossed the line".
    After a bit he replied (he was working, and hadn't seen them yet) "That's too bad if it was just a joke, cuz that's exactly how I feel about you. I thought you knew that, and didn't like me. It seemed like you were avoiding it". I was floored.

    Once I looked back (I saved all of them :redface:), I could clearly see that what I was considering what I call "Str8man Banter", were much more. I never let myself see them for what they were, because in my mind, there was no way that this extremely handsome, smokin hot body, (and well, you know the other part :wink:) straight man, could never be interested in me.:tongue: I was happy with the friendship that we had developed, and didn't want to risk offending him.

    Many times we "assume" the safe mode, and honestly can't see the "hints", lol


    Hahaha, I knew I liked him :smile:. If we were closer, we could be such good friends :biggrin1:
     
  20. novice_btm

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    "Hey Ex, I'd like..." :wink:

    I'm the same way. I NEVER make first moves (in person, I only wish I was 1/2 of the forward whore I am online :redface: ). "Risk averse" is a great way to describe it. I've always just said it's because I'm shy. Although, being a little guy (I'm pretty short), I think the subconscious fear of an ass-kicking, due to unclear signals being misread, goes back to the risk aversion/fear.
     
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