why are bi curious friends afraid to make a move?

[B_Hung Jon]

This sounds exactly like TheBoyfriend! We're really physically affectionate and he couldn't tell the difference between a non-verbal, "I love you and I think you're sexy," and a signal that said, "I want to fuck right now!" The result was that we only had sex if he came onto me and never whenever I was trying to seduce him. After being frustrated by his denseness over and over again, I finally got so frustrated that I just confronted him about it.

The final straw was one time when he came into the kitchen and I came up to him and kissed him and started rubbing his cock through his pants and he kissed me back sweetly and smiled at me and moaned a little bit as I was rubbing him, and then the dense boy said, "I was thinking about going to the grocery store. Is there anything you want?" My mouth dropped open and I shook my head and he turned around and walked out the door and went to the grocery store!

When he came back, we had a little talk about the subject of, "What do I have to do to tell you that I want to have sex?" He just told me to tell him. He said, "Just say, 'I want to have sex.' It's the only way I'll figure it out."

I thought that it would make it less romantic or sexy, but it made things a lot more convenient. Now I'll just say, "I just want you to know that I really want to have sex sometime tonight," or I'll say, "after dinner," or something along those lines. Then he smiles really big and he comes onto me after dinner, or sometime tonight. It's so easy! We never miscommunicate any more.

So, yeah, some guys are REALLY clueless about signals. Even really big flashing signals. They just don't get them.

Petite, this is the funniest thing I've read on lpsg for a while. You are exactly right about some guys and how we react to the most obvious romantic signals. I'm not sure about your boy friend but I was taught by my feminist mom that guys should pay close attention to what a woman wants, NOT what we think or suppose she wants. In the past men just assumed that women would want to have sex with us just by our coming on to them or the crazy idea that if a girl said "no", she actually meant "yes". Then I think the whole thing did an about face, and guys were unsure of how to approach a woman romantically. Also there's the idea in society that we guys are horny beasts and want sex all the time, so girls need to be on guard against our "raping" urges. I know myself I usually wait for my g/f to initiate love-making because there are so many variables in her sexual desires or lack thereof. She may not be feeling like it. She may have some physical issues that impede her. She may be having her period. She may want to only cuddle and not have sex. Etc. Does this make sense? Most guys can have sex at any time and rarely have anything get in their way. So there is almost this built-in confusion for guys in approaching our women. Also guys have a harder time communicating about romantic feelings, and usually express it by a kiss or a touch. Anyway let me know what you think of this explanation. Great comment BTW. :smile:

 

[petite]

Once I looked back (I saved all of them :redface, I could clearly see that what I was considering what I call "Str8man Banter", were much more. I never let myself see them for what they were, because in my mind, there was no way that this extremely handsome, smokin hot body, (and well, you know the other part :wink straight man, could never be interested in me.:tongue: I was happy with the friendship that we had developed, and didn't want to risk offending him.

Many times we "assume" the safe mode, and honestly can't see the "hints", lol

Hahaha, I knew I liked him :smile:. If we were closer, we could be such good friends :biggrin1:

I love that! Thank you for telling that story! That's so romantic!

I'm absolutely positive that if we were closer that we'd all be good friends!

Petite, this is the funniest thing I've read on lpsg for a while. You are exactly right about some guys and how we react to the most obvious romantic signals. I'm not sure about your boy friend but I was taught by my feminist mom that guys should pay close attention to what a woman wants, NOT what we think or suppose she wants. In the past men just assumed that women would want to have sex with us just by our coming on to them or the crazy idea that if a girl said "no", she actually meant "yes". Then I think the whole thing did an about face, and guys were unsure of how to approach a woman romantically. Also there's the idea in society that we guys are horny beasts and want sex all the time, so girls need to be on guard against our "raping" urges. I know myself I usually wait for my g/f to initiate love-making because there are so many variables in her sexual desires or lack thereof. She may not be feeling like it. She may have some physical issues that impede her. She may be having her period. She may want to only cuddle and not have sex. Etc. Does this make sense? Most guys can have sex at any time and rarely have anything get in their way. So there is almost this built-in confusion for guys in approaching our women. Also guys have a harder time communicating about romantic feelings, and usually express it by a kiss or a touch. Anyway let me know what you think of this explanation. Great comment BTW. :smile:

Thank you for the compliment! It was hilarious. I was just standing there in the kitchen with my mouth open, wondering, "WTF just happened?"

I think you're right. I think he just always assumed that I wasn't horny and that I just had romantic thoughts in my head, and he is a gentleman. A really horny gentleman.

He's not the first man that I've dated who couldn't read signals, not by a longshot, but I think it's been the funniest with him. I think most men would figure it out if you grabbed his cock, but not him!

 

[dxgarten]

I have this straight friend who often envelopes me in his arm, pretending to show me how he usually tackles his opponent in Rugby match. The thing is, he never does it with his other friends. I notice that when he talks about Rugby with them, he keeps his hands to himself and never dare to touch them even lightly.

With me, he's tackled, hugged, and lately he pretends to do this hand movements so he can graze my chin. It weirds and arouses me at the same time. I like him but because he's being vague and always say how he likes girls etc then I don't make any move on him except allowing him to do whatever he wants with me.

Sometimes I hate how society makes it hard for guys to be attracted to other guys.

 

[NCbear]

Sometimes I hate how society makes it hard for guys to be attracted to other guys.

Or to share non-sexual physical affection with other guys.

NCbear (who used to refuse hugs because I didn't want to appear gay )

 

[big_sights]

Wow, I can relate to your situation. I have a really good friend, he is like a brother. The bad thing is I've kinda fallen for him(Never felt this way about a guy)....smh, I know. We are extremely affectionate both verbally and physically and have been even before I fell for him. It probably has something to do in how we met (wrestling team). He has spent the night at my house plenty of times opting to share my bed instead of the floor. Be has been giving me mix signals almost from the time that I met him. Once he sent me a naked pic of his bro to my phone (excuse was that he was High). He tried to kiss(grab the back of my neck type) me once, if someone had tapped me on the back our lips would have met....oh how I regret not leaning in just a tad, but two other friends were around (blamed on weed and that it was a joke). Told me once that when he was Fucking a girl doggy style that he thought of me (didn't make an excuse but was extremely embarrassed after saying it). Another time while on a vacation trip with another friend (sleeping in the same bed again), 3am in the darkness he abruptly leans over me and asked me if I wanted him to rub Vicks chest rub on me- I of course said yes (our other friend was asleep). And well I think the clencher is that he pulled it out for me once when I had to pee and well my fingers were immobile (I had a four button fly and we were outside in the freezing cold of the night.) Yeah were extremely close, we call each other brother and I do consider him as such first and foremost. The thing is even with all these signals and actions on his part he always has a steady girl (or 2) along with other girls he is fuckin, he has gay bashed and on the two times I made major moves on him he gave me two differing responses. The first time i felt him up in his "sleep"- stroked him (got hard and had the slightest smile in his "sleep"). The second time was on that action trip when I drunkenly tried to feel him up while he was awake (my excuse was to return the favor for pulling it out for me earlier that night), he pushed my hand away. He distanced himself from me a while after that one, but we recently spoke on both situations and I apologized. The thing is the fact that he remembered the first feeling up confirmed my suspicion that be was awake. Personally I feel that he is atleast curious, but doesn't not want to be labeled as gay whether it be by others or himself. Please give me your thoughts on the situation- oh and by the way I did reciprocate the Vicks chest rub that night and one other night.

 

[tiagra]

It's very frustrating. I've been attracted to several friends and felt the vibes, but they just won't make a move. The other day a guy I know was staring into my eyes. I thought we were going to kiss lol. Then he just walked away.

 

[ftlauderdale_frank]

In all these situations you have to be extremely careful. As you say, don't want any labels or issues if the situation turns ugly. I have had a few JO buddies over the years and almost all started while talking about jacking off frequency or porn. In one story, my buddy brought up the fact that he had to jack at least once a day. I said I loved to jack and usually about the same frequency. He asked if I always watched porn or just went at it. I said I had some good porn, but that sometimes when the urge hit I just had to rub it out. A few days later he came by and asked about the porn in my stash and if I would be willing to allow him to watch with me. In a joke manner I said I would most likely be hard quickly and that it would be tough for me to not whip it out and jerk. He said it was cool with him if I did. I few minutes into the movie, I noted he was hard. I told him I was getting uncomfortable and that I needed to release my hard cock. He laughed and said he needed to do the same and pointed to the tent in his pants. We agreed to do it together and on the count of three we both dropped our drawers. We were on separate chairs and of course did the customary checking each other out.....like Damn you have a big dick, or something funny. We finally got back into the movie and I asked if he wanted some lube. He said yes, so I got up to get my Aboline lube. When I came back he had his legs up and was stroking his rock hard dick. I threw the lube over to him and he put on way too much. We laughed, but instead of putting it back into the jar, he reached over and grabbed my cock to lube. I just stood there and smiled. He said was that weird? I said yes a little, but we are here with our dicks out and hard -jacking off in front of each other, so weird takes on a different meaning. We ended up having a great time, and became JO buddies. No sucking or fucking, just some great JO time watching porn and sometimes a few beers.

Just be careful that you lead down the path, but allow as many escape routes as possible and don't try and lock anyone down. If your bud feels comfortable no doubt he will let you know. Just let him know the option is there and see if he makes the move. if not do not force the situation....when the time is right he may bring it up again.